Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
Johannes
In the backseat of the car that Caleb’s arranged to return us to the hotel, we’re both quiet. There’s hardly any space between us and I itch to reach for him.
He must be thinking the same thing, because he shuffles over a little and covers my hand with his, locking our fingers together. It’s a small peace offering but it’s precious.
The elevator ride is silent, neither of us even bothering to check for any of our colleagues in the corridor as I slide my key card into the door of my room and let him in.
The door is hardly shut when he pulls me into the tightest hug, my hands fisting in the back of his team jumper and clutching him like a lifeline.
I couldn’t be more grateful for this man right now, for the way he’s given me everything I need today despite us being in a not-so-great place.
He’s stood by and supported me when he didn’t have to, when I wouldn’t have blamed him for abandoning me.
There are so many reasons that I love him, but his compassion and the way he supports me are some of the biggest.
‘I know I owe you an explanation, but it’s been quite a fucking day.
When you said the crash was between Nils and Harper, I just about lost it.
I didn’t see it, but I heard it and it sounded so bad.
’ I finally pull away from where we’ve been clutching at each other and gesture to the bed for us to sit down.
He discards his jumper and I take off my jacket before we shuffle up to the top of the bed to get comfy.
I need to be if I have to tell this story again.
‘Take your time, Jo, but don’t leave anything out, because we can’t move forward in this relationship with any secrets between us. You kept something huge from me.’
‘I did and I’m sorry, but until that night at the restaurant, I’d never told a single soul.’
I launch into the story from the very beginning and spare no details. Caleb listens patiently and doesn’t interrupt.
When I get to the end, he says, ‘Christ, Johannes! I can’t even imagine what that was like. I’m sorry you went through all that alone.’
He pulls me into his arms and I’ve never felt safer. He places soft kisses on my head, but I don’t cry like I fear I might.
‘He broke me but, Caleb, you put me back together. You and your beautiful cups of coffee and mind-clearing runs. You give so generously of yourself and ask for nothing in return, and that makes me want to give you everything. You are more than the voice in my ear. Little by little, you’ve come to mean everything to me. I hope you know that.’
Caleb nudges me gently.
‘You put yourself back together, Jo. I just walked beside you while you did it.’
‘You have no idea how much I love you, Caleb Huges,’ I say, and it’s such a relief to get it out there.
‘You dick! I wanted to say it first,’ he says, pinching my side, but then his lips meet mine and he’s crawling into my lap like he belongs there. And he does. I can’t imagine him being anywhere else now.
His arms ring around my neck and we slot together so perfectly that I don’t ever want to let go. His tongue strokes over my bottom lip and I’m quick to let him in, the pacing soft and gentle like we have all the time in the world – and I really hope we do.
I hope I get to thread my fingers through his floppy curls for a very long time to come.
I hope I get to watch him work away on his laptop, tongue poked out, hyper focused on whatever paper he’s working on.
I hope when we’re fifty we’re still going to watch our favourite country artists together.
My heart truly hopes we’ll be doing beachside runs until our knees can’t take it anymore.
There’s so much hope, but at the same time I can see it.
Like, truly imagine the grey strands in his hair as he listens to me complaining about my joints.
I can’t wait for all the memories we’ll make together.
‘Love you,’ he whispers against my lips. ‘Love you so much.’
The feeling is so deeply mutual I can’t even cope. I don’t want to get into comparing moments like this to moments in my relationship with Jackson – but that taught me enough to know that this is beautiful, special and so very real.
This love is unlike anything else.
We pull away from each other and I’m quick to open up the duvet to him so he can slide into bed with me.
There’s no way in the world I’m letting him go anywhere tonight.
He’s mine. We snuggle down, despite the hungry feeling in my stomach and the itch to be at the hospital with the guys.
We can always order room service at some point tonight, and really, who’s going to stop me if I want to sneak into the hospital in the middle of the night to keep my friends company while they heal.
‘Two races to go, how are you feeling?’
I roll onto my side to face him and sigh.
I’m still in second place, nine points behind Harper and it all feels like a lot of pressure.
It’s very overwhelming. Very much like I could throw it all away if I’m not careful and focused.
Handing Harper a second world-championship win is not on the agenda.
I’ve finished third the last two years. I don’t want that again.
‘Like we have a lot of work to do. I don’t for a second want any of us to underestimate what a battered and bruised Harper James is capable of. I remember he broke his thumb when we were fifteen and he still competed that weekend. He won’t be stopped. This will only make him more determined.’
‘I know you have this in you. You’ve worked so hard to come back from everything after the summer break and to still be within touching distance even after having to sit out a whole race, you’ve done so well.’
It’s awful to think that I’ve been lucky that my best friend had a big crash which left him gaining no points and that’s helped me catch up. Sadly, that’s just the way this sport works. It’s kind of fucked up.
‘So, what now?’
‘We have to do this right,’ Caleb says. ‘No more sneaking around, no more secrets. We have to go to Nathan and declare our relationship.’
Does he not realise that’s all I ever wanted?
‘Absolutely. I agree. I have nothing to hide.’
‘Good, me either. I’ll get the meeting all set up and we’ll just go in there and be honest. No lies. We’ll tell him we’re together and it’s new but we’re serious and want to give this a go.’
‘Oooh, he’s serious about me,’ I tease and Caleb doesn’t stand for it for a second, his fingers tickling the sides of my ribs so that I squirm against him.
‘You’re a brat sometimes, you know?’ He uses his current advantageous position to pull me close and I’m not complaining at all, despite the tickle attack.
‘I know, but you still want to be serious with me. So what does that say about you?’
‘That I must be deranged, but here I am.’ He presses a kiss to my forehead and just to disturb a perfectly nice moment, my stomach decides to grumble. We order room service – steaks, of course – and when we’re full and happy we take a shower. Together.
We exchange wet, sloppy hand jobs, but it’s the way he washes me down that truly makes me happy.
The way his hands, covered in the most luxurious scented lather, move over me so softly, a million ounces of care in them.
He’s tender, even when he gives my hard nipples a cheeky flick.
I wish I had hair for him to wash, because I can only imagine how loving that would feel.
He presses soft kisses to the back of my neck and I swoon against his touch, the steam and water cascading around us. This is all I want. He is all I want.
I don’t deserve this man, but I hope I can hold on to him forever.