11. Chester
Chester
I lectured my cock after Finn left.
“It’s very inappropriate to get an erection when your employee is in distress,” I said firmly, glaring at the tent in my trousers. “You shouldn’t be focusing on the sexy redhead or the fact he winked at you.”
My cock didn’t deflate. If anything, it got achingly harder as my mind replayed that wink over and over. Imagining him doing it again before lowering his head between my legs. Spreading my thighs wide. Groaning as he buried his face between my cheeks, his big hands holding me still as he…
I gently knocked my head against the wall. “Pull yourself together, Chester. Yes, Finn is very attractive, but we’re not going there.”
It was no good. My mind was out of control at this point, replaying endless images of Finn’s fine form cutting through the water. The way the water droplets shimmered on his chest in the early morning light.
That he thought my defence of Reid was hot.
It was so different from what Matt would’ve said. He would’ve called such behaviour an ‘embarrassment’ and accused me of ‘making a scene.’ It had only happened once or twice in the early days of our relationship. Before I recognised his gaslighting for what it was.
By then though, it was too late. I’d learned to keep my mouth shut if I wanted an easy life.
The bell rang over the door and my head shot up. It was Reid.
And, sadly, only Reid.
Not sadly, I berated myself sternly. Distance is needed from Finn, remember? An inner part of me, one I’d thought long dead and buried, whined back. But he’s so pretty. And sexy. Think of all the muscles we could lick.
“Are you okay?” I asked Reid, shoving all inappropriate thoughts of Finn and said muscles out of my mind. “Did Finn upset you?”
“Nope.” Reid bounced around the counter, swiping up his coffee as he did so. “He reassured me. Everything is all good now.”
“So Evan won’t be coming back here?”
Reid sighed, fiddling with the lid on his drink. “Well, Finn said he won’t, but…I don’t think their temperaments work like that.”
My lips twitched. “Their temperaments. As in…Scotsmen?”
Small dots of colour appeared on Reid’s cheeks. “Umm, yes! They’re a stubborn yet caring breed. Evan will probably show up at some point or another, I imagine. But I don’t need to worry about him dragging me back to my family.”
“Is that what you were worried about?”
Reid half shrugged, not looking me in the eye. “Yeah. They don’t know where I live, and I’d like to keep it that way. But Evan knows them. I was worried he might feel the need to inform them of my whereabouts.”
I folded my arms over my chest. “And you’re certain he’s not going to?”
“Yes.” Reid nodded emphatically. “Finn has given me his word.”
Both my brows rose. I might have had a crush on the hot Scotsman, but that wasn’t enough for me, not where Reid’s safety was concerned. “What makes you think you can trust him?”
“I just know I can.” Reid hummed, bouncing slightly on his toes.“Finn’s a man of his word.”
“I thought you only met him for the first time when he came into the shop.”
“I did.” Reid winked at me as he walked backwards towards the workspace. “But he’s safe. I can trust him. And what’s more, so can you.”
M ore days passed. Many mornings of sneakily ogling Finn as he swam, followed by breakfasts and conversations with Buddy.
Evenings too. The dog seemed to have a sixth sense about when I’d be home from work. He was always sat right outside my front door, tail wagging as I got out of the car and headed up to fuss him.
It was nice, coming home to someone who was happy to see me.
I hadn’t had that in a long time.
As lovely as it was, I lived in perpetual fear that Buddy’s owner would one day appear. That they’d take him away and forbid me to spend any more time with him. Then I’d be back to my silent mornings with no one to chat to.
Reid was right. Maybe I did need to put myself out there more if I was pinning all hopes of social interaction on a pet that wasn’t even mine.
It was an opinion he’d shared with me multiple times in the days following Evan’s and Finn’s visits.
Seeing him in a vulnerable state had me opening up to Reid a bit and chatting to him about things outside of work.
Which had, apparently, given him licence to nag me about my life. Or, more specifically, my lack of one. Especially on the romance front.
Thing was, Reid didn’t know about my past. About how terrified I was of losing my sense of self again. Of falling in love only to find myself trapped in a prison of my own making.
Yes, I was lonely. But I was safe.
I couldn’t ignore the butterflies in my stomach every morning when I watched Finn from my window though. How my eyes hungrily devoured him. The way my cock stiffened and physically ached to be touched, and not by me.
It was a sign that I was ready for more, but not a relationship. Not intimacy. Nothing where someone else had any semblance of control over me.
But maybe…maybe I was ready to get laid. With enough precautions in place, I could enjoy it, right?
Fuck, I hoped so. It had been so long since I’d had a decent orgasm at the hands of another person.
With Matt, the sex hadn’t been great. While I was vers with a preference for bottoming, Matt was a strict bottom.
Not that he’d said that when we first met.
He’d said he was vers too, but in all our time together, he hadn’t topped once.
In fact, he didn’t like ass play at all unless his hole was the one being played with. Then, he was all for it.
Sex between us had been scheduled. Always in bed. Always in the missionary position. Always following the exact foreplay Matt preferred.
Most of the time, I didn’t even get to come.
As soon as Matt got his, all activities would come to a stop as he claimed he was too tired to continue.
For the first few months, I’d scurry off to the bathroom to take care of myself.
It was normal, I’d told myself. What was important was that Matt was happy.
This was what he liked, and I was giving him that.
Again, my eyes weren’t opened until I was in too deep.
I lay there one night as Matt snored next to me and realised my cock had gone soft as soon as I’d pulled out of him.
I had no desire to go to the bathroom to finish myself off.
It had continued like that, and the worst thing?
It barely even bothered me. Sex was just another thing Matt had ruined.
