Chapter 11
I sighed at Lucas and Nat’s antics and opened my eyes, scanning the room as they came into focus and adjusting to the scene that lay before me.
Lucas and Nat yelled in unison,“Merry Christmas!”
I gasped, the breath completely stolen from me. How had they managed this? My hands covered my mouth as I took several more steps into the room and turned in a slow circle.
Beautiful hardwood floor covered with some comfy area rugs, a mini fridge and coffee bar. A comfy chair and lounge. Art prints framed with my favorite fictional locations alongside pictures of my family and friends.
Books. So many books spread out over shelves that covered every bare part of the wall.
There were fairy lights and dim lighting creating a calming atmosphere. There was even a neon sign strung up proclaiming this was “Becks’ Library”.
Bookish merchandise was scattered among the shelves and everywhere I looked was another perfect detail and it was utterly overwhelming.
“Breathe,” I felt Lucas’ hands on my arms and took a deep shuddering breath in.
“How?” I whispered “It's too much.”
“It's nothing.” Lucas scoffed. “Those extra night shifts, I was out here building this. Laying the floor and painting and building shelves. I had stuff shipped to the station and Nick and Trevor helped me smuggle it in. I owe Nick big because he’d drive me here from the station so my truck was there,” he laughed and continued, “It's not too much. It's everything you deserve and more. Nat helped me. Monica and her girls helped me. You deserved a special space, Becks. Somewhere quiet to just be, baby.”
Tears were pouring off of my face and I was shaking as I walked forward, taking in the shelves, each book, each piece of merchandise, the blankets strewn about.
My favorite coffee and ingredients stocked the bar and I opened the mini fridge to more snacks and drinks that I Lucas had learned were my favorites.
“I picked out all the books on these shelves,” Nat announced, grabbing my hand and pulling me over to a specific shelf, “They’re books I remembered you loved but would never keep. I remembered you checking them out or finding everywhere we went. Dad even found a few that were signed by the author.”
She was grinning, but looking at me unsure, probably because I was a snotty, sobbing mess.
“Nat, it's absolutely perfect. Thank you, sweet girl.” I wrapped my arms around my baby and hugged her tightly to me, still in shock.
“The outside is going to be redone this summer,” Lucas added, watching us. “Make it pretty to look at out there too.” He stepped forward, handing me a keychain with one key on it. The keychain read, “Beck’s Library” and had books stamped on it.
“I feel like nothing I say is going to convey what I’m feeling,” I murmured, still gawking around the library.
“You don’t have to say anything,” he soothed, his own voice gruff with emotion as he watched us. “You deserve the world. If I could get the moon for you I would.”
Nat giggled and rolled her eyes.
“You never settle for anything less than this, Peanut,” he added. “You find a man that will strive to give you the world too. You deserve it. Both of you.”
I was bawling again, not sure if I’d ever actually stopped. Lucas walked forward and hugged us both to him. His girls.
“How did you get all this so perfectly decorated?” I asked again.
“Monica, her girls, and Nat came over around eight this morning to place all the books and decor,” he grinned and I gasped. “I wasn’t expecting to oversleep and still be in bed the entire time,” he added a little sheepishly.
“You must’ve been sleeping real good if you were that worn out,” said Nat, walking off oblivious to what we had gotten up to last night that had kept us up so late.
I blushed and Lucas laughed, kissing the top of my head.
“Nat and I will go in and fix some lunch, then we can open the rest of the presents,” Lucas suggested.
Nat nodded eagerly, moving to follow him back into the house.
“There better not be anything else for me!” I warned.
“Nothing I did could even compare to this.” I murmured to myself, lifting my arms up and dropping them, feeling overwhelmed and self-conscious.
“Nat, run on into the house and get your bag unpacked and relax until I get in. Give us a few minutes, yeah?” asked Lucas, keeping his eyes on me.
“Okay. I’ll call Lexi and tell her,” she squealed and took off.
