Finding You

Chapter 31

Sunday morning Carter found Shauna sitting alone at the kitchen table, scrolling through social media on her phone. He stilled

in the doorway, recalling how angry he’d been with her and Gage. But after he’d spent another sleepless night staring at the

ceiling, the need for someone to talk to pushed him toward her. He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down across from

her.

His sister looked up at him, and her eyes widened. “You look terrible.”

“Thanks,” he deadpanned. He sipped his coffee and set the mug down on the table. “Where’s Gage?”

“He ran to the store for me.” She studied her brother. “What happened to you?”

“I had a really bad day yesterday.” He brushed his hand over the stubble on his chin. “A really bad day.”

“What do you mean?”

He rested his hand on the mug. “Well, Darcy and I broke up.” His voice rasped against his dry throat. “And then I came home

and was ambushed by our dad.”

“Whoa,” she said. “You broke up with Darcy?”

He nodded as his eyes began to sting.

“Oh no.” Her chair scraped across the floor as she scooted closer to him. “What happened?”

He blew out a deep sigh. “It’s complicated.”

“I’m listening. Tell me what happened.”

He explained how they’d argued Friday night and how he’d called to apologize to her. “After we hung up, I started putting

the pieces together. I realized I had received her late fiancé’s kidney, and I knew that would tear us apart.”

“Hold on.” Shauna held her hand up like a traffic cop. “You received her late fiancé’s kidney.” She squinted as if working

through it in her mind. “So I donated to the girl, her father donated to Darcy, and her fiancé donated to you?” She pointed

to him.

“Right.” He wiped his burning eyes.

She gasped. “Wow. What are the chances of that?”

“I managed to fall in love with my donor’s fiancée. Just my luck. She’s still not over his death, and I knew I would be a

constant reminder of her deepest loss. And that’s exactly how she feels. I told her what I’d realized at the wedding reception,

and it was too much for her. So we broke up.” He dabbed his nose with a paper napkin. “And now I’m gutted. I’ve lost everything.”

“Carter, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.” He looked down at his mug and then up at her sympathetic expression. His mind replayed his conversation with

their father, and a muscle in his jaw jumped. “And I didn’t appreciate that when I came home from the wedding, I had to deal

with our dad too. I told you I didn’t want him here.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you he was coming,” she said, “but I knew how angry you’ve been with him. I thought he would try

to fix his relationship with you.”

Carter frowned. “You had no right to do that, Shauna.” He tapped the tabletop. “You treat me like a little kid.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is true. You don’t respect me. You knew I didn’t want to see him, but you forced me to interact with him by allowing him into

our home. That only proves that I don’t belong here. This isn’t my home.”

Shauna sniffed and wiped her eyes with another napkin. “Don’t say that. It is your home.”

“No, it’s your home and Gage’s home, and it will be your children’s home. But I’m rootless, Shauna. I don’t belong anywhere.” He took a

tremulous breath.

Her brown eyes glittered with tears, and she touched his arm. “You belong here.” She rubbed his shoulder. “I never meant to

hurt you. I’m sorry you don’t feel like this is your home. I’m sorry I didn’t respect your wishes about Dad, and I’m sorry

about Darcy. I’m sorry about everything, Carter. I really am.” She sniffed and took a sip from her water glass. “There’s got

to be a way for you and Darcy to work this out. You love each other, and that’s what matters most.”

“It’s not that simple, Shauna.” He moved his fingers over his warm mug as his biggest fear came into clear view in his mind.

“I don’t deserve happiness. Every time it’s within reach, it slips away. I’ve been rejected again. There has to be something

wrong with me. I’m... Maybe I’m just broken. Or worthless.”

“Carter, you’re not worthless.” Shauna sat up straight and glowered. “You think you are because of Dad.”

Carter’s eyes snapped to her. “What do you mean?”

She swiped her fingers over her eyes. “Carter, don’t let Dad’s mistakes dictate your future.”

“I don’t understand.” His brow crinkled as he tried to comprehend his sister’s words.

