Chapter 39
Ash
S itting in one of the folding camping chairs we brought down to the lake with us, one foot crossed over the other on top of the log in front of me, I watch the scene before me with butterflies. Bright and early this morning, before the sun even had a chance to kiss the horizon, I packed breakfast and lunch for Tucker, Finn, and I, while Finn loaded the truck with all the gear they need for fishing before waking Tucker so we could hit the road.
I’m not a fisher, nor will I ever claim to be, but I know Tucker is. He goes often with his grandpa and his uncle, but this is the first time I’ve seen Finn take Tucker, and there’s something so undeniably adorable about watching a father and his son bond over something like this. Even if fishing feels like the most boring way to spend your Saturday morning slash afternoon. We’ve been here for a few hours now, and a whole lot of nothing has happened so far. Luckily, I was smart enough to bring some stuff to keep me entertained; otherwise, I probably would’ve died from boredom by hour two. I’m working on a crossword puzzle under the shade, the Texas heat mild today compared to most days.
Finn’s grandpa music plays softly from the Bluetooth speaker he brought with us, and I must admit…it’s growing on me. Not all of it, but some of it isn’t as bad as I originally thought. I may have even added a few songs to my own playlist. Not that I’d ever admit as much to him. Can’t have him gloating about being right.
Tucker and Finn are wearing matching cowboy hats, white t-shirts, and Wranglers, and I don’t think it was on purpose, but it’s so cute I can’t hardly stand it. It’s been a week since we told Tuck and their family about us, and I swear, Tucker’s been on cloud nine ever since. He’s started to refer to me as ‘ Mommy Ash,’ and it’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.
When he asked me if it was okay to call me that, we were in the middle of eating dinner, and it was asked so casually, like he was asking me to pass the rolls. He had no idea how much my heart burst with love at that moment. While I can honestly say that name was never something I saw myself going by, I can’t help but love it. We live in the South, he’s young, and all he’s ever seen is the heteronormative family dynamic, and until we can expand Tucker’s sweet little worldview, I’m more than happy—and honored—to be what he needs. It’s a surreal experience being with Finn, and being so out in the open. Everyone in his family has been super supportive.
I just wish I could say the same.
Violet still isn’t talking to me, not that I really expected her to, but it still hurts. I’ve held off on telling my parents, mostly because I’d really like to work things out with my sister before I tell them anything. Honestly, I’m surprised she hasn’t told them yet. I figured that would be the first thing she did, but given they haven’t called to bitch at me yet, it’s safe to assume she has kept her mouth shut. I hate how that gives me hope, though. Like, is the reason she hasn’t tattled on me to our parents because she’s trying to warm up to the idea? Or that she plans to forgive me? Or maybe she’s just embarrassed, and doesn’t want to admit to them that someone, for once, didn’t want her?
I’ve tried to not let myself spiral over the last week, to not obsess over what her silence could mean, but I can’t help it.
“I got somethin’!” Tucker yells as he jumps up from the stump he’s sitting on. “Dad, Dad! I got somethin’! Mommy Ash!” He throws me a look over his shoulder, face lit up with his wide smile. “Ash, I got somethin’!”
His smile is contagious, my chest swelling with pride. “Good job, T!”
Finn stands up, helping Tucker reel in the line. The fish comes out of the water, attached to the fishing pole, wriggling all around. I’ve no clue what kind of fish it is, but it’s bigger than I expected it to be. Tucker’s vibrating with excitement as he watches his dad unhook the squirmy, scaley little guy.
“Can you get a picture of me holdin’ it, Ash?” Tucker asks, as he peers over at me with a twinkling gaze.
“Of course, I can.” I nod, grabbing my phone out of my pocket. Finn hands the fish to Tucker, and he nearly loses hold with how wriggly it is. “Alright, give me a big ol’ smile, buddy.”
He does exactly that, yelling, “Cheeeese!”
