Chapter 21 #2
As they made their way through the small village of Meadowfield, Polly looked out of the window, the street lamps illuminating the chocolate-box thatched cottages before they gave way to fields; the white light from the car headlights now the only light source.
Still, she continued to look out of the side window, in the hope that Zac would be too busy driving to question why she’d rather stare into the darkness than engage in conversation.
After a few minutes of silence, he reached out and turned the radio on, the quiet tones of Classic FM filling the air.
Grateful for the distraction, Polly glanced across at him.
He looked tired. Dark circles clung beneath his eyes.
Not super obvious, probably not obvious to anyone but her, but she could see them.
Maybe it was the dim light in the car. Yes, it could be.
He had never been one to look dishevelled.
Apart from that time six months ago, when they’d both joined in a mud race to raise money for the trust. She smiled. He’d looked particularly cute then, what with his hair sticking up in all directions and dirt smeared across his face.
Glancing across at her, Zac met her gaze before frowning. ‘Would you rather I turn it to a different station?’
‘What?’ Shaking her head, Polly fixed her eyes on the road ahead and leaned her elbow on the ledge of the door. He’d caught her staring. ‘No, this is fine. It’s your car.’
‘Okay. Happy to change it if you want.’
‘Thanks,’ she mumbled. This was probably the most he’d said to her since they’d both started at Meadowfield Reserve and as they basically shared a desk, that was saying something.
She tried to push Nicola’s and Stacey’s advice on speaking to him about the kiss out of her mind.
Should she really speak to him? And if she did, would it actually clear the air or make each other’s presence even less bearable?
Looking at him again, she drew her thumb to her mouth and began nibbling the cuticle. She did want the atmosphere between them to be less strained. And if it was, then these three months would be more enjoyable, but—
‘Have you got something on your mind?’ Zac turned the volume of the radio down slightly.
‘I was just…’ No, she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t bring it up. The kiss had ruined their friendship. Talking about it might just push him over the edge to ignoring her altogether. ‘Nothing.’
Taking his eyes off the road for a second, he looked at her. ‘There clearly is.’
Clasping her hands in her lap, she sighed.
Now she didn’t have a choice. If she didn’t say anything now, he’d probably think she was staring at him because she was thinking about the kiss, not because she was thinking about talking about the kiss.
She took a deep breath. ‘I just think we should talk about what happened that night.’
Zac frowned slightly. ‘What night?’
Polly widened her eyes. What if he’d been too drunk to remember that they’d shared a moment?
What if he thought she was being weird? That it had been her fault that the friendship between them both had changed?
If she was the only one that remembered, then it was her fault.
She must have been acting differently around him.
‘You mean…?’
‘The kiss.’ She bit down on her tongue. Well done, Polly. A great way to approach the subject sensitively.
Zac cleared his throat. ‘Right, yes. I assumed that was the evening you were referring to.’
She looked across at him. He was still looking ahead, his eyes fixed on the road in front, but his knuckles had turned a greyish white as he gripped the steering wheel.
This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have.
She swallowed. Well, mate, it wasn’t a conversation she wanted either, but here they were having to speak about the incident because, since he did remember it, it was obvious he couldn’t have just carried on as normal.
He’d had to try to freeze her out. ‘Yes, of course. I just wanted to clear the air. Things have been weird, I mean, different between us and…’
Silence filled the car again as they approached a roundabout and Zac slowed to a crawl before speeding up again.
‘We used to be friends, and now, since the… kiss, you barely speak to me.’ She clasped her hands tighter together, digging her nails into her skin.
Fab way to sound like a tormented teen with a crush.
She tried again. ‘What I mean is we used to talk, used to hang out both at work and outside of work and then Stacey threw that leaving party for me and—’
‘I remember.’ His tone was quiet, barely audible above the quiet roar of the engine and brusque too. He clearly didn’t want to speak about the offending incident.
‘Right, yes.’ Of course, he remembered. He’d just said he knew what she was talking about.
She closed her eyes. How was she supposed to save this conversation now?
She’d made a complete mess of it. ‘I guess what I’m trying to say is, it doesn’t have to get in the way of us working together, of us living together at Pennycress, either.
We’re both adults and we can just put that stupid mistake behind us. Can’t we?’
Releasing his death grip on the steering wheel, Zac dragged one hand across his face and muttered quietly, his words barely decipherable. ‘It wasn’t a mistake.’
Polly shook her head. Now she’d gone and insulted him, too. ‘No, I didn’t mean…’
The car slowed again as traffic built up and Zac turned onto a main road.
What had she been thinking? Bringing up such a topic when they were both confined in this small space with no chance of an escape for over an hour and a half.
She looked back out of the window and watched longingly as they approached a lay-by, despondent that he hadn’t decided to pull over and kick her out. ‘I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘You’re right. I have been off with you, but that night, the kiss, that’s not…’ Zac sighed as the loud ringtone of his mobile filled the small space. ‘Sorry, I need to take this.’
Polly nodded as they slowed, and he bumped the car up on the grass verge before bringing it to a stop.
As soon as he’d pulled the hand brake up, Zac grabbed his phone and jumped out of the car, walking around to the back before bringing the mobile to his ear. So engrossed in the conversation he was having, he didn’t even seem to notice the rain pelting down around him.
With the rhythmic click-click of the hazard warning lights, Polly couldn’t hear a word he was saying, but looking in the wing mirror she watched as he paced along the verge, his hand gripping his hair as he spoke urgently into the phone.
She frowned. Who was he on a call to? Clearly, it was a conversation he didn’t want to have in front of her or else he’d have answered it in the car on speaker.
Perhaps it was his dad ringing back to confirm how much he was going to sponsor the reserve or someone from one of the other companies he’d reached out to.
It made sense that he didn’t want her to know how much he was raising, even though he’d heard her proposals and must realise there was no way she’d come close to raising even half as much as him.
She shrugged. She supposed that whatever it was, it was none of her business.
She was doing what she could for the reserve and whether it was enough to secure the promotion, she wouldn’t know until decision day.
But what had he meant when he’d said the kiss hadn’t been a mistake?
Yes, he’d muttered those words and she may not have heard him right, but that’s what he’d said. Or something to that effect, anyway.
Finally unclasping her hands, she relaxed back against the headrest. Whatever he had said, she was certain about one thing and that was that she wasn’t about to bring up the conversation again in a hurry, so whatever he’d meant could stay a mystery.
That short conversation had been the most uncomfortable few moments of her life.
And that was including her ex-fiancé Ben’s break-up speech.
Zac could keep his secrets; he could keep his elusiveness.
She just wanted to get back home and try to block her ability to feel anything until the weekend was over.