Chapter 9 #2
I finish reviewing the approved questions and talking points for the pod this evening, trying not to be distracted by the little groans leaving his lips in response to a series of text alerts on his phone.
I don’t want to pry. It’s none of my business, but I can’t help sneaking a look.
His face pulls and his brows knit together as he scrolls through whatever he’s reading.
He sighs deeply, fingers swiping over the screen, and I can’t stop myself getting a better look at what’s got him so agitated.
‘Who’s that?’ I know I shouldn’t be peering over his shoulder, but there’s a very good-looking man on his phone and my eyes can’t exactly avoid the sight.
‘Urgh. This is prospect number six-hundred-and-ten at this point.’ He groans, before swiping over to the next photo – a shirtless version of the previous man. He’s got a toned six-pack, tanned skin and dark, neatly trimmed body hair. He’s the full package body-wise, at least.
‘Sorry, prospect what? Why are you pouting over a hot man?’
‘I’m not pouting. It’s just this is like a weekly occurrence at this point – my mom sending me a Facebook profile of a guy she’d like to set me up with.’ His mum has great taste because this guy is gorgeous. As Caleb minimises the picture, I spot that the guy’s occupation is listed as ‘Doctor’.
‘Hot and smart. What’s the issue again?’
Caleb zooms in on the guy’s location, showing it to be Caleb’s home state, then shows it to me.
‘And?’ I say.
‘Sorry, do we not spend nine months together on the road?’
Oh. Makes sense. Wow, I’d never thought about it like that, which is ridiculous because in this sport, unless you work together – which I obviously would not recommend – you aren’t going to see your partner a lot of the year.
‘Okay, you have a point. How do you, uh, deal with that?’
I’m not sure what I’m asking, but it’s out before my brain registers that it’s an inappropriate question to ask a colleague.
‘I don’t. I’ve completely sworn off relationships.’
‘Forever?’
I’m astounded.
He shrugs, so clearly there’s a story there. But I definitely can’t ask about it, especially when I haven’t been forthcoming with anyone about my relationship troubles.
‘My first and last boyfriend, Brad, was my college sweetheart. We were together for four years – I graduated from college, in three years, by the way – and he wanted us to move in together that final year. So we did. His parents bought, yes, bought a twenty-one-year-old couple a house and life was brilliant. We lived there for six months and I was crazy enough to start looking at rings. Then, the day I found out I got into my master’s programme, I came home to find him shagging another guy in our bed. ’
When he’s finished speaking, he physically heaves out a breath, like he knew that if he stopped at any point during the story he wouldn’t have continued.
I wish I could throw my arms around him, because that must fucking suck. It does fucking suck. To think you’re about to spend forever with someone and then poof! Gone. Betrayal.
‘I’m so sorry, man. He must have been a fucking idiot. You’re a great guy. Fuck him, because look at you now. In a fantastic job, with one of the best teams in the world. And, well, you get to work with me every day.’
I nudge him with my elbow, drawing a smile out of him.
‘Well, when you put it like that.’ He’s smiling, though, so that’s something.
‘I’m just over it. I don’t feel like going through that hurt again.
But my parents, they love love. All three of my older brothers are married with kids.
My parents have been married just over fifty years.
They think I need the same thing to be happy. ’
‘But you don’t?’
I would have agreed with him until I watched Harper fall madly in love and how it’s only made his life better. I gave it a try and got fucked over, so either I was doing it wrong or I’m not one of the lucky ones. Or maybe I just don’t deserve it. I flinch inwardly.
‘I love my job, I love this sport, I love the travel, and I love working on my PhD. It’s enough.’
‘It’s a lot, for sure,’ I say dumbly. But is it enough?
I’m too hungover to be getting this deep thirty-thousand feet in the air.
He shrugs again, offering me a half-smile, which tells me that maybe he’s only half happy. Half happy is more than I am right now, but maybe once I get another win under my belt I’ll feel more like the old Johannes.
‘Try telling that to my mom. She would love for me to come home and live on their street with my husband and our kids. Don’t get me wrong, she supports me following my dreams, but I know she’d love to have all four of her boys close by.’
‘The same street? That’s … close.’
He shoots me a glare. ‘Two of my brothers live on the street and my other brother lives two blocks over. The only house close enough for her would be next door.’
‘Wow, that is … a lot.’
‘I love them, though. They’ve always been such good parents, so I can’t complain.’
The captain announces that we’re beginning our descent and asks everyone to prepare for landing, so I return my seat to its normal position.
‘What’s your plan for whilst you’re in the UK? Do you have somewhere to stay?’
‘I don’t have a permanent place. Even though we’re in the UK more than anywhere, it’s too much hassle to manage it while we’re away, so I normally get like a short-term lease or an Airbnb, but I haven’t this time, so it’s the hotel for me with some of the other guys.’
It’s on the tip of my tongue to invite him to stay in my London apartment.
It’s where, once upon a time, Harper and I lived together.
But would that be weird? I’ve had Nils stay with me before when he first joined the team, but most people do their own thing.
We’re on top of each other for most of the year, so people appreciate having their own space whenever possible.
Except, it does get kind of crappy spending so many nights a year in a hotel room, doesn’t it?
Before I can stop myself, the words are flying out of my mouth. ‘You can stay with me.’
The plane touches down with a solid thunk and we are pushed backwards in our seats as the brakes engage. Caleb stares wordlessly at me like I’ve just dropped from outer space.
‘If you want…’ I add, trailing off uncertainly.