“You think you’re worthless because he abandoned us. You think you’re worthless because of his mistakes, but I’m begging you to wipe those horrible feelings out of your head. It’s wrong, Carter. You’re not a burden. Me, Gage, and his parents took care of you because that’s what families are supposed to do.”

He sniffed.

“Listen to me, Carter. You are worthy of love and a happy life.” She cleared her throat. “You’ve gone through a lot of hard times, but it won’t always be

this way.”

“It has been so far.”

“Then change it. If you love Darcy, tell her. You’ve been given a second chance at life, so you need to grab it and go for

it. Find what makes you happy and hold on to it.”

Confusion whirled through him. His sister’s words crept under his skin and into his heart, his soul. He stared at her, speechless.

He used the napkin to wipe his eyes and nose as his sister’s words continued to soak through him. He stared down at his lap

and tried to clear his fuzzy thoughts. Could Shauna be right? Could he and Darcy overcome what seemed like an unsurmountable

obstacle? Can I actually find happiness... and keep it?

“Talk to me,” she said. “What are you thinking?”

He looked over at her. “You’ve helped me realize something.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to be like our dad, and I’m not going to make the same mistakes he did. I don’t want to let happiness slip through

my fingers.” He rested his hands on the table. “I love Darcy, and I’m going to fight for her.”

Shauna smiled. “Good. I’m glad to hear it. Fight for her, Carter. Fight for love.”

“I will,” he said with resolve.

He just had to figure out how.

***

Despair consumed Darcy while she stared at her computer screen in her office Monday morning. After talking to Robyn late on

Saturday night, she had taken her up on her offer and slept in the guest room. After breakfast Sunday morning, she drove home,

pulled on Carter’s hoodie, and curled up on her sofa with a blanket wrapped around her.

She had considered Robyn’s words, and while she wanted to call Carter and ask him for another chance, she was still feeling

weak and afraid—still feeling that invisible force holding her back from giving him her whole heart.

Although she hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours last night, Darcy had somehow managed to push herself out of bed and

make it to work on time. But she wasn’t able to concentrate on any of her tasks. Instead, her mind kept replaying her last

conversation with Carter. She longed to go back in time to tell him it didn’t matter about the transplant or that Jace was

his donor. She loved him and wanted to figure out a way to move past her pain.

But would she ever be able to look at Carter and not think of Jace? She’d grown so used to living with constant guilt over

his death. Could she really put that behind her? Or was it more wishful thinking?

Closing her eyes, she recalled what Robyn had said Saturday night:

Forgive yourself, sweetie, and start living again.

“Start living again,” Darcy whispered. She picked up her phone and began scrolling through the photos she and Carter had taken

over the past few months. She stopped at a selfie of her and Carter sitting on their special bench in the park. She took in

his coffee-colored eyes, handsome face, and gorgeous smile, and she moved her finger over the photo as the sound of his laugh

filled her mind.

Her heart swelled.

After shutting down her computer, Darcy grabbed her purse and headed for the door. She knew what she had to do, and she prayed

it wasn’t too late.

***

Carter tried to concentrate on replacing the brakes on the gray Dodge Charger in his stall, but his mind kept wandering.

He had spent the remainder of Sunday out in the garage working on his grandfather’s car, trying to comprehend what Shauna

had said. Somehow, her words had started to make sense. Had he gone his entire life thinking he was a failure because of his

father’s abandonment?

Their father had stopped by again last night, and although Carter had managed to sit through a meal with him without getting

angry, he avoided more conversations with him by excusing himself and retreating to his room.

He was grateful that Gage hadn’t tried to cheer him up this morning and instead had just told him he was available if Carter

wanted to talk. Carter had grabbed the first job he could and tried to bury himself in it, but his mind still whirred while

his heart throbbed with grief.

When he felt something soft brushing against his leg, he looked down at Smoky purring. “Hey, buddy.” He moved his hand over

the cat’s head. “It’s always good to see you.”

The cat continued to purr loudly and roll around on the concrete floor next to Carter, soaking up the affection.

The door leading to the showroom and office opened, and Glenda came into the shop. “Carter, you have a visitor.”