I stared at Finn through the window, following his sure and steady strokes. Would he be like that?
I didn’t think so. Something told me Finn liked to take his time with his lovers. To use those big hands to tease and please. That he was a man who didn’t need sex to be clinical and organised.
A man who wouldn’t leave his partner unsatisfied.
My hole twitched at the thought. Thanks to Finn’s predilection for swimming in the nude, I knew exactly what he was packing. God had apparently gave with both hands in Finn’s case. I’d spent many lonely nights picturing it, imagining the delicious stretch I’d feel for days afterwards.
I looked out the window with a sigh, rearranging myself to relieve the pressure on my erection. I needed to stop obsessing over the man. Other than his morning swims, I hadn’t seen him. He hadn’t been back into the shop, and our paths hadn’t crossed anywhere else.
Even if they did, would I get up the nerve to flirt with him? Probably not. Besides, doing that might make him think I want more. Dates. A relationship.
In reality, I just wanted one night with him. A few hours when he made me forget all the weight I carried on my shoulders. When I didn’t feel insecure about my body, but empowered. A sexual encounter that left me feeling satisfied instead of hollow.
It was a lot of expectation to put on one person.
Which was precisely why I wasn’t going to.
Finn walked up onto the shore right outside my house. My mouth dried out at the sight of his thick, soft cock swinging between his thighs. His lightly fuzzed balls that I desperately wanted to nuzzle.
He picked up the towel he’d dropped earlier and turned to face the loch. I gulped at the broad, muscled planes of his shoulders. The round, biteable curve of his arse. His tree trunk thighs that I wanted to wrap my hands around as I sucked him down.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure which view was more tempting. Finn was just perfection. A god amongst mortals.
And certainly out of my league.
I forced myself to turn away and stop ogling the poor bloke. If he ever caught me, there was no way I could explain my actions without looking like a creep.
Besides, Buddy would be here soon. He’d listen to me yap on and on about my inane crush on Finn while I gave him tickles.
I needed to make his bacon. Well, our bacon. The dog was more stubborn than most humans I’d met, only eating if I was too .
I was just plating it up, alongside some fried mushrooms andblack pudding, when Buddy nosed through the door. I left it ajar for him so he didn’t need to wait to come in.
“There’s my Buddy,” I crooned, dropping to my knees and opening my arms. “I’ve missed you.”
Buddy bounded straight into my embrace, nuzzling into my neck. He was the only living being I got any physical contact from these days. It was hard to get my arms around him with how big he was, but I made it work. He was a good boy who deserved good hugs.
“Come on,” I said when I’d fussed him lots. “Let’s have breakfast. Reid’s opening up for me today, so I’ve got more time. Think you can hang out with me a bit longer?”
Buddy’s head bobbed and I laughed. “It really looked like you were nodding there.”
I chatted nonsensically to him as we both ate. As always, Buddy watched me carefully to make sure I was eating before starting himself. Funny dog.
When we were both finished, I made my way to the porch, Buddy hot on my heels. I sat on the bench, and Buddy immediately put his head on my lap as he sat on the floor beside me.
“Maybe I should get a bigger bench,” I mused, ticking behind his ears. “One big enough for you to curl up next to me on.”
Buddy huffed as if such an idea was ridiculous.
“You’re right.” I laughed. “It’d need to be made of concrete or steel to bear the weight of both of us. I don’t think that’s really in keeping with the local aesthetic, do you?”
Naturally, Buddy couldn’t answer me, but that didn’t stop me talking. “It is a wonderful local aesthetic. And yes, I’m talking about Finn’s workout routine. Did I tell you he’s started leaving his clothes and towel right outside my kitchen window? It’s like he’s trying to torture me.”
Buddy’s tail wagged as he blinked up at me.
“I know, he doesn’t even know I live here.
” I sighed. “And if he did, I doubt he’d be stripping off right where I could see him.
” I fell silent for a minute as my thoughts idled back to this morning.
To the yearning I’d felt watching Finn. “I know watching him is wrong, but I just can’t seem to help myself.
I shouldn’t be attracted to him. I know that too. ”
Buddy nudged my hand, almost like he was asking me to continue. To explain. I was probably making it up, but I swore this dog was more intelligent than several humans I’d met.
“It’s too dangerous,” I said finally. “A man like that could hurt me. Not physically—well yes, I’m sure he could, but that’s not what I’m worried about. But emotionally? Mentally? It’s too scary to go there.”
Buddy gave a small whine and I ruffled his fur.
“Doesn’t stop me wanting to sleep with him though.
God, what I wouldn’t give for just one night with that man.
Just one. Hot. Night. When I could let my hair down and forget everything except Finn.
I think he’d make it good for me. That’s all I’m after, really.
Not a lot to ask, I know, but given my past experiences, the bar is on the floor.
Past the floor. It’s languishing at the bottom of the loch. ”
I stared out over said loch at the spot where Finn swam.
“It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? Finn’s flirted with me, sure, but I doubt he’d look twice at someone like me.
Not for anything more than some teasing banter.
Even if he would be amenable to a hookup, how would I make that happen?
I’m lucky if I can form a sentence around him most of the time.
Then, when I do speak, I often say the wrong thing. ”
Big green eyes blinked up at me intently. I smiled down at Buddy, so grateful to have a good listener.
“I should forget about it, I know. It’s not like I’ve run into him anywhere recently.And I can hardly open a window while he’s swimming and invite him in.”
My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was my alarm, reminding me it was time to get on with my day.
“Oh well.” I switched off the alarm and gently eased Buddy’s head off my lap. “Guess that’s enough dreaming about things that’ll never happen.”