Chapter 12
Finn
M y truck comes to a stop in front of Violet’s house, and I jump out and stride up to the front door, bringing my fist up to knock. All day, it’s felt like I was crawling out of my skin. Like my heart couldn’t settle down long enough for me to take a deep breath. My mind’s been spinning since the minute my eyes opened this morning, and I know what I need to fix it.
The door is pulled open, and Violet stands on the other side, a smile curling her lips as she takes me in. Her eyes, that are, in fact, just green unlike her brother’s, are surrounded by thick, long lashes, and her full lips are painted with a shimmery pink chapstick or lipstick or whatever the hell it is that she wears.
Stepping to the side to let me in, she says, “Wasn’t expecting to see you tonight, handsome.”
Her hair cascades down her back in loose curls, her makeup is done, and she’s in a short, pink-and-white flowery dress that would usually do it for me. I drag my gaze up and down her body, searching for the fire, waiting for the fast beating to my heart, the electric feel of the air conditioning as it fans across my skin.
But it’s not fucking there.
I feel like I’m losing my mind.
“Just needed to see you,” I murmur, placing my hand on her hip and pulling her into me. It’s not a lie. Not really. “Is that okay with you, darlin’?”
Violet giggles, the sound soft and feminine. “Well, of course it’s okay, baby. I’m surprised to see you is all. It’s not our usual day.”
She’s right, it’s not. Typically, I only come over on Tuesday nights because those are the nights my father takes Tucker to the movie theater in town for dollar movie nights.
Today is Sunday.
It’s a day of rest. The Lord’s day. It’s a day that I should be home, spending time with my son before the workweek begins. Except I can’t because all I’ve thought about all goddamn day is that moment last night with Ash where… Fuck! I don’t even know what almost happened, but it’s confusing, and I’ve been a fucking mess because of it. Hence why I made up some dumb excuse about having to run to town, and asked him to watch Tucker for a few hours, even though Tuck was already in bed.
I haven’t been able to look at him all day.
So, I’m a fucking coward too.
Bringing my other hand up to cup her cheek, I dip my head down and brush my lips against hers. They’re pillow soft and pliant as I part them with my tongue, slipping it inside of her mouth to taste and explore. Her body is supple and warm against mine as she relaxes into me, her hands coming up to fist my t-shirt as she tilts her head, letting me deepen the kiss.
This is what I need.
I need to taste and feel and breathe in my girlfriend. My beautiful, sweet, sexy girlfriend. My hand slides down, cupping the swell of her breast. She moans into my mouth as I squeeze gently, walking us backward until we reach the couch. Spinning us around, I sit down, bringing her onto my lap. Our lips break apart, and I use it as an opportunity to pull her dress down, exposing her large, round breasts to me. Her nipples are already hard and taut, and my blood heats as I take them in.
Feeling frenzied and on edge, I pull her body flush with me as I pop one of the pebbled buds into my mouth, sucking on it. Violet grinds on my lap, her head thrown back as she groans.
Yes. What I’m feeling is fervor. It’s a need to fuck my girlfriend. To sink into her warm, wet pussy. That’s what it is. Now that I think about it, it has been a couple of weeks since we last had sex. Whatever happened last night was a mix of too much bourbon and just a dry spell. It had nothing to do with Ash.
But suddenly, I can’t help but remember how decorated his nipples are. The little silver bars going through them, and what they might feel like on my tongue. How they’re such a rosy color, slightly darker than Violet’s. And the way his blue-green eyes watched me curiously last night after I nearly collided with him. The way the word daddy sounded coming from him as it was directed to me.
Why did that word send such a spark of heat down my spine?
And why the fuck did I say it back to him?
“Somebody’s feeling frisky today,” Violet moans against my lips, and it’s not until now that I realize how hard I am. My hands have somehow found their way to her hips and I’m grinding her against my cock.
I bite down on her bottom lip with a growl. “I want to fuck you,” I say, dragging my palms underneath her dress and up her thighs—her smooth, soft thighs. She breathes out a moan as I run my fingers over her wet lace-covered core. Crashing her mouth to mine, she kisses me eagerly as I pull the material to the side and push my middle finger into her tight heat. Her walls clench around the digit, and my cock throbs.
This is exactly what I needed. Her. My girlfriend.
Whatever I felt last night was because he looks like Violet. They’re twins. My mind was hazy from the liquor, and I was horny from the lack of sex I’ve had as of late. He resembles his sister. My girlfriend. So, my mind short-circuited for a minute and made me think it was something it wasn’t.
