Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
ALINA
Ikept waking up all night long, checking on Tynan or hearing sounds coming from the other room. My eyes landed on Tynan, who sat in a chair by the door, his head tilted forward. He flexed his shoulders, returning back to his book.
The feeling of warmth and security coated me in that instant. I still could not comprehend why this man made me feel so much when he was around. I watched his confident fingers flipping through pages and my thoughts took an unexpected turn.
What would it feel like to have his hands on my body? I sighed and closed my eyes.
“Try to sleep,” Tynan said.
“It’s just . . . They’re still going. How is that possible?”
“Do you really want me to respond to that?” Tynan’s lips twitched.
“No, I guess not.” I adjusted my pillow.
Tynan returned to his book.
“She’s very pretty, you know,” I said before I could stop myself.
“Who?”
“Your . . . Gabrielle,”
“I suppose she is.”
“Are you still in love with her?” I asked.
Tynan was quiet for some time while I was miserable, anticipating his response. It was not very polite to ask. We were not that close, but I couldn't help myself. I had to know.
“No,” he said at last, and my heart took a giant leap in my chest.
“It’s fine if you are, you know.” I tried to keep my voice disinterested, but I failed right away, too eager to hear more.
“Is that so? Is that how you feel about your fiance?” Tynan asked and I bit my lip.
The truth was, I have not thought about Petro for so long that it made me feel like I was cheating on him.
“That’s different.”
“How so?” Tynan closed his book, looking straight at me.
His dark eyes looked almost coal black in the shadows of the room.
It made him appear so irresistible that I could not pull my eyes away from him.
His face, his neck, shoulders, arms. Everything about him was perfect, and I could not resist thinking about us, about how good it could be.
The truth was, that the memories of me and Petro had started to fade away years ago, and had turned into something distant and undefined.
“He’s not . . . he’s dead. Who told you about him?” I asked.
“Frid mentioned something.”
“I should stop telling her things,” I sighed.
Tynan opened his book and moved the candle a little closer.
“What are you reading?” I asked.
“One of Grace’s books.”
“Is it interesting?”
“No.”
“Then why are you reading it?”
“There is nothing else to do.” He gave me a quick look.
Except . . .
My imagination painted a vivid picture of our bodies tangled on top of the sheets. I dropped my gaze, suddenly really concerned about my blanket.
“Try to get some sleep.”
I woke up feeling incredibly comfortable, safe, as if nothing ever could harm me.
For the first time in a while, I did not have any worries or concerns, I was at peace with myself and the whole world around me.
The sun was lazily rising indicating the beginning of a new day.
I moved my head and the sharp realization hit me like a pile of rocks.
I focused on Tynan’s hard chest that rose up and down under my cheek, and listened to his steady heartbeat.
The strips of golden skin clearly visible under his simple cotton shirt made me feel like I was gaping at something I was not allowed to see.
I turned my head slightly and inhaled his unique, warm scent.
My hand was on his lower stomach, and the mere thought of me touching him so intimately sent my mind into a giant spiral that just led to more confusion.
The palm of my hand burned, I bit my lip, dying to touch his bare skin.
Somewhere deep down, I already knew that I would not push him away if he ever tried to bed me.
I was desperate to feel his lips on my lips, his strong body. . .
“What are you doing?” Tynan asked in a low, raspy voice.
And just then, I realized that my hand had moved down past his navel. My eyes shifted lower, to the undeniable evidence of his arousal.
“I’m . . . I’m sorry.” I sat up, too ashamed to meet his eyes.
I remained rooted to my spot, not daring to look at him. My eyes roamed the wall ahead, and my mind was in complete confusion.
What should I do? Did I cross the line? Did I make him feel uncomfortable?
I was, in no way, any better than those women who smiled at him suggestively and playfully touched his arm.
If anything, I was even more desperate because I could not stop thinking about him.
It was pathetic, I was pathetic. The girl who lost her fiance was trying to get the attention of another man.
Did he think that too? Did he think that I offered to share the room because I wanted to have sex?
It was even more humiliating the longer I dwelled on it.
The bed beneath me shifted, and suddenly, the painfully long moment came to an abrupt stop, and my mind went into an incoherent frenzy when I felt a light touch to my forearm.
I stared at the bare wall in front of me forgetting how to breathe.
Tynan slowly traced the line of my arm nearing my shoulder.
His hand traveled up astonishingly slowly.
Through the haze of desire I could distinguish his quickened breaths, his intense concentration on his endlessly sweet caress.
His long fingers brushed a lock of my hair, and with one confident movement, he tugged the seam of my nightgown lower, exposing my shoulder.
I bit my lip, forcing myself to stay still.
A light gasp escaped my lips when I felt his hot breath on my skin.
My eyes closed, flames licked my insides with every moment that passed between us.
I clenched the covers, digging my nails into the soft fabric, forgetting about the whole world, melting from within.
“You have no idea how . . .” he whispered against my skin when a loud knock broke the spell.
Tynan cursed and jumped off the bed. I remained seated in a state of complete shock. If only Frid knew how bad her timing was.
No one spoke during breakfast. Frid and Victor acted as if nothing happened between them. They sat opposite each other, avoiding looking up. I glanced at Tynan who appeared reserved, detached, but maybe a little more distracted than usual.
Did he regret what happened between us? Did I make my feelings too obvious? Did I make a mistake?
I returned to my oats, not so eager to eat it after almost a week of eating nothing else.
“When did you return from the . . .?” Victor asked, but even he appeared unlike his usual self.
My eyes landed on Tynan’s face. He looked so beautiful this morning. It was impossible not to stare at him. His cheeks warmed a little, and I concentrated on his eyes when he gave me a short glance. I was too obvious.
“Shortly after you,” Tynan said.
The silence returned and I lowered my gaze back to my plate.
“Did you find a place to sleep?” Frid asked Tynan.
“Yes, we shared the room,” he said, and I felt the blood rushing to my head.
“Are you going to Dreich this year?” Frid tried another subject.
“I don’t know yet.”
Everyone went quiet. The sound of the silverware on the plates was the only response that followed.
“Alright! Alright! We are all adults here. Victor and I spent the night together,” Frid announced, dropping both of her hands on the table so hard that the plates jumped up.
I nodded, looking at my spoon.
“We are well aware,” Tynan said in a cool tone.
“Please don’t be weird about it. It doesn’t change anything.” Frid mixed her oats with unnecessary precision.
Victor’s head snapped up, and I could clearly see that he had something to say about that.
“Are you going to share his room?” I asked.
“Of course not,” Frid said, and again, my eyes landed on Victor.
Tynan stood up, picking up his plate.
“Where are you going?” Victor asked.
I watched Tynan move to the kitchen sink and carefully clean his plate. I turned away remembering those fingers on me just half an hour before. Blood was pounding in my head, and suddenly, it was getting too hard to breathe. This was pure madness. I had completely lost myself over this man.
“I need to meet someone,” he responded.
And suddenly, I was not certain about anything.
What if I read him wrong? What if everything that happened between us meant nothing to him?
I gripped my spoon so tight, that a sharp pain went up my wrist.
When Tynan was gone, I swiftly cleaned up my plate and returned to our room.
Incapable of finding anything else to do, I wrapped myself in a thick shawl intending to get out of the house.
Before closing the front door behind me, I caught a glimpse of Frid and Victor looking intensely at each other.
Victor’s hand played with a spoon while his eyes burned into the girl’s face.
“I’ll be back,” I said, shutting the door behind me.