Snapping several pictures for good measure, my gaze lifts, meeting Finn’s. He’s wearing his proud dad expression that makes my stomach tighten in the very best way. I nod toward Tuck. “Get closer,” I tell him. “I’ll get one of both of you.”
My heart thuds against my ribcage as I take the picture, the smiles on both of their faces priceless.
“Daddy, can you get one with me and Mommy Ash?”
Finn meets my gaze again, and we both breathe out a chuckle.
“Sure, bug.” After Finn and I trade places, I crouch down and wrap an arm around Tucker’s shoulders as we pose with the fish. “Okay, Tuck, toss it back.”
“What?” My brows pinch. “After all that, you’re not even going to take the fish home and eat it?”
Finn laughs as he gestures behind me. “Catch and release, baby.”
Turning around, I spot a sign near the tree that says exactly that. “Fishing makes no damn sense to me,” I grumble, looking back at Finn, who’s already watching me with amusement dancing in his eyes. “We’ve been here all morning, caught one fish, and you’re not even keeping it?”
“It’s fun, Ash,” Tucker drawls, attempting to roll his eyes at me. He’s not successful, but at least he’s cute.
“And I love that you’re having fun, little man.”
Finn snorts but doesn’t say anything as the two of them take their place in front of the water again. By the time we pack up and head home, I already know I’m never accompanying them to do this ever again. It’s a little after two in the afternoon as we pull into the ranch, and my breath catches in my throat as we park in front of the house and I spot who’s waiting for us on the front steps.
Gaze snapping to Finn, I ask, “Did you know she was coming?”
Finn thinks he’s slick, but I’m aware of the fact that he went to Violet’s last Sunday after breakfast. It was obvious when he came home later that day with nothing to show for his errands . I think he kept it from me to not get my hopes up, but the fact that he even went over there means everything to me.
He turns off the truck and shakes his head. “I did not.” We climb out, and once I unbuckle Tucker from his seat, Finn rounds the truck and looks at his son, holding out his hand. “C’mon, bug. Let’s fix some lunch while Ash talks to his sister.”
Looking up at me, Finn holds my gaze for a moment, as if silently telling me that he’s here if I need him. I nod, and then they bypass Violet and head inside. She’s standing now, but given the way her arms wrap around herself, I’d say she’s uncomfortable, or maybe nervous, about being here.
“Hey,” I mumble awkwardly as I walk over to her. “This is a surprise.”
“Can we talk?” she asks meekly.
Nodding, I lead her up the steps, and we sit side by side on the porch swing. There’s a long, tense moment when neither of us says anything, both of us gazing out into the yard in front of us. Not knowing how this is going to go has me feeling nauseas.
Is she here to tell me she wants nothing to do with me? That she can’t move past this, and I’m dead to her now?
Or is she here to hear me out and hopefully accept this?
It could go either way, and the unknown has nausea churning in my gut.
“I’m sorry, Ash,” she finally murmurs. My head snaps in her direction, heart stuttering as my eyes widen. Violet turns and meets my gaze, and that’s when I notice the emotion welling up in her eyes. “I’m sorry for the way I acted when I found out about you and Finn. I was…shocked, to say the least, but I should’ve handled it better.”
“I’m sorry too.” My eyes sting as I watch the first tear spill over and roll down her cheek. “I should’ve been upfront with you from the beginning. You didn’t deserve to find out the way you did.”
Shaking her head, Violet swipes her hand over her cheek, wiping away the moisture. “Why didn’t you?” she asks. “And not just about Finn. About all of these hurt feelings you’ve been harboring all these years.”
My throat is tight, and I swallow against it, hoping my voice doesn’t crack. “I don’t know how, Vi. It felt so stupid, and I didn’t want you to feel bad. Then everything kept growing and intensifying until I couldn’t stand it.”
Quiet for a moment, the air around us is suffocating. Finally, my sister looks over at me, tears streaming down her face that match my own. “I knew about Sam,” she admits, those four words knocking the wind out of me. Her bottom lip quivers as she adds, “I didn’t know about anybody else, but I had a hunch you liked Sam.”
