Chapter 30
Ash
“ W ant another one?” Finn asks, rising from the chair beside me.
Guzzling down the last little bit of beer inside, I nod, handing him the now empty bottle. “Please.”
We finished eating a while ago, then we cleaned the kitchen together. I’m trying to ignore how swoony it made me feel to do something as simple as cleaning up the dinner mess with him. Something we do together most nights, but whereas before, it was filled with tension, it now feels easy and sweet. Cutesy and coupley. My insides have been full of butterflies since the minute he walked into the kitchen earlier, seemingly unable to keep his eyes off me. The attention from a man like Finn Moore feels good. Maybe a little too good.
Finn comes back outside, handing me a freshly opened bottle of beer before he sits down beside me again. At some point after dinner, Bubba came around the front of the house and has been sleeping on the porch in front of us ever since we came back out here. He and Tuck ran through the sprinkler this afternoon for over an hour, then he came with us when Tucker rode his bike up and down the trail after that. It’s no wonder he’s tuckered out; I would be too.
I turn my head, my stomach dipping when I find Finn already watching me. Bringing the bottle up to my lips, I take a long pull, never taking my eyes off him. Somehow, the air is always electric charged around us, like there’s this never-ending supply of sexual tension. It makes my palms sweat and my heart race. Being around Finn makes me nervous, but I’m not sure why. We’ve already had sex, which one would think that would be what would make me nervous, but it’s clearly not that.
If I were to be honest with myself, I’d probably admit the nervousness comes from the way he makes me feel, and not physically. But the big, insistent reminder never fails to assault my mind whenever I let myself indulge in the feelings, telling me that there’s no way this could work long term. Not only is he my boss and I very much need this job, but he’s also still my sister’s ex-boyfriend, and if she found out, she would be crushed.
The self-deprecating part of my brain speaks into my ear like an incessant whisper that all of those reasons should’ve been a bigger deal in my mind before climbing into bed with him, but then the part of me that’s always harbored a low-grade level of resentment toward my sister for something that, truly, was never her fault is saying that I deserve this. I deserve to get the guy this time. It’s never been me. I’ve never been the one chosen.
I know how she feels and did it anyway. And enjoyed it. God , do I fucking enjoy being with Finn. Easily the best sex of my life. If he was trash in bed, it would make it a hell of a lot easier to do the “right” thing. Or if he freaked out afterward and was shitty to me about it, even that would make it easier to walk away.
“What’s got ya lookin’ so grim?” Finn asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to brush him off and say nothing, but something tells me not to. Maybe it’s in the way he’s looking at me, with concern etched in his features, or maybe it’s the three beers I’ve consumed since dinner. Either way, I blow out a deep breath and tell Finn something I’ve never admitted out loud.
Gaze dropping to my lap where my thumb picks at the label on the bottle, I say, “I struggled a lot in high school. Being gay in the south can be…interesting, to say the least. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve come a long way as a society, but there’s still a lot of stigma attached to being out and proud.”
Glancing up, I’m met with deep green orbs full of worry. His brows are set in a harsh line and his jaw is tight, but he’s giving me his full attention. So, even though my heart is a chaotic drum in my chest, I keep going. I don’t know why admitting this feels so raw and vulnerable.
“I was never picked on or anything like that, but dating was difficult. Guys who caught my eye were either so far in the closet they didn’t even know they were in it yet or they were straight…and into my twin sister.” Taking a pull off my beer, I avert my gaze again. “There were a few instances when a guy I had a crush on ended up dating Violet, but there’s one particular time that hurt the most. During our senior year, there was this kid in my homeroom class named Sam, who I became pretty close with. We would study together all the time, listen to music and go to shows together, and I thought he was into me.
“Turns out, he actually wanted to get closer to my sister.” I huff out a dry laugh. “They dated for most of that school year. After, I knew I couldn’t keep going on like that. I was constantly angry with my sister, and the resentment grew like an ugly storm cloud. I needed a change.”
Finn’s quiet for a moment, then, “That’s why you went to college in Oregon.”
