10. Sex on the Beach
SEX ON THE BEACH
Before Jake could even get the fly of Robbie’s trousers undone, Robbie pulled away, apparently coming to his senses.
“What the fuck was that?” Jake asked.
“I’m sorry,” Robbie panted, brushing his usually immaculate hair, now tousled, out of his face. “I don’t know what got into me.”
Jake blinked. He could still hardly believe what Robbie—cold, stuck-up Robbie—had just done. “Okay, but why stop now?”
“Are you insane? Anyone could see us out here. It’s an alley outside a gay bar, for Mier’s sake.”
Jake shrugged. “Exactly. How many people’ve fucked out here before? Dozens? Hundreds? You’ve gotta relax, Robbie. No wonder you’re so miserable all the time.”
“No.” Robbie shook his head, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. “This was a mistake—a terrible, terrible mistake. I’m sorry, Jake. I let the alcohol get to my head.”
“You had two watered down drinks.”
“It’s because I’m tired, then. It’s late. My judgement’s impaired. I should never—”
“What if I told you I liked it?”
Robbie looked back at him. “Seriously? You really are desperate.”
“Or maybe we actually have something between us, and if we don’t do something about it, it’ll never go away.”
“It might,” Robbie said, scratching the back of his head. “We could wait and see.”
Jake’s cock was still tight in his pants, straining against the fabric as he examined the man in front of him, shadows from the alleyway obscuring most of his face and body.
There was still enough light for him to get glimpses of Robbie, though, and those glimpses revealed flushed cheeks, bright eyes, and an unmistakable longing in the slight furrow between his brows.
“Making out with that guy in the bar worked better than I thought it would.” Jake rubbed his hands over his arms, shivering in the cold that was finally getting to him.
“You bastard,” Robbie muttered. “You knew exactly what you were doing.”
“Of course I did. I like teasing you; you know that.”
“We have to ignore whatever we may feel for each other,” Robbie insisted again, making his way down the cobblestone alley slowly now, giving Jake plenty of time to keep up if he wanted to. “It’s the only way.”
“Hot and cold,” Jake said. “It’s not just me, is it?”
Robbie didn’t answer. He kept his arms hugged tightly around his chest, his head down.
“Listen, Robbie.” Jake strode forward until he fell in step beside him. “I’m a pro at one-night stands. We fuck, we break it off, and then we never speak of it again.”
“Yeah?” Robbie looked up. “Tell me, Jake, how many guys have texted you back after you told them not to contact you again?”
The color drained from Jake’s face. “Hey, it’s not a 100 percent success rate. But we know each other. We can keep it at bay once we get it out of our systems.”
“I don’t want to look at you every day after I’ve… after I’ve…” Robbie couldn’t finish the sentence, and as Jake imagined what Robbie must have been seeing, he shuddered.
“Yeah, maybe not.”
They emerged from the alley, and Robbie pulled his keys out of his pocket to unlock his car.
It was so black that it blended seamlessly into the midnight tableau surrounding it.
The lights flashed briefly as it unlocked, illuminating the street around them for just a second.
Robbie stepped around to the driver’s side and got in, leaving Jake standing on the sidewalk looking like a chump.
“Is this really it?” Jake asked.
“It has to be, Jake.” Robbie shut the door with a settling, soft thud.
Jake watched him go, the car lights getting smaller and smaller until he turned a corner, heading back toward home.
Jake needed to get home too. It was late, and as much as he had wanted more from this night, as easily as he could have gone back into the bar and picked up another guy, that would never work.
He’d tried it once already and failed miserably.
The only solution to his craving was Robbie, and he was driving back to a house Jake had never even seen before. Yearning for a man he couldn’t have was pointless and degrading and, worst of all, hopeless. Whatever twisted fantasy he wanted with Robbie, he was never getting it.
And yet, as Jake walked back through the alley, past the section of the wall where Robbie had pushed him against, he could still feel Robbie’s teeth on his lower lip. He could still hear Robbie’s heart racing along with his own, the sheer audacity of what they were doing turning him on even more.
Jake pulled his lip into his mouth, chewing on it until it ached. Robbie was long gone. He had to stop thinking about him. There was no sense in any of it, and it would only lead to more nights like this: more long, frustrating nights.
In spite of his exhaustion, Jake couldn’t manage to fall asleep.
