12. Dry Humping My Last Nerve
Chapter 12
Dry Humping My Last Nerve
Taz
He snored. I hadn’t noticed that last time. Probably too tired on top of hurrying out. But Griff was a loud sleeper. And in the middle of the wilderness like my trailer, there was always a howling coyote, a growling bear or hooting owl. But tonight, they were silent, probably confused by the loud human they found in their midst.
Every time I tried to move out of his grasp, he’d hold me tighter.
He went to sleep with his nose at my nape. And it was gross. Who the hell could sleep with someone literally breathing down the back of their neck?
I tried to get out from under him, and he groaned, pulling me tighter to his naked body.
“I have to pee,” I protested.
“So go,” he said, placing his hand over my abdomen, then lowering it to the pouch beneath my belly button and squeezing hard over my bladder.
I squealed, and almost pissed myself, kicking wildly as he laughed. “I swear, I will give you a golden shower if you fuck with me!”
“Kinky!” he laughed, letting me go. “Fine! You may go but come back fast. No vanishing.”
I pulled on a pair of shorts from my meager drawers. I had gone to sleep with a t-shirt on, even though he complained. But I wasn’t ready to show him that quite yet. I wasn’t ready to lay exposed to him.
“You’re not keeping those on when you come to bed.”
“Stop being so bossy, Asshole.” I stumbled into the tiny bathroom, slamming the door shut to the sound of his light chuckle.
It was barely larger than an airplane stall, with a small shower to the side. I felt the moisture between my legs. The inconsiderate prick hadn’t worn a condom, and he most definitely came inside me. Now that I was upright, the thick, sticky liquid was crawling down my thighs. I peed, then had to find a sacrificial hand towel, and soaked it under the faucet to clean myself up.
Thank God for birth control. I had a feeling that if he could, Griff would try to impregnate me, just for an additional layer of possession.
The bathroom door pulled open, and I shouted, “What the fuck?”
A grinning Griff stared down at my thighs, then back at me, taking too long to linger on my erect nipples.
“It’s not because of you,” I grumbled. “It’s because it’s cold.”
He laughed, stepping into the miniscule space.
“Hey!” I screamed trying to push him back out.
He leaned into my hand, taking up my space, and then trapping me against the sink.
“I can help clean you up,” he said with a wolfish grin, giving me a small wink.
“I swear to God, you are dry humping my last nerve.”
“Baby, I’ll wet hump you all over this trailer.”
“That sounds moist, and disgusting. Get the fuck out.”
“No,” he said, leaning down to nudge his nose against mine. “You were taking too long. Now I have to make sure you aren't sneaking out the window.”
“Have you seen the window?” I gestured to the tiny venting window that was below the ceiling. It was barely a foot wide, and definitely not something to sneak out of.
“You’re tricky, so I’m not taking any chances.” His palm came hard on my ass, spanking me so hard I yelped. He was going to leave a welt there, if he wasn’t careful. Or maybe that was his intent. “And there’s no reason to get too clean, since I’m just going to dirty you up again.”
“No thanks!” I tried to push him away, but he wouldn’t budge. He couldn’t even if he wanted to, as he had squeezed us in so tight, there was nowhere to go without damaging my home. “Get out! You’re the fucking reason I need a shower, you filthy beast!”
“It sure is.”
“Not a compliment.”
“Oh, yes, it is.” He leaned down and kissed me, taking my mouth with the same hunger as before.
I groaned, both wanting and hating it at the same time.
“Griff,” I pushed him away, as much as the small space allowed. “Please, I’m sore.”
“Oh no!” He said, sarcastically, as his hand went down my body, to the tiny sleeping shorts, and went inside. “I’ll let your pussy rest, but…”
He circled my clit with his finger, and I almost collapsed, my knees buckling beneath me.
“You’re doing too much,” I whispered.
“Am I?”
“Please…” I wasn’t even sure what I was asking for.
Then my phone buzzed, and I groaned in frustration.
“Ignore it,” he said, his lips coming to my throat.
“It’s my security cameras,” I said, groping the sink until my hands hit the familiar device, and I brought it up to my eye so the retinal scanner could unlock it.
