Chapter 14 #2
“I cut people’s hair for a living,” Ashlynn said. “So I really need to be sober.”
“Then we were going to order pizza,” Jade added. “But the smell of pizza and coffee is just…ick.”
“O-kay…” There was no food on the table, and she had to wonder if they were going to eat at all.
“After a lot of discussion, we decided on cake,” Billie announced. “Lots and lots of cake, with a couple of sandwiches thrown in. We hope you approve.”
“Cake for lunch! Are you kidding me? I more than approve, I love you guys!”
“Yay!”
That’s when all the food came out. There were brownies, muffins, cake pops, caramel crumb cake, lemon pound cake, cookies, and a platter of assorted sandwiches.
“I cannot believe you guys did all this on such short notice! This is amazing!”
“To be fair, we always have the cake available. And Chloe is a whiz with a sandwich platter,” Billie explained. “So dig in!”
They ate and, at first, talked about the local gossip, and basic chit-chat without touching on the reason they were all together. But eventually, Ashlynn was the one to broach the subject.
“Are you ready to see your mom?”
Nodding, MacKenzie told them about the conversation the two of them had and how it made her feel better about going.
“I’ll get on the road tomorrow kind of early–maybe I’ll swing in here and get some coffee and a muffin for the road–but the sooner I leave, the more miles I can get it.
I only want to drive like eight hours a day.
Maybe ten. I guess I’ll see how I’m feeling each day.
But it should take five to six days of driving to get there. ”
“I think that’s great,” Jade said, “but…are you planning on like…staying there? Permanently?”
“That was the plan when I first started this,” she replied.
“But what about Devin?” Avery asked. “Have you thought about maybe just going to Oregon for a visit and then coming back?”
Forcing herself to take a bite of her sandwich, she nodded again and took a moment to think of the best way to explain.
“I thought about it, but…Devin hasn’t really asked.
I mean…he mentioned the possibility of me staying, but that was before I spoke to my mom.
And he hasn’t mentioned it since.” She shrugged and tried to look like it wasn’t killing her.
“Maybe part of him is relieved to be getting rid of me. After all, I just sort of bulldozed my way into his life.”
“Devin is not relieved,” Chloe said, sounding very adamant, and very unlike her usual quiet self.
“Everyone can see that he’s crazy about you.
I’d bet good money that he’s trying to be honorable and not get in the way of you reconnecting with your mom.
Ow! ” She glanced hard at her Ashlynn, but didn’t say anything.
“Um…”
“We don’t want to pry,” Billie began cautiously, “but…believe me when I say that my sisters and I are very familiar with strained relationships with a parent. Our dad walked out when we were young and we rarely saw him. Then he started coming back around and…Ash and Chloe seem to handle it better than I am. I’m just…
I can’t really forgive him. He’s apologized and said all the right things and yet… ”
“What she’s trying to say,” Ashlynn interjected, “is that it’s not easy reconnecting with a parent.
It’s not just like you flip a switch and suddenly forget all the years they weren’t there.
And as much as we’re trying to rebuild our relationship, I don’t think I’d be comfortable if our dad was around all the time. It’s still a little weird.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” Jade commented. “And I’m looking at this from Levi’s side because I’ve witnessed a lot over the last year. It takes an effort on both sides, but it can turn into something wonderful and… ow! ” She glared at Ashlynn.
“Okay, I have to ask…why are you kicking everyone?” she asked Ashlynn.
“It’s a weird tick that I have,” she replied sweetly. “Like an aggressive twitch.” She looked at Chloe and Jade. “Sorry.”
MacKenzie didn’t believe that for one minute, but kept that to herself.
“Anyway…”
“Have you thought about maybe just doing like your mom suggested and flying out for a week to test the waters?” Avery asked. “It seems like a lot of effort to drive all that way. What if you hate Oregon?”
“But what if I love it?” she countered. “What if that’s truly where I’m supposed to be?” And there was zero joy in that question because she was seriously having all kinds of second thoughts. And if Devin just gave her even the slightest encouragement, she’d reconsider everything.
But he hadn’t.
And she had a feeling Chloe was right, and he wouldn’t.
Damn him and his stellar good manners!
Tossing her sandwich aside, she grabbed a frosted brownie and took a huge bite.
Oddly enough, it relaxed her. And with a mouthful, she asked the question she didn’t think she would.
