First and Baby

5. Avoid Getting Arrested

5

Avoid Getting Arrested

How do football players deal with their problems?

They tackle them head on.

Dylan

I didn’t know that toilet brushes were edible. Nor did I know that goats found them irresistible.

Along with toilet paper. And shampoo. And the expensive towels my home decorator had absolutely insisted upon. The goat also seemed to think that the shower curtain was some sort of delicacy.

My house cleaner was going to freak when she saw the mess the goat had made in here, but I found myself rather liking the devil-eyed creature. She was sweet in an eat-everything kind of way. She kept rubbing her head against me, obviously asking for pets, in between eating my various bathroom components.

I had no idea what I was going to do with her. I didn’t have a place to keep a goat. I lived in an apartment in the middle of the city. But that was something to worry about in twenty minutes. Right now, I had to figure out the baby situation and what I was going to do with my brand new child.

After making sure that only non-toxic items were left in the bathroom (was a shower curtain considered toxic? It was a bamboo mix, so I guessed that meant it had some sort of plant in it) I closed the goat in the bathroom and returned to the living room.

My neighbor was smiling and talking at the baby in her arms. She hadn’t seen me yet, but she looked so natural with my daughter that it made me pause for a moment. Her oval face was framed by messy dirty-blonde hair, but it was her smile that drew me in. When she smiled, the whole world lit up. I had no idea how I had never noticed her walking the building before. Maybe I’d overlooked her because of the scrub pants. Maybe I’d just never seen her smile at me before. I’d known there was a nurse on my floor, but I’d never paid attention before.

I was paying attention now.

“So, how come I haven’t seen you around here?” I asked, coming over to join them. She looked up, surprise flashing in her eyes.

“I work nights,” she explained, shifting the baby to her other hip. “I’m usually asleep during the day, so I don’t get out much. Vampire hours are not great for a social life.”

“Do you like being a vampire?” I asked her. She frowned at me for a second before figuring out what I meant.

So much for my charming social skills.

“I like the people I work with, and I like the job that I do,” she said slowly. “But the hours? I would very much like to come back to the daylight.”

She flashed me a grin that made my knees go a little weak. Damn. She had a smile that could light up a room. No wonder the baby had been watching her with rapt attention. She said she worked in the ER and I was now thinking that all those concussions football was famous for weren’t so bad. They were the perfect excuse to see her again.

“I’ll take her,” I said, reaching for my daughter. The woman hesitated for a moment, but handed her to me.

“So, I don’t mean to be rude, but...” Her smile faded and worry replaced it. “Why do you have this baby?”

“It’s mine,” I replied defensively, without even pausing to think. It surprised me with how quickly the words came. I’d only been a father for thirty minutes, but I already was prepared to fight for my child.

She raised an eyebrow and lifted her hands in surrender. I sighed.

“She’s mine,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm. The baby squirmed in my arms, sensing my feelings. This woman was a nurse and lived down the hallway. She was a great resource, one that I couldn’t afford not to utilize. Plus, the baby seemed to like her. “She was left on my doorstep.”

Her eyes went wide.

“She came in that box with a note saying she’s mine,” I continued, motioning toward the box on the table. I reached over and handed her the note that had come with the baby. “I only found out about her thirty minutes ago.”

Her eyes somehow became bigger as she read the note. They were a really pretty pale blue. “Oh... oh... that’s why there isn’t any baby stuff here.”

I nodded. “I sent my assistant to go get all the things we’d need, but he doesn’t have kids. I plan on setting everything up and making sure she has the best of everything, but to say I was not expecting to be a parent today is an understatement.”

“Shouldn’t you call the police?” she asked, handing me back the note. “Or a social worker or something?”

“I can’t. I’ll lose my job,” I explained. “I’m in hot water with my coach and the team owners, and something like this would be candy for the press. Can you imagine the field day they would have with this?”

I looked down at my daughter. She was sucking furiously on her hand.

“I saw you on the news. They were saying your position on the team is in jeopardy,” she said, her voice quiet.

“I want to do right by her and I want to take care of her,” I told her, cradling my daughter in closer to me. “I just need to make sure I can keep my job in the process.”

“Oh.” Her face went pale and slightly greenish like she was about to be sick. “Oh boy.”