He pulled back, suddenly less interested in the contents of my shorts as he openly snooped at the screen. But still, his finger lazily circled my clit, never fully taking his foot off the gas.
“How are your cameras activated?” he asked, nibbling at my throat.
“Motion detection, for recording. It alerts me if it detects metal, specifically. The AI will also alert me if it detects bipedal movement.”
“Smart AI,” he said, moving to my clavicle. Then he stopped, and awkwardly asked, “Seen any unusual activity recently? What’s it picking up right now?”
A familiar blue Camaro showed up on the screen, driving down the road, the cameras following its movement.
“It’s Riley,” I said, as I put the phone down. “He’s about a mile out.”
No shit, Griff let out a throaty growl. He sped up his assault on my clit, adding a second finger, and suddenly adding a roughness to his lazy circles.
He leaned in, spreading my legs wider, pushing me onto the sink.
“Send him away,” he commanded.
“No, he’s just… ugh!” He moved his two fingers into my tender pussy, suddenly thrusting in and out, as his thumb resumed the assault on my clit. “He’s… He’s coming by to check in… ah!” I squealed, as his other hand went down the back of my shorts, circling my back hole. “I told him to… remember?”
“Yeah, I fucking remember,” he pulled his face away and looked down at me, his eyes black with that same darkness that had followed him since his divorce. All that sinful rage was glowering down at me, and this time, my breasts definitely longed for him, turned on by his possessiveness. “Send him away and tell him to never come back.”
I shook my head, trying to clear it, but he took it as a rejection of his instructions. He growled, his hands doubling their speed and pressure, his finger on my ass demanding entrance.
“Send him away.”
The roar of the Camaro approached. The paper-thin walls did nothing to keep out the rumble of the engine. I liked it that way. Nothing could ever sneak up on me. But what I would have done for soundproof walls in that moment.
“No!” What was I saying no to? To breaking up with Riley? To being exclusive with Griff? To pleasure rapidly building in my body, ready for release.
I felt his finger moving in despite how hard I clenched my ass. What the fuck? I had never been a fan of anal, but this invasion - hell, this violation - sent a jolt of pleasure through me that I had never experienced before.
“Send him away.” He repeated, calmly this time. “I claimed you. You’re mine.”
“Fuck you,” I said, gasping for air as the pressure built inside my body.
Riley would be here at any moment. Just a few minutes at most, and my body was coiled, ready to give Griff everything that he demanded of me.
But I couldn’t. I shouldn’t. Griff was here on a temporary stop. He wasn’t going to stay. I knew that. So why the fuck did he get to tell me who to talk to and who to be with? It was complete and utter bullshit. He was demanding too much, and taking too much.
He’d leave for his next assignment and forget me. So why the fuck…
“Send him away, before I get jealous,” he warned, then smirked. “I’ll bury him in your fucking woods, if that’s what it takes to get my point across.”
The orgasm ripped through me fast, and hard, curling my toes, and throwing my head back. The orgasm wasn’t me. It had so little to do with me but had everything to do with Griff. It was like a foreign invader, taking residence in my skin, spreading this seed of doubt and hope that I was taken, and that Griff was here to stay. It coiled itself into my brain, planting a poisonous thought in my mind that I could be happy. That he could be mine. That we could be together.
The rotten lie was taking root inside me, and I needed to pluck it out like the weed that it was.
That was why I always cried after he made me come.
Because these insipid thoughts were there, and when I was clear of the haze of orgasms, reality would crash around me, fast and brutal. He was a Griffith. I was a Guerro.
He was a mansion. I was a trailer.
There was no world where our two lives could ever mingle together. He’d go back to his world of beauty and perfection. The stuff of movies and television shows. And I would go back to my little one-room hovels, and rig up solar panels and generators, so that I could heat a space the size of his closet.
The world wasn’t made for people like me. His world wasn’t made for people like me.
At my sniffling, he leaned down, planting a kiss on my shoulder as he washed his hands with his arms around me, doing everything behind my back as I buried my face into his chest.
With his hands clean and dried, he lifted my chin, and licked at my tears again. Another act of possession.
