21. nineteen
nineteen
. . .
ASPEN
“You must be Aspen!” the woman crowed as she hurried down the white-washed steps of the wraparound porch to greet me.
“I am,” I said, thrusting my hand out. The woman—who could only be the Lawless matron—swatted it away and drew me in for a hug. Everything about her was warm, from her skin to her scent to her voice.
I loved her immediately.
When she retreated, though her hands rested gently on my upper arms, I said, “It’s great to meet you, Mrs. Lawless.”
She waved me off. “Please, call me Birdie. All my friends do,” she added with a wink.
“Hey, Mama,” Crew said as he rounded the front of the truck.
“Baby boy,” she said softly, letting me go to greet her youngest son.
The size difference between the two was comical. If I had to guess, Birdie couldn’t have been more than a few inches taller than me, which meant Crew had an entire foot on her. Still, he bent low and wrapped his arms around her waist, scooping her up and swinging her around. By the time he returned her to her feet, she was red-faced and laughing, though she swatted at him with her towel.
“I’m too old for that shit,” Birdie gasped.
Crew grinned. “No such thing, Mama.”
“Well, c’mon then. You two are the first ones here, which means you can help me set the table.”
Birdie bounded up the steps with a hell of a lot of energy for a woman who had to at least be in her sixties, and Crew crossed over to me, muttering, “Lucky us,” as he took my hand and led me inside.
I couldn’t find it in myself to pull away. It seemed as though we’d crossed some sort of boundary last night, and casual touches were now encouraged. I didn’t mind one bit, loved the sense of belonging it gave me to have his rough, calloused palm against mine. Holding me down. Keeping me safe.
The exterior of the house was stunning, but the interior was even more breathtaking.
The ceilings of the entrance soared, a catwalk bridging the two sides of the second floor. The walls of the foyer were lined with hooks and cubbies where the kids must’ve once hung their coats and stored their filthy boots in all seasons. Straight ahead was a narrow hallway, off to the left an archway that led to a stunning formal dining room, and to the right was an ascending staircase with a living space beyond. A gas fire burned in the hearth, and I flinched, tensing at the sight.
Crew caught on quickly and paced across to a dial on the wall, extinguishing the flames.
Birdie’s hand flew to her chest. “I’m so sorry, Aspen. I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s okay,” I said with a weak smile. “Just…unexpected.”
I wasn’t sure the day would come where I wasn’t terrified of an open flame. Trapped safely behind the grate of the Lawlesses’ hearth, logically, I knew it couldn’t hurt me. But even the mere suggestion of fire brought too many memories to the forefront of my brain, dousing me in panic for a threat that didn’t exist.
Her eyes remained locked on me for another heartbeat before she nodded and turned on her heel, leading us to the left.
“I can’t believe you grew up here,” I hissed at Crew as we followed her past the long dining table and through a swinging, saloon-style door into an equally impressive kitchen.
Honestly, what the fuck? This place looked like the set of some cozy western television show about the trials and tribulations of a big fictional family.
On second thought, that was exactly what this place was, only there was nothing fictional about it. This family had celebrated wins and mourned losses together within the walls of this home. They’d laughed and cried, argued and loved. I could practically see the messy boys racing through the foyer, Birdie yelling at them to kick off their dirty boots and bring their filthy clothes to the laundry room. I bet it had been loud and so full of life—a stark contrast to the tomb my own home had become after my sister died.
“It didn’t always look like this,” Crew snorted, once again pulling me from my inner turmoil. “We expanded right around the time Owen signed his first brand deal.”
“Which one is Owen?”
“The oldest,” Birdie supplied, picking up a heaping platter of what appeared to be pulled pork. “And the reason we survived losing Jase.”
I shot Crew a quizzical expression.
“Jase was my dad,” he supplied, then he murmured that he’d explain the rest later, picking up a tray of rolls that had been cut open. I grabbed a bowl of salad and followed him and Birdie into another room off the back of the kitchen.