“Who?”

Glenda motioned for him to follow.

He wiped his hands on a red shop towel and made his way out front. When he found Darcy standing by a display of tires, the air left his lungs.

She looked up at him, and he felt a stab to his heart. He took in the shadows lining her dull green eyes. Had she spent the

past couple of nights tossing and turning too?

Darcy’s pink lips formed a timid smile. “Can we talk?”

“Sure.” He pointed to the hallway leading to the restrooms and the break room. “Follow me.”

Carter tried to control his stampeding pulse as he led her into the break room, which was complete with a kitchenette, a refrigerator,

and several cabinets. A worn mocha-colored table with four chairs sat in the middle of the room.

He came to a stop in front of the kitchenette counter and then faced her. “What’s up?” he asked, trying in vain to sound casual

despite the tremor in his voice.

“Well,” she began, “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of days, and something occurred to me.” She paused,

clasping her hands in front of her. “When I first met you in the parking lot, I felt something for you—something inexplicable.

Something warm and familiar. It was as if I already knew you. I trusted you. That was why I didn’t hesitate to accept when

you offered me a ride.”

He nodded and leaned back against the counter.

“I couldn’t understand it because I didn’t even know your name. But the more I thought about it over the weekend, it began

to make perfect sense. People like us share a bond that no one else can understand.”

Carter cocked his head to the side, trying to decipher her words. “People like us?”

“Transplant recipients. We’re members of a club that no one wants to join. We know what it’s like to be told we have a grave ill ness. We’re faced with having to wait for a matching organ from a stranger to come available, and if we get that coveted call, we have to accept being reborn by receiving a kidney from someone who died. How can we celebrate a new life when someone had to die for it to become a reality?”

His eyes started to sting.

“And we know what it’s like when our only other alternative, aside from a life chained to a dialysis machine, is to allow

someone we love to risk major surgery and give up an organ so we can have a chance to be healthy.” Her eyes studied his. “Did

you want Shauna to donate for you?”

He scoffed. “Not at all. We argued about it for a long time.”

“I bet she wanted to donate from the beginning, but you told her no. And that’s why you were on dialysis for a year.” She

lifted an eyebrow.

“How’d you know that?”

“Because I know you, Carter.” She took a step toward him. “I know your heart. You would never want anyone to sacrifice themselves

for you, even though you’d do anything for someone you love.”

He swallowed, unable to deny her observation.

“I also know exactly how you felt. I didn’t want Jace to donate for me either. We argued about it for weeks, but he said he

wanted to get me well and then marry me.”

Carter looked down at the toes of his work boots. “I’m sorry I was his recipient.”

“Don’t be.” She set her purse on the table beside her. “I’m not sorry.”

His head jerked up. Had he heard her right?

“Your kidney disease—is it hereditary?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, and her brow creased. “It’s all a mystery. I had swelling in my legs. I went to an urgent care clinic, and a test showed protein in my urine.” He ran his palm over the cabinet behind him. “Next thing I knew, I was in a nephrologist’s office talking about dialysis. Shauna and I don’t know of anyone in our family who suffered with kidney disease, so my doctor’s best guess was that it was environmental. I could have come in contact with a chemical that did it. Maybe something in the shop. We really don’t know what caused it.”

He recalled their conversation in his truck Friday night. “And Robyn told you that her grandfather had kidney disease, right?”

She nodded.

His heart clenched for her. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

They stared at each other for a moment, and he fought the urge to pull her into his arms right then and there and kiss her.

He yearned to touch her, feel the warmth of her soft skin, and inhale the delicious aroma of her floral shampoo.

But she had made it clear Saturday that she couldn’t see him anymore.

So why was she standing in front of him with her expression warm and open?

“Why are you here, Darcy?” His voice was soft, and he feared her answer.

“I’m here because Robyn helped me realize something. When I received this kidney, I was given a second chance at life—but

I’ve been walking around acting like I’m already dead.”

He swallowed as his throat thickened.

