Chapter 35 Hendrix
Chapter Thirty-Five
HENDRIX
“All good?” Asher says into the mic. We’ve just run through a chorus of a popular Manic song after doing our individual sound checks, and I can tell Asher is ready to wrap this up. He keeps checking his watch and running a hand through his hair.
“We’re good. Thanks, guys.” I hear the production manager confirm in my earpiece, and a half-second later, Asher is charging offstage.
“Fucking hell. What’s with him today?” Darius asks as he steps up beside me.
“No idea.”
“Something must be up because he didn’t even make us run through ‘Drive’ again when you were late into the chorus.”
My whole body goes rigid. “Shit. Sorry about that.”
“Nothing to worry over, yeah?” He glances over at me.
“Right, yeah.” I nod, more for myself than anything. Everything is fine. “Just tired.”
He gives me a shit-eating grin and slaps me hard on the back. “I bet you are, mate.”
“Hey, now,” I warn. “Not cool.”
“Speaking of…I never got a thank you for that.”
“For what?” I hand my guitar to a young blonde crew member that Darius has been eyeing. He gives her a lazy smile. She instantly blushes.
“For helping you two lovebirds work it out.”
I give him an incredulous look. “Are you referring to that time when you felt up my girlfriend and then left her in the middle of the dance floor for some other creepy dude to take over?”
His hands raise to his sides. “Right. That. I can see now why this might not have been the best topic to bring up. Sorry about that. Things obviously didn’t go as planned.” His eyes go round in a clumsy attempt to look innocent.
I shake my head and then smack him on the back of his. “You’re an idiot.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, I am. But admit it. This idiot”—he points to himself—“is growing on you.”
“Never.”
My phone starts to ring, and by the time I pull it out of my pocket, Darius’s attention has already shifted to the blonde. Just as well since I probably should take this. It’s not often that I get a call from my older brother.
“Hey, what’s up?” I greet him as I head down the hall toward the hospitality suite.
“Hey, you got a second?” Leave it to Cash to get right to the point.
“Yeah. We just finished sound check, so you caught me on my way to grab some food.” As much as I want to go in the opposite direction, where the clinic is set up, I need fuel. If I don’t eat now, I won’t get the chance until well after the concert.
“Look, what I’m about to tell you needs to stay between us, okay?”
I stop dead in my tracks. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“I guess it depends on how you look at it. I overheard Dad talking to Ridge on a conference call yesterday.”
My hand tightens at my side. Do they know? About the visit to the clinic? Are they doubting my ability to play? All of my tests have come back normal. “Okay…”
“Evans reached out to Asher. He thinks he might be ready to come back.”
I’m momentarily speechless because this is not what I expected him to say. At all.
“How soon?” I find a quiet corner and lean against a wall. It’s cool against my spine, and I resist the temptation to just sink down and let the floor swallow me up.
“The consensus was to keep you through the end of the US leg and then—”
“Bring him back for the international tour,” I finish, feeling everything inside of me wither. That would mean no more late-night jam sessions with the guys. No more joking with Asher. I wouldn’t get to see my best friend proudly carry his daughter on his shoulders backstage.
I wouldn’t wake up with Zara in my arms every morning.
They’d all go on without me, while I…
“What the fuck do I do?”
“You stop stalling, look through those contracts, and give Saul an answer, Hen,” he says in that pragmatic tone of his. “You decide on your next step before it’s decided for you. This is something you’ve always wanted, right? Don’t throw it all away now.”
“Dude!” Zander smacks the back of my head, and I jolt upright in my seat.
“What the fuck?” I remove my earbuds and glare up at him.
“I said your name like five times. How loud do you keep the volume on those things? You know you can lose your hearing that way?”
“Okay, Grandpa,” I mutter. He stares at me, and I realize how rude that sounded.
I’ve been rotting in this leather chair in the corner of the swanky hospitality suite for the last thirty minutes.
I need to get the hell up and go get ready, but I just can’t seem to move.
“Sorry, Z.” I blow out a breath. “I’m in a shit mood. ”
“I can tell. Want to talk about it?” He plops down into the seat next to me, and I notice he’s already dressed. Black jeans and an old band tee peek out of a hoodie. His hair is styled. It’s not that different from his normal look. Just a bit more polished.