Clearly, this was where the real, ordinary family meals took place. The center of the narrow room was dominated by a long oak table flanked down each side by two benches. The wood was heavily scarred with nicks, dents, and scratches. Some burn marks even marred its surface. Pot holders sat waiting for food, and several places were set with plates, silverware, and glasses.
The ceilings in here were lower, though still plenty high in deference to Crew’s height. After having met Lane, I had to assume each of his brothers were equally as tall, and I had to wonder about the baby sister. Did she get the literal short end of the stick like her mother, or would she tower over me too?
“Ma?” someone called.
Birdie’s head whipped toward the door before she checked her watch.
“Ah, that’ll be the twins.”
“Both of them?” I asked, wiping my suddenly clammy palms on my jeans. They were the nicest pair I owned—unless you counted the frilly wardrobe my mom bought me in Boise. Dark washed and tight enough to give me the appearance of curves. I had worn one of the tops Mom got, though, because it seemed perfect for the occasion: a gauzy, pale blue blouse with cap sleeves that fluttered against my deltoids and a lacy hem that hit the waistband of my jeans. When I’d stepped out of my room earlier and Crew studied me, his eyes had darkened in that way I was coming to associate with desire—or rage, but the circumstances obviously had me leaning toward the former—telling me I’d done well.
“Baptism by fire,” Crew said, then winced. “Shit, sorry.”
The stricken look on his face had me chuckling. “It’s fine, hotshot. Phoenix risen from the ashes, remember?”
His shoulders relaxed, and he reached up to tuck my hair behind my ear, fingertips lingering on the piercings lining the shell. I’d been forced to take them out while in the hospital—actually, the emergency staff had done it for me—and putting them all back in a few days ago had been cathartic, going a long way to making me feel like my old self again.
“Well then, little phoenix”—he shifted away and turned sideways, gesturing grandly for me to go ahead of him—“into the flames you go.”
Squaring my shoulders, I marched back into the kitchen…and immediately pulled up short.
Jesus Christ, did all the men in this family look like models?
The twins were…well, I didn’t exactly have words for it, but suffice it to say I wouldn’t have been surprised to find them starring in Calvin Klein commercials and posing on the covers of magazines instead of running a ranch in western Idaho.
Crew was handsome in a rugged sort of way, which was generally the type of male attractiveness I gravitated toward.
Finn and West—I had no idea which was which at this point—were beautiful. One of them had his hair shorn closer around his ears while the rest was longer, sort of like a toned down mullet that I had to admit was sexy as hell. The other’s hair brushed the tops of his broad shoulders. Standing side by side, they were clearly identical, both of their mouths stretched wide in matching grins as I approached.
Birdie pointed a wooden serving spoon at them before she dug it into a dish of delicious-smelling macaroni and cheese and lifted it off the counter.
“Be nice to our guest, heathens.”
Ignoring their mother, the one with shorter hair stepped forward, hand extended. “Finn Lawless, ma’am. Gotta assume you’re Aspen.”
“I am,” I said, accepting his handshake. Pulses of electricity didn’t race up my arm like they had the first time Crew and I touched—and every time since. All I felt was a weird, familial sort of warmth.
Finn released me and moved back so his twin could greet me.
West, apparently, wasn’t nearly as formal, because he bent down and swept me right off my feet in a hug so tight, my back cracked .
But again, I experienced no unwanted emotions beyond the same inexplicable and immediate fondness I felt for Finn.
“Well,” I gasped when West set me back down. “I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it hadn’t been that.”
“Not all of my brothers are assholes,” Crew gritted out, and I glanced at him to find his arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowed at the twins, that muscle in his jaw jumping as he ground his teeth together.
Was he… jealous ?
The idea sent a thrill through me, and I grinned knowingly at him. He continued to pout.
“Let me guess,” Finn started, sharing a look with West. In unison, they finished: “Lane.”
“Someone say my name?”
Speak of the devil…
I didn’t recognize him at first in his civilian clothing, and it took me a beat to connect the voice to his face.