It’s not a question, but a statement. I nod, my throat uncomfortably tight.
“Does she know how you feel?”
“No.”
“Why haven’t you ever told her?” There’s not a single ounce of judgement in his tone.
“I never wanted her to feel bad,” I explain. “It’s not that I necessarily think she knew I liked these guys, so what good would come from me telling her, other than her feeling like shit about it?”
“Yeah, but Ash, you felt like shit about it, and you’ve carried this around with you all this time. You deserve to get that off your chest. You can’t hurt yourself in favor of protectin’ her. Your feelin’s matter just as much as hers do.”
Turning my head, my gaze connects with his, and my body warms. “Since when are you all Mr. Therapy?” I ask in a teasing tone that makes him chuckle.
“You know I’m right,” he drawls before taking a swig from his beer. Silence falls over us for a moment, but I can see he wants to say more. After he clears his throat, he asks, “Did you, uh… This isn’t, like, a subconscious way to get her back, is it?” He gestures between us, and my heart drops when I realize what he’s asking.
“No!” I blurt out, jumping to my feet. “Oh my gosh, no! At first, I wondered if my attraction to you could be that, but I quickly realized that I could never be that type of person. I like you, Finn, and this has nothing to do with my sister.”
A boyish grin cracks wide open on his face that sends a swarm of butterflies around my stomach. “You like me, huh?”
My palms get sweaty as my heart beats faster. “I mean, I thought that was obvious,” I reply as nonchalantly as I can.
Finn stands up and saunters toward me. His eyes darken, and it has me taking an instinctive step back, which presses me up against the railing on the porch. Crowding me, he grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing my head up until we lock eyes.
“Say it again,” he growls, his heated gaze boring into me.
Fuck, my body really likes the way he sounds.
“I like you.”
He smirks, causing my stomach to do a whole ass somersault. “I like you too,” he offers so casually.
Eyebrows shooting up, I say, “You do?”
Bringing his mouth down to mine, he drawls, “Thought it was obvious.”
I roll my eyes at him throwing my words back at me, but before I can think of a snarky response, his lips are on mine. He’s still got a firm hold on my chin, and his other hand comes to my hip, gripping me as he brings his body flush with mine. My blood heats, every inch of me lighting up as his tongue slips into my mouth, brushing against mine. I can taste the beer on his tongue, and somehow it only makes me hotter.
Pressing his forehead to mine, he rasps, “I meant what I said the other night. You’re mine , Ash.”
I swallow thickly. “Wasn’t sure if that was just something you said in the heat of the moment.”
Finn holds my gaze, and the intensity staring back at me gives me goosebumps. “This may be new for me, and it may have taken a while for me to figure it out, but I’m not a man who says shit he doesn’t mean. I meant it.”
And then his mouth is on mine again. Hungry lips devouring greedily, like he’s trying to show me just how much he means it. Finn owns my mouth with this kiss, demolishing every last thought in my mind and awakening something needy and desperate inside of me. My hands find his belt buckle, and I work it open before flicking the button on his jeans and sliding the zipper down.
“I want you to fuck me,” I pant into his mouth as I free his thick length that’s already nearly hard. Finn breathes harshly against my lips, his eyes pinched shut as I stroke him in my fist, enjoying the feel of his heavy, silky cock against my palm. I love the way my fingers can barely touch from how fat he is, and the way it curves slightly up, and how I can vividly remember the way, because of the curve, he pegged my prostate with each brutal thrust the night we had sex.
And his balls. God , his fucking balls. They should be the standard because they’re so fucking glorious. Smooth, heavy, and huge, just like the rest of him. There’s nothing that drives me wilder than a man with a fat cock and a set of low hangers between his legs. The fact that I haven’t had the pleasure of taking those beautiful nuts in my mouth yet almost has me dropping to my knees right now and saying screw the sex, but I need to feel him stretch my hole and fill me up with his cum. It’s the only thing I can think about.
“Fuck me right here,” I breathe into his mouth, flicking my tongue against the roof of his mouth.