“Are you okay?” I asked, taking a step toward her. “You said you work nights. Do you need to sit down? I have some electrolyte drinks in the fridge. You probably need some hydration. Or if you need to eat, I have tons of protein options.”

She shook her head. “No, that’s not it. I just....” She took a deep breath, reaching up and smoothing her blonde hair back. Her eyes met mine, guilt shining bright in her gaze. “I think I made a big mistake.”

“Mistakes are fixable,” I said automatically. I flashed her a small grin. “At least that’s what my mom always used to say.”

She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, avoiding my gaze for a moment before taking another deep breath. She still looked like she was about to puke.

“I called the cops on you.”

The words echoed around the room like tiny gunshots.

“You what?”

“I called the cops on you.” Her shoulders crumpled inward, making her small. “I thought you kidnapped the baby. You don’t have anything for her.”

Anger started to rise up hot from the pit of my stomach, mixed with a little bit of dread and no small amount of fear.

“And you went straight to calling the cops?” I tried not to shout, but she still shrank back from me like I’d thrown the words.

Her eyes went to mine and she took a deep breath, lifting her chin and throwing her shoulders back like the linemen do when they know a hit is coming and they just have to take it.

“I had a kidnapped little girl in my ER last night.” Her words were quiet but strong. She wasn’t apologizing, but explaining. “It could have been bad. Luckily, it wasn’t. She’s fine, but, it means that I’m looking for the signs of a kidnapped child. There’s no diapers. There’s no food. There’s nothing to indicate this little girl belongs here. I was making sure she was safe.”

I want to be angry, but she’s right. There was nothing in my house for a child because until thirty minutes ago, I didn’t have one. She was wrong about the why and I wished she would have asked instead of jumping right to calling the cops, but a part of me was glad that she wanted to protect my little girl.

“She’s mine,” I repeated, looking down at my daughter in my arms. I knew it in my core and that I would do anything for her, even if I’d only had her for a few minutes. “She’s mine.”

“I get that now,” she said, raising her hands in surrender once more. I hadn’t realized that I’d said the second one out loud. “But, there is a police officer on the way. He should be here any minute.”

I frowned. “You didn’t call 911? You called an actual police officer?”

She nodded, looking guilty. “He gave me his card at the hospital. I figured he was the best person to call.”

I just stared at her for a moment, trying to come up with a battle plan. My brain went blank. This is why I didn’t want to be quarter back. I liked being the running back because I got to react to what the boss wanted. I didn’t have to come up with the plan, I just had to figure out the best way to accomplish it.

“What do we do?” I asked, more to myself than to the nurse. “I don’t exactly have anything showing that she’s mine and that note isn’t exactly great for staying under the radar with my coach.”

She chewed on her lower lip. “I tell him that I made a mistake. That I was wrong.”

“But he’s going to see all the same red flags you saw,” I countered. “The lack of diapers, no milk, and the fact there is a goat in my bathroom.”

Luckily, the goat had been quiet the last few minutes. I hope that meant she was napping in the bathtub, her tummy full of shower curtain.

She looked thoughtful, tugging her lower lip between her teeth for a moment before brightening.

“We tell him this is your assistant’s baby. You’re babysitting, that’s why nothing is here. He’s in a bind and you’re being a great friend and helping him out.”

There was no way that was going to work, but I didn’t have any other ideas. I looked around the apartment, desperately wishing that magical baby items would just appear and solve all my problems. Shockingly, no baby bottles or diapers whisked out of the ether and filled my home. It was up to the two of us.

“Maybe you could call him--” I started to say just as the doorbell rang. Her eyes went wide with terror. “You gave him my address?”

She nodded guiltily. “I am so sorry.”

But there was nothing to be done now. I took a deep breath. I’d been in stickier spots before. I let my eyes close for two steadying heartbeats, the way I did before every play of a game. You can’t think if you aren’t calm. Brains and brawn win the game, but brains hurt a lot less. I could get through this if I just used my head.

I nodded to her to open the door since she was closer to it. She winced as she put her hand on the door handle, but straightened her spine and lifted her chin.

