Chapter 24
Ophelia
“Him & I-Halsey & G-Eazy”
The next morning feels… dangerous. Not in a life or death kind of way. In the I fucked Hayden Marks like he was the oxygen I needed in order to live and now I can still taste him on my lips kind of way.
Which honestly might be worse. Every time I close my eyes, I can still feel his arms around me. I can hear his heart beat beneath my ear. My body tingles thinking about how good he felt inside me. How his mouth worshipped my pussy for hours. Why am I leaving? Why?
I’m such a coward. Maybe. But staying makes me want impossible things.
Like forever. And forever has never belonged to people like us.
I know if I stay just a second longer I never would leave.
That’s the problem with Hayden. He makes forever feel possible in a world that’s spent years proving to me it doesn’t exist.
My thighs ache slightly but my ribs scream as I pull his hoodie back over my bare skin.
I pause beside his bed, staring down at him sleeping sprawled on his stomach.
A tattooed arm stretched across my side of the mattress like even unconsciously he was searching for me.
His hair messy from my fingers. Lips swollen from my kisses. Beautiful. Dangerously beautiful.
And loving him still feels like standing barefoot beside a live wire begging it not to destroy me. A lone tear falls down my cheek and I swipe it away, tiptoeing out of his room.
I take a deep breath while shutting the door softly. God, the apartment smells like him, and sex—hours of it.
It was slow at first, then desperate. Emotional, like we were trying to pour three years of grief and missing each other into skin, mouths, and tangled sheets.
Not just sex though, reconnection. Like our souls are finally remembering where they belong.
Another tear falls and I glance at the closed door over my shoulder.
A part of me wishes he would wake up and drag me back to bed but…
I know how this story ends and my heart can’t take it anymore.
I walk over to the counter and scribble down a note so at least he knows I’m safe, then take one more look at his little apartment that is everything that I will ever need and finally leave.
“Goodbye, Hayden,” I whisper, then shut the door yet again, softly.
I walk down the steps as tears threaten to spill over but I won’t let them fall. Not this time.
Walking down the block, I take out my phone and order myself an Uber. I could call B but I just need to be alone right now.
By the time I get back to the warehouse, dawn barely kisses the horizon and the building is quiet.
Everyone is still sleeping so I curl up on the couch, clutching Hayden’s hoodie tighter around me, and close my eyes.
I try so hard not to think about the way he whispered ‘stay’ against my throat at four in the morning or how badly I wanted too.
I must drift off eventually because the next thing I know… the warehouse doors slam open hard enough to shake the walls, causing my eyes to fly open. Shit. Hayden.
Standing there, breathing hard like he tore through the entire city to get here. His green eyes lock onto me immediately. Furious. Relieved. Mine.
“There you are,” he growls, and my pulse stumbles.
“I left a note,” I mumble.
“Yeah?” He stalks toward me slowly. “And I crumpled that shit up before I even finished reading it,” he spits, and I swallow thickly. Shit. He’s big mad.
I stand carefully from the couch, trying not to smile. “You’re dramatic.”
“You disappeared again,” he says, his voice cracking slightly on the last word, and suddenly, this doesn’t feel playful anymore. It feels real. Painfully real.
“I didn’t disappear,” I whisper. “I just—”
“What?” He steps closer. “Panicked?”
Yes. Exactly that. Because waking up in Hayden’s arms felt too much like hope and hope is dangerous for us.
“You don’t understand,” I say. “We can’t keep doing this.”
His jaw flexes hard. “Watch me.”
“There’s no forever for us,” I say as my chest tightens and tears sting behind my eyes. “Why waste time pretending otherwise?”
His eyes darken, and the murderous look he gives me tells me that was the wrong thing to say.
Then he cages me against the couch so fast I gasp, losing my footing and fall back down. One hand grips the cushion beside my head while the other hooks around my waist, dragging me flush against him.
“Waste time?” he repeats, growling in my face. The anger in his voice should scare me but instead it makes my entire body tingle, and I bite my bottom lip.
“Hayden…”
“No.” His forehead presses against mine roughly. “You don’t get to decide this is hopeless for the both of us.”
