Chapter 19 #2
“Yeah, about that.” Just then the water ran cooler, and Mike shivered. “Let’s get out of here and into bed. We’ll be warmer in there, and we can talk, okay?”
Tommy nodded, and they quickly rinsed off.
When they were dry and once again under the sheets, Mike lay on his side, facing his young lover.
“Okay, this is important.” Tommy nodded, his gaze focused on Mike’s face.
“Tonight I sort of got the message that you didn’t wanna fuck.
Now, I’m no mind reader. It would’ve been a damn sight easier if you’d actually come right out and said, ‘Mike, can we not have sex tonight?’” When Tommy opened his eyes wide, Mike smiled.
“I know why you didn’t, though. You do not like talking about such things, do you? ”
Tommy bit his lip. “It’s the way I was brought up, y’know? Sex is… dirty.”
Mike stopped dead at that. “That what your parents brought you up to believe?”
He nodded. “An’ that it was sorta… private. You just don’t talk about it.”
Mike regarded him in silence for a moment.
“Baby, sex isn’t dirty.” He hesitated. “Well, it can be, but not in the way you’re thinking.
Sex is beautiful. It can be many things: loving, hotter ’n’ hell, passionate…
. And as for not talking about it, I’m the one you’re having sex with!
You’re supposed to tell me stuff.” He cupped Tommy’s cheek. “Look, when you’re in a relationship….”
Lord, but Tommy’s eyes grew large and round at that. “Relationship?” His lips formed the word like he was tasting it, savoring it.
Mike nodded. “Well, what else do you call it when you’ve been coming over to my house for the last six weeks and spending the night in my bed? Going to the aquarium, the botanical gardens, playing Scrabble….”
Tommy’s eyes sparkled at that one.
“My point is, when two adults are in a relationship, they talk about things, and that includes sex.” He trailed his hand down over Tommy’s chest and flicked his nipple with his thumb.
Tommy shivered, and Mike grinned. “See, I know you like that. Not ’cause you told me, mind you, but because I watch you and I pay attention.
” He did it again. “Now tell me, does that make you feel dirty?”
Tommy’s eyes were wide again. “No,” he whispered. “Feels… feels good.”
Mike leaned forward and kissed Tommy lightly on the mouth.
“I’m glad. You should always feel comfortable enough to tell me when you like something that we do, when you don’t like something, to ask me to do something, even beg me if need be…
.” He chuckled when Tommy coughed suddenly. “So, do you think you can do that?”
Tommy nodded. “Yeah…. Well, I can try.”
He smiled, and seeing the light in his eyes sent warmth spreading through Mike.
“Good, I’m glad we got that straightened out.” Mike grinned and leaned forward. “Does this mean you’re gonna tell me what turns you on?” God, this is fun.
Tommy swallowed hard. “You mean, what I like you doing to me?”
Mike nodded, and Tommy flushed a deep red.
“Okay, maybe this might take a while ’til I feel more comfortable doin’ that.”
Mike couldn’t hold back his laugh, and the bed shook with its force.
Tommy’s ears were bright red, but then he started laughing too.
When they’d regained their composure, Mike rolled onto his back and held out his arm.
Tommy knew what that meant. He edged closer across the mattress until he was lying next to Mike, his head on Mike’s chest.
“Okay, now can you tell me what’s been on your mind?” Mike stroked his hair absentmindedly.
Tommy’s sigh was warm against his chest. “I got a letter from Momma, but I talked about that with Caroline, Ben’s mom. She helped me calm down a little, but then she asked me somethin’ that got me thinkin’.”
“What was that?”
Tommy lay so still for a moment that Mike could almost have believed he’d fallen asleep.
“She asked me what you did, apart from workin’ at Woofs, an’ it made me realize how little I know ’bout you.”
Fuck. Mike knew the fear was irrational, but that didn’t stop his heartbeat from racing. It was only when he realized that Tommy would be able to feel it that he managed to calm himself. He inhaled slowly. “Okay,” he began, “I suppose it’s a fair point.”
Now’s the perfect opportunity to tell him about the porn.
He could almost hear Kevin yelling at him, “What are you waiting for? Tell him!” But he couldn’t.
Just… couldn’t. He’d been here too many times, had felt the same swell of hope that this time it would work out: this time his revelation wouldn’t get the same reaction.
He thought he’d found that hope with Dirk, thought he’d finally found what he’d been searching for—only to have that hope battered to a bloody pulp three years down the line when Dirk confessed how he really felt.
Not this time. Not with Tommy. The thought of seeing all the light die in those gorgeous eyes, watching that dawning horror….
Mike wasn’t prepared to run the risk. Not yet, anyway. It was still early in their relationship for all that. He’d told Kevin that he would reveal the truth, but now he came to think about it….
“I’m an only child. When I was eight years old, my dad divorced my mom. He lives in Texas, and we’re not close.” He kissed Tommy’s forehead. “Remember what I said about not getting to choose our blood relatives?” Tommy nodded. “Well, my dad still thinks being gay is a choice.”
“Aw, I’m sorry, Mike.” Tommy placed his hand on Mike’s chest, rubbing him there.
That felt really good. “It is what it is. Anyhoo, Mom brought me up on her own. She was a working class girl from Atlanta, and she’s worked hard all her life in department stores downtown. And she has no problem with having a gay son.”
“That’s good.” Tommy stirred, snuggling closer. Mike heard the first note of fatigue creeping into his voice. He stretched out his arm and switched off the lamp, plunging the room into semidarkness.
“I finished high school and went off to college, where I majored in business. I graduated after four years from Georgia Tech. All through college I worked in bars. Back then I was earning $300 a night as a barback. I worked my way up to bartender at the Armory in midtown Atlanta, working nights, including weeknights. It wasn’t long before I realized I was making more money working in gay bars than I would be in a job related to my degree. So I stuck with that.”
“It really pays that much?” Tommy said with a yawn.
Mike chuckled. “I was working full time at Backstreet bar.” He sighed. “Happy days. That was a great club.” That was about as far as he could go with his history.
Tommy rolled away from him and onto his other side, grabbing Mike’s arm and pulling it over his waist. “No wonder you’re so good at your job,” he said drowsily. Not surprising, since it was past three in the morning.
“Go to sleep, Tommy.” Mike curved his body around Tommy’s, relishing the feel of muscle and firm flesh.
Tommy was slightly longer in the body than Mike and wider.
“We can talk more tomorrow.” Mike had something wrapped up and ready to leave with him, to be opened the following weekend.
That was gonna be all kinds of fun. Mike had been planning this for a week.
“’Kay.”
Tommy was already making those cute little noises that told Mike he was half asleep.
Mike splayed his hand across Tommy’s chest, feeling the reassuring beat of his heart beneath Mike’s fingertips.
He nuzzled Tommy’s hair, breathing him in, letting the scent of freshly washed hair and clean skin fill his senses.
Mike’s last thought before sleep took him was that this felt perfect.
Too perfect to run the risk of losing it. If the day ever came when he thought Tommy could deal, then he’d consider it. Not yet.