My brother asked me to keep our conversation between us, and I won’t violate that trust, but it doesn’t mean I can’t talk about everything else. “Saul and my dad want an answer regarding the offers I got.”
“Seether still at the top of the list?” He regards me carefully. The guys know about me signing with my dad and the offers that came with it. There’s nothing about this I’m trying to hide.
Well, nothing aside from the trip to the clinic.
When Asher and Zander looked through the list of band names, I swear I saw a hint of sadness or maybe even regret in Asher’s expression, but they both agreed. Seether was the best option. Even if it did mean I’d have to jump into another seven months of touring.
I nod. “You know I’d be crazy to turn them down.”
“So why the hesitancy?”
“I think I’m in love with Zara,” I suddenly blurt out. I feel my eyes go comically wide. “Fuck, I didn’t mean to say that.”
My best friend breaks into a laugh so loud that the catering staff start to stare. “Are you sure?”
“No, I meant it. I just didn’t mean…” I let out a sigh. “I haven’t told her yet.”
“Okay, so this isn’t a denial-type thing?”
“No, it’s a how do I make this work thing,” I tell him, my head falling back against the leather cushion. A few crew members wander in and grab a snack or a drink. Zander waits for them to leave before he continues.
“What do you mean? Do you think she won’t support your choice? Have you not talked about it?”
“No,” I groan, feeling beyond stupid. “There have been a dozen or more times I’ve wanted to bring it up, but I always stop myself because what if that’s the conversation that ruins it?
What if I put too much pressure on her, and she decides it’s too soon after her divorce and ends things?
I can’t—” My voice catches in my throat.
“I can barely stand the idea of being away from her for a few months, touring with a new band. If she walked away…”
Zander scrubs a hand down his face. “Look,” he says, angling his body toward me.
“You know I did a lot of stupid shit in those first few weeks after I met Elena. I blamed a lot of it on the NDA I had to sign with the band, but we both know that was total bullshit. If I had wanted to be honest with her, I could have found a way around it or simply spoken to Ridge. But I didn’t.
I used it as an excuse to hide my feelings, and in the end, it almost cost me everything. ”
“It was kind of worth seeing you grovel all over the internet, though.”
“It’s called a grand gesture, asshat. And at least my viral video isn’t of my abs.”
I laugh. “It’s not my fault you let yourself go.”
“Oh fuck off.” He laughs, then sobers and says, “You need to talk to her.”
“I know. It’s just things have been off with us this week. It’s like…” I try to think of a way to explain it. “She seems stressed, but when I ask her if everything is okay, she perks up like nothing is wrong.”
He tilts his head. “Did you ever stop to think she’s worrying over the same shit you are?”
“I—” Shit. “No?”
“Seriously, dude. Talk to her.”
I check my watch and grimace. “Right, yeah. I should head out then if I want to get to the clinic before the show.”
I move to get up, and Zander does the same. “If it eases your mind, Zara asked me the other day if it was all worth it, the fame and loss of privacy.”
“What? When?”
“That day in the clinic after I kicked the fucking shit out of…”
“Yeah, I remember,” I say, already seeing his hackles starting to rise. I have no idea what the guy said, but it must have been bad. It’s been nearly a week, and Zander can still barely mention the incident without going nuclear.
“Yeah, anyway…” He seems to snap out of it, his eyes blinking and returning to me. “The way she asked, it didn’t feel random. It felt purposeful, like she was trying to put herself in our shoes and see what it would be like.”
“And?” My heart accelerates.
“And we were interrupted before we finished, but I would have told her the same thing I’m gonna tell you.”
“Okay.”
“That it’s only worth it until it’s not.” He shrugs. “There is only one thing I can’t live without in this world, and it’s not music anymore. If I ever get to a point where my career is causing more harm to my family than good, I’m out.”
“Simple as that?”
He slides his hands into his pockets and gives a nod. “Simple as that.”
Three years ago, those words would have shocked me. Zander, who ran away from home at eighteen with an old guitar and his brother’s truck. He’d always had one love, and that was music.
Until now.
“If you’re worried about your future, maybe you need to ask yourself the same question. What can you live without? Once you have your answer, I’m sure you’ll figure it all out.”