Lucas watched until she got into the house and shut the door to the shed. Walking over to me he gripped my chin between his fingers and tilted my face up to him.
“You listen to me, Rebecca Wareman,” he whispered with authority lacing his voice.
My eyes were wide, looking up at him.
“You don’t owe me shit. You don’t have to give me something in return just because I did something for you. That’s not a relationship. That’s not any kind of relationship. This is love. I did it because I wanted to. My gift is seeing you filled with joy and getting to love you every goddamn day of our lives and beyond. My gift is that little girl out there you brought into my life and let me be a father to. You don’t owe me anything.”
Then his lips were on mine, devouring, his fingers threading through my still loose hair and pulling it back until my neck was arched as he kissed down it.
“Lucas,” I said breathlessly “Nat -”
“Will be on the fucking phone with Lexi and Lacey for an hour if we let her,” he growled, pushing me back against a bookshelf as my body heated. He tugged at the belt closing my robe, letting it fall open and shoved my coat off my shoulders.
His eyes heated as he took in my body, bare before him under the blue satin fabric of the robe he’d bought me months ago. He leaned down, sucking a hardened nipple into his mouth and drawing on it, causing me to cry out, my hands on his shoulders, fingernails digging into his hoodie.
“Better stay quiet,” he murmured, “This shed isn’t soundproof.”
He continued suckling at my nipple before moving over to the other one, nipping at it. His hand delved between my thighs finding me soaked for him, as always.
“Lucas,” I gasped again. “We can’t-”
“Oh, baby girl. We can and we’re gonna,” he growled, standing up to his full height and pushing his pajama pants down to his ankles. His cock sprang free, drops of pre-cum leaking from the tip, and I looked at him whimpering softly. Pressing into my body with his, he lifted my right leg, wrapping it around his hip, guiding his cock to my wet folds and pressing in, bending his knees to angle into me.
“Better hold on,” he warned, voice low, my arms coming around his shoulders tighter as he took my mouth again. Kissing me deeper before thrusting all the way inside of me.
I cried out, the noise swallowed by his kiss as his hips started snapping back and forth quickly. My back pressing into the bookshelves behind me, causing a bite of pain, but adding to the pleasure of the suddenness of the moment and knowing he needed me this badly.
He ground his hips against mine, reaching between us and rubbing my clit with two of his fingers as he looked down between us.
“Look at us,” he demanded, “Look how perfectly you take me, Rebecca. Look how you were fucking made for me.”
I looked down where we were joined, watching his cock slicked with my wetness entering and exiting me and everything rushed over me. The emotions of this morning, the movement of his hips and fingers. How he looked, brow tightened as he focused on getting me to finish before him. Still in his hoodie, pajama pants around his ankles. Me in my open robe. In my new library.
I clenched around him, groaning softly, already close.
“Lucas-” I breathed out.
“That’s right. You’re gonna come for me, Rebecca. All over me. Take everything, baby.”
He drove harder and faster against me and I practically screamed as his mouth covered mine and I orgasmed around him, milking him as he moaned into my mouth and followed.
We stood, him inside me, foreheads against each other, panting, our chests heaving, and he looked at me, brushing my hair off my forehead.
“I love you. So fucking much it hurts sometimes.” he promised.
“I love you the same way.” I pulled his head down kissing him softly.
He pulled back and slid from my body, smiling at the sight of his come leaking out of me. His large hands closed my robe, tying it, before leaning down and pulling his pajamas up.
“You enjoy your library for a while. Nat and I are gonna fix lunch.”
Like he hadn’t just given me the gift of all gifts with a side of orgasm against the bookshelves.
I snorted in disbelief of the scenario and he leaned down kissing the tip of my nose.
“Enjoy it, Rebecca” he whispered, then he turned and left, shutting the door behind him and leaving me in my own library.
I immediately looked around again, my hands still trembling from the surprise, emotions, and orgasm. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed one number.
