Chapter Nineteen #4
“Not like this. Easy. Relaxed. Able to explore and enjoy each day. To afford what we wanted to eat and where we wanted to stay.” Nora looked away, and Fallon realized those last words sounded depressing.
That wasn’t what she intended for herself or for Nora on this trip.
Even if nothing more ever happened between them, she wanted these memories to be special enough to last a lifetime.
She reached over and gently touched Nora’s chin.
When Nora looked at her, she added, “Plus, the scenery here is much more interesting.”
Nora smiled slowly. “Well, if you think our retro hotel in Cortez was something, just wait.”
An hour later, they were standing in four states at once, laughing and asking strangers to take their pictures.
Then they took pictures for others. There wasn’t much else to do at Four Corners, but she found herself hesitant to go on.
The Grand Canyon represented more to her than she’d told Nora, and she wasn’t sure how she’d feel once they got there.
By the time they stopped for gas, the dry land dotted with occasional ramshackle small towns was making her jittery.
While Nora filled the tank, she got on her phone and did a search for restaurants in Flagstaff.
Another nice meal would help her prepare for their visit to the canyon.
Looking in at her before heading to the restroom, Nora asked if she should get them some snacks.
“No, but I’d like to try driving for a while,” Fallon said.
Concentrating on the mechanics of the road would settle her mind.
Once they were underway, she knew Nora was watching to make sure she was all right, so she kept the radio low and focused on the two-lane road ahead.
A bit later, she looked over, finding Nora asleep.
In the ten years since they’d been intimate, she’d often recalled those very few moments she’d seen Nora in repose.
When they’d first met, Nora had been mistrusting and standoffish, even though her skills and knowledge had thrust her into situations of leadership.
And while her energy and work ethic were outstanding, Fallon had learned that Nora was motivated mainly by anger and resentment toward her family, and a somewhat egocentric view of her future.
Over these last few weeks, the Palmers seemed to have rebuilt some long-burned bridges between them.
That reconciliation, along with the progress the two of them were making, revealed a Nora with no tension or hardness radiating off her.
She was unquestionably more impressive than ever and obviously satisfied with the life she’d made.
Fallon held back a sigh, reminding herself that was the life without her. Stay in the moment.
She didn’t take the turn to the canyon, driving on to Flagstaff instead, letting Nora rest. She stopped at a light in town, and Nora stirred. Blinking, she asked, “Where are we?”
“Flagstaff. I thought we could have an early dinner here.”
“Oh. You didn’t want to see the canyon at sunset?” Nora sounded confused.
“I had this idea that our first day there should start at dawn.” At Nora’s frown, she added, “Or morning, at least.”
Nora sat forward and drank some water, smoothing her hair. “Is anything wrong?”
“Why do you ask?” Fallon didn’t want to lie, but she caught the frustration in Nora’s tone.
“I thought you’d be more eager to get there. Like, that was a big part of the reason for this trip.”
Fallon reached for her hand. “Spending time with you is the reason for the trip. The Grand Canyon is just the icing on the cake.”
“And I’m the cake?” Nora grinned. Fallon relaxed.
Maybe she’d just been hungry. The unwelcome feelings of isolation and sorrow, so familiar during her childhood, had faded away over the lovely meal.
There was no line at the entrance to the park, and Nora stopped at the first turnout.
“Rudy’s been here. He told me to stop at this first lookout if we got in after dark.
We don’t have to go to the rim of the canyon yet, but let’s look at the stars. ”
Fallon grabbed her jacket as they got out and walked to a bench nearby. Nora sat beside her, and they leaned back at the same time, faces turned toward the heavens.
“Oh my,” Nora breathed. “Tucson certainly doesn’t offer this view.” She shivered, and Fallon unfolded her jacket, draping it over them both. “Are you still looking for your North Star life?” Nora asked, and Fallon could feel her scrutiny. “Or have you found another option?”
Unable to meet her gaze, Fallon pointed into the star-filled sky. “I know where Polaris is. Do you?” She pulled Nora closer. “Or should we just sit here until we observe the rest of them revolving around it?”
“Maybe tomorrow night?” Nora asked hopefully, rubbing her hands together. “When I’ve got thermals on?”
“You brought some?” Fallon’s voice rose in disbelief.
Nora laughed and pulled her up, moving back toward the car. “I’ve never needed long underwear once since I lived in Tucson.” She batted her eyes playfully. “Won’t you let me borrow yours? For old time’s sake?”
If Nora hadn’t had that playful tone in her voice, if it hadn’t been the wrong time and the wrong place, Fallon would have said the truth that was making itself known in her heart: If we could have new times, I’d give you anything of mine and all of me. Instead, she simply smiled.