“Tell him to go away,” he said, his voice still angry at being defied. “Tell him, or I will.”
I closed my legs, and came down off the counter, my heart heavy and pained.
I would do as he said because Riley didn’t deserve the wrath of Griff. I wasn’t sure who’d win in a fight.
No, that’s not true. I had no idea what Griff did for a living now, but I was sure that a man manufactured to kill didn’t suddenly take on a desk job. Riley, on the other hand, kept people alive. He rescued people for a living.
They were two very different men.
And why was I attracted to the destroyer, and not the nurturer?
“I’ll tell him,” I said, unable to look Griff in the eye as the pleasure was replaced by pain.
I turned to go, but he stopped me before I got past the bedroom and to the door. He put his coat around me, pulling it closed. He slapped something on my wrist - a silver bracelet. A thick chain, with a square emblem. The intricate image of a firefly was etched into the metal.
It was beautiful.
“This is your birthday present,” he said quietly, looking at the fit of the jewel, twisting it in his hand. “I had it made for you.”
“You’ve never given me a present before.”
He truly hadn’t. Unless it was buying drinks, or a meal, he’d never gotten me a gift. I tried to think of his truck as a present, when I was down and needed to make myself feel special. But it wasn’t. It was a loaner.
“Maybe not,” he said, his thumb caressing the soft underside of my forearm. “But I don’t do a whole lot without thinking of you.”
I wasn’t totally sure if that was true. I was about to retort when he silenced me with a kiss.
A Guerro and a Griffith. There was no world where that combination would ever work. But I also had no choice.
No one stood up to Kai Griffith. No one ever won against him. If he wanted me, even for just now, then I would be his until he threw me away. Just like all the other women he had after Kristin… after me. Adoring women who stared at him like he hung the moon, and each one was forgotten in the months when his interest turned elsewhere.
He’d hurt me. But at least he’d only hurt my heart. So that was better… right? If I could survive Heath, I could survive this.
But Griff was there to be your friend after Heath. Who will help pick you up when he gets rid of you?
No more birthday calls. No more exchanging keys. No more borrowing his truck for years on end… I’d be well and truly alone.
“The bracelet looks good,” Griff said, with a small smile.
I nodded, and quietly thanked him, holding back my sorrow.
“I mean it, Taz,” Griff said. “Get rid of him.”
“I will.”
I slipped out of his grasp and immediately let the tears fall.
I had to be strong in front of Griff. I couldn’t let him see me as the pathetic piece of shit I was. But I felt no such strength against Riley.
I didn’t bother with shoes as I went out to meet the blue Camaro, its headlights cutting through the morning mist.
He jumped out of the driver’s seat, as he walked towards me. I stepped into the dirt, feeling the sharp stones beneath my heel.
“Hey! The fire’s out, and I just wanted to check that you made it home alright.” His voice weakened at the end, trailing off as he took me in. “You okay?”
I was crying still, I think. I saw a tear drop down to the ground.
“Trinity… are you in trouble?”
“I’m sorry Riley, but I can’t see you anymore.”
He stopped, one boot halting before it came down on the ground.
“Trinity…” He looked down at my feet and gasped. “Jesus, you’re not wearing shoes. The ground is freezing!”
He reached out, probably to pick me up, but I flinched away. “You should go.”
Riley was a smart man. Sharp as a tack. He looked around and saw the Maybach beside the truck. Both vehicles belonged to Griff.
It didn’t take him long to figure it out.
“Is he listening right now?” Riley said, quieter. “Is he making you say this?”
I shook my head.
He was listening. But I wasn’t saying this because of him. I was saying it because of me.
I tried, I really did. But I couldn’t even keep my eyes on Riley when Griff was around. What did that say about me? That I went for the man who browbeat me into being his, and not the one who showed me kindness?
I was such a piece of shit.
“I don’t deserve a guy like you, Riley,” I finally let out. “I wanted to. I wanted a person like you. A nice guy, who is a good dad, kind…” More tears. I hadn’t cried this much since my mother told me my dad didn’t want me, and never would. I was only four years old. “I wanted to be the kind of woman you would be with. But I’m not.”