“What about Brayden?” I whisper brokenly. “What about my father? What about—”
But he growls deeply, like actually growls, causing the sound to vibrate straight through me.
“I’ll carve my name into your skin along your ribcage,” he snarls softly against my mouth. “Then lick the blood seeping down your perfect skin before I embed my teeth, marking your flesh. Just so any man after me knows exactly who the fuck you belong to.” Jesus fucking Christ.
My entire body shivers. Because this is insane. Possessive and unhinged. Somehow though. It’s still the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hayden grips my face gently, but firm, completely contradicting every violent word that came before it.
“You are mine,” he whispers. “You will always be my everything, Firefly.”
Tears instantly spill down my cheeks and he leans in, dragging his tongue over the wet streak.
“You are my light when everything gets dark.” His voice softens painfully. “My sentence.” Then presses his lips against mine.
My heart aches listening to him.
“And I’ll serve every violent, breathless year of it with a fucking smile,” he vows as his words destroy me completely.
A sob escapes before I can stop it and he pulls me into his chest, holding me tightly while I cry.
No one has ever loved me like this. Not carefully. Not politely. But fiercely like I'm something worth going to war for.
“I hate you,” I whisper tearfully against him, causing him to laugh into my hair.
“Liar.”
“Okay, fine but…” I say, trailing off. I know I shouldn’t ask this of him but I still need to know. If I’m going to drown in him, I need to fucking know everything.
“Firefly… spit it out,” he growls, and I take a deep breath.
“Will you tell me what happened? The truth. Please,” I beg, and he takes a deep breath, staring down at his hands for a second before speaking.
“We were stupid.” A humorless laugh leaves him.
“Justin wanted quick money. Said there was this rich asshole who left his keys in his car all the time outside some club,” he says as I listen quietly while hugging my knees to my chest. “We weren’t planning to keep it,” he continues.
“Just jack it, strip it, sell the parts. Same dumb shit everybody in Daggerspoint grows up doing.”
His jaw tightens as he sits next to me on the couch.
“We got inside the car and Justin was laughing because he accidentally turned the windshield wipers on instead of the headlights. I can still hear him laughing. Still see him alive.” He shakes his head but continues.
“He kept saying we were gonna get caught because we shared one brain cell between us,” he says as his eyes snap to mine, and I smile.
I remember Justin as if he was here just yesterday. Everybody loved him.
“He was standing outside the car when it happened,” he whispers. “I’d just climbed out too because the engine sounded fucked up,” he says, swallowing hard. “Then headlights came outta nowhere.” His voice cracks slightly. “The driver was drunk. Flying down the road way too fast.”
I cover my mouth as both of our eyes blur with tears.
“I remember Justin yelling my name,” he chokes. “Then the car hit us,” he says, looking away.
“I got thrown sideways.” He stares blankly ahead while he relives it all over again. “But Justin… The impact pinned him between both cars,” he rasps, closing his eyes and shaking his head while tears stream down his face.
“There was so much blood, Firefly.” His voice shakes violently now.
“I tried pulling him out. I swear to God I tried,” he growls.
“But his legs…” He sucks in a shaky breath.
“He kept screaming,” he cries out as tears pour down both of our faces.
“I held his hand,” he whispers. “That’s all I could do.
Just held his fucking hand while he died. ”
My heart aches for him and for Justin. Shit.
“He kept apologizing to me.” He laughs brokenly. “Can you believe that? He was apologizing,” he says, shaking his head.
I reach for him, grabbing his hand and pulling him closer to me, then I lay my head against his chest.
It’s not until I hear his soft sobs that I climb into his lap, wrapping my arms around him. He finally lets go and sobs into the crook of my neck while apologizing about everything. God, I love this man. I love him so fucking much it hurts.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “Hayden, I’m so fucking sorry.
” My eyes shoot up to the balcony and I see Bianca standing there with her hand over her mouth as tears pour down her face.
I wish I could comfort both of them. But then I see a tattooed arm wrap around her, pulling her back into him.
I smile when he winks at me. Fucking Stone.
I continue to let Hayden break—letting him take the time he needs. I kiss his cheek and he grips me tighter like he never wants to let me go.
