Aspen #2
“Well…” She reached out for the receipt before picking up her latte. “If it wasn’t that memorable, then maybe you’d have a better time with me.”
My stomach clenched a bit at the pause before his response.
He politely turned people down in front of me all the time, but for some reason now I couldn’t help but feel paranoid he would only do it because I was right there.
Or… What if he didn’t turn her down at all?
After all, I’d been ignoring him all fucking day, even though he’d only tried to be nice to me.
Would he consider the fact that he could probably hook up with this girl and she’d be normal about it and not call and wake him up in the middle of the night and not ignore him the next day out of sheer embarrassment?
If he did, then it wasn’t like I could say anything or tell him off. It’d be my fault, anyway.
“Ah, that’s sweet, but…” He paused, tilting his head like he was considering how to word his answer.
“I’m kind of… Well, I’m not, uh… There’s someone else I’m into right now,” he finally said, and the knot in my stomach loosened up.
Fuck. I hadn’t actually known how much it would bother me if he’d acted like I didn’t exist.
“Aw,” she cooed out the word, like she found his loyalty adorable. “She’s so lucky.”
“He,” he corrected her, and her eyebrows quirked up.
“That’s kind of hot,” she commented, grinning. She pulled a pen out of her purse before scribbling something down on the back of her receipt and sliding it to him. “That’s my insta handle. Let me know if you change your mind.”
“Will do,” he said. I kept my eyes locked downward until I heard the cheery little bell of the door opening as she left. When I looked up to him, he was already looking at me, somewhat apologetically.
“That was before I met you, just so you know,” he said quickly. When my eyes darted down to the receipt she’d left with her contact info on it, he snatched it up, crumpling it and throwing it in the trash.
“It’s fine,” I responded. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me,” he said simply. The relief I felt at his casual dismissal of her interest was sweet, and then immediately prickled me all over. I wasn’t supposed to care about that. But I did. I couldn’t change it. Fuck.
We sped through the familiar process of closing up, barely talking outside of the necessary comments on syrup and milk levels.
My nerves bristled the whole time, as my mind raced with the awareness that I’d actually been worried that he’d lose interest in me for someone else.
I couldn’t recall having that feeling with any other guy.
I didn’t like it. I didn’t want it. But I also didn’t want…
I knew I couldn’t give him enough of anything to make it worth his time, but even knowing that…
I didn’t want him to stop trying. I wanted his attention.
I liked that he put me first, that he’d come to me in the middle of the night without a second thought, just because I’d sounded lonely.
I liked that making me come once hadn’t been enough for him either time we’d hooked up and that he seemed to care more about my satisfaction than anything else.
I liked being checked up on, and pursued, and adored.
I’d never been a guy’s first priority before.
Never. The realization smacked me like a brick wall, intensifying my anxiety.
And maybe it was my fault, because I’d always kept an intentional amount of distance between us.
But it didn’t change the fact that I’d never experienced these feelings.
But because I’d never felt this way, I’d also never felt so afraid of losing everything.
But who was I kidding? Even if he was temporarily cut off, Caelyx was a fucking billionaire.
With a B. He liked me a lot, even I wasn’t dumb enough to dispute that fact, but who knew how he would feel once he was welcomed back into his glitzy, glittering world of sports cars and country clubs and exclusive designer-laden events?
I was probably a fun distraction for him now, while he was forced to exist in this dull and humble college era, but things between us couldn’t actually go beyond that.
I didn’t even know if I wanted them to go beyond that. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone in a real, long term capacity, let alone someone with a background like his.
I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted.
When I couldn’t stand it anymore, and words had swelled and swelled and swelled in my brain until my body couldn’t contain them anymore, I finally took a deep breath and prepared to explain myself.
“Caelyx, about today-”
“Did you set this back here for me, Cupcake?” He piped up, sticking his head through the door between the front of the house and the tiny kitchen.
He held out the Dubai chocolate cake pop I’d snagged when we’d first arrived, the very last one in the display case.
I’d done it somewhat automatically, without even thinking about it, only because he’d liked the other one so much.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “Were you saying something?”
