Chapter 7
SHELBY
CHAPTER SEVEN
Iscream and bolt upright, waking from another nightmare.
Cin jumps up from my couch and tries to soothe me, but I’m not fully awake.
My head is back in that basement, and I scramble back against my headboard, yelling, “Don’t touch me!”
Cin stops short, putting up her hands. “Okay, I won’t.”
I pull my legs up to my chest and rock back and forth.
My mom throws open my door, scaring me more. “Baby, are you all right?” She rushes over and tries to comfort me.
Cin steps into her path, causing her to pull up short. “She had a bad dream, Aunt Patty.”
“Oh, no. Can I bring you anything?” Mom asks, and I shake my head. “I’ll leave you alone, for now. I’m here if you need to talk.”
She walks out the door, shutting it behind her, then coughs the whole way down the hall.
“She’s been doing that a lot lately.” Cin reaches into my refrigerator, pulls out a water bottle, and puts it on my bedside table. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I don’t say anything as I stare at the wall. Nightmare discussions are off-limits. I didn’t talk about them when I fled the group home in Ashland, and I sure as hell don’t now.
Every time I close my eyes, I’m back in the damp basement, reliving everything that happened to me.
“I’ll leave you alone.” Cin leaves my room.
I crawl under the sheets, grab one of my pillows, and curl up, wrapped around it.
For the next week, I barely leave my room.
Everyone is worried about me, and to tell the truth, I should be concerned about myself, too. But I’m numb.
Nick and Cin react to each other with gentle touches and fond smiles, and I’m empty. Nick tells me Cam wants to see me, but I can’t do it.
It’s my fault he got hurt.
A few days later, I drink through my stash of Dr. Pepper in my mini-fridge, forcing me to leave my room.
As I step out of the hallway toward the kitchen, I find everyone decorating the Christmas tree in the living room. They don’t see me right away, so I watch them. I forgot it’s Christmas, my first one celebrated here. I should be helping them.
They’re all smiles, joking, and having a good time in between Mom’s coughing fits. It’s almost like they’ve forgotten I’m here. Mom catches sight of me, and the smile on her face disappears.
Ouch. That stings.
“Shelby…We, umm, didn’t think…” She stumbles over her words.
“We figured you wouldn’t mind if we decorated the tree without you,” Hannah says for my mom.
My mom looks at Hannah and gives her a warm smile, and then she turns toward me.
She offers an ornament. “Would you like to join us?”
As she looks at me, her smile loses its genuineness, her lips slightly pinched, and the happiness doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
Even if I want to help, Mom doesn’t want me here. I screwed up her precious Christmas.
I shake my head, shift the case of Dr. Pepper cradled in my arms, and head back toward my room.
Partway down the hall, I stop and lean against the wall, trying to catch my breath. Freaking panic attacks.
“She’s not getting any better.” Mom’s voice filters down the hallway. “I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t come out of her damn room. I don’t understand why this is so much harder for her than Hannah. She was in that basement, too, and she’s doing so well. This might be our only Christmas together, and she’s ruining it.”
The sound of her disappointment settles deep in my chest.
I sigh and finish heading to my room, shutting the door and the words of whoever responds to Mom out. I fall on my couch and stare out my window. Part of me believes she’s right. I won’t leave this room. I can’t deal with them yet. I’m not the broken girl I was the last time I escaped him.
This time, Roger fucked me up.
I’m ruining everyone’s Christmas. Shit, Thanksgiving was canceled because they were too busy looking for me.
Roger’s voice creeps into my head. You’re ruining everyone’s holiday, again. They don’t want you around.
A little while later, someone coughs in the hallway before they knock on my door and open it before I can invite them in.
Mom stands hovers in the doorway, a bottle of water and tissues in her hands. “Is everything okay?”
I give her one of my fake smiles. “I’m fine.”
“I hope you’re not upset that we did the Christmas tree without you. We figured you wouldn’t be in the mood.” She shrugs a single shoulder.
“I’m fine with you decorating without me. It just surprised me. I… I forgot the date.” I pick my nails.
She opens her mouth, but starts hacking, and takes a sip of water.