“They told everyone we were drunk driving,” he mutters bitterly. “But we weren’t even drinking or driving the damn car yet,” he says as I slide my fingers into his hair gently. I fucking love his long hair.
“They blamed you,” I whisper.
“Yeah.” His jaw tightens. “And your father made sure it stuck.” Silence settles heavy between us again. Then finally I whisper the thing haunting both of us.
“I thought you abandoned me,” I say, and he pulls back to look at me. Tears streak my cheeks while those green eyes absolutely wreck me.
“I never stopped trying to reach you,” he whispers.
“I never got anything,” I say, my voice breaking with every word. “Not one letter.” Rage flashes hot beneath my skin because somebody made sure we never found each other again.
“I used to sit in that cell thinking you hated me.”
I immediately shake my head. “No. Never!” I growl. How could I ever hate him? I thought he was fucking dead. My chest aches so badly I can barely breathe around it.
“I loved you the whole time,” I whisper. “Even when I thought you were dead.”
His eyes widen as he looks in my eyes, then reaches up and cups my face. I lean into his warmth dying to feel him once more as he licks his lips.
“I can’t go another second of this. With you here in my lap.
In my arms. Fuck!” he growls, and then… he presses his lips against mine.
Soft at first. Almost scared. Then desperate because suddenly I understand the full truth of it now.
We didn’t leave each other. We were torn apart.
And God… the tragedy of that nearly kills me.
I cry quietly against his mouth while his hands cradle my face like I’m something sacred.
“I wanted to die after you were gone,” I admit. “I tried.”
He freezes instantly. “What?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. It’s too painful to look at him in this moment while spilling my own truths. “I overdosed,” I whisper, wanting to crawl into myself the minute the words leave my mouth.
“No,” he growls, tightening his hold on me.
“They found me,” I say as tears slide faster now. “I just… I couldn’t survive it.”
His forehead drops against mine but his body shakes with rage.
“I’m here now,” he whispers roughly. “You hear me? I’m right here,” he says, whispering into my hair. My fingers clutch his hoodie tightly.
“Please don’t leave me again. I won’t survive it,” I beg “This hurts so fucking much.”
“I know baby, I know,” he says as he tilts my chin upward until my eyes meet his. “Spend the weekend with me.” And I blink.
“Hayden…”
“Not asking.”
I should say no. I should walk away before I drown in this boy all over again but his arms feel like home and my heart has belonged to him since I was thirteen years old. So instead…
“Okay,” I whisper.
Saturday becomes something dangerously close to normal. We spend the entire day tangled together in his apartment eating junk food and watching terrible movies neither of us actually pay attention to.
He steals a fry off my plate just to piss me off and I spend the day wearing one of his hoodies and a pair of his sweatpants rolled at the waist. Every time he walks past me, he touches me somehow.
Fingers against my hip, a kiss to my temple.
His hands sliding along my thigh while pretending to focus on the movie.
It’s like neither of us fully believe this is real yet. Like we both need constant reassurance the other person is still here.
Small things. Soft things. Things that somehow feel more intimate than sex. At one point, I catch him staring at me from the kitchen while I’m curled on the couch eating chips straight from the bag.
“What?” I laugh, but he just shakes his head slowly like he’s caught somewhere between love and heartbreak.
“Nothin.”
But the way he looks at me says everything anyway.
Hours blur together after that.
Laughter.
Kissing.
Arguments over movies.
Falling asleep tangled together on the couch before waking up again wrapped around each other like magnets.
For one stolen Saturday… we almost feel normal.
Almost like we’re a real couple instead of two disasters stitched together by grief, obsession, and violence.
And maybe that’s what makes it hurt so much.
Because somewhere deep down…
We both know moments like this don’t last forever.
Right before sunset, Hayden suddenly kills the TV before standing up and holding his hand toward me.
“C’mon.”
I squint suspiciously. “Where are we going?”
He smirks lazily. “You ask too many questions, Firefly.”
Then he drags me downstairs toward his bike without another explanation.
I climb on as the engine roars, and he takes off through the streets of Daggerspoint.
I press my helmet against his back and close my eyes, because this right here? This is where I’ve always belonged.