A growl rumbles from his chest as he reaches for the waistband of my pants and shoves them down. “Want me to fuck this tight little hole right here on the porch where anybody could see us?”
I nod, a grin spreading on my face as excitement and arousal flood my system. “Fuck yes, daddy.” Dragging his bottom lip between my teeth, I tug and nibble hard enough to elicit a throaty groan from him. “You say I’m yours, then fucking prove it.”
“Fuck,” he growls, capturing my lips again. “I can’t…” Kiss. “Get…” Kiss. “Enough…” Kiss. “Of you.” His hot, calloused hand wraps around my dick, and I gasp as my eyes roll back at the frenzied way he pumps me while continuing to devour my mouth like he needs my lips more than he needs his next breath. At this point, he has me pressed up against the railing so hard I’m practically sitting on top of it.
The sun has long since gone down, and I know the probability of someone coming here at all this time of night is slim to none, but the thrill and adrenaline from that tiny what if is enough to set my blood ablaze. The way Finn seems insatiable for me only adds fuel to the fire. I’ve never met a man so chill and accepting of a newfound sexual awakening as he is, but fuck, I’m not complaining.
“Lube,” Finn blurts out. “Gotta run inside and grab the lube if we’re goin’ to do this.”
He makes an attempt to step back, but I hook an arm around his waist, hauling him back into me. “Don’t you even fucking think of going anywhere,” I snarl, palming his cock again and swiping my thumb over the slick tip. When I bring the digit up to my mouth, an idea forms as he watches me suck his juices off it. Peering up at him from beneath my lashes, I say, “Get on your knees, daddy.”
Zero hesitation. Finn’s eyes flash with heat as he drops down before me. “Now what?” he asks huskily. Goddamn, what a beautiful sight this is.
Biting down on my bottom lip, I run my fingers through his dark, thick strands, tugging his head back gently. “I’m gonna need you to suck my cock real good and make me come, but you can’t swallow when I do. Can you do that for me, daddy?”
His brows furrow in the most adorable way. “Why can’t I swallow?”
“Because…” Fisting my dick, I guide the tip to his lips. “You’re going to use my cum as lube when you fuck me.”
A choked sound comes out of Finn as his jaw drops and he sticks out his tongue, letting me instantly glide my length into his mouth. Just like before, I don’t get far before he gags, his eyes welling up with tears that make my dick twitch. We go slow, but eventually he finds a good rhythm that he seems comfortable with, and he replaces my hand with his as he uses it in tandem with his mouth. I grip the edge of the railing in a white-knuckled grip as pleasure spreads through every limb. The more confident he gets, the deeper he takes me, his throat constricting around the head when he gags again.
“Fuck, daddy,” I groan. “You suck me so well. Feels so good. You like having my cock in your mouth?”
He nods, moaning around my length as his hooded, wet gaze pierces into me.
“You ready for my cum, daddy?” Another nod. When I watch his other hand drop to his lap and wrap around his neglected cock, I lose it. “Oh, fuck,” I cry out. “I’m coming! Don’t swallow… Fuck, don’t… swallow!”
Finn moans again as my dick pulses my release all over his tongue, spurt after spurt of pure euphoria. As soon as I finish, I pull out of his mouth and spin around, pressing my stomach against the railing as I arch my back for him. “Hurry up and prep me,” I say over my shoulder. “I need you inside of me now .”
He gets to work, gliding one finger in before quickly adding a second, scissoring them and stretching me, then adding the third. This probably isn’t the smartest or smoothest way to do this, but like hell am I waiting for him to grab the lube. Spit and cum will have to do. By the time he presses the tip of his crown to my hole, my dick is already stiffening up again. With one hand wrapped around the base, Finn brings his other arm up, wrapping it around my throat as he pins me to his chest. His lips beside my ear, I feel his hot breath spreading goosebumps all over my flesh as he sinks into me slowly.
I rest my head on his shoulder, gritting my teeth as my body stretches to adjust his size. Once he’s fully seated, he turns my head so I’m facing him and growls, “Fuckin’ kiss me, baby.”