“No,” I said, chickening out immediately. “I mean, yes, I saved that one for you. You, um… You said you like it, so…”
The corner of his mouth perked up into the signature grin of his, and he gave a little nod. “Yeah, it’s quickly becoming my favorite flavor. You all done with everything up there?” He questioned. “Because I’m done back here.”
“Yeah,” I confirmed. “I’m done.”
I couldn’t do it. What would I even say?
Sorry for being so fucking weird and making you come out last night and then using you as a pillow?
Sorry for being weird about it today? Sorry that you can’t kiss me even though I can tell you really, really want to but I’m afraid if I let you then I’ll be even more fucked up when you go back to your regularly scheduled programming of rich boy life?
I wasn’t sure I could choke any of that out even if I was held at gunpoint.
“Then, I guess we can head out,” he said, jerking his chin toward the front door as he flipped the row of light switches down, plunging us into darkness.
Swallowing hard, I opened it and let him through before locking up and falling into step beside him. The parking lot was completely empty now, and at least for now, there wasn’t anyone strolling around. In the dark and partially obscured corner of the lot where my car waited, I cleared my throat.
“Get in the back seat,” I ordered, and Caelyx glanced back at me, looking confused but still somewhat amused by my request.
“You want to pretend to be my chauffeur or something, Cupcake?” He joked, and I shook my head.
“No,” I said, planting my hands on his torso and nudging him toward the car.
His eyes widened, and he reached back to fumble with the handle, finally yanking it open and piling inside.
I followed behind him, pushing him again so he understood to scoot all the way back to the other door, so I could settle onto the seat between his legs.
“Oh,” he voiced, looking and sounding pleasantly surprised.
Well, I couldn’t blame him for that. I was sure the whiplash mood change didn’t make sense to him, but I didn’t know how else to try and put us on even ground.
It hadn’t mattered as much to me before but now that I’d internalized how much effort he’d put into everything with me, I couldn’t ignore it until he noticed for himself and decided to actually say yes to one of his seemingly unlimited crowd of interested suitors.
Bracing myself on my knees and leaning into his chest, I kissed his neck, tasting his skin and then nipping at it.
He let out a pleased little growl, leaning his head back to give me more access, his hands slipping under my shirt.
One gripped my waist, while the other trailed up to my chest, his fingers tugging at my piercing before his thumb brushed over my nipple.
I stiffened, letting out a little whine as pleasure coursed down my chest straight to my crotch as his fingers manipulated me.
Pushing his hand off me, I sucked on his skin harder, trying to redirect his attention to what I was doing to him.
His pulse tumbled under my tongue and he groaned, but didn’t stop trying to work his hand back up into my shirt.
“Stop it,” I mumbled, grasping his hands and pushing them back against the window, where his knuckles rapped the glass, making him wince.
The pitiful, wounded look he gave me was almost funny, if I hadn’t felt so frantic and up-ended, the worry in my brain a black cloud I couldn’t clear away.
“Stop what?”
“Touching me.”
“Why?” He demanded, his brows furrowing together. “Isn’t that what you shoved me in here for?”
“No!” I denied. “I… I want to suck your dick.”
“Okay,” he answered, a little huff of laughter tumbling out on the last syllable. “Why does that mean I have to stop touching you?”
“Because,” I answered, trying not to grit my teeth. “This is just for you. I just want to blow you, and nothing else.”
He stared at me for a few moments, his blue eyes intense on mine, like he was scanning me for information.
“Is this… Some kind of apology for ignoring me today?” He finally asked incredulously.
“No,” I said, then let out a sharp exhale. “I mean, yes. Kind of.”
“I don’t need an apology, Aspen. I get that you were freaked out. It’s not worth making a big deal over.”
His use of my actual name, and not the usual nickname which I’d always found incredibly annoying but was humiliatingly starting to actually like, added a weight to his words that didn’t do much to calm my squirming insides.
“I-It’s not just that,” I insisted. “You… You’ve been doing stuff for me, and I haven’t…
” I trailed off, not sure how to phrase it.
It was embarrassing. I always took charge when I was screwing around with guys, but with Caelyx it’d been so easy to just let him lead, and now I was in this stupid, awkward predicament.