Chapter 23
Zafar
Countless thoughts and feelings were powering through Zafar and he couldn’t figure out what to focus on first. The buzzing in his ears had reached a crescendo and he felt like he was vibrating with emotion.
It wasn’t like Reshma to duck out like she had with hardly a word and after seeing her with Safiya twice at the wedding, he had a feeling it might have something to do with his cousin, so he’d come after her. Even if it hadn’t been about Safiya, he wanted to make sure Reshma was all right.
He’d been wanting to approach Safiya all day, but his feet had been glued to the spot whenever he’d considered making his way towards her, his old nemesis guilt holding him hostage.
The fact that Safiya was so close to him and yet so far had made him want to break something.
She’d looked almost the same as she always had, yet different in many ways too.
She’d made her way to Reshma and spoken to her and they’d both hugged each other.
Zafar had felt both pain and satisfaction at the sight and had wanted to go over there and pull his cousin – his sister – into his arms, but he hadn’t.
It had left him feeling incredibly frustrated.
The only time he hadn’t felt like that was when he’d been entranced by Reshma.
When she’d walked into the hall behind Saleema on Shoaib’s arm – she’d looked stunning and his feelings for her had blossomed within him until they’d filled him completely.
Her smile had been bright enough to light the entire venue.
Or during the nikah, when his mind had rewound back to when he and Reshma had been sitting on either side of a partition like that, and then the partition had been removed and he’d seen her for the first time dressed as a bride. His bride.
While Saleema and Nomaan’s nikah ceremony had been going on, he’d listened to the imam’s sermon and reflected on his own marriage.
He no longer lamented the fact that he’d made mistakes or that his marriage hadn’t had the best start, but instead he felt grateful that he’d realised his errors and had set about trying to rectify them.
He was pleased that he and Reshma were in a better place than they had been when they’d both come out here separately.
The connection he’d felt towards her in that moment had been so strong, he’d felt a keen need to touch her, to know he was connected to her in every way that counted. He’d held her hand as the nikah had been concluded, feeling a sense of peace imbue his body.
And then he’d seen her with Safiya again and that restlessness had come back, except the feeling hadn’t shifted. He hoped to God that whatever Reshma and Safiya had spoken about hadn’t caused either of them distress.
Seeing Reshma leave the villa when they’d all been relaxing had struck him as odd and he’d been right to think something was going on.
Reshma and Safiya were standing in the communal garden hugging each other before Safiya pulled back and looked at Reshma questioningly.
‘You said Zaf is finding it difficult. What did he say to you?’
‘How about asking me that yourself, Saf?’ He’d spoken without even realising he was about to and both women turned and looked at him in surprise.
‘Zaf.’ Safiya whispered the word and Zafar closed his eyes as grief overwhelmed him.
Grief over the time they’d lost with each other.
Grief at having failed her. Grief at not having heard her say his name in six long years and, worst of all, grief at her feeling unable to come and speak to him or Daadi.
As though she had something to be ashamed about, when that was as far from the truth as it was possible to be.
Zafar opened his eyes, feeling the sting of tears in them.
He didn’t say anything, silently opening his arms for his cousin, and she only took a second to close the distance between them before her arms were wrapped around his middle and her face was pressed against his chest as both of them let their tears fall freely.
He saw Reshma swipe her fingers under her eyes and loosened one arm from around Safiya, holding his hand out to Reshma. She took a few steps towards him and he clasped her hand tightly in his, determined to show her how important she was to him.
He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but when Zafar felt he had a better hold over his overflowing emotions, he moved Safiya back and dried her tears with his thumbs.
She hiccuped and then gave him a grin reminiscent of the kind she used to give him years before their lives had been torn asunder.
‘Come and see Daadi, Saf. She’ll be over the moon to see you and to be able to hold you close after so long.
Give her that chance.’ He watched as the brightness that had filled her eyes dimmed slightly.
‘No one, and I mean no one , is disappointed with you. If anything, it’s me who’s been a disappointment.
I should have done so much more for you.