“I’ve blamed myself for Jace’s death for so long that I’ve been stuck. I’ve been punishing myself for what happened to him,

but Robyn gave me permission to forgive myself. Now I see that she’s right.” Her green eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

Carter ran his hand over the stubble on his throat, unsure of what to say.

“I’ve finally forgiven myself. Now I need to start living again, and I need to love again. And I want to love you.”

“You mean that?” His voice was gruff.

“Yes.” She sniffed and cleared her throat. “I’m so sorry I pushed you away, and I’m sorry I said I couldn’t be with you. When

you told me you received Jace’s kidney, I took that as a sign that I wasn’t supposed to be with you.” She moved closer to

him, and the aroma of her perfume filled his senses. “But the fact that Jace was your donor may be a sign that we are meant to be together.”

She placed her hand flat on his chest, and tears streamed down her pink cheeks. “We both have been given this gift of life,

and we need to embrace it, celebrate it, and enjoy it—together.”

Although he wanted to respond, his words were stuck in his throat.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, Carter,” she whispered. “I’m here to tell you that I love you, and I want to be with you. I can’t

imagine living without you, and if you’ll let me, I’m ready to love you for the rest of my life.”

Carter shook his head. He was definitely dreaming. “How can you be sure that I can make you happy?”

Darcy rested her hand on his cheek, and he was so relieved to finally feel her warm skin against his again. “One of the greatest

blessings in my life has been finding you. I’m completely and utterly in love with you. I will do anything and everything

I can to make you my future.”

“But you said that every time you look at me, I’ll remind you of Jace.”

“Carter, Jace saved our lives, and he would want us to be happy.” She swiped her fingers across her cheeks. “I’m so grateful Jace saved you, that our transplants brought us together, and that you’re part of my life now.”

Carter couldn’t believe the words he was hearing. Happiness twined through him as his heart expanded in his chest. “My sister

pointed out to me that when I got sick, I closed myself off and pushed everyone away. That’s why I lost touch with my friends

from school. You’re the first person who was able to break down the wall I built around my heart.”

He took a deep breath. “I believed I was a loser. I thought I was broken and didn’t deserve to have happiness in my life,

but Shauna told me I believed I was a failure because of my dad’s abandonment. I see now that I don’t want to be like my dad.

I’m not going to run away when life gets tough. Instead, I’ll stay and fight for what I need, for what I love.” He took her

hands in his. “I’m ready to fight for you. I don’t want to live without you.” He dipped his chin, and when his lips caressed

hers, his body was lit on fire.

Darcy wrapped her arms around his neck, and he stilled before stepping away from her. She stared up at him, wide-eyed. “What’s

wrong?”

“I’m a mess.” He brushed his hands down his dirty clothes. “Covered in brake dust.”

“I don’t care.” She pulled him close and deepened the kiss, and he drank in her taste, trying to commit it to memory.

He pressed his lips to her forehead and ran his fingers down her cheek. “Can you imagine a future with me?”

“Um.” She tapped her finger to her chin, faking confusion. “I thought I made it clear that was my plan.”

“A real future? A home? A family?”

She hesitated, and his smile flattened.

“Did I upset you?” he asked.

“You want a family?” she asked, and he nodded. “I know for sure that kidney disease runs in my family, but we don’t know about yours. How would you feel about having children with me if there’s a chance we could pass this disease on?”

“Well, we can take a chance or we could adopt.”

Her smile returned. “Maybe we should do both.”

“Darcy, as long as I have a future with you, I’m happy with whatever we choose.”

She pulled her phone from her pocket and set it on the counter before swiping her fingers across it. Suddenly the opening

of Tracy Byrd’s “The Keeper of the Stars” began to play, and she grinned.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“You didn’t dance with me at Haven’s wedding.” Darcy’s smile became mischievous. “So you owe me a dance.”

“And you want to dance with me now when I’m in my dirty work clothes?”

“I want to dance with you anytime and anywhere.” She held her hands out to him. “Dance with me, Donovan.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He took her in his arms, and they started to sway. He rested his head on her hair and inhaled his favorite flowery

scent. “I love you, Darcy. I will do everything in my power to make you happy.”

“You already have,” she whispered.