Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
JAX
Slinging an arm around Asher, I pulled him closer and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.
He smelled like sweat and sex, and it wasn’t an awful combination.
Lukas had agreed to help me, then had promptly sent me downstairs.
He must have known they were here, but I doubted he knew what they were doing when I walked in.
I think they were supposed to be dealing with whatever fresh mess that was by the closet.
“What’s with the clothes?” I asked, scanning the piles. A safety vest. A cowboy hat. A tool belt. “Did the Village People die and bequeath you their outfits?”
Asher let out an inelegant snort. “Close. They were Leo’s.”
“Oh fuck. Sorry.” The urge to dig a hole and crawl into it and die struck me.
Asher snuggled close while Blue got up off the floor, put his dick away, and cuddled in next to me.
“It’s okay,” Asher said. “I’ve been through some emotions this week.
I’ve done a lot of thinking about the three of us and what I want, and what I used to think I wanted.
I’ve spent the past couple of years kind of lost, you know.
Losing Leo fucked with me. It still does.
And I’ve done all kinds of things trying to feel closer to him. ”
He paused, taking a minute to gather his thoughts so he could continue. Blue and I stayed quiet and let him lead the conversation. We’d have our turns later.
“I think I do love Lukas, but not in a romantic way. When I kissed him, I was so mad. I expected this spark. This heat. This undeniable something to light up between us like a beacon showing me that I was on the right path. But there was nothing. It was… kind of shit, actually.”
I started to laugh and stopped myself. Blue poked me in the ribs, but Asher laughed too.
“It’s okay. It is a little funny. It was like being a kid and waiting all year for Christmas and then you finally get what you want, but it sucks.
It’s like that. I was kind of fucked up about that for a little while too.
And it took a bit for me to realize that I did love Lukas.
I do. I always will. I love him the same way I love Leo.
He’s a brother to me.” Asher paused again then said in a softer, more timid voice. “He’s family.”
“You sound scared,” Blue said, reaching for Asher’s hand.
I watched the way their fingers twined together, seeking comfort and closeness.
“If you haven’t noticed, I keep losing my family. Leo was all I had.”
“With all due respect to him, he did you a huge disservice by keeping you apart from his support network. I get that he thought he was protecting you from the big bad adult industry, but it’s kind of insulting that he didn’t trust us with you when Lukas and everyone else here has had your back from day one. ”
Asher stiffened next to me and I wondered if I’d gone too far, but I couldn’t regret finally saying something about it. “Leo was a good guy, Asher. I don’t want you to think I didn’t like him. He was a hell of a nice guy. But he fucked up.”
“I know,” Asher said. Not sadly. Not with regret or remorse or admonishment. “I’ve been pissed at him on and off about that for the past two years.” Asher took a deep breath then let it out slowly. “I’m sorry that I hurt you. Both of you.”
He looked up at me, and I could see the depth of his regret in his expression.
“I shouldn’t have ran off the other day,” Blue said.
“I’ve been hurt a lot, and I wish I could blame other people, but a lot of my wounds have been self-inflicted.
I used to have a very skewed idea of what love was, and I’d find myself getting too attached to people too quickly. Especially if I had sex with them.”
Blue shifted uncomfortably so I pulled him closer. Held him tighter, letting him know without words that I wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was he. Blue glanced up at me and shot me a shy smile before plowing ahead.
“So then I stopped having sex outside of work. It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it helped me understand myself better and why I got so attached to people so quickly.
My rules existed for a reason, and it freaked me out that I broke them.
That was why I ran out the other day. I don’t think it was all your fault for talking about Lukas.
” Blue let out a sigh. “I probably need more therapy.”
“I can give you the name of my therapist if you want.” Asher laughed.
“I just started seeing her, but so far she’s great.
She’s good with the whole sex worker vocation, and she laughs at my awkward jokes.
Of course, she quickly turns around and makes me delve into why I made that particular joke, but I digress. ”
“You’re in therapy?” I asked. Therapy was a big step and the fact that he’d taken the initiative made pride bloom in my chest.
“It’s a new thing I’m trying out. She had some cancellations, and I was able to snag a couple of appointments in a short time. It was like winning the therapy lottery.”
“I’ll think about it. I’m not sure how serious I was being.” Blue said, then he looked up at me. “What about you? Any therapy on the horizon for you?”
“Nope. But I do have orders to bring you both home to meet my dad, so maybe after that happens, I’ll have to schedule some.”
“Ha-ha. Very funny.” Blue rolled his eyes at me.
“Does he really want to meet us?” Asher seemed almost dumbfounded.
“Of course he does.” Unable to resist the urge, I cupped Asher’s cheek and tilted his face up. “He knows how important both of you are to me.”
Leaning in, I brushed my lips against his. Keeping the kiss soft and chaste was almost fucking impossible with how worked up I’d been when I walked in and saw them together.
