9. Brick Wall
brICK WALL
It was hard to ignore the elephant in the room, but Jake tried his best. He stayed at the bar, eyeing a guy who had just sat down next to him.
The man smiled, and Jake smiled back, drawing a little closer.
But then he caught Robbie in his periphery again.
Robbie had purposely turned away from him, but even then, he must have sensed Jake’s eyes on him, because he looked back just long enough for their gazes to meet before Jake could avert his eyes. It was excruciating.
“Come here often?”
Jake jerked his head back. “Sorry?”
The man sitting next to him laughed. He had a nice laugh—clear and warm and not too forced. “There’s a lot of pretty faces here to distract a man tonight.”
“Oh, no, I just… saw someone I know.” Jake took a sip of his drink. It burned just enough to bring him back to reality.
“An ex?”
“God, no. A friend.”
The man nodded. “I’ve never seen you here before.”
“I just moved here about a month ago—well, not here, but Eventide.”
“Wow, that’s a small town.”
“It is,” Jake said, “but I have family in the area. And I won’t be staying permanently anyway; just a few more months.”
“Gotta make the most of your time here then, huh?” The man slid his hand across Jake’s thigh, waiting for Jake to react.
Jake smiled. “That’s exactly what I had in mind. My name’s Jake, by the way.”
The man’s hand slid farther up. “Ryan. My place isn’t too far from here.” Ryan glanced back. “Or we could head to the bathroom if you can’t wait.”
Jake looked toward the bathroom too, which happened to be directly in the sightline of Robbie. Except Robbie wasn’t sitting at the little table anymore. He had gotten up and was on his way over to the bar.
“We should go to your place,” he said quickly, keeping an eye on Robbie.
“Great. Lemme just finish my drink.”
Jake bit down hard on his lower lip. He turned around, hoping, praying, that Robbie stayed at the opposite end of the bar, and he and Ryan could leave in peace.
Instead, Robbie slid in next to Jake, setting his empty glass on the countertop.
Jake fidgeted with his hands in his lap.
He couldn’t look to his right. He wouldn’t allow Robbie to ruin this night for him.
“Fancy seeing you here.”
Jake squeezed his eyes shut. He waited a moment, as though that would get rid of Robbie, but it didn’t work. When he finally opened his eyes, Robbie was staring straight ahead, waiting for the bartender to finish serving the other patrons.
“I thought you were going home to read.”
Robbie shrugged. “I changed my mind.”
“You knew I was going out tonight.”
“I didn’t know you were coming here.”
“Of course I was!” Jake took a breath. “Of course I was,” he repeated more quietly—not that it mattered, with the music loud enough to obfuscate any shouting.
“Listen, I’m just trying to get a refill on my drink. I’m more than happy to leave you alone after that.”
“Good. Please do.” Jake sighed heavily, twirling his empty glass around and around by the napkin it rested on. He felt a tap on his thigh and turned to his left, grateful for any distraction.
“Ready to go?” Ryan’s eyes twinkled, and the tension Jake was holding from his conversation with that other man melted away.
“Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
Robbie turned as Jake got up. “Have fun,” he said, offering a short, emotionless smile.
“Go fuck yourself.”
Outside, Jake was able to breathe freely and think clearly again. And he had a hot guy taking him home. Life couldn’t get much better than this. Robbie didn’t know what he was missing out on.
“So, who was that?” Ryan asked, leading Jake down the sidewalk.
“I told you, a friend,” Jake said.
“He didn’t sound like much of a friend when you were talking to him.”
“Uh, acquaintances then. I don’t know. I know him. We talk, we volunteer together. I guess we’re not really friends.”
Ryan gave a sly smile. “You’ve really never fucked? Because you’ve got that tension with him.”
“No,” Jake said. “He’s not my type, and I’m not his. We… kissed… once. But I was drunk. It wasn’t anything, really.” He began to walk a little faster, dragging Ryan along with him, even though Ryan was the only one who knew where they were going. “I barely even remember it.”
“Hey, I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable,” Ryan said. “I was just curious. A lot of guys have weird histories with their exes.”
“We’re not exes,” Jake insisted. “Let’s just drop it, okay? The last thing I wanna think about tonight is that guy.”
When they got to Ryan’s house, a charming little brick cottage tucked in the middle of a row of similar houses, Ryan unlocked the door, pulled Jake inside, and pinned him against the wall, his lips pressing against Jake’s.
Jake had missed this. He missed the unfamiliar smell of a stranger’s house, the strange touch that he got to experience for the first time and never again, and the nervous tension that made the air dance around them.