I gasp as his lips cover mine, and the second his tongue flicks against mine, his hips start moving. Pulling almost all the way out, he grunts into my mouth as he slams back in again, knocking the wind right out of me. Every nerve ending in my body lights up as Finn sets a punishing pace, pounding in and out of my ass like he’s trying to prove a point.
Like he’s trying to claim me.
The burn dissipates quickly, giving way to a delicious type of radiating pleasure that swims through my veins and muddles my mind. Ripping his mouth from mine, he brings his lips back to my ear, the panting and the groaning he’s feeding me nearly as salacious as the way his cock is destroying my hole.
“Fuck, you feel good,” he groans, nipping at my earlobe. “You like the way I fuck you, baby?”
“Yes… Oh, god. Yes, daddy,” I moan, eyes rolling back as my head falls onto his shoulder. My heart’s beating so fast I wouldn’t be surprised if it cracked a rib, and I couldn’t be quiet even if I tried. Every snap of his hips feels rougher than the last, and I swear to god, his arm wrapped around my throat is the only thing keeping me upright.
“Listen to you,” Finn rasps. “You fuckin’ love this, don’t you?”
“Fuck yes, daddy. I love the way you fuck me, love your cock stuffing me full.”
“Has anybody ever fucked you like this?”
I bite my lip and wait, wanting to see his possessiveness come out before I answer. I don’t have to wait long.
His grip around my neck tightens as he growls, slamming into me with brute force. “Fuckin’ answer me,” he snarls, and I love it.
“Never,” I gasp out truthfully. “Never like you, daddy.”
“And nobody ever will,” he grunts before his teeth latch onto my shoulder. I cry out from a mix of pleasure and pain, my cock hard and throbbing between my legs. “Nobody but me will ever get to feel this tight, needy ass grip their cock or their fingers, nobody will ever taste your cum on their tongue, and fuckin’ nobody will ever get to enjoy the sight of you choking on their cock.” Each statement is driven home with a violet snap of his hips. “Nobody will ever get you because you’re mine.”
He reaches around and wraps his free hand around my aching length, my balls so full and tight I’m surprised I haven’t busted yet. I whimper and whine, nails biting into the wood railing as he gives it to me from both ends. This… this is what heaven is.
“Listen to me,” he rasps, the tightness in his voice giving away how close he must be too. “You’re mine, Ash. I choose you. Do you fuckin’ hear me, baby?”
The backs of my eyes sting as I hear exactly what he’s saying. He chose me. Not her.
“Answer me,” he barks and strokes me faster.
“I hear you,” I cry out as my balls draw up and my cock throbs. “I’m yours!” I can barely get the words out before I unload for a second time tonight, spilling all over the porch.
Finn’s movements get jerky, his breathing getting more rapid and shallow, and as he stiffens against my backside, he lets out the sexiest strangled moan right in my ear as he empties himself inside of me. My body feels boneless by the time he pulls out of me, but I’ve never been as satisfied as I am in this very moment, and not even just because of the way he dicked me down.
But because of what he said, too. What he made sure I truly heard. He listened to me open up about the hurt I’ve experienced, and he made sure I know my feelings are safe with him. He made sure I know damn well that he wouldn’t do that to me. And…nobody has ever said that to me. Nobody has ever vehemently claimed me the way he just did. So proudly and fiercely.
Fixing my pants, I turn around to face him, a tear falling from my eye before I have a chance to fight it. His gaze bores into me as he wraps a hand around the back of my neck and brings his forehead to mine.
“Thank you,” I whisper, my throat too tight with emotion to say anything more.
He presses a kiss on my lips before doing the same to my tear-soaked cheek. It’s such an overwhelmingly tender moment that passes between us, but it’s everything that I need.
“C’mon,” he murmurs, giving me one more soft kiss on my other cheek. “Let’s have some ice cream, then we’ll go to bed.”
I snort, his suggestion so random, but kind of genius. “Yeah, let’s do that.”
I choose you , he said. He chooses me.