Epilogue
Ellie
D om chases after Luca as he makes his way to the playground. We agreed beforehand that Dom would take the first shift while I drink my coffee, then I’m up.
“Isabel, right?” I ask as I join the woman seated on the park bench. You might not remember me. We met here, gosh, almost a year ago. I’m…”
“Ellie, of course! Good to see you again,” Isabel says, scooting over to make room for me and draping her arm along the back of the bench to face me. “How are you?”
“Better. Thanks to you in part. I’m sorry I haven’t reached out. It’s been…a year. But things are going well, and I finally started working with the woman you recommended.”
“She’s fucking amazing. Oh, I’m so glad,” she says, waving off my concern, genuine excitement clear in her expression.
I’m kicking myself for not having reached out to Isabel to get to know her better. It’d be nice to have more mom friends, and clearly, she gets how crazy it can be and doesn’t begrudge me for it .
“She really is. I’m finally starting to feel…like myself again.”
She smiles and nods. “You seem different. In a good way. I’m happy to see it.”
Giggles pull our attention to the playground, where her daughter is holding Luca’s hand at his insistence, while he guides her around the playground. Okay, guiding might be a strong word. Luca’s dragging her around. She’s laughing and pointing her finger this way and that way, trying to teach my rowdy toddler how to conduct himself.
“She’s patient, huh?” I ask Isabel.
“Apparently,” she says with a laugh. “That’s news to me.”
Dom gives us a wave and supervises the two new best friends as we enjoy the crisp, fall morning.
“Are you home with him full time?” Isabel asks, her smile growing as the pair make their way to the slide.
“Part time. I recently quit my job in marketing to focus on my photography business,” I say, still unable to believe I can say that out loud. It took some planning and a lot of luck. My clientele list grew unbelievably fast, and I couldn’t be more grateful to finally be spending my time doing something I’m passionate about. It’s also incredibly convenient to make my own hours that best fit what our family needs.
“Oh wow. Any chance you do family sessions? I’ve been looking to have family photos taken before it’s time to order holiday cards.”
“That’s the majority of what I do. That and newborn photos.”
I decided after two bookings that I didn’t want to take photos of labor and delivery anymore. The two I did were great, and went well. Mom and baby are happy and healthy. But I decided I needed to set a boundary for my own mental health. I much prefer to focus on families afterward . I love working with newborns especially. It’s easy for me to see which moms are in need of a little extra love, and I hope that with my experience, I’m able to offer them another level of understanding of what they might be going through.
Postpartum is no fucking joke. I’m grateful to walk with someone as they navigate such a confusing, wonderful, terrifying, and incredible time in their life, while also giving them some special photos to look back on one day .
“You’re probably booked,” Isabel says, biting her lip. “Right?”
I smile and shrug. “Eh, not too booked for the ultimate mom’s mom.”
“Seriously, Ellie. That would be amazing.”
I hand her one of my cards.
“Let’s set something up. Then maybe we could take these two kiddos to the aquarium downtown or something.” I nod toward Luca and Isabel’s daughter who is still being a great sport and is now teaching Luca how to spin the large tic-tac-toe spindles.
“I’d love to,” Isabel says with a smile.
I catch Dominic’s eyes on me, my happiness reflected back at me.
***
Dom is leaning against the doorway, watching as I rock Luca, his lanky limbs limp and his body heavy against my torso. I try not to give into the emotion threatening to spill over at the thought of how this little kid used to be such a tiny baby. How gummy smiles have turned into toothy grins. How his cooing has turned into words and short phrases. How this small wonder developed such a huge personality. How someone so small could steal my whole heart.
Instead of his normal bedtime story tonight, I did something my therapist and I have been talking about for a while. I showed Luca his baby book. The one I couldn’t touch until long after his birth. It went from empty to chaotically overstuffed. I printed pictures, added small keepsakes, included his earliest crafts, and wrote as much as I possibly could. All the things I want Luca to know.
As I hold my exhausted toddler in my arms, worn out from his two-year birthday party—one I was able to participate in planning…enthusiastically—I decide to take the next step.
I worry that when Luca has questions about the day he was born, I’ll freeze and say all the wrong things and inadvertently make him feel terrible about a day that was supposed to be all celebrations and joy .
I’ve been working on how I want to talk about it, and I figure it’s easiest to start now, and start small, and as I grow more comfortable talking about it, it’ll be easier to answer Luca’s inevitably more difficult questions someday.
I want to be honest while also ensuring that Luca understands that none of my struggles have ever been his fault. He and Dominic gave me the strength I needed to find hope in healing, in overcoming, and in love.
So I begin.
Dom’s eyes focused on me, full of compassion and…pride.
I keep my eyes locked on his, drawing strength from his confidence in me, and in us. I brush my hand over the back of Luca’s head, placing a kiss on his forehead.
“Years ago, your daddy and I made a wish. We wished that our family would grow. We were so lucky, and when we found out you were on our way, Daddy thought he had to furnish an entire nursery right then and there.” I smirk at Dom, who chuckles, crossing his arms, glancing down, quickly trying to stifle the sound.
“When it was time for you to be born, some unexpected things happened, and instead of taking a long time to join us, you were born quickly and with the help of a lot of people. There were a lot of hands and hearts holding us close during that time. When I finally held you, it was like my heart had fallen out of my chest and into my arms. You were so small, but immediately you became our everything. Your first smile took our breath away. Your first laugh gave us life. And the first time you said Dada and Mama , you changed our world.