“Sheriff,” I greeted.
“Miss McKay,” he replied, tipping a proverbial hat. “Good to see you.”
I snorted, and Crew said, “Don’t act all welcoming now, asshat.”
West rubbed his hands together excitedly. “What did our esteemed sheriff do this time?”
“Tried to run me out of town,” I said flatly, eyes narrowed on Lane.
“You did what ?” Birdie gasped, choosing that moment to re-enter the room.
“Oh, you’re in for it now,” Crew whispered as Birdie approached, stopping toe-to-toe with Lane and somehow managing to look down her nose at him despite the height difference.
God, I wanted to be her when I grew up.
“Lane Roderick Lawless,” Birdie said, punctuating each of his names with a finger to the chest. I doubted he felt it through his thick muscles, but it had to be embarrassing to be reprimanded by your mom like you were a child.
“Oh shit,” Finn hissed. “She full-named him.”
“Need us to get the shovels, Mama?” West asked. “I’ve had the perfect spot to bury him picked out for years.”
The guys snickered as Birdie, ignoring their commentary, demanded Lane explain himself.
“I asked her to leave,” he said at last, his eyes darting everywhere but at his mother.
“No,” I corrected. “You made it impossible for me to stay by blacklisting me at every hotel, motel, and short-term rental in the entire county.”
Birdie let out a disgusted sound and turned away from Lane, like she couldn’t stand to look at him. “I thought I raised you better than that.”
“I was trying to protect her!” Lane shouted.
“That’s not your call to make,” I shot back.
“So that’s how she ended up staying with you,” Birdie said to Crew.
“Yep,” he said proudly.
“Good boy. You get an extra piece of pie after dinner. You can have Lane’s.”
“What?” Lane sputtered. “C’mon, Mama. That’s cruel and unusual punishment.”
Birdie whirled on him and planted her hands on her hips. “A punishment befitting the crime, my boy. Now grab those beans and get your ass to the table.”
Lane hung his head and mumbled, “Yes, ma’am,” as he did what he was told, his brothers’ laughter following him out of the room.
I moved after them, but Crew caught my wrist and pulled me back. When I faced him, his eyes darted between mine, concerning shining in them. “You okay? ”
“I’m great,” I answered, giving him an honest smile.
And I meant it. These people—they didn’t know me. As far as they were concerned, I was nothing more than an interloper. On the surface, it probably looked like I was taking advantage of Crew’s obvious kindness and that deep-seated sense of protectiveness he felt over everyone and everything around him.
Still, they welcomed me with open arms, easily folded me into the family like I belonged there.
I hated how much I loved it, how much I wanted this fantasy of a life at Crew’s side I was stupidly building in my head to become a reality.
After a few more trips, Birdie’s feast was laid out before us on the table, and the twins immediately grabbed their plates and began loading them up.
“Shouldn’t we wait for everyone else?” I whispered to Crew.
“Nah,” he said, handing me my plate before lifting his own. “They’ll serve themselves up when they get here.”
No sooner had the words left his mouth than did another man come strolling through the door, rounding to the opposite bench from the seats Crew had selected for us.
There were only two brothers I had yet to meet, so I took a stab in the dark.
“Owen?”
The man laughed, then winced. “Christ, do I look that old? Nah, honey. I’m Trey.”
“Don’t call her that,” Crew snapped.
“Why not, baby bro?” Trey asked, shit-eating grin on his gorgeous face.
Yeah, gorgeous . I mentioned all these men looked like models, right? Even the asshole, Lane.
“Because she’s not your honey.”
“How about we stop talking about me like I’m not right here?” I said sweetly, though I glared daggers at Crew, who held up a hand in surrender .
“Got him on a tight leash already,” Trey said, holding out his fist for a bump. I ignored it.
“I can take care of myself.”
Fucking hell, I was getting tired of repeating those words to the men of this family.
Trey nodded. “I don’t doubt that, honey .”
