Chapter 22
Luca
I spend a long time out walking Yogi and Delilah. I need to get my tactical plan lined up to convince Evan to stay with me after we leave the cabin.
I should have been more prepared for that damned phone call, but I got so caught up with just loving Evan and spending each day here with him in a way that felt so natural and right.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out to see a text from a number I don’t recognize. I open it to find it’s from Dream. It’s a link to a real estate listing for a yoga studio close to Dolce’s, the restaurant he works at. Under the listing, there’s one short message. ‘Don’t fuck this up.’
I click on the listing, and as I look at its details, I realize this could be a big part of my plan to convince Evan we could have a life together.
If it wouldn’t make his boyfriend murderously angry, I could kiss Dream for this.
I make several phone calls and by the time I reach the cabin, I’m ready to fight for him to agree to give me the chance to make him fall in love with me.
I walk through the door to find Evan caught in mid-pace. He’s agitated. His hair is standing up and messy from his hands running through it and his eyes are a little wild as he mutters to himself. It reminds me of the state he was in when I first brought him to the cabin.
“Are you okay?” I ask carefully.
“Yeah,” he says, his fists clenching and unclenching. “I just need to talk to you.”
“That’s cool. I need to talk to you too.”
He turns to me with demanding, pleading eyes. “I need to go first.”
“Sure, go for it,” I tell him, my stomach dropping. Is this when he tells me he never wants to see me again?
He nods. and then he begins pacing again. He stops and opens his mouth to start speaking again and then shuts it.
I don’t like seeing him like this. I need to help him. Even if he’s struggling to tell me he wants nothing to do with me, I’ll help him get through it.
I grab him by the shoulders and make eye contact. “Breathe.”
He looks up at me and blinks a few times. Finally, he registers what I just told him, and does what I asked, and takes a deep, calming breath. “Good,” I say. “Now do it a few more times.”
As he runs through the breathing exercises, his shoulders relax and he seems to settle into his emotional center. “Better?”
He nods.
“Okay then.” I reluctantly release him, take a step back, and brace myself to hear what was so difficult for him to say to me.
With one more deep breath, he starts speaking.
“You know,” he says, meeting my gaze. “With how my parents raised me, I never felt like I deserved their love.
Even before the fire, I always felt that something about me was lacking.
I got good grades. I followed their rules.
Except for coming out, I tried so damned hard to be everything they wanted in a kid.
I exhausted myself trying to deserve the love they gave my sisters so easily.
I want to stop him right there and take him in my arms, but I stay still and let him continue speaking.
“I carried that on to every personal relationship. I twisted myself up just like one of your impossible yoga positions, trying to please people so they’d love me. It never worked, and I realized it was because I didn’t deserve friendship or love.
“Until you.” He points to me, almost accusingly. “To you, I was horrible, my most awful self, and you ended up liking me anyway.”
Way more than like, but he’s on a roll. I won’t interrupt.
“And that, plus having a kick-ass friend like Dream, made me figure some things out.” He pauses, and I motion for him to go on.
His eyes blaze. “Fuck my parents and everybody I tried connecting with who rejected me.”
“They’re all assholes,” I growl.
“Yeah. Yeah, they are, but I don’t care anymore because I finally realized I deserve more.”
He points at me almost accusingly. “I deserve you.”
My heart revs into overdrive at hearing his words, and Evan almost hyperventilates from saying them. I take a step toward him to try to calm him down, but he starts pacing again.
“And you know what?” he asks. But before I can answer, he does it for me. “You deserve me too.”
His hands grab his hair as he paces across the rug in front of the fireplace over and over again. “I know you do,” he says, almost to himself.
I so want to grab him and take him in my arms, but I’ve learned this is how he works out his thoughts and feelings, and I need to give him the space to do that.
He stops as a look of panic crosses his face. “At least, I really hope you do.” He turns pleading eyes on me. “Please, please deserve me.”
“Evan—”
“I’m pretty sure you do,” he rushes out. “The way you look at me. The way you touch me. Oh God, the way you touch me.” His voice goes slow and dreamy, just like he sounds when I’m buried deep inside him. “You make me feel so damned deserved.”