“Let’s just say that…I had deep feelings for Devin and wanted to stay.
How do I let him know that without freaking him out? ”
“Oh, my God! You’re in love with him! Yay!” Avery cheered, clapping her hands.
“I didn’t say…”
“But you’re not not in love with him, right?” Ashlynn asked.
Good grief, this was getting her nowhere.
“How is it even possible that I feel this way?” she demanded, shaking her brownie for emphasis. “Can you even fall in love in two weeks? Is that a thing? Am I wrong, or maybe just romanticizing all of this?”
“Okay, let’s think about this logically,” Billie said. “Have you ever been in lust before?”
Her bark of laugher was her first response. “Of course I have! Who hasn’t?”
Chloe silently raised her hand, but no one really paid any attention.
“Did it feel like this?” Billie asked her. “What you feel about Devin right now, is it like all the times you were…you know…in lust?”
She didn’t even have to think about it. “No.”
“When you think about leaving here tomorrow, do you think about missing the sex or missing the person?” Avery chimed in.
Again, she didn’t have to think. “The person. I seriously love just talking with him and making dinner with him or sitting on the couch and reading or watching some TV…”
“First, I love that you said reading,” Jade commented with a grin. “That is the sign of a good relationship if the two of you sit and read together.”
“Or…it could mean that they’re bored and don’t want to talk to one another,” Ashlynn countered.
“Why are you like this?” Billie asked with a huff.
“Like what? I’m just playing devil’s advocate, that’s all,” Ashlynn argued before looking at MacKenzie again. “Were you reading because you had nothing to talk about?”
“Actually, no. We had both come in here last week and picked up some new books that we were excited about. So after dinner that night, we both curled up on the couch and read for a little while. And when we went to bed, we talked about what our books were about.”
“Like a romantic little book club!” Jade gushed. “I love it!”
Groaning, Ashlynn shook her head before saying, “I’m sure you’ve done that with other guys, right? It’s not like this is something special you just did with Devin.”
“It is! Honestly, I never even thought about sitting and reading with a guy! It always sounded boring, but now…now I see how…I don’t know…nice it can be.”
“Nice? Nice is nice, Mac,” Ashlynn argued again. “Nice isn’t love. Maybe you’re just in…like with Devin?”
“No,” she said adamantly. “It’s love, I know it’s love!”
And for someone who had been snarky for most of the meal, Ashlynn’s face transformed into a huge smile. “That’s what I was waiting for!”
“Wait…what?”
“You had to admit it on your own! I wanted you to figure it out for yourself!” she went on. “And now…now you can stay!”
“Um…that’s not what I said.”
All of their expressions fell.
“But…you love him,” Chloe said. “Why would you leave if you love him?”
“Because I need to make things work with my mother!” She let out a weary sigh. “It’s like…no one’s getting that!”
“We’re getting it,” Billie said sympathetically. “But I guess we’re all just wondering why it has to be one or the other. Why can’t you start slow with your mom and work into building that relationship, and stay here in Sweetbriar? Then, at some point, you go to Oregon!”
“I think we’re all missing one key point here–Devin hasn’t asked me to stay.”
“Maybe he’s waiting for you to tell him you want to stay?” Avery suggested.
“Ugh…this shouldn’t be this hard!” she groaned before popping the rest of the brownie into her mouth.
“Obviously Devin’s being considerate,” Jade said. “He’s kind of a shy guy, so you’re just going to have to be the bold one, MacKenzie. If this is what you want, you’re going to have to tell him how you feel.”
Another groan. “Are we sure there isn’t another way?
I don’t think I could stand it if I put it all out there and he didn’t feel the same way.
Or worse, if he said he really thought I should go.
” She shook her head. “I think I’m going to just…
go to Oregon. I’ll test the waters with my mother, stay at a hotel, and just…
keep in touch with Devin. If he misses me, maybe he’ll ask me then to come back. ”
“MacKenzie…”
“I just can’t handle the possibility of rejection!” she snapped and then immediately apologized. “It’s happened too many times before and I don’t think I’d survive it coming from Devin. I know you’re all disappointed, but…it’s all I’ve got.”
They all sat in silence for several minutes before Avery picked up another brownie and handed it to her. “I think you need this more than any of us do.”
And sadly, she took it.
And ate it.
And loathed herself the entire time.