22. Ellie
Chapter twenty-two
Ellie
“ I ’d like Wild Meadows. Thank you.” I point at the sage green nail color on the sample strip. It might not be the bright and bold green I usually go for this close to St. Patrick’s Day, but I figure it’s festive enough.
If I had known that Jake’s contribution to Dom’s puzzle was going to be a spa day to get manicures and pedicures, I might have accepted this whole idea with a bit more enthusiasm. Sitting here in a massage chair, my feet soaking in warm water while I’m soaking in one of the few truly relaxing moments since Luca was born, I think about how Dom stayed true to his promise.
All of these Ellie pieces , they’ve been…fun. It’s been a breath of fresh air to step away from my responsibilities to do things that feel easy and a little self-indulgent. Things my pre-baby self would have loved.
My eccentric, thoughtful, generous husband and his never-ending sense of optimism and humor have always made him easy to love. Everything about this has been easy to enjoy too. I mean, fuck, getting a mani-pedi with my brother-in-law is no hardship.
The relaxing spa ambiance comes complete with low lighting, soft, ethereal music, and aromatherapy oils diffusing around us. Yeah, no hardship at all .
“So, when was the last time, Ellie?” Jake asks before sipping his champagne in the massage chair next to mine.
Heat floods my cheeks. “Ew, Jake,” I say with a giggle, the second glass of champagne already making my head feel light and relaxed.
“Oh my god, Ellie, gross. When was the last time you got a pedicure ?” he clarifies with an eye roll.
“Um…I don’t know. I think with the girls the weekend of my baby shower?” I say absentmindedly, closing my eyes and resting my head onto the cushion as the nail technician rubs the arch of my foot. Holy shit, that feels amazing.
“That was like a year and a half ago,” he says, voice heavy with disbelief.
I roll my head to the right to give him a look. “Yeah, life’s busy, I guess. It hasn’t exactly made it to the top of my priority list. Are you saying my feet are scary?”
“Wasn’t going to say anything,” he says with a smirk.
“Liar, you would.” I laugh.
“Hey, what are big brothers for?”
“Free pedicures apparently.”
He returns the look with a gentle smile. “Seriously, I’m sorry Chris and I didn’t drag you here or anywhere else for a break. We would have if we had realized.”
“No harm done. See? Look how great they’re looking already,” I say, gesturing to my feet.
“No harm done, huh? Before this whole plan of Dom’s, when was the last time you did something for you? Doesn’t have to be a pedicure. Just something for you.”
“I do stuff for me all the time. I go to book club with my girls every month. And I decorate for the holidays. And…” Shit. I do more than that, right?
“Seeing your friends once a month? And creating a festive environment for your family for the holidays? No, Ellie. That’s not what I mean. What do you do that’s just for you? Something superfluous for any other reason other than it brings you joy. Not because it’s on a list, not because someone says good parents need to do it, not because there’s some unspoken expectation. What do you do for you and you alone on a consistent basis so you don’t burn out?”
My fading smile must give him all the answer he needs.
“I don’t know, I guess,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Well, let’s fix that. What do you want to do? What did you use to enjoy doing with your free time?”
I rack my brain. This shouldn’t be a hard question. I was a person for almost three decades before I became a mom. That person is still in there, right? She had interests and hobbies. So why can’t I think of a single one?
“Okay, I’ll go first. I like to do at least one sudoku a day. I ride my bike on the trails between our houses. I play video games. Your turn. Give me three things you like to do simply because they bring you joy, and then promise me you’ll do them this month. Then we’ll check in and see what you’re going to try next month if you don’t like the ones you choose.”
“I used to go for walks a lot. That sounds dumb, doesn’t it?”
“Not at all. I love it, actually. What did you like about walking before?”
“Well, I’d listen to a podcast or an audiobook. I’d look at the houses in the neighborhood and be creepy deciding what I’d do with their landscaping if I lived there.”
“Always the green thumb. Okay, so I think you should make time to go on walks alone then. No baby in the stroller, no husband, no company. Just you, your headphones, and your daydreams. Got it? Okay, next.” He waves his hand in the air in a go-on motion.
“I miss my mornings. I don’t think I have too much control over this one, though. Luca wakes up at unpredictable times, usually upset, so I have to hurry in to get him. But I used to love making time in the morning for a cup of coffee while I read in the front window of the house. I like the lighting in there in the morning and my plants are all around me. It was nice.”
“Okay, tricker, I’ll admit. Do you and Dom split weekend morning responsibilities? Maybe talk to him about every other Sunday, you give each other the morning off or something. That way, at least twice a month, you take your time, you get your hot coffee, a good blanket, and a good book, and you start your week off right.”
Why hadn’t I ever thought of that?
“I’m sure Dom would be on board,” I say.
“Good. See? You got this. One more.”
“Well, there’s this new yoga studio that opened up near our house. I used to go a few years ago, and every time I drive past this place, I feel drawn to it.”
He gives me a soft smile. “Hm…I’m sure an opportunity will come up soon for you to check it out. Let’s prioritize the other two first and then we’ll make sure you get to that yoga studio.”
Excitement bubbles up knowing that there will be more moments like this. A little anxiety too. I already hate leaving Luca, but every time I do and nothing bad happens, I feel a little braver. It’s good for him to play and have time with his family, who loves him. Maybe it’s not so bad for me to take moments like this to feel more like…me.
Jake and I don’t often get time alone. The four of us usually spend our time together, but it’s nice to be able to talk with him without my attention split on our husbands or Luca. I genuinely have a problem paying attention to anything when I’ve got one eye on Luca.
My brain can finally close all the open tabs and focus on one. I know this break won’t last forever, and I certainly don’t want it to, since I’m already missing Luca, but I still enjoyed myself.
I’m thanking Jake again as we walk into the house. Listening closely, we give each other a look, concerned as we take off our shoes and coats. We walk down the hallway that connects to our kitchen, and the distinct sound of an Enya song plays through the living room speaker.
My hand flies to my mouth, and I gasp, giggling as I take in the sight of Dom and Chris on the couch, face masks on, cucumber slices on their eyes, and their toes drying with hot pink toe separators. Luca spots me from his spot between them on the couch as he plays with his own cucumber slices. The baby nail clippers and file are on the coffee table next to all the other adult nailcare supplies .
“What are you laughing at?” Dom asks, not even removing the vegetable slices from his eyes.
“What on Earth are you three doing?” Jake asks.
“It’s spa day. Since someone didn’t invite us along, we had to improvise. Don’t judge us; We got jealous,” Chris says.
Jake looks at me, rolls his eyes, and mutters, “He’s been complaining all week because I said I wanted one-on-one time with you.” He turns his attention back to Chris, who hasn’t taken the veggies off his eyes either. “I said we could go next month, just us two,” he says in a measured, placating tone.
I gasp, tapping Jake’s shoulder with the back of my hand. “Am I so easily replaced? I see how it is.”
“There is no winning in this family,” Jake grumbles as he heads to the fridge.
Luca kneels next to Dom, pulling the cucumber slices from his eyes and slapping his pudgy hands onto Dom’s cheeks. Dom smiles so brightly, I can’t look away. And when both my boys look at me, Dom’s face still smushed between Luca’s chunky fingers, their similar features unmistakable, my heart feels like it’s pulsing back to life.