30. Ellie
Chapter thirty
Ellie
Y esterday was…incredible. Dom, Luca, and I had a great morning. It was slow, quiet, and calm.
When my mom arrived to watch Luca so Dom and I could go shopping, it was the first time I didn’t consider staying home instead, driven by my anxiety around leaving Luca. Maybe time does make things easier. My heart sings at the thought that this could be one of those things. God, I hope so.
Dominic put so much thought into our date yesterday. It felt good to be silly. It felt good to laugh. It felt good to let go with him.
The small voice in my head didn’t want to believe that Dom could still find me as attractive as he did when we first met, but his appreciative look when I tried everything on when we got home, made those voices fade away.
He’s never looked at me differently. Why did I stop believing him?
It’s been another slow morning—coffee brewing while I nurse Luca on the sofa. It’s mostly for comfort at this point. He’s nearly weaned. Afterward, Dom feeds him breakfast while I open all the curtains wide, letting the early spring sunshine brighten every corner of the living room and kitchen. I light my favorite candle on the fireplace mantle, put on some soft music, and sit at the table with my guys .
“Dom, I want to talk to you about something,” I say quickly, afraid I won’t ever get the words out if I don’t do it now.
My tone must tell him it’s not something casual, because he gives me his attention, handing Luca some banana to keep him busy for a minute. The kid’s a machine when it comes to fruit.
“Do you remember when Abby and Bec asked me to take photos for New Hope and the Center?”
“Yeah, I saw those. They turned out great. Are they online yet? I’ve been meaning to check the website to see if they’ve updated everything.”
It might seem small to someone else, but the fact that he’s been checking their websites—same as me—to see if they’ve uploaded my photos is so thoughtful, that I melt a little. This giant goof of a husband has no idea how to be unsupportive. He is good and wholesome and giving through and through.
“Not yet. Abby said she heard they should go up sometime next month. But…well, the girls said some things the day I took the photos that got me thinking…”
I hesitate, fear trickling in and…embarrassment? It shouldn’t feel embarrassing talking about something I’m passionate about.
“You didn’t mention that. What’d they say?” he asks.
“They talked to their manager and got me worked into their budget, so they paid me for the photos I took.”
“Wow, Ellie. That’s incredible. I’m so proud of you. You always had an eye for that when you were in school. Plus, Aiden can’t stop talking about the engagement photos. The guy might like them more than his fiancé.”
“Not true.” Bec is obsessed with the pictures and already has them framed.
He smirks. “No, not true.”
“That’s not all they said,” I continue, wringing my hands together in my lap beneath the table. “It’s probably crazy, but they suggested I try to do something more with photography. I guess I looked happy while I was working on the project and they thought I could really do something with it.”
“What do you think? Would you like that?” he asks, unfazed but attentive.
“I mean, yeah, I’d like it, but that’d be crazy. I would have to invest so much time and energy to get something like that up and running, plus the cost of equipment and building a portfolio takes time. I’d have to figure out my marketing strategy, what kinds of sessions I’d want to offer, and pricing. I’d need to consider studio space or using space in our home or in public spaces. Plus, that’d be more work for you, solo caretaking while I take on extra work.”
He smiles at me, biting his lips. “So just a little bit of thought, huh?”
“I guess more than a little,” I say, my nerves skyrocketing just talking about taking a leap like this. “I’m afraid to want it. I’m afraid of what it would mean if I wanted it, tried to make it happen, and failed.”
“What would failing look like?” he asks thoughtfully.
“People hate my pictures.”
“So, find new clients. What else?”
“I don’t make any money.”
“We dip into savings until you iron out the details of your pricing and build a client base. Anything else?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, I’m a mom now, and Luca needs me. You and I are a team, and I need to carry my weight. It’d be selfish to leave a stable job for something that could tank so easily.”
“Stop.” His tone changes and he looks more serious than I’ve seen him in a long time.
“Don’t lessen the importance of your wants because you are a mom and wife. Those are reasons to pursue your dreams, not to bury them. If this is what you want to do, then I want you to do it.”
“What do I do about my job? I’m still working there part time and I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle both.”
“We’ll figure out the details. Let’s come up with a plan and figure out how we can get you up and running. We’ll make it happen.” He says it with conviction. Like it’s not an if scenario, but a when .
I’m grateful to have a partner who wants me to chase my dreams so badly that everything I need to do becomes something we need to do.
“Okay,” I whisper with a smile, finally letting the excitement bleed into my tone.
“Okay,” he says with a nod, like it’s decided. His confidence in me is unmistakable.