Ryan’s hand slid down Jake’s stomach, feeling him up as the other hand worked to unbutton his shirt.
It felt good to be wanted again, and Jake let his eyelids flutter closed, allowing the moment to sink in.
In his mind’s eye, he saw Robbie, his gentle fingers pressing into his arm as he led Jake home, his soft lips and his firm body pulling away as Jake tried to hang onto him.
He smelled Robbie’s fruity cocktail, saw his cold smile, and heard the teasing lilt in his voice. He could feel Robbie there, watching them; a voyeur in the shadows.
Jake’s eyes snapped open. He glanced around the dark house, but there was no one else there. Of course no one else was there. He tried to close his eyes again, but Robbie reappeared, replacing Ryan entirely.
“I can’t do this,” he said, sliding out from Ryan’s hold.
“What?” Ryan’s eyes were wide and glassy. Whether it was from alcohol or lust or sheer surprise at Jake’s sudden turnaround, Jake couldn’t be certain.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t do this. I’m not… I’m not in the right headspace. I’m really sorry, Ryan. I never do this. I—”
“Hey, it’s fine.” Ryan held up his hands, keeping his distance. “I guess maybe I moved too quickly for you?”
“No, I’m usually fine with that.” Jake shook his head. “I just have a lot on my mind tonight. I need to leave. Sorry. I shouldn’t have… I don’t know. Sorry to waste your time.”
He rushed back to the door and slipped out, leaving Ryan alone in his quiet little house, now with no guy and no better prospects for the night. He practically ran all the way back to the bar, not giving himself time or space to think about what had just happened.
He had to get this out of his system. He had to get Robbie out of his system.
Robbie was still sitting at the bar when Jake returned, talking to some guy in a mesh tank top. He had his back turned to the door and hadn’t noticed Jake yet, but the way he shifted, the way his fingers tightened around his half-drunk glass, Jake could tell he was uncomfortable.
Before Jake could approach him, someone grabbed his arm and swept him onto the dance floor. He was dancing with another man in the blink of an eye, the rush of adrenaline hitting him like a train.
Bright, colorful lights flashed above him; a mirror ball spun reflections around in a dizzy mosaic of squares. Someone, maybe the man who pulled him in, maybe someone else, ground against him. It was sheer, uninhibited fun.
And then he looked up.
Robbie had noticed him now, and the expression on his face was one of pure pain.
Something sparked in Jake’s chest. A slow smile spread across his lips.
He nodded to Robbie, still staring, and turned around, sliding his hand up the stranger’s chest. He couldn’t see Robbie anymore, but he didn’t need to.
He pressed his lips to the other man’s, kissing hard. The man bit back, making Jake’s lips sting with the sudden pain. It was an invitation, and before that invitation was revoked for a better offer, Jake slipped his tongue into the man’s mouth.
He tasted like gin and vermouth, mixed with a slight tinge of salt and chemical cherry from his chapstick. He wasn’t a great kisser, per se, but Jake could hardly be picky now. It wasn’t as if he was doing this for pleasure.
He twisted on the dance floor, still making out, till he caught sight of Robbie out of the corner of his eye. He was still watching, glass lifted to his lips, but not drinking. His knuckles were white, and his big blue eyes were dull.
It had worked.
Jake stopped dancing, pulling away from the man who still tried clinging to him.
It had worked, so why didn’t he feel triumphant?
For a moment he stared back at Robbie, trying to figure out why it didn’t feel good.
Why? Why would he want Robbie, of all people, to be jealous of him? What had gotten into him?
Robbie’s expression shifted minutely, his eyes brightening, and he finally took another sip of his drink. They watched each other from across the room, Jake studying Robbie as long as it took to figure out if he was annoyed with him now, or confused, or…
The man sitting next to Robbie said something before laughing at his own statement.
He reached out and touched Robbie’s arm.
Robbie tensed, and Jake knew what he had to do.
Jake’s misery might have been compounding by the minute, but Robbie didn’t need to be unnecessarily miserable too if he could help it.
“Hey,” he called when he was halfway to them. “What’s up, man?” He sauntered up to Robbie and patted him on the back like an old friend.
“Oh, you two…” The man who was talking to Robbie got up from the stool.
“Best friends,” Jake said. “Actually, a little more than that.” He laughed, and Robbie forced a queasy laugh, too. It was enough to drive the other man away, allowing Jake to take the seat that he’d just been in. “Mm. Still warm.”
“You’re back.” Robbie was not smiling, not even artificially, anymore.
“Yeah, I came back.”
“What happened to your friend?”
“I left him at his place.”
Robbie furrowed his brow. “Nothing bad happened, right?”