“Are you sick?” I ask, concerned by how bad that sounded.
“No, nothing like that. The doctor told me it’s allergies. Thank God, since Christmas is only a few weeks away.” She clears her throat. “We have plenty of time to go shopping.”
I cringe at the suggestion I leave the house, let alone be surrounded by people, but she doesn’t notice.
“I thought we could invite your uncle and Cin over,” Mom continues.
The more she talks, the harder I dig my nails into my palm.
“Mom.” I stop her from continuing further. “I don’t want to ruin your holiday, but I’m not in the mood to celebrate.”
“Well, maybe you aren’t right now, but I’m sure you will be in a few days.” She waves her hand dismissively. “Your uncle is excited to celebrate with us.”
She takes a deep breath in, then lets it out. “I don’t know what happened to you, and I’m not sure I want to, but it would be good for you to see a therapist to help you cope with this. Life is short, and I don’t want you to miss your senior year. There are more dances and graduation.”
The more information she dumps on me, the more I panic. “I’m sorry, Mom. I need to use the bathroom.”
I rush to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I didn’t want to have a full-blown panic attack in front of her. I take a few deep breaths, but my chest tightens. I’m hyperventilating. If I don’t calm down, I’ll pass out.
A wave of dizziness blacks out my vision, and I slide to the cold tile floor. I lie flat, close my eyes, breathe in, hold it, and let it out.
In. Hold.
Out. Hold.
I keep doing this until I regain control.
Mom means well and loves me, but why can’t she listen to what I’m telling her? Why can’t she understand the effect everything is having on me? It’s like she wants to pretend that the torture I experienced never happened.
When I can stand without falling over, I open the door to my bedroom and heave a sigh of relief when I find the room empty.
The next day, Cin comes in and plops down on my couch beside me. “What do you want to do today?”
“I’m not in the mood to do anything.” I’m tired of them coming in here and asking me that question every day, sometimes multiple times a day.
“Come on. You’ve been holed up in this room, sleeping for a week. I didn’t let you wallow the last time or after the ball, and I’m not going to let you do it now,” Cin states.
She couldn’t be more wrong. I haven’t been sleeping at all. “I’m not ready.”
She puts her hands out and goes to reach for my wrists, but I slap them away.
“Cin,” I warn.
“Chill. I’m just helping you up.” She puts her hands out to grab me again.
This time, I push her away and jump up.
“Why doesn’t anybody listen to me?” I yell.
“What is going on in here?” Mom shouts, walking into the room.
“I was trying to convince Shelby to do something, but she’s freaking out.” Cin shakes her head.
I stare at my cousin in disbelief.
Mom sighs in exasperation before looking at me. “That’s exactly what you need, honey. Oh, we can go Christmas shopping! I still have?—”
“Enough!” I interrupt. “I do not want to go shopping, Mom. I don’t want to be around people, and I’m not in the mood to celebrate anything.”
“Oh, honey. You still have a couple of weeks.” She reaches out for me.
I step back. “No, Mom, a couple of weeks won’t change things. And please, stop trying to touch me.”
“And why can’t I touch you.” She puts on an exaggerated pout and puts her arm on her hip.
“You’re trying to help me in your way, but I’m having a hard time dealing with everything. A therapist is a good idea, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet.” I shudder.
“Every time someone touched me during the month I was gone, it wasn’t in a good way. I was in hell. I was mentally and physically abused. I was made to do things I didn’t want to do. Do you have any idea what that does to a person?” I pin Mom and Cin with a stare.
“I was made to believe that someone I love had died because he trusted me. And before I was even taken, I had to live with the guys turning on me. Roger planned to break me. And guess what? He succeeded.” Angry tears flow down my cheeks. “I’m not the same person, and I can’t ever return to who I was before.”
Nick, Peter, and Hannah stand behind my mom and Cin.
Like the family they are. One that doesn’t need you. Roger’s voice echoes in my head.
“Come on, everyone, let’s leave Shelby alone.” Hannah ushers them out the door.
I want to thank her, but instead, I stand there sobbing as they walk away.
