Chapter 14 #2
We reversed direction. Taemin moved to my left shoulder without being asked. Minjae took my right. Protective spacing.
We loaded into vans with professional efficiency. The convoy pulled away from the Forum, with security vehicles flanking us front and back.
I looked through the tinted window on my side. The loading bay we'd almost used was still visible in the distance. It was open and unsecured.
It wasn't overt danger. It was visibility. Photos. Video.
Irrevocable visibility.
I hyperventilated and followed Griffin's suggestion. I couldn't make it to four.
He turned from the front passenger seat. "Someone changed the exit routing without authorization. If we'd gone that route, there would have been no security perimeter. Only thousands of people with no barriers between you and their cameras."
Another incident.
With Vancouver, Portland, and the truss, it was now four. Each one plausible alone.
Together they formed a pattern, and I was at the center.
***
Back in my hotel room, I leaned against the door the moment it closed, breathing.
My phone buzzed.
Kang: Final briefing tomorrow 0800. Griffin's placement will be decided.
Tomorrow. Kang would announce his decision.
Either Griffin stayed, and everyone blamed the next incident on his compromised judgment, or Griffin left, and I'd lose the only person who saw Yoon-jae in addition to Rune.
I didn't know which outcome scared me more.
I pulled out my phone.
Rune: I need you.
Thirty seconds passed.
Griffin: On my way.
I sat on the edge of the bed, phone face down on the nightstand.
Someone will die.
The thought arrived with clarity, certainty.
Someone would die because the machinery built around me kept breaking. And when they did, it would be my fault for existing inside the system and wanting things I wasn't allowed to want.
Heat crawled up my neck.
I stood and walked to the window. Pressed my hand against the glass. It was solid. Real.
A knock.
Then Griffin's voice, low: "It's me."
I opened the door.
He stepped inside, reading my face and my posture. He closed the door and crossed the room in four strides.
"Breathe," he said. "Look at me."
I tried, but my vision kept blurring.
"Four counts. In."
We did it together. Five times. Six. Finally, my vision cleared, and I could see his face clearly again.
"Someone will die," I said. Flat. Matter-of-fact. "It will be because of me."
"No."
"The truss fell—"
"You didn't cause that."
"It all exists because I exist. If I'd disappeared, none of this would be necessary. Those men wouldn't be in hospital beds."
Griffin gripped my wrist. Gentle pressure, pulling my hands away from where I'd been pressing them against my face.
"Look at me."
I did.
"You didn't create this machinery," he said. "You're trying to survive inside it. That's not the same as causing harm."
"People are getting hurt—"
"Because someone is engineering the risk. Not because you're choosing to exist." His grip tightened slightly. "You're not the problem. You're what someone wants to control."
I pulled free. Crossed to the window again, needing space to think.
"I don't want anyone to pay for my existence." I turned back to face him. "Two crew members are in hospital. Minjae is terrified. Taemin's lightness is fading. Jinwoo has to shoulder everything alone."
I blinked back tears burning at the corners of my eyes.
"And you. Kang decides tomorrow. Your career and reputation are at risk. Because of me. Because I—"
I couldn't finish.
Griffin stepped up close. "May I touch you?" he asked quietly.
I nodded.
He reached out to touch my jaw. I closed my eyes and leaned into the contact.
"I'm so scared," I whispered. "All the time. Every morning, I wake up scared. I stand onstage while thousands scream and I'm scared they don't know why they're applauding."
His other hand touched my hip. "They're applauding because you're brilliant, all of you. The art is real. What you give them matters."
"But they don't see—"
"They see what they need to see. That isn't dishonesty." His thumb brushed along my jawline. "And right now, you need something no one else is offering."
"What?"
"Permission to stop being professional."
I looked down. "I don't know how to do that."
"Yes, you do. You're doing it right now."
I opened my eyes. He closed the distance between us.
The kiss wasn't careful. Desperation rose within me. I gripped his shirt, pulling him closer because I needed proof I was still real and capable of wanting something, even if the system didn't allow it.
Griffin responded immediately. He reached around the back of my neck, fingers threading through my hair, holding me steady while he kissed me harder.
My shoulders hit the wall. I didn't remember moving, but Griffin's weight pressed against me, solid and warm. I needed the heat and the pressure.
"Yoon-jae," he said against my mouth.
"Don't stop. Please don't stop."
"I won't."
We moved to the bed. He grabbed the hem of my hoodie and pushed it up. I raised my arms and let him pull it off. My t-shirt followed. Then his shirt, my hands shaking as I worked the buttons.
Skin met skin. His chest against mine, warm and solid. His heartbeat was rapid but steady.
It wasn't romantic. It was survival. Touch as proof I still existed. Friction as evidence that our bodies still belonged to us.
He eased me back onto the mattress, settling over me, and I wrapped my legs around his hips to pull him closer. One of his hands slid under my lower back, lifting me slightly, adjusting the angle to create a perfect fit.
"Tell me what you need," he whispered.
"This. You. Something that feels real."
He kissed my throat and the hollow below my ear. His breath was hot against my skin. I turned my head, giving him access, while my hands slid down his back, feeling his muscles contract under my palms.
When he moved against me, the friction made me gasp.
I unbuckled his belt. He helped as we both shed the last barriers.
Griffin wrapped his fingers around my cock, and I arched into the touch, desperate for it. He knew what I needed.
"Look at me," he said again.
His face was above me, eyes dark and focused, seeing me completely.
"Yoon-jae," he said again. My real name. The one that meant I see you, not the performance.
Griffin smelled of sweat and a slight hint of cologne. When he kissed lower, the whisper of his breath made my skin prickle in anticipation.
He nipped at the hollow of my stomach and the line of my hipbone. My hands tangled in the bedspread. I watched him, unable to look away.
When his mouth closed around my cock, I gasped. I bucked my hips, and he steadied me with a hand on my thigh.
Every thought tore free from my mind. There was nothing but heat and the sound of Griffin's lips. He took me in, and I nearly dissolved.
I clawed at his shoulder, needing an anchor. He teased with his tongue and then sucked me in deep again.
When I came, it was like a massive collision, my body remembering how to feel something other than fear. I gasped out Griffin's name.
He followed seconds later. The physical proof that our connection was real.
We lay there breathing hard, with our hearts still racing.
Eventually, he shifted to the side, reaching for the box of tissues on the nightstand. We cleaned up with practical efficiency, moving through necessary actions.
Then he lay beside me, with our shoulders touching.
I rolled onto my side, turning toward him.
"Better?" he asked.
"No, but I'm less alone."
He wrapped an arm around me, settling his fingers against my spine. Anchoring me.
"It wasn't about pleasure," I said after a moment. "I hope that's okay."
"Don't worry."
"I needed proof I was still real. That we were still real."
"You don't have to explain."
"Do you regret it?"
"No." He looked at me directly. "Do you?"
"No. But I'm scared about what it means."
"What do you think it means?"
"That you've become the only thing in my life that's still real. And that makes this dangerous for both of us."
Griffin nearly smiled. "I'd rather be dangerous together than safe alone."
"That isn't rational."
"Maybe, but it's true."
I moved closer.
"What happens tomorrow?" I asked. "When Kang decides?"
"I don't know. He might remove me. He might not."
"If he does—"
"Then we figure out what comes next. Right now, you need sleep. And I won't leave until you do."