I should have put a stop to things more forcefully. I should have—’
Saf covered his lips with her finger and shook her head. ‘You did everything you could. I know you did. So did the others. Going over that now is …’ She shook her head, not finishing her sentence. ‘I’ve missed you all so much. Let’s not waste time by talking about the past. Let’s go and see Daadi.’
Zafar turned towards the path leading back to their villa, Safiya’s arm firmly linked through his, filling him with a strong sense of relief.
He took one step and then turned to find Reshma walking behind them.
He held his other hand out for her, waiting for her to take it before he moved.
She smiled tentatively before placing her hand in his and he held it tightly as he pulled her beside him, and together, they made their way back to the villa.
Daadi became a complete watering pot at the sight of her granddaughter, only managing to stop her tears when Safiya suggested she come back later if Daadi was too upset to talk.
She rallied round pretty quickly after that and sat on the sofa, holding Safiya’s hand in both of hers.
‘I just want to look at you, sweetheart. For six years, I’ve not looked upon your face and I’ve missed it more than I’ll ever be able to express. I just want to look my fill.’
Safiya had given Daadi another quick hug before turning her smiling face towards Reshma.
‘You can thank Reshma for today. I was on the fence about seeing you and Zaf, but she convinced me to. I can’t thank you enough, Reshma.
You’re an absolute gem.’ Safiya got up and went towards where Reshma was standing, enveloping her in a hug.
Zafar felt his being flood with gratitude for the fact that he’d been blessed with someone like Reshma in his life.
She was so selfless in her consideration for others.
In truth, without her, he didn’t think he’d have been able to make the first move with Safiya.
Not out of stubbornness, but more because of his guilt and a fear of Safiya rejecting him.
He moved towards her when Safiya eased back, heading over to Daadi. Reshma smiled, her cheeks filling with colour as though she were unsure about how to take the compliment.
‘Saf’s right. You are a gem. Thank you for making this happen.’ He pointed to where Daadi was holding Safiya against her chest once more as they sat beside each other on the sofa.
Reshma smiled at him and he cupped her cheek, feeling overcome with his feelings for this woman. ‘Go and sit with her. Talk to her.’
He nodded but stepped forward and gently pressed his lips against her forehead, inhaling her scent.
They all sat there chatting for a considerable period of time.
Daadi asked Safiya about her life in Nairobi, but she seemed to skim over the topic, moving it back to their life in London and wanting to catch up on what she’d missed.
No one broached the topic of their grandfather reaching out to her before he died and Safiya not responding.
It was better to leave some topics untouched for now.
Daadi suppressed a few yawns, but when she could no longer keep her eyes open, Zafar encouraged her to get some sleep.
‘No. I don’t want to miss any time with Safiya.’
Safiya promised to see her again the next day and, eventually, Daadi agreed to do as her grandchildren asked, hugging and kissing them individually before giving Reshma her full attention.
‘God has been very benevolent in blessing us with you. You’re like a bright star, filling everyone’s lives with your light.
God bless you, sweetheart.’ Zafar could see Reshma blink back tears as Daadi showered her with affection.
Daadi then left them to go to her room and Reshma said she would go upstairs, letting him catch up with Safiya.
He was reluctant to let her go and told her as much when she got up and he followed her, but she said she was pretty tired.
‘Besides, you need this time with Safiya. I know you’d be happy for me to stay, but trust me, you both deserve this moment together.
Enjoy it and you can tell me all about it over breakfast.’ She reached up and kissed his cheek and turned to leave.
Zafar held onto her hand and turned her back, taking her face in his hands.
‘You’re the best, you know that, right?’ He tapped her nose with his and she smiled, filling all the dark voids in him with her brightness.
He pressed his lips against hers, the soft pressure of her lips fanning the dormant flames of desire within him until he heard a soft clearing of the throat behind him.
He pulled back, and after a wave at Safiya, Reshma turned and went upstairs, softly closing the door to their bedroom behind her.
Zafar turned to Safiya and watched as the smile that had been on her face the whole time slowly disappeared, her shoulders slumping and a visible fatigue taking over her frame.