Chapter 25 #2
Taking a deep breath, she plastered a fake smile to her face and opened the living room door, her smile fading as she realised Zac had made himself at home and it looked as though he was planning on staying a while too.
His coat was draped across the back of the sofa, which she and Stacey had pushed into the middle of the room, and he was wearing old jeans and a stained grey T-shirt.
They might be old, but he definitely looked better in them than she did in her ancient leggings with a hole at the knee and an oversized T-shirt of Ben’s she’d found stuffed in the back of her drawer.
Not that it mattered what she looked like.
She was dressed for painting, not for impressing anyone.
Plus, Zac was the last person she’d want to impress anyway.
She shook her head slightly. What was she even doing wasting time thinking about how she was dressed? ‘Thanks so much for stopping by.’
‘No problem.’ Zac released the cups from the cup holder and held one out to her.
‘Thanks.’ Taking it, she took a sip. Yep, he’d remembered the sugar. Again.
‘Here you go. Grilled cheese and tomato with mustard. That’s what you like, isn’t it?’ Zac frowned.
‘Wow, yes, yes it is.’ Taking the sandwich, she perched on the sofa, careful to leave an almighty gap between them.
Not many people knew she liked mustard with her cheese.
In fact, the only people had been her grandparents and Stacey, and even then, Stacey almost always forgot to add it.
She must have ordered it for lunch sometime when she’d been working at HQ.
‘It’s looking good in here.’ Zac nodded towards the half-painted wall opposite.
‘Is it?’ Polly frowned. It was just going to look like a white plain box by the time she’d finished it.
At least her grandparents’ décor had given the place character.
They could be anywhere, in any home, with the white.
She sighed. It didn’t really matter what it ended up looking like.
She was only painting it to sell and it wasn’t as though she’d be hanging around here.
‘Yep. It looks fresh.’ Zac sank his teeth into his sandwich, a string of melted cheese dripping down his front.
‘Careful.’ Automatically, she reached out and brushed her finger against his T-shirt. Pulling her hand back, she murmured an apology and bit into her own sandwich. She didn’t want to scare him away again with her physical touch.
‘I think I owe you an explanation to your question yesterday.’ Lowering his sandwich to the coffee table, Zac looked at her.
‘My question?’ Great, her touch had scared him and now he was about to bring up the one subject she’d hoped had been well and truly buried.
‘When you asked about why I began acting differently towards you after we’d shared that kiss at your leaving party.’
Yep, there it was. Polly dug her fingers into her sandwich, the heat of the cheese burning her skin. He was scared she’d got the wrong impression after him coming round last night. He was likely terrified she’d read something into it which wasn’t there. ‘You don’t need to give me an explanation.’
‘I think I do.’ Zac nodded slowly.
‘Okay.’ Closing her eyes momentarily, Polly placed her feet flat on the floor, willing a crack to appear in the floorboards so she could slither through it and land on the sofa in the Tylers’ living room in the flat below.
‘I should have said something earlier, but I couldn’t find the right moment.’ Zac shifted position.
‘Should have said what?’ This was it; this was where he was going to tell her he had a partner and he was worried she’d spill the beans and ruin everything.
‘I knew the truth about the promotion. I found out the day after the party that both of us were being put forward for it. That’s why I distanced myself from you.’ Zac rubbed his palm across his face.
Polly opened her mouth before closing it again, the words failing her. Her brain failing her. How was she supposed to respond? He’d known she’d been put forward for the promotion? He’d known that he had too, and they’d be competing for it?
She lowered her sandwich to the coffee table, not caring that she’d missed placing it on top of the paper bag and it would likely leave a greasy mark on the wood. ‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me?’
‘Honestly? I just didn’t know how.’ Zac picked up his coffee cup before lowering it again without taking a sip. Twisting the cardboard cup in his hand, he shook his head. ‘No, that’s not true. I know I could have told you. I know I should have warned you.’
‘Yes, you should have done. I changed my entire life for this opportunity and if I’d known…
’ Polly shook her head. What would she have done if she’d known?
If he was telling her the truth, by the time Zac had found out they’d be competing, she would have already given up her teaching job.
But still, if she’d known, she would have been able to make that decision herself, she would have been able to decide whether to stay around here and look for another teaching job or relocate to Meadowfield on the off chance she was the one who was promoted. ‘I’ve risked everything.’