My shoulders slumped.
“I couldn’t be a good mom to Lizzie,” I said, bringing up his daughter. “Look at me. I’m a fucking mess. I’d just cause you problems…”
“Trinity…” he reached out a hand and I flinched away.
“I’m sorry if I led you on,” I said, quietly, stepping backwards away from him. “I really was trying. I was trying to be someone else. But I’m… I’m just going to cause you pain.” I shrugged. “You don’t want that. I promise you.”
You don’t want me.
No one really does.
“Trinity…” Riley stepped forward, but I stepped back again.
He let out a sigh, and I stared at the cold ground. From my peripheral vision, I could see that he had put his hands in his pockets, and was looking at the same spot I was. Just some insignificant dirt on the ground. Dirt. Just like me.
“If he’s the one making you feel this way,” Riley said, meaning Griff. “Then you need to come with me. I’ll take you somewhere…”
I shook my head.
“Is he making you say this to me? Is he listening?” He ran a hand over his stubble. “Listen, I heard some things from guys at the bar. If you’re in trouble… if he hurts you…”
I almost snorted.
Griff hurt me. But not in the way that he meant.
“It’s best if we end whatever this is,” I said, finally looking up at Riley.
I didn’t see pain in his eyes. Not the pain of being rejected by a lover. No, what I saw there was the concern of a protector.
He worked his jaw, grinding at his back teeth, before he eventually said, “I’m going to go, because I see that me being here is upsetting you.”
He squared his feet, his shoulders back, as he made a decision when it came to me.
“But if you need anything… if you need help, call me. No pressure, no coercion, no expectations. You need something, you come find me, okay?”
Riley was a fucking hero. My heart longed to have the life that I could see for myself if I loved a man like him. White picket fence, happy family, barbeques on the weekend, and football on the TV. So normal, happy, and clean, with a daughter that was assured of being loved and wanted. Everything that I had always built up in my head as the perfect life.
A life that wasn’t really made for the life of Trinity Blaze Guerro.
“Hell, if you just want to talk science, I’m game. You dig?” He stepped forward, and I stepped away again, so he stopped. “There’s much more to you than just being a man’s girlfriend, you know? You’re a cool chick. You’re the kind of person I’d love to have in my life.”
He stepped away, back into his car, turning around in the dirt in front of my trailer, and out of my life.
I hadn’t been this lonely in a long time. Lonelier for having been close to maybe having something with one man, and having something real with a man I had no chance of keeping.
The trailer door opened behind me. I hugged myself around the stomach, holding the jacket closed.
Griff stepped behind me, looming like a dark cloud.
And still, I wanted to lean into him. To be held by him.
The pull between us was a curse.
“I have to make a phone call,” he said, quietly. “I’m going to walk 100 meters from the house, and when I get back, we’re going to talk.”
“Fuck you,” I said, with no conviction at all.
“We’re going to talk,” he said again. “You run, I will find you. You know I can.”
I heard his footsteps fade into the forest, the quieting sound of leaves crunching telling me that he was going out of sight.
I went into the trailer and put on a pair of warm jeans with flannel lining on the inside. I grabbed my gloves and tied up my hair. I pulled on my leather boots.
Had he demanded that I stay? Yes. But I hadn’t agreed to his terms. His presence, what I had done, the way things spiraled out of control from less than twenty-four hours of him being here crushed my chest in a way that I couldn’t handle. It was too much.
He wasn’t hearing me, or he wasn’t listening. He was too blind to see what was right in front of him.
We would never work. We were too different. And ignorance of that was only because he was the one who was rich, and I was poor. He had a family, and I did not. In the end, he’d ride off into the sunset. I would stay here.
He’d make his mark on the world, and it would be glorious, and wonderful.
My job? My immediate need? It was to make sure that he didn’t make his mark on me so deep that I’d never be able to carve it back out of me again. To fortify myself. To put a protective layer around the softest part of me, so that he couldn’t break it.
To do that, I’d need to breathe. And the only thing that could help with something like that was the wind.
I needed him to realize now that I was far more trouble than I was worth.