They leave me alone for the rest of the day.
“Good morning, honey.” My door once again bangs open without my consent, startling me. My mom sweeps in unannounced. “I made your favorite, French toast. Why don’t you come out and have some breakfast with us?”
I sigh. “I’m not hungry. Maybe later.”
“Shelby, you need to eat. You’ve lost too much weight.”
I clench my hands into fists. “Later.”
“I would love some of your French toast, Patty,” Hannah calls from the hallway.
I catch Hannah’s eye and mouth, Thank you.
Not on my life did I ever expect Hannah to do anything to help me.
She leads my mom out of my room, Mom’s grumbles growing fainter as Hannah shuts the door, and they walk farther down the hall.
I throw off my bedsheet and climb out of bed. It still hurts to move, my body black and blue, though some of the bruises are starting to yellow.
My door opens, making me jump, and Cin walks in.
I glare at her. “Don’t you know how to knock?”
Cin jerks back. “I never knocked before. Nick’s talking to Cam, and Cam wants to talk to you. Paige has been calling me asking about you, too.”
I shake my head, guilty that Paige hasn’t crossed my mind. And now, Cam wants to talk to me.
I’m not ready. The guilt over everything that happened to him threatens to suck me under. Cam wouldn’t touch me if I asked him not to, and he doesn’t blame me for anything, but I can’t shake off the self-loathing.
Cin continues speaking, like she doesn’t see me shake my head, even though my hair whips back and forth. Even though she’s staring right at me. “Maybe we can watch our favorite movie?—”
“Cin, I said no!” I snap.
“Shit, Shelby, I’m just trying to help you,” she snaps back at me.
I want to cry. “You can help me by leaving me alone.”
Pushing her out of the room, I slam the door. I can’t take this anymore. I’m losing my mind.
I pick up my phone and dial.
“Shelby, how are you doing?” a deep voice asks from the speaker.
“Not good. I need your help.”
At almost three am, I sneak out of the house. Before I leave, I leave a note on the counter and head out to the SUV waiting for me.
Frank turns to me as I slide in. “Are you sure about this?”
I close the door to his SUV and count backward from five, calming myself. “Yes.”
They mean well and are trying to help me, but it’s making me worse, not better.
“If you’re sure, I have a place ready for you. It’s one of the Knight’s smaller vacation homes. You said you wanted to go somewhere warm, so I picked Hawaii. The house sits on the beach, so hopefully, you packed your swimsuit. It’s a private, gated community. You’ll be safe,” he says the last part firmly.
I finally meet Frank’s eyes and even manage a small smile. “Thank you. It sounds wonderful.”
We say nothing else for the rest of the trip to the airport.
I expect him to drop me off at the entrance, but he drives around to an unfamiliar area. “The Knights own three different planes. I made arrangements for you to fly out on the smallest one. I figured if the guys were in their right mind, they would let you use it.”
I pick imaginary lint off my arm. “How are the boys?”
“Better. We found out the morning maid was the one who was triggering their hypnosis by putting music on for them in the morning. We also caught the security guards who cut the cameras.”
I already heard about this, but it’s good to hear and reinforces that they’re safe. “That’s good.”
“I’ve found someone who can help undo the hypnosis. He’s supposed to be here next week.” Frank drums his finger on the wheel.
“When he does whatever he does for the boys, can you make sure Hannah’s there? I think she was hypnotized as well.”
Frank glances at me briefly. “Will do. He hypnotized you, too, Shelby. Should I send him down to you?”
“He made the boys hate me, and he made Hannah molest Luke. All he did to me was make me follow him to break into places. I was fine the last time. I just had a headache and threw up. Nothing I can’t handle. I’m not worried about it right now.”
“I’ll have him come back when you return to town.” The SUV rolls to a stop near a small plane. “When you arrive in Hawaii, a car will be waiting for you.”
“Frank, I can’t thank you enough.”
He twists in his seat to face me, not trying to touch me, just sitting and holding my gaze. “You can thank me by getting better. Stay safe, and contact me if you need anything.”