‘I know. I know you have.’ He rested the cup against his knee. ‘But when I found out, you’d already given up your job, you’d already gone all in with the job at the reserve. I didn’t know what to do.’
‘So, you just decided to freeze me out?’ Polly felt a fierce heat growing in the pit of her stomach. He’d played with her life! ‘You just decided to make me feel as though that moment we’d shared, that stupid kiss, was the reason you suddenly hated me?’
‘I never hated you.’ Looking at the floor, Zac spoke quietly. ‘But I also knew I couldn’t begin a relationship with you without telling you about the promotion.’
Begin a relationship? Now he was just playing with her. How could she have been so stupid? ‘You never wanted a relationship with me. You realised the kiss had been a drunken mistake, and you panicked. You didn’t tell me about the promotion because you needed a reason to keep me at arm’s length.’
‘That’s not true.’ Standing up, Zac walked across to the end of the living room and stared out of the window.
‘Then what is?’ She sighed heavily. Why were they even having this conversation? It didn’t change anything. It didn’t make anything any clearer. In fact, it just made her question what to believe or not even more. She slumped back against the sofa cushions.
‘I needed to fight for that promotion. I need it.’
Leaning forward, Polly looked across at him. She could barely hear him, he was speaking that softly. ‘I do too and if I’d known it wasn’t a sure thing, I’m not sure whether I’d have taken the job.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Why do you need the promotion? To prove something to your parents? To continue the Sinclair legacy at the trust? I think you can see why I need it.’ She swept her arms in front of her, encompassing the room. She needed the promotion for the money, and he needed it for what? Validation?
‘Legacy? No. I have nothing to prove to anyone.’ Shoving his hands in his pockets, Zac turned around to face her. Standing beneath the light, she could see the dark circles beneath his eyes again. What wasn’t he telling her?
‘Zac?’
Glancing down at the floor, Zac took a deep breath in, his chest rising beneath the grey T-shirt. ‘I need the money too, but that’s no excuse. I should have told you. I just thought…’
Wait, what? He needed the money? Zac Sinclair, the only son of the Sinclair family who had enough money to plough thousands into the trust every year up until a short time ago? What did he need the extra money for? To buy another ten vintage Porsches? ‘You thought what?’
He dragged his fingers through his hair. ‘I thought if I didn’t tell you that we were both up for the promotion, then I’d be able to prove myself.’
‘Huh, you thought you’d keep me in the dark so you could get one step ahead without me knowing.’ Polly clenched her fists. What gave him the right to think he could play with her life like this?
‘No.’ He shifted on the spot. ‘Yes, I suppose so. Something like that. Not that I had thought about it in that way, just that—’
‘Right. Just in what way, then? What possible way could you have thought that you keeping quiet about us both competing for the promotion was fair?’ Jumping to her feet, she strode to the opposite end of the room. She didn’t want to be near him. She could barely look at him. ‘You had no right.’
‘I know. I didn’t.’ He held his hands out in front of him, palms forward.
‘I had no right at all to keep it from you and I had no right to treat you as I did, to make you feel as though the way I was acting was because of the kiss. In truth, I just had to distance myself from you because I was feeling guilty.’
‘Yeah right. I don’t believe for one second that you felt guilty for not telling me. I bet you were as pleased as punch when you realised I didn’t know about it. I bet you thought you could get ahead without me knowing, without me realising.’
‘Look, it wouldn’t have changed anything, even if you’d known. You wouldn’t have done anything differently, would you?’ He spoke hesitatingly, unsure of what he was implying.
She frowned. Would she? She was trying her best as it was and she would have done if she’d known Zac was competing for the promotion or not. ‘That’s not the point. You kept that from me and you made me feel as though I’d done something wrong.’
‘I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention.’ Zac walked towards the middle of the room.
Turning to face him, Polly bit down on her thumbnail. Whether he’d meant to hurt her or not didn’t matter. He’d still done it.
‘I really am sorry. I know I was in the wrong keeping it from you like that, and I should have been honest with you. I wish I had, because maybe if I’d been honest from the start, I wouldn’t have messed up what there was between us.’
Polly took a step closer to him. ‘What do you mean?’