I don’t find men attractive. I never have.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
But I’ve never looked at a man and felt anything even close to attraction. I’m not attracted to Ash. The hoop through his nose…not attractive. The bars through his nipples…okay, objectively speaking, those are hot. But nipples are nipples. It’s not like his are covered by chest hair and clearly are nipples belonging to a man. Maybe his nipples resemble Violet’s. Maybe the zing of what I refuse to believe is arousal that shot through me when I saw those was because they made me think of my girlfriend.
Her nipples aren’t pierced, but still.
The sight of Ash in tight shorts, topless, on all fours in my front lawn flashes in my mind. The way his ass looked in those shorts. The way I could visibly make out a bulge. The way his chest was bare. His cheeks rosy.
Fuck!
Ripping my lips from Violet’s mouth, I gently set her on the couch beside me as I jump up. My hands fly to my hair, gripping the strands to the point of pain.
“What’s the matter?” she asks, fixing her dress, clearly flustered and confused by the change of pace.
“I have to go.” Reaching down, I adjust my erection, wishing my heart rate would slow the hell down.
“What?” she hisses, her brows pinched. “Why?”
“I have to get back to the ranch,” I murmur, running my palm along my stubbled jaw, feeling like I’m spinning out of control with no way to stop it. “I forgot there’s somethin’ I gotta do. I’ll call you.”
Violet jolts to her feet. “Finn, wait!”
Hand on the doorknob, I pause but don’t look back at her. I can’t.
“Is everything okay?” she asks. “Did I do something?”
“Everythin’s fine,” I lie through my teeth before I open the door and leave.
The drive back to the ranch is spent in silence. The radio is off, and the only thing I can hear are my loud and obnoxious thoughts. I glance at the clock on the dash, and I pray like hell Ash is already in his room when I get home. It’s only a little after nine, but maybe he was extra tired today.
Fuck, I don’t know.
All I know is I can’t face him right now. I can’t look him in the eye after I just pictured him while fooling around with his sister. It makes no fucking sense, and it’s wrong. So, so wrong. My head’s a mess, and I don’t understand where all this is coming from, but I need to figure it out and get it under control.
He’s Violet’s brother.
He’s my nanny.
He’s a fucking he .
I’m not attracted to him. I’m just not. That’s not possible.
I’m nearly thirty years old. I think if I was attracted to men, I would’ve realized it before now. Look at Hollis… He realized he was attracted to men when he was a teenager. Maybe even earlier.
I would know if I was gay or bisexual or whatever.
I would know.
Pulling up outside of my house, I turn off the ignition and hop out in a huff, feeling no less calm than I did when I left Violet’s. My phone vibrated in my pocket at least twice, so I’m sure she’s blowing up my phone, wondering what the hell that was back there.
Your guess is as good as mine, Vi.
The lights are turned off and the house is silent as I step inside and take off my boots. Thank fuck. I let out a deep breath as I make my way to the kitchen, happy I’m in the clear and can avoid facing Ash until at least tomorrow. Maybe by then I’ll have figured out what my fucking issue is.
Filling up a glass with water, I chug it all down in one go. Setting the empty glass next to the sink, I grip the lip of the counter with both hands, and hang my head down, closing my eyes as I force myself to breathe in deeply through my nose and out through my mouth.
Maybe it’s a full moon.
Or maybe Mercury is in reconnect or whatever.
Not that I know what either of those mean, but Cassie used to blame both of those whenever shit went haywire or Tucker was especially spicy.
Fuck, I need to go to bed. Surely, sleep will help, and I can wake up tomorrow, refreshed and ready for the week.
I push off the counter and meander out of the kitchen, but just as I round the corner, I bump into something—or rather, someone. It happens so fast, I don’t have any time to react.
A garbled sound reaches my ears as my hand flies up, steadying the hard body pressed up against me. Of fucking course, it’s Ash because, why wouldn’t it be?
“Shit,” I mutter under my breath as we both take a step back from each other, except when we do that, something horrifying happens. Somehow, my finger gets hooked on whatever is around his waist, and when we separate, I take it with me. It’s not until it leaves his body that I realize what it is.
A towel.
A towel that was wrapped around his waist. His naked fucking waist.
My eyes widen as I drop the towel to the ground like it’s a hot potato, which is obviously the wrong thing to do because now my nanny is standing in front of me completely nude, and like a train wreck, my gaze can’t help but look.
Fuck.
Shit.
That’s his cock and balls…dangling between his legs. Fuck.
No, no, no.
My girlfriend’s twin brother’s balls are in my eyesight, and neither of us seems to be able to move an inch. I should reach down and grab the towel for him. It’s my fault he’s naked.
So, I do.
Big fucking mistake, because as soon as I kneel, my face is right in front of his junk. Literally at eye level, and I can’t help but look. Is that— “You pierced your fuckin’ dick?” I balk as I peer up at him, still on my fucking knees. Swiping the towel off the ground, I hand it to him, standing to my full height.