“Did you cry?” Monica’s voice was filled with levity. I could hear Lexi and Lacey speaking to Nat on the phone in the background.
“You are a brat!” I exclaimed, bursting into tears again.
“Aw, Becks. You deserve everything. ll the good things,” she said, sounding tearful herself.
“So do you,” I whispered.
“We need to have a wine and book night soon,” she added. “I was drooling over that library this morning before we left to wake you and sleepy-head up.”
I blushed even though she couldn’t see me and snorted.
“Thank you, Monica.” I said, running my hand over a bookshelf lovingly.
“You’re welcome, Rebecca,” she replied. “I love you. I’ll text you when we get there and see you tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
Hanging up I shot a text off to Trevor and Nick to thank them for all their help as well.
I laughed at their responses and shook my head. Pulling one of my favorite books off of the shelf, I sat in the overstuffed chair and opened it, gasping when I saw it was signed by the author. I ran my fingertips over the signature, tears dripping off of my face again, and I snuggled down to read.
“Family meeting in the living room!”
Tossing the used towel in the laundry room off the kitchen, I walked over, peeking around the corner at Lucas standing in front of the Christmas tree.
“Family meeting?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow.
“I didn’t stutter,” he stated, grinning with his hands on his hips. “Get in here.”
“What am I grounded, daddy?” I sassed and watched his gray eyes darken, arms crossing in front of his chest. He took a step towards me just as Nat burst into the room.
“We’ll table that for later,” he spoke, his eyes promising me what he couldn’t say.
“Am I in trouble?” Nat asked plopping down on the couch.
“No one is in trouble. You all have guilty consciences,” laughed Lucas.
“What’s going on then?” I sat by my daughter wrapping an arm around her shoulders, even as she made a face at me.
“We need to talk to Nat about the things that have been bothering you lately and triggering you too, Becks.” Lucas spoke seriously now gauging my reaction. “She’s old enough to know things have happened that have made her mom anxious and it’s been worse lately.”
My head turned, meeting my daughter’s blue eyes even as she was nodding in agreement.
“How can we make it better?” she asked, head tilted.
Blowing out a breath, I leaned back, letting my head fall onto the back of the couch.
“None of that,” came Lucas’ voice,“things need to change.”
I straightened again, staring at both of them.
“You all aren’t doing anything wrong on purpose.”
“We know, Mom. But we want to help make things easier. So you’re not … what’s that word?”
“Triggered, Peanut,” Lucas nodded.
“You’ve talked about this?” I asked, meeting Lucas’ eyes.
He nodded, watching, still gauging my reaction.
Sighing, I conceded.
“The only thing is the messes,” I began softly, “It’s not a big deal to normal people…”
“Hey,” Lucas scolded sternly. He shook his head as he spoke, “none of that.”
I felt my cheeks heat, “Clark…he didn’t let me clean.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. “I know. A grown adult. But he made me live in filth. It was part of his mental mind games. It’s just little things. Putting things back where they go, putting dirty clothes in the hamper, wiping cabinets down? I know it’s so silly. But it just…it messes with me so badly.”
Nat’s small hands covered mine, where I had unconsciously started picking at my fingernails.
“Mom. It’s ok.” She said, sounding wise beyond her years. “I’ll try to do better. I promise.”
“For that matter, I will too.” Lucas added. “And we need to start being open with each other instead of staying quiet about what bothers us. These family meetings can be called by anyone. Anytime. Day or night. We’re a unit. A family. We love and care about each other. We have to communicate.”
I was just staring at them both through a film of tears. Why was I always crying lately? I made things so much harder on myself than they needed to be.
“Thank you.” I spoke softly, my voice shaking. “I’ll try to be better about speaking up when something’s bothering me instead of just holding it in until I snap. I love you both more than anything else.”
“We love you too, Mom.” Nat replied wrapping her arms around me tightly as Lucas smiled at me.
“Open it! Open it!”