Not wasting any more time, I slide out of the SUV and walk to the plane, where the pilot takes my bag and tells me we’ll take off soon before he climbs the stairs and heads inside the plane.
I pause for one second to peer over my shoulder toward where Frank still sits in his SUV. I can barely make out his form in the driver’s seat.
With a wave, I turn and walk up the stairs into the plane, where my mouth falls open in shock.
This is nothing like what I’ve seen on TV, with seats so close your knees knock against the back of the chair in front of you, filled to the brim with weary travelers, crying babies, and annoying neighbors that crowd in on all sides.
No, everything is white, buttery soft leather, and wooden surfaces gleam in the overhead lights. A large screen TV hangs across from a couch. How can you watch TV in the air?
An older guy in his forties waits patiently for me to overcome my shock. “You can sit anywhere you like, miss.”
I nod, still trying to take it in.
I move down the middle of the plane. After the couch, two tables sit between two chairs on each side of the aisle. I take a seat in one of the chairs.
He takes two steps toward me, and I pull up my leg and arm, protecting myself.
He freezes. “I’m sorry, miss. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I just wanted to ensure you were buckled in.”
“I’m sorry. It’s as tight as it can go.”
The man inclines his head toward me. “Since it’s a small plane, we don’t have an attendant on staff. I’ll check on you when we reach flying altitude.” He walks toward where the cockpit is.
“No, you stick to flying the plane. I’ll be fine.” I wave my hands in front of me, panicking at the pilot not sitting at the controls while the plane is in the air.
He laughs. “I’m only the co-pilot.”
I’m a fool, but I chuckle. “First-time flyer, here. So, I’m a bit nervous.”
“Well, no worries, you’re in expert hands. On the plus side, the weather is clear the entire way to Hawaii.” The co-pilot turns around, enters the front of the plane, and closes the door between us.
I settle back in my seat. Hawaii. I’m about to fly to Hawaii.
The plane shifts, causing me to grab at the armrest of my overly plush chair, my nails digging in and probably causing damage to the expensive leather. I draw in a deep breath as the plane picks up speed, charging down the runway, followed by a moment of heaviness as the nose of the plane tips toward the sky.
Spots darken my vision, and I exhale on a whimper, not realizing I was holding my breath.
I steel myself before glancing out the window next to me, watching the ground falls farther away. Homes become the size of Legos, and cars shrink to the size of ants before those, too, become unrecognizable.
A puff of white passes the window, and my mouth drops open, my eyes widening in wonder.
We just flew through a cloud!
It looks so soft and wispy. I always imagined clouds looking more solid up close. I mean, clouds are just water vapor suspended in the atmosphere, but the child in me always dreamed of bouncing around in the sky from one big white puff to another.
I giggle and shake my head, relaxing a bit now that the take-off is behind me.
Once the plane levels off, the co-pilot returns. “Is there anything I can get for you?”
“A bed,” I joke.
He smiles. “Follow me, please.”
Furrowing my eyebrows, I unbuckle and follow him toward the back of the plane to another door I missed upon entering the plane. He pushes the handle down, and the door swings open to reveal a plush bedroom with an almost wall-to-wall king-sized bed covered in what looks like the softest comforter.
“Of course, they would have a bedroom,” I mumble.
The co-pilot chuckles. “I’ll wake you up when we get close.”
As he steps back, moving to close the door between us, I throw out a hand. “Wait!”
He pauses with the door halfway closed, waiting to see what I need.
“Please, don’t try to wake me up.” Embarrassed, I lower my head, my body shaking at the idea of someone touching me while I’m unconscious. “Is there an alarm or something I can just use instead?”
Without entering the room, he points out the clock. “There is a time change between here and Hawaii. We have already adjusted the clock to Hawaiian time. If you need anything, press the button on the table to the right of the bed to alert us in the cock-pit.”
He nods toward the button. “I will knock and wait for your permission to enter or for you to open the door. The door also has a lock. Also, that door leads to the master bathroom with a toilet and a shower. Buzz if you need anything.”
I smile, thanking him, closing the door myself before locking it. I strip off my shoes and pants and crawl into bed, dropping off to sleep.