For a minute, he seems caught up in a fantasy but then shakes himself and returns his attention to me. He clears his throat. “So yeah, I think you so deserve me because—because—”
I think I know what Evan is trying to say, but I’m terrified of being wrong. Fuck I hope I’m not wrong. “Because what?” I demand.
He stops, closes his eyes, and takes a deep, centering breath like I taught him. When he opens his eyes, they bravely lock on mine. “Because I love you, and I’m pretty sure you love me too.”
The time for giving Evan his personal space is over. I have him in my arms in seconds, and I crow, “Fuck yeah, I do!”
Tears come to his eyes. “Really?” he asks, his voice breaking.
“Really.” I take his head in my hands. “I think I’ve been in love with you pretty much from the beginning,” I tell him and then kiss him. Maybe I’m imagining it, but the kiss feels even more out of this world than usual, with the taste of the words ‘I love you’ still on his lips.
Of course, one kiss is not enough. Not when I can show him with each touch how I feel about him. Even more addicting, I can feel his love for me in his responses.
I press worshipful kisses on his face and neck, the gentleness the exact opposite of the connection we made last night, but in its own way just as intense.
I slowly walk him backward until his knees are against my bed—our bed. Pulling his t-shirt off, I bend slightly to kiss his chest, loving the feel of his tight, budded nipples under my tongue. Then, I unzip his jeans and push them down until they pool at his feet and he can step out of them.
He stands in front of me completely naked.
He's beautiful like this. I let my hand follow the path the muted sunlight shining through the cabin’s window takes over his skin. His eyes go lazy at my soft touch and lets out a sigh that sounds like Delilah purring. I capture his mouth to taste it.
With a little push, he falls bonelessly back on the bed, his arms and legs sprawled loosely across the sheets. I shed my clothing and quickly follow after him where I methodically taste every inch of his skin and claim it as mine.
When I’m done with his skin. my mouth travels across his body to swallow his cock.
He cries out and his hips jerk up at the feel of my wet, hot mouth devouring him.
I press an arm over them and press him firmly into the mattress.
I work him over until he’s trembling. I’m tempted to bring him over the edge, but as much as I want to taste his cum on my tongue, I want something else more.
I pull off of his cock and wait a few seconds for his brain to retain its ability to understand sentences.
“I want to fuck you without using a condom tonight if you feel safe enough with me to do that?” He looks up at me in surprise. “I was tested before I came to Chicago, and there hasn’t been anybody, but you since.”
“I want that too,” Evan rushes out. “MY last tests were negative and I’m on Prep.” He looks at me in wonder. “I’ve never been with anyone without a condom before.”
I lean down to kiss him. “Neither have I.”
I grab the bottle of lube, generously pour it over my fingers, and reach between Evan’s legs, sliding one finger inside of him. He closes his eyes. “That feels good,” he moans. I answer him by rubbing my finger over his prostate. He jumps and lets’ out a whimper. “Really good.”
I add a second finger and savor the heat and the tightness of him and imagine what it will feel like sliding into him without any barrier.
A third finger and his hips are rolling and he’s making the small pleading sounds that tell me he’s ready for me.
I fucking love that I’m coming to know his body so well.
Pulling my fingers out of him, I pick up the lube and generously coat my cock while Evan watches me hungrily. I kiss him one more time. “Are you ready for this?” I ask, giving him another chance to decide if he wants to use a condom.
“Yes,” he says, simply and brings his legs up and opens them wide for me.
Gripping my cock I line it up and pause with my tip at his entrance.
A condom isn’t the only thing I don’t want between us tonight.
Every time I’ve been inside Evan I wouldn’t let him see how much I love him.
That ends tonight. I look into Evan’s eyes and let him see everything I feel for him and I push in.
We both groan at the unbelievable feeling of coming together with no barrier between us.
An overpowering wave of possessiveness overtakes me.
I’m the only one to share this with Evan.
I’m the only one to know the glorious feel of his body as it sheathes mine with nothing separating us. I’m the luckiest man in the world.