Crew’s plate fell to the table, the tower of green beans tipping to the side and spilling over as he jerked like he was going to leap across and throttle his brother.
I had no doubt he could take him. Height wise, they were evenly matched, but Trey was leaner than Crew. Muscular, but in a slimmed down way.
Still, I placed a hand on Crew’s forearm, and he stilled.
“Relax,” I whispered. “It’s not that big of a deal. I’m fine.”
His eyes met mine, those blue depths darkened in anger. “You sure?”
“Positive. Let’s just enjoy this meal.”
He gave me a curt nod and dropped onto the bench, patting it for me to join him.
“So where is Owen?” I asked.
“Michigan,” Finn said around a mouthful of pulled pork.
My brow furrowed as I glanced at Crew.
Taking a big gulp of water, he said, “Owen used to play professional football for the Detroit Mustangs.”
“Holy shit,” I breathed.
As a born and bred Chicago girl, I’d grown up going to Chicago Grizzlies games with my family.
The Mustangs were a division rival of Chicago in the NFC North, and for nearly a decade, we’d been plagued by two losses a year at their hands.
All thanks to their star quarterback, who never once lost a game against us.
Owen Lawless .
As though he’d seen the light bulbs illuminate in my brain, Crew grinned and nodded.
“That’s my big brother.”
My god, this family was impressive.
“Anyway,” Trey said, picking up the thread for Crew. “Once he retired, he decided to stay in Michigan. Bought a club up in the northern part of the state, remodeled and opened it, and has continued to expand his business empire there. He got married last November, and his wife is pregnant with their first child.”
“I’m planning on flying out there for a month or so in the fall once the baby is born,” Birdie said proudly. “My first grandbaby.”
Happy tears lined her eyes, and my heart swelled with emotion.
“That baby is lucky as hell to have so many uncles,” I said hoarsely.
“And aunts,” Lane piped up. “Delia, our sister-in-law, has four sisters of her own.”
“And you can’t forget yours!” a feminine voice called from the doorway, and a young woman came bounding into the room.
“We could never forget you, baby Ari,” West cooed.
So this was Aria.
Well, any hopes I had of her being on my level height wise immediately went out the window. She was tall and lithe, her hair a long, wavy blonde curtain that swished around her shoulders, brighter than her brothers’ sandier shades. But the eyes were the same, as was the smile. I’d seen variations of it on all the faces in this room.
“Where were you, young lady?” Birdie asked.
“Grooming Scamp,” Aria said, not bothering to look at her mother as she dished food onto her plate.
“All afternoon?”
Aria giggled. “Don’t be silly, Mama. Of course not. First, we took a ride. ”
Six near-identical groans filled the air over the table, and the men began to talk over each other, scolding their baby sister, before Birdie silenced them all with a hand raised.
“We’ve told you a thousand times not to ride alone, honey.”
Aria rolled her eyes. “I’m twenty-four, Mom. Not a baby anymore. And I know this land like the back of my hand.”
“That doesn’t mean shit,” West said. “You could’ve gotten hurt, and you know there’s hardly any cell signal out there.”
“Please. I’ve been riding Scamp since I was a kid. I know how to handle her.”
“There’s also a killer out there, Ari,” Crew said quietly from beside me.
The reminder of what had happened to me, and twelve other people sobered Aria quickly.
“I won’t do it again,” Aria replied quickly. “Promise.”
Crew nodded and reached behind me to give her shoulder a squeeze. “Thank you.”
My attention had been so wholly focused on Aria during the exchange that when I returned my gaze to the table at large, I was surprised to find all eyes on me.
“We’re real sorry for what happened to you, Aspen,” Finn murmured.
“Thank you.”
“Speaking of…” Lane started, and the whole table groaned.
“You know the rules, Lane,” Birdie reminded him, and I had to assume she meant they weren’t allowed to talk business at the table. “You’re already on thin ice as it is.”
“Fine. After dinner then.”
After dinner , I thought. Hopefully then I will have some answers.