“I am so sorry Officer. I made a terrible mistake.” The door wasn’t even all the way open before she started speaking. “I was absolutely wrong about the situation. There isn’t a child in trouble and--”

“Dylan Callahan?” The police officer stared at me the way so many surprised fans stared at me when they met me on the street. As if all their hopes and dreams had suddenly come true. As if just being in the room with me was everything they could have ever hoped for in life.

Sometimes, that look was welcomed. Sometimes, I hated that look. Sometimes, I just wished they would let me buy my damn toilet paper in peace. Today, it was a gift from heaven that I wasn’t about to let go to waste. I put on my camera worthy smile and walked over to the man as if I had known him my entire life and he was my best friend.

“Hi Officer, I am Dylan Callahan.” I flashed my smile just a little wider. “Are you a fan?”

“Um, yes. I mean, I’m a huge fan. My son and I watch your games. He’s eight and thinks that you can do anything in the world.” The man bounced on his toes like he’d just won the lottery. “He’s going to flip when I told him I met you today!”

“Oh, I’m always so excited to meet my fans,” I said, pushing the door open a little wider. A team banner hung on the wall specifically so that everyone walking in would know who I worked for. “Please come in. Can I get you a water?”

The man gaped like I’d just offered him pure gold. Nurse, however was glaring daggers at me.

“What are you doing?” she hissed as I closed the door behind the cop. “You don’t want him in here.”

I ignored her. The meet-and-greet of fans was something that I was actually pretty good at. It came naturally, almost as easily as running a ball down the field did. I reasoned that the thought patterns were actually pretty similar- guess what the other person was going to do, what they wanted you to do, and then react accordingly. It was all just reading people’s body language, and right now, this cop wanted to hand me the key to the city. If I kicked him out, he would be suspicious, which would actually be worse. I needed him to feel like his time had been well spent and for him to go home feeling like a hero.

He would never look around for the baby stuff if he was too interested in getting football fame for his son.

“You said your son is a fan?” I asked, leaning against the counter. “I have an extra hat from preseason training. They’re pretty exclusive, so I’d really like to give it to someone who will appreciate it.”

The cop’s mouth dropped open and he stared at me for a moment. “Seriously?”

I nodded. “Of course.”

“That would be amazing,” he stammered, excitement tripping his words up in his mouth. The smile on his face should have made me feel like a king, but I felt like a fraud.

I went over to my gym bag and rummaged around for the extra hats I always keep stashed there. The team gave us each a dozen or so to hand out, so I always tried and keep one or two on me to hand out to fans. I loved giving them out to kids best because they were genuinely excited about it, and they probably weren’t going to turn around and try and sell it for a profit. Although, if a ten-year-old kid made a hundred bucks selling his hat, he deserved it. Kids deserved everything that brought them joy.

I pulled out the hat and a marker, bringing it over to the counter so I could balance the baby on my hip while I signed the brim of the hat.

“Who should I make it out to?” I asked, smiling at the police officer. He beamed as he told me his son’s name and I could almost believe we were home free. “So, is there anything else I can do for you, officer?”

“Uh no.” His smiled dropped as why he was here crashed back into him. Damn. We were so close. “There was a concerned citizen that needed me to check on a baby.”

“That was me,” my neighbor interjected, raising her hand and stepping into the conversation. “I was wrong. I mean, obviously, our beloved Dylan Callahan, star player of the Omaha Twisters, wouldn’t steal a baby. That would be ridiculous.”

The police officer looked at her and then back at me and then at the baby in my arms.

I could feel my stomach sinking into the floor. This was it. This would be how my career ended. I could already imagine it on the nightly news. “Star running back Dylan Callahan of the Omaha Twisters was arrested today on charges of kidnapping.” Yup. That would make my coach thrilled. My agent would love me. All the fans would clamor for my autograph.

“You thought the best tight end in the league kidnapped a baby?” the police officer repeated, looking once again at my daughter.

“Oh, I’m not the best. It’s nice of you to say though,” I said, trying to keep the mood light.

“I should arrest you just for saying that,” the police officer informed me. “You’re amazing. Your stats last year won me the fantasy league.”

I wanted to say that those were last year’s stats. That this year I was not doing nearly as well. That this year, I wasn’t going to win him any fantasy football leagues, but he just continued.

