Chapter 12 #2
He gaped at her, speechless, as she raised an accusatory brow. She knew her brother. Knew that he hadn’t deserved that jab because he was likely just afraid of seeing her broken-hearted again. He was the most open-minded person she knew, and implying otherwise was cruel.
“That’s not fair,” he decided quietly. “I’m trying to look out for you.”
“I don’t need you to look out for me, Fraser.
” Hurt crossed his features, but she couldn’t regret saying it.
What had happened in that stockroom hadn’t been for him or for anyone else.
It had been hers. Theirs . And yes, it had been a mistake.
Yes, it had terrified her to get so close to another person again, especially one she wasn’t sure she trusted, but she was more than capable of deciding whether it should happen without Fraser’s input.
Sometimes, his care made her feel like a naive, incompetent nitwit, and she spent enough time thinking that about herself without his help.
“Just like you didn’t need me to look out for you when I tried to tell you that Finlay was a piece of shite?” he asked through clenched teeth.
Eiley flinched against the barbs in his voice, ones she’d never heard from him before. Cam was the harsh one. Fraser took on all her problems without complaint, even when she begged him not to. Even when it only made her feel like more of a burden.
But he had warned her a long, long time ago that she could do better than Finlay.
Before Saffron and Sky had been born. Maybe even before Brook.
It had only been little red flags then: fights where she’d always ended up being the one to apologise; money missing from their savings account for reasons never explained; no birthday or Christmas cards, even when he stopped at the paper shop every day.
She’d thought that, over time, things would be different, and then, when Brook had come along, had learned to accept his shortcomings, because what mattered was that he was there.
As long as that stayed true, she could convince herself he just loved her in his own way.
Needless to say, she hadn’t listened to Fraser’s advice, afraid that asking Finlay for any extra effort would push him away and she’d be left alone.
She’d loved him enough that the thought of losing him was worse than the thought of settling for the bare minimum.
She regretted that now, but she hadn’t known back then that she’d deserved somebody who would consider her.
That a man who couldn’t love her properly certainly didn’t have the heart for fatherhood.
That suggestion that she’d been the fool to hope for more still haunted her, and to hear it from Fraser felt like a physical blow.
He might not say it outright, but he, along with everyone else, thought she was a fool for staying so long.
For loving Finlay even when he hadn’t deserved it.
She was clearly incapable of choosing someone decent, and maybe that meant she deserved to be hurt.
Well, never again.
She felt herself shrink, anger ebbing into acceptance. Maybe she did still need a reminder from the person who knew her best. What good was arguing with him when she clearly wasn’t capable of doing anything right?
“I’ve already made it clear to Warren that nothing is going to happen,” she confessed quietly. “You don’t have to worry. Happy?”
“It isn’t about me being happy.” Fraser softened, reaching out to touch her arm. “I only want you to be happy, Eiley.”
“I know.” Even if being happy also meant being alone, because it seemed like she only ever attracted people who could wreck her.
Warren had already shown her who he was: charming and helpful on the surface, yes, but she couldn’t forget that he would have flirted with anyone in that bar.
She wasn’t special. He might only have helped her at all today because he’d expected something in return; it certainly hadn’t taken him long to have his way with her, after all.
And then there was the fact he’d insulted her books, likely one of those narrow-minded idiots who thought romance was synonymous with “trashy”, because god forbid women imagine a world where men could be respectful, decent, romantic human beings with the ability to actually locate the clitoris – another thing Finlay had struggled with.
“I didn’t even know you were ready to date again,” Fraser said as she turned away, half to hide the turmoil she felt and half because she was tired of the conversation. She closed the pizza boxes left open on the counter, tempted to throw the food out. Discard of everything that had happened today.
“I’m not.” She doubted she ever would be, even if she found the time.
Putting herself out here, even for just a second in that stockroom, had been terrifying.
She was already wondering whether she’d come off too desperate, or if he’d noticed all her jiggly bits when he’d put his hand beneath her shirt.
What had she been thinking, letting him so close?
“You do know that I’d support you if you were?” Fraser asked.
She suppressed a snort, because she didn’t know that.
Not at all. She sometimes thought that if Fraser had his way, she’d be wrapped in cotton wool, protected from everyone and everything.
Dating came with a truckload of hurt. Hurt he’d feared, too, which was why he hadn’t done it before Harper.
They were both the same in that department, she supposed.
And it made sense. They’d seen their father abandon Mum, leaving Fraser to bear the weight of the role on his shoulders when he was too young to even know what it meant.
Cam had spent half of her teenage years with mascara running down her face because, apparently, women could be just as brutal as men.
They might have been happy now, but it hadn’t always been the case.
For most of their life, love wasn’t safe.
“I think I’ll choose my peace over another relationship,” she decided, “but thanks.”
A hand found her shoulder, forcing her to turn around. Fraser pulled her into a hug, arms crushing around her in a way that put her back on solid ground with the rest of them.
Saffron grabbed a fistful of Fraser’s hair, which felt like apt punishment for the way he’d acted. He pretended to bite her tiny fingers, causing her to giggle.
“Y’know, I don’t blame you. I used to feel the same.
You’ll find your person when the time’s right.
” His eyes turned wistful as he glanced out the window, where Harper and Brook were making their way back with a whole tub of ice cream from the corner shop.
In the café across the road, the window sign flipped to closed .
No wonder she suddenly felt wrung dry with exhaustion. It had been a long day on little sleep.
Longer still for this conversation. She perched on the armchair, deflated.
“Aye, I know, and I’m so glad you found her.
But I’m not you, Frase. That part of my life is over.
I’ve got bigger things to focus on.” She tugged gently on one of Saffron’s golden ringlets, then blew a raspberry into her chubby palm until she giggled again.
“Besides, realistically, you’d never be happy with anybody who I brought home. Too bloody protective.”
“Because you deserve the best, and most of the arsewipes out there aren’t good enough for you. Certainly not Flirty Fireman Sam.”
“He was helping me on his day off. It’s more than Finlay would have done.
” Fraser gave her another look, one she immediately understood.
If Finlay was the standard she held for any future partners, sexual or otherwise, she was right to give up.
“Enough about it. Let’s just get home. I’m ready for passing out, and I’m sick of seeing all this mess. ”
No amount of tidying seemed to make the place look any better. The store was chaotic, still, a long way from being fixed.
So she would give up and try again tomorrow, just like she always did. And she would forget about Warren, because it wasn’t the right time, and Warren wasn’t the right person.
Even if he refused to leave her mind long after she went home that night.