Ash’s cheeks are bright red, but I know mine are too. He quickly wraps the material around his waist, his brow furrowing as he scoffs. “Yes, it’s pierced. Is that a fucking problem?”
Crossing his arms over his chest—which is still wet from the shower he must’ve just taken, as droplets drip down the expanse of smooth skin and muscle—clearly feeling a little embarrassed.
Well, that makes two of us.
My skin is on fire, the temperature in the room feeling about a hundred degrees as sweat beads across the back of my neck. Heart pounding behind my ribs, I try to get the image of Ash’s pierced cock out of my mind, but it won’t leave. The rosy color of his balls matches that of his nipples, and his dick wasn’t necessarily hard, but it wasn’t completely flaccid either. Like maybe he got aroused in the shower but did nothing to fix it.
Goddamnit, now the image of him hard in my shower is all I can think about. Heat zips down my spine, pooling low in my groin as, much to my horror, I feel my own cock thickening at the thought.
“Are you just going to fucking stare at me?” Ash snaps, pulling me from the inappropriate images in my mind.
Grinding down on my molars, I open and close my hands into fists at my sides. “I’m goin’ to bed,” I mutter under my breath as I attempt to sidestep him, but he doesn’t move out of my way. When my eyes slice over to his, I watch as he drags his gaze all the way down before coming back up to my face again, the corner of his lip tipped up. My ears ring and all the blood drains from my face as I send up a silent prayer that he can’t tell that I’m sporting a semi. Thankfully, he steps to the side, with his back to the wall as he gestures for me to go. I clench my jaw and do just that, breathing out a sigh of relief.
Halfway down the hall, just a few more steps until I’m safely inside the privacy of my own room, I hear Ash mutter behind me, “Night, daddy .”
My steps halt for a moment as my heart stutters, but I don’t look back nor respond. What the fuck is he doing? My body is on fire by the time I make it into my room, my chest rising and falling in rapid succession, as it feels like I can’t drag in air fast enough. With my back pressed against the door, I frantically work my jeans open and shove them down just enough to free my aching length. I bite down on my bottom lip to stifle the groan that wants to escape as my hand tightens around my cock.
My strokes are frenzied and rough, like the orgasm I’m pulling from my body is a punishment instead of pleasure. Sweat lines my brows as my head rests against the hard wood. The longer I jack myself, my legs tremble, and no matter how hard I try, Ash’s face, his body, his piercings, his fucking balls, won’t leave my mind. It’s a slideshow behind my closed eyelids of the twin I shouldn’t be thinking about.
The water droplets covering his chest.
The trail of hair that leads down to what I now know is a dark, trimmed patch of hair that surrounds his cock.
The way he looked doing yoga in my yard in those fucking shorts that were practically painted on.
His goddamn eyes. They’re like fucking gemstones.
Fuck.
Teeth gritted, my fist flies up and down my length as I imagine things I’ve never imagined before. A man. Ash. The way he’d look peering up at me from his knees with those mismatched eyes. The smirk he’d give me. The way it would feel to replace my hand with his.
Would it feel soft? Or would his palm be rough like mine is?
I picture the way his lips would look stretched around my length as he took me into his mouth. Would he like that? Could he take me deep?
Fuck me, I can’t help but imagine how different it would feel from Violet sucking my dick. She isn’t a fan of doing it… Is he?
Dammit, this is so fucking wrong. But I can’t stop. The thoughts keep coming, each one more fucked up than the last.
Ash deepthroating me.
Ash fucking his own hand while he choked on my cock because sucking me off would turn him on so much he couldn’t wait.
Ash taking my fucking load on his tongue. Him swallowing it all.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
My release hits me like a freight train. It’s unexpected and all at once, my muscles tightening up as pleasure crawls through my extremities until it’s all-consuming and I’m shooting thick ropes onto the floor as I grit my teeth, trying to not make a fucking sound. My cock pulses stream after stream until there’s nothing left, and as soon as I’m finished, reality crashes over me like a bucket of ice water.
Irritation slices through my senses as I reach behind my head and rip off my shirt, tossing it onto the ground to cover the mess I just made. Using my foot, I drag the shirt around, cleaning it all up before I toss it in the hamper and climb into bed.
I stare up at the ceiling, hands tucked underneath my head, trying to make sense of what just happened. Not just what happened against the door, but out in the hall, at Violet’s, and last night. What the hell is going on with me, and why can’t I get Ash off my mind?
Rolling onto my side with a huff, I do my best to quiet my mind and get some sleep, but unfortunately, that’s not in the cards for me tonight.
Fucking lovely.