As I pulled away, Asher looked up at me with those round eyes and a somewhat startled expression.
“What? Is it hard to believe that you matter to me?” I asked him.
“And me,” Blue added. Sliding halfway into my lap, he took his turn kissing Asher.
God, I could watch the two of them for hours. Days.
Lifetimes.
“I just—why?” Asher cut off a laugh. “I’m a disaster. I’m too emotional, and I don’t have my shit together.”
“Ash, honey, I made a list of rules about when I could and could not have sex with people because I kept getting my feelings hurt. None of us are perfect. Even mister basketball shorts over here.”
“Hey. What did they ever do to you?”
Blue merely arched an eyebrow at me. “They’re all you own.”
“I own pants. Proper ones even. I have jeans too. But these are comfortable.”
“I don’t know,” Asher said. “I think we need proof.”
“Ooh. Proof. I like proof,” Blue gleefully agreed.
“I can see where this relationship is going. The two of you better not make a habit of teaming up on me.” I pretended to be put out by their attack on my wardrobe.
Sighing, I rolled my eyes. “Fine, if it means that much to you. I’ll take you both out on a date, and I’ll take you somewhere that basketball shorts aren’t allowed.
Maybe I’ll take you to a nice theme restaurant.
We can borrow some of Leo’s cowboy stuff and hit up a Texas Roadhouse or something. ”
Asher poked me in the ribs. “Not funny,” he said, and were it not for the grin on his face or the sparkle in his eyes, I might have believed him.
“Leo never met a character he didn’t want to play.
It seemed a shame to just throw everything away.
I know there’s a lot here, but Lukas can give away the ones he’ll never use. ”
“Are you sure you want to get rid of all this stuff?” I rubbed my hand up and down Asher’s back.
“I have lots of his stuff at home still. Some of his clothes. Some sentimental stuff. I’m okay with letting this go. It’s time.” Asher let out a deep breath, and he seemed to melt into me. “I’m fucking tired, though. I feel like I haven’t slept in a week.”
Blue reached over and brushed a strand of hair out of Asher’s face. “Why don’t you curl up and have a nap while Jax and I put the rest of this stuff away for you?”
“Aren’t I a little old for a nap?” Asher grumbled.
Blue got to his feet and grabbed the blanket off the back of the recliner. I got to my feet so Asher could stretch out, and Blue covered him with the blanket. Asher curled up on his side and pulled the blanket up to his chin.
“I’m probably not going to sleep, you know,” Asher said and then immediately yawned.
I leaned down and ruffled his hair, then kissed his forehead. “Do what you’re told.”
Asher’s cheeks flared pink when I said that, and he gave no further argument. Blue and I exchanged a look. Mine was curious, but Blue’s was practically feral with pleasure.
Blue and I tried to be as quiet as we could while we got to work loading everything into the closet. After a few minutes, he glanced over, then nudged me. Asher was fast asleep, his mouth hanging partway open, the blanket clutched in his fist.
“Out like a light,” Blue whispered.
“Are we going to talk about how red he got when I told him what to do? Is it just me, or does that have the potential to be so fucking hot?”
“Believe me…” Blue’s smile was edged with mischief. “It is.”
It only took a couple seconds for me to grasp the meaning of what he said. “Jesus Christ, I wish I’d come downstairs earlier.”
Blue paused, turning to me with a pair of wings in his hands. “What were you doing here anyway? Not that you’re not allowed to be at Lukas’s house. We just didn’t expect you.”
It was my turn to turn red-faced. I took the wings from Blue and tried to get them to stay on a hanger. “I came to talk to Lukas about Asher.”
Giving up on the wings, I set them aside for now. “I wanted his approval. To date Asher.”
Blue’s eyes softened and he gave me the dopiest-looking grin. “You’re as soft as a marshmallow.”
“That’s not currently accurate.” I shot Blue a knowing look, and he glanced down at the bulge in my basketball shorts.
“Are you kidding me?” He stifled a laugh.
“I can’t help it. I walk in on a wet dream, and then it’s all conversation and cuddles. And now I’m just thinking about you in those fucking angel wings.”
“Maybe we can be quiet.”
He reached for me, but I caught his hands. Bringing them to my mouth, I dusted a kiss against his knuckles, then another one against his lips.
“I want to wait until after our date.”
Blue let out a sigh and gently tugged his hands out of mine. “You’re really upset I said shit about your shorts, aren’t you?”
I gave him the side-eye but couldn’t keep the goofy smile off my face. “I’ll get you back for that. Just watch.”
“Oh no, I’m scared.”
Blue proved how terrified he was by pressing a kiss against my cheek. “For the record, Jax, I like your shorts. I like everything about you.”
“I like everything about you too.” It wasn’t quite a love confession, but it would do for now.