“That injury at the last game just has you rattled. You’ll bounce back. I’m counting on you to win me the championship again.”

It was always weird getting psychoanalyzed by complete strangers. Everyone seemed to think they knew what was going on in my head, like they knew me just because they had watched me run around on their TV screen once a week. The worst part was when they were actually right.

I was about to thank him when a loud thud came from the closed bathroom door. The goat. Behind the cop, I saw the nurse’s eyes close and her shoulders sag.

“What was that?” the police officer asked, his posture suddenly upright and on guard.

“They’re working on some pipes in the building today,” the nurse quickly lied. “There was an email about it. Weird noises from the bathrooms are totally expected today.”

I thanked my lucky stars that she could lie so quickly and convincingly. As long as the goat didn’t decide to eat the door or bleat too loud, we still might make it out of this.

“I’m back!” Alex announced, throwing the front door open and nearly smashing the cop in the process.

“Oh good, the baby’s uncle is back!” Nurse cried out, once again saving the situation with quick thinking.

“I am?” Alex asked, freezing in the doorway as he registered the cop standing in the middle of my living room. Every line on his body went rigid as his panic filled eyes met mine.

“What the hell man?” he asked, using his eyes.

“Just go with it,” I answered psychically. “It’ll be fine.”

His gaze cut back to the cop and then to me. “If you get me arrested, you owe me a million dollars.”

“Done.”

“And if there is jail time, you have to explain it to my mom.”

“I’d rather give you another million,” I silently replied. He just glared. I sighed. “Fine. I explain it to your mom.”

“So you’re the baby’s uncle?”

We both turned, realizing that the police officer was speaking to us and not part of our silent conversation. Once again, his body language had shifted back into wary investigation.

“Yeah, yeah.” Alex nodded. “My sister just had a baby and she dumped it on me for the day. I have no idea what I’m doing, so Dylan said he’d help me out.”

The nurse’s eyes flicked back and forth between the cop, Alex, me, and the baby like we were the most interesting TV show on the planet.

“He’s a great mentor,” Alex continued, not even sounding a little sarcastic. “He’s really great with kids. Even babies. Especially babies.”

The cop narrowed his eyes, looking Alex up and down and then back at the baby in my arms. I really hoped he didn’t notice how much different Alex’s skin tone was or that he’d just think it was just weird genetics. They both had dark hair, but that was where the similarities between Alex and the baby ended. My breath hitched in my chest, but I kept the confident smile plastered to my face. Fake it ‘til you make it. Never let ’em see you sweat.

Something thudded in the bathroom again and I groaned internally.

“Like I said, Officer, it was my mistake,” Nurse broke the silence of the room. “I am so sorry for wasting your time.”

This was it. I willed my pulse to stay steady, to keep my breathing even and muscles loose. Fourth down and inches. We were so close.

“I can see that the incident at the hospital rattled you,” the officer finally said. “But you really need to use your brain. Dylan Callahan stealing a baby? That’s ridiculous.”

Another thud from the bathroom. I needed to get the cop out of the house before the goat started screaming. Goats did that right? I seemed to remember a screaming goat meme at some point.

“We really should get her down for a nap,” I said, moving to the door. “And you have your hat, right?”

The cop clutched the signed hat to his chest like a little kid with a treasure. “I do. I really appreciate this, Mr. Callahan.”

“Oh, it’s my pleasure, and please, call me Dylan,” I said, making sure to flash him another photo worthy smile. “I do have a request of you though. Could you keep this quiet? I mean, I have a reputation to uphold. If the other guys hear I babysit, I won’t have a minute of free time after practice. This place would become a daycare.”

“Oh, absolutely. I won’t say a word about the baby,” he assured me, taking slow steps to the door.

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

“Anything for the man about to win me this year’s fantasy league title.” He was going to say more, but the baby started to cry. I couldn’t blame her. There was milk in those grocery bags and she was hungry.

The cop chastised the nurse one more time before thanking me yet again and then finally exiting the door.

“Good luck with the season!” is all I heard as Alex closed the door behind him.

“So, I’m an uncle now?” Alex asked me with a glare. He turned back to the baby. “I’m absolutely buying you a drum-set for her first birthday.”