Lucas was being as loud as Nat at this point. She was working on opening her presents in our cozy living room. The snow had started again and cast a picturesque atmosphere behind the lit Christmas tree.
He had never gotten to experience a Christmas morning through the eyes of a parent and he was relishing it. He kept looking at me like an eager puppy and my stomach got butterflies watching him dote on our little girl.
She’d gotten a new pair of sneakers she’d been asking for for months, knee pads for volleyball, a cell phone case, and several gift cards. Practically breathless with overstimulation and Lucas’ antics she’d worked her way to the last small box that I didn’t remember wrapping. I looked at Lucas with an eyebrow raised and he just shook his head at me.
Nat’s fingers worked in a frenzy through the wrapping paper and revealed a white box. Opening the lid, she gasped, and immediately burst into tears.
“Nat! Honey?” I laughed, walking over to where she sat and wrapping my arm around her. I looked inside the box and immediately understood.
Inside lay two blue cat collars, complete with little bells on them. She’d begged for a feline friend for as long as I could remember. We’d never been able to have one with all the picking up and running throughout the years.
Lucas and I had talked about adopting a pair of kittens someday, both okay with the idea, and apparently her dad had chosen this as her Christmas surprise.
“Oh, sweetheart,” I laughed softly, kissing the top of her head.
“Do you like it? I have an in at the animal shelter through animal control. They said we could stop in tomorrow night and look at the kittens then, with no one else around.”
Nat just stood up and threw herself into his arms.
I watched my little girl soaking up all the love this man had to give us and got teary again myself.
They’d fixed a wonderful Christmas Eve lunch of boxed macaroni and cheese and came and got me from my cozy library when it was ready.
Locking it up and giving it an unbelieving shake of my head I’d followed them back in to eat. Afterwards we took turns opening our presents. Lucas was last to go and he only had a few.
One from me and one from Natasha. There was an envelope for him on the tree that he had no idea about from both of us. When it was his turn, after watching his girls open their presents Natasha was practically vibrating with anticipation again.
He was overzealous about the “World’s #1 Dad” travel mug that Natasha had gotten him and even got a little misty-eyed himself.
I’d given him a watch that I’d seen him looking at months before, that he passed by because he said his old one worked just fine. Lucas scolded me thoroughly for it, to Natasha’s delight, and I put him in place when I reminded me he’d gifted me a fully furnished library.
“We have something else for you, Dad.” Natasha walked to the Christmas tree and grabbed the envelope nestled in its branches. Smiling softly at me I returned the grin and watched her present it to him suddenly shy.
My hand covered my mouth because I was already near tears. We’d talked about this and I knew he wanted to do it, but we hadn’t bitten the bullet yet.
“What else could you all have given me that I don’t already have?” Lucas joked.
“Just open it.” Nat said, even more quietly now.
Lucas’ gray eyes met hers a little worriedly as his finger slid along the envelope, opening it slowly.
I kept telling myself I was not going to cry again.
Unfolding the small stack of papers, Lucas froze and I watched this six-foot-six man, covered in tattoos, dissolve into full-blown tears himself.
Natasha had handwritten a single question on the first page,
You already let me call you Dad. Can we make it official?
I went and had all the paperwork drawn up as we’d been working on it together for a while. He had been so unsuspecting that I’d done everything and all he’d have to do is sign along the dotted line.
Nat was crying.
I was crying.
Lucas was crying.
“Yes, Peanut. Of course I want to make it official in every single way we can.”
Nat jumped into his lap and they held each other while he smiled at me tearfully over her head.
My heart felt full, warm, and a weight seemed to roll off my shoulders.
Somehow, in that single moment, everything felt settled and more peaceful than it had in a long time.
Lucas kissed the top of Natasha’s head and stood, walking over to me, pulling me up to stand with him. Then he dipped me back and kissed me in front of our tree as Nat yelled gross and hid behind the pillow.
Everything was as it should be