He tried jerking off, but every time he closed his eyes, he was plagued with visions of Robbie—not of him in the alley or the bar, but in Sandway, looking down over his nose with that patronizing, punchable expression—and it made Jake too tense.
He tried taking a shower to relieve the tension, but that only woke him up more.
He tried drinking some water, but then he was hungry.
He tried eating some food to quiet his stomach, but that made him feel sick.
Finally, he slipped back into bed, closed his eyes, and waited patiently for sleep to find him. It did, but only hours later when he was so tired the backs of his eyes burned, and the relief from a few short hours of sleep was minimal at best.
He didn’t want to wake up in the morning. He didn’t mind facing Isabel. He didn’t have to tell her what had happened the night before. But he would have to see Robbie today, whether he liked it or not.
The faster Jake got through his hours, the sooner he could be free of Robbie entirely.
And as much as he hoped Robbie would try avoiding him again, he doubted the man would skip out on his volunteer work just because of Jake.
He was too committed to his cause to do something as selfless and merciful as that.
Sure enough, when Jake got to the beach, Robbie was already there helping some park employees move firewood. Jake jumped in to help, barely offering Robbie so much as a glance in his direction. They had to talk, but not now. Not in front of other people.
It was only after an agonizingly long hour that they were left alone, and after all that time to think, Jake had no idea what he was going to say.
Memories of that kiss, the drunken one on the doorstep, and then the one that Robbie had pressed upon him last night, jumbled his already fuzzy mind.
“You look tired,” Robbie said nonchalantly.
Jake glanced up. He waited, holding his breath, but Robbie didn’t elaborate. “Yeah,” he finally said. “Didn’t sleep much last night. You?”
Robbie sighed. “No,” he said slowly, “I did not.”
“Too much to drink,” Jake muttered.
“Yeah.”
Robbie ran his fingers through his hair, pulling his fringe away from his forehead.
It fell back into place smoothly, and Jake instantly regretted watching him closely enough to notice that.
Robbie must have felt Jake’s eyes on him, because even though he was still avoiding eye contact, he turned away fully, poking the toe of his shoe at a rock half-buried in the sand.
“Except we didn’t have too much to drink last night, did we, Jake?”
His tone was almost accusatory, and Jake took a step back. “I dunno, alcohol too late at night makes it hard for me to fall asleep sometimes.”
“Well, it doesn’t have that effect on me.” Robbie looked up at Jake, his eyes piercing.
Jake swallowed hard. He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t do that, not when he and Robbie were finally talking. He was half-responsible for this mess; he had to see it through.
“I couldn’t sleep last night,” Robbie continued, “because I was thinking about you.”
There was contempt in his voice, not for Jake, but for himself, for his own foolishness in allowing Jake to get to him.
“I’m sorry,” Jake said. It was all he could think to say. “I know I was kind of being a dick last night, harassing you at the bar…”
“Oh, that. No, I don’t care about that. I’m upset right now because we took things too far after the bar. We should never have given in so easily.”
“You shouldn’t have, you mean. You were the one who kissed me.”
The vision was back, and stronger than ever.
Robbie’s palm was pressed against the fly of Jake’s jeans, the heel of it grinding in as his lips caught onto Jake’s skin and he pulled and sucked and nibbled.
The heat between them was palpable, radiating out even against the cold of that rough brick wall.
“Don’t blame me for all this,” Robbie said, pointing a finger at Jake.
Jake looked down at it, then back up at Robbie.
“You’re part of this whole mess too. You’re a fucking idiot if you believe otherwise—we both are, me for expecting you to actually have a brain for once and you for, well, being you. ”
Jake didn’t bother fighting back. Robbie’s insults weren’t meant to get under his skin, and even if they were, they would have failed miserably. “Okay, well, since you’re the all-knowing genius here, what are we supposed to do now?”
Robbie stripped his gloves off and threw them down.
Then, as though he’d just used up his last bit of energy, he slumped his shoulders defeatedly and sat down in the sand to watch the waves roll in.
“We’ve gotten through one month of awkward work together.
We can get through another one, no problem. ”
Jake planted himself down beside Robbie. “You really think that?”
“Yes.” There was a waver in his usually confident voice.
“And what about after I finish my hours? I’m not leaving town just yet.
We’ll still see each other around, and we’ll have moments when we’re alone, and…
” Jake trailed off. He hated imagining what they might find themselves doing if they were alone for long enough—like now, on the empty shore.
“No, you’re right. We can live with it. We’ll pretend it never happened. ”