“ Everything changed the day you were born. Thank you for growing with us. Thank you for teaching us. You are safe. You are loved.”
Luca, asleep in my arms, sighs and snuggles into my neck. I kiss him once more before laying him in his crib, doing my best to not fall in after him as I bend at the waist over the railing. Wow, he’s really growing.
I wait, watching for a moment while he adjusts before laying a blanket over him and softly rubbing his back for a moment. “Night, baby boy. ”
Dom reaches his hand toward me, and I take it, following him out of Luca’s room. He holds me in silence as we stand outside his bedroom door in the dark hallway.
One of the best things about my over-the-top, loving, considerate husband is he loves me in the bright, loud moments and in the dark, quiet ones too. I usually need him most somewhere in between. Where I’m lost, and he always helps me feel found.
Dom
It turns out Ellie meant it when she said she was going to marry me. Because months after my birthday and the promise she made at the piano bar, I woke up to a surprise vow renewal ceremony being set up in our backyard and Luca in a white button-up, khaki pants, and suspenders.
Fucking adorable.
I watch as my parents play with Luca in the backyard. He moves from seat to seat, testing each one before running circles underneath the flower archway set up in front of our willow tree at the end of an aisle formed only by rows of folding chairs and two strips of raked leaves and small pumpkins.
“You really had no idea?” Ellie asks, biting her lip and wringing her hands together, drawing my attention away from the window.
She’s stunning in a cream sweater dress that hugs every one of her delicious curves with a swooping neckline and brown, leather boots.
“I can honestly say you shocked this husband of yours more than you ever have before,” I say before taking her fidgeting hands in one of mine and using the other to lift her chin so I can kiss her.
“Even that time I pulled out the nipple clamps?” she asks, mumbling loudly against my lips, making me laugh.
“Ellie, please . I do not want the image of Dom wearing nipple clamps in my mind before I’m expected to perform,” Chris chastises.
Chris has been ordained since we got married, having performed our first ceremony and apparently about to perform our second .
“They weren’t for me , but maybe later…” I say, pulling Ellie flush against me by her hips, digging my fingers in just a little.
She laughs and pulls me down by my neck for another kiss.
“Only if you behave today,” she says.
“Okay, I really don’t need to hear this,” Jake says as he walks in with a simple bouquet of wildflowers, handing them to Ellie.
“Yes, we fucking do. Keep going. Then what’s going to happen?” Dee asks, leaning against the kitchen counter, resting her chin on her fists, propped up on her elbows.
“I vote for a blindfold,” Abby says, before sipping from her champagne glass.
“Oh yeah, then handcuffs,” Bec adds, clinking her glass against Abby’s as they lean back against the island.
“What are you guys reading this month?” Aiden asks with mock outrage, but he’s not a good actor. It’s clear his interest is piqued as he winks at Bec and she winks back before biting her lip.
“I think I just threw up in my mouth,” Jake says, dramatically leaning over the kitchen sink.
“Show some compassion, Jake. They’ve got a kid. It’s not like you don’t already know they’re banging. Besides, the mom and dad of the group deserve some freaky time. You need me to watch little man, so you can go…you know?” Dylan asks, making his eyebrows dance.
“I’m pretty sure this is the second time this year I’m going to ask us all to have better boundaries,” Carissa says, fighting a laugh.
“I’m with Carissa,” Evie pipes in as she gives Aiden a disgusted look. “Stop eye-fucking Bec in the kitchen, Aiden. You’re around people, you know?”
“Ugh, I’m too single for this.” Dee sighs.
“Well, when you’re ready, baby, I’ll be available for your ceremony too,” Chris says with a smile.
“You’re hired,” she says, kissing his cheek before opening the sliding door to our backyard. “All right, you crazy lovebirds, it’s time.”
The rest of the group files out of the house and into the yard, taking their seats. It’s a beautiful, warm fall day. I scan the yard, observing our family and friends that made it today and can’t believe how lucky I am that my wife did all of this for me.
“You’re perfect, you know that?” I ask, just me and Ellie left standing in the soft, evening light filtering into our home.
Her cheeks are glowing and turn a deep shade of pink with her blush. I stroke my thumb over the rosy color, marveling at how in love with her I am.
“I don’t know about that,” she says.
“I do. There’s no one in the world I’d rather spend my life with. The highs and the lows. I wouldn’t want to face any of them without you by my side. You’ve given me so much in such a short amount of time. I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I crave you, appreciate you, and love you.”
She hums, stepping into my arms and wrapping hers tightly around my middle. Resting her head in the crook of my neck, she whispers, “Maybe you could say that all again in like five minutes when we exchange vows.” We both laugh and I brush my lips across her forehead, taking it all in. The feel of her warm, incredible body in my arms. Her breath against my skin. The smell of her shampoo and the earthy, fall breeze. The laughter of our loved ones waiting for us to share this day with them.
She strokes her thumb over the stubborn wrinkle in my forehead, and I poke the solo dimple on her left cheek. I take her hand in mine and lead us into the grass, leaves crunching with every step. Both of us, smiling like two kids in love. I thank the skies for returning the woman in my arms to me, keeping her close to my heart.
Ellie and I will always come back to each other. We will always find each other. We will always find ourselves.