Confirming what I’ve suspected for a while now, it should feel like a relief, but it doesn’t. It feels like a punch to the gut. “If you knew, why’d you date him?”
Violet shifts her gaze down to her hands in her lap. “Because I was a selfish teenage girl who liked the way he made me feel.” A choked sob flies up her throat. “It was shitty of me to do, and I’m sorry, Ash. To be honest, until you called me out for it a few weeks ago, I don’t think I ever even fully admitted it to myself.” She huffs out a dry laugh. “Actually, it wasn’t until Finn came to my house last weekend and ripped me a new one that I finally took a good, hard look at myself.”
“He did that?” I knew he went over there, but something about hearing it confirmed makes my stomach flutter.
“In the most polite way ever, yes.” She chuckles, meeting my gaze.
I try to bite back a grin, but it’s futile. “What else did he say?”
“That what you two have is forever.” My heart swells, goosebumps covering my arms. “Are you in love with him?” she asks softly.
The sincerity of her question paired with the gentle way she’s looking at me has tears spilling over before I can stop them. My brows knit as I nod. “Yeah, Vi.” A sob gets caught in my throat. “I love him so much, and I’m so sorry for hurting you, but I?—”
“Hey.” Violet cuts me off with a soft hand on top of mine. “It’s okay.”
“It is?”
She nods, squeezing my hand. “Yes. You can’t help who you love, and after truly looking at myself and the situation, I’ve come to realize Finn was right. He and I were never going to go anywhere. I let my bruised ego cloud my vision. You deserve to be happy, Ash.”
Moisture falls hot down my cheeks. “I’m so happy with him.”
“Then I’m happy for you,” she says, and I know it’s genuine from the look in her eyes, the tone of her voice. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come around, but I don’t want to fight with you anymore, Ash. You’re my brother and I love you.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “I love you too.”
The screen door opens, pulling our attention behind us as Finn steps onto the porch, his gaze flitting from me to Violet. “I love him too,” he tells her with so much conviction.
“Of course, you were listening on the other side of the door,” Violet scoffs, but I don’t miss the smirk on her face when she adds, “And how could you not? Look at this cute, handsome face.”
My sister reaches over and pinches my cheek before I stand up.
“Alright, enough of that,” I mutter with a chuckle.
Finn nods toward the house. “Tucker and I made sandwiches for lunch. Both of you get inside.”
“Oh, I wasn’t planning on staying.”
“I wasn’t askin’,” Finn says, arching a brow at her. “You’re welcome to stay. I know your brother would love to hang out with you.”
Violet looks from Finn to me, apprehension in her gaze. I’m sure the idea of hanging out with me and her ex-boyfriend is uncomfortable. I wouldn’t fault her for needing more time to get used to it. But she surprises me when she stands up and says, “Okay, that sounds like fun.”
Finn opens the screen door, letting Violet pass by inside the house, but he stops me with a hand to the chest before I can follow. My eyes find his, my heart thumping as I take in the way he looks at me. The way he always looks at me.
“You okay?” he asks.
I nod. “Thank you for going over there.”
Bringing a hand to the back of my head, he lowers his forehead to mine. “There’s nothin’ I wouldn’t do for you, Ash.”
My eyes blur with fresh tears, but I’m determined to not cry again. “I love you, Finn Moore.”
Pressing a kiss to my lips, he wipes the tear I was unsuccessful at holding back away. “I love you, Ash Tudor.”
Back inside the house, we all dish up and eat at the dining room table. I’m so overwhelmed, but in the very best way. Everything worked out despite it all, and as I look at each face surrounding me at this table, I can’t help but thank the universe for bringing Finn and Tucker into my life. Without them, I don’t know if I ever would’ve admitted how I felt to my sister. Our relationship probably would’ve continued to diminish, and she would’ve been none the wiser.
Who knew that falling in love with my twin sister’s ex-boyfriend was the answer to fixing our relationship.