14. Just Friends #2
Jake’s cheeks flushed. Robbie had a point—he could have waited, and he probably should have if he didn’t want to look like a simpering fool.
He turned quickly, pretending to admire the bookshelves filled with new and old books alike; books from authors he’d never even heard of before; books that promised the ideal escape for someone in Jake’s current predicament.
“My sister called,” he said, pulling a book from the shelf.
“Alex?”
Jake glanced back. “Yeah, Alex. You remembered her name?”
“Isabel’s mentioned her quite a bit in the past.”
“Oh, right.” Jake slid the book back into its place. “She, uh, she had some interesting things to say about my parents.”
“Uh-huh?” Robbie pulled stacks of books out of their shipping box, lining them up in neat columns on the counter.
“Apparently they had a few choice words for her about me.”
Robbie stopped fiddling with the books. “Are you okay, Jake? You seem a little off.”
Jake forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m good. I just thought maybe you would… I thought out of everyone here, you would understand what it’s like.” He paused before adding, “And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about last night.”
“So you do regret it.” Robbie folded his arms on top of the counter.
“No,” Jake said quickly. “No, I…”
“Thought it would be easier to move on.” Robbie sighed. “This is why I don’t do these kinds of things.”
“I swear to God I’m not asking to do it again.”
“One and done.”
“It’s a real rule, and I take it pretty fucking seriously. I just don’t want the fact that we see each other every day—”
“Technically twice today, thanks to you.”
“I’m sorry for treating you like a friend.”
Robbie moved out from behind the counter, and for just a moment Jake thought he was going to kick him out. Instead, he put a hand on Jake’s shoulder, firm yet comforting, and gave it the tiniest of shakes.
“I’m saying this to you as a friend: get a grip, Jake. The world doesn’t revolve around you, and I can promise you, no one cares what you get up to as much as you do—not even your parents.”
“You don’t know them.”
“I know enough about them to understand they just want to make sure you’re doing all right, and based on everything you’ve put yourself through since getting here, I’d say their concerns are valid.”
“They think I got fired from my last job.”
Robbie dropped his hand from Jake’s shoulder. “Did you?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then what happened?”
“Nothing.”
“Jake, please.”
“Nothing,” Jake insisted. “I just didn’t feel comfortable working there, and I decided it would be better to leave quickly and risk not having a job for a little while than stay there and be miserable while I tried to find something better. It worked out in the end, didn’t it?”
“I’m sure Isabel thinks so.” Robbie cocked his head. “Does she know what happened?”
“No. Only Alex knows, and that’s how I want to keep it.”
“And what does she think about it?”
“She thinks I should tell our parents the truth, but that’s because she’s used to how they react to her, not me. It’s not a big deal, Robbie, I can tell you that much. It’s just not something they need to get involved in, and it sure as hell isn’t anything you need to be part of.”
“Well, if you want to be real friends—”
“I do.”
“If you do, it would help for you to not keep me at arm’s length.” Robbie took a step closer. Jake wasn’t sure exactly what he was trying to do, but he simultaneously hated it and liked it more than he wanted to allow himself to. “Unless you’re afraid of what might happen if you let me in.”
“You’re a sucker for punishment, you know that?” Jake sighed. “Fine. You really want to hear what’s been bugging me about my parents?”
“Yes.”
“They like Alex more than me.”
Robbie stifled a laugh. “Come on, Jake, you can’t be serious.”
“It’s true. Alex and I’ve talked about it before, and we both agree.
It’s not her fault, obviously. She was the better child: she worked harder in school, she didn’t argue back as much as I did, and her hobbies were simple shit like bicycling and bracelet-making.
And now she has a better job—or even a job at all—and she’s thriving in her new apartment, unlike me who keeps drifting around doing whatever I want because apparently I never grew up. ”
Robbie hesitated. It might have been the slight vitriol in Jake’s voice at the end of his tirade that made him pause, or perhaps he was just considering what best to say. Credit where credit was due, Robbie was thoughtful unless he was being prodded along by Jake to say something impulsive.
“I don’t think that means they like you less,” he said.
“They do, and I’ve accepted it. They’re constantly comparing me to her, but they still love me, unlike your parents and you.”
Robbie crossed his arms. “Thanks a lot.”
“What? It’s true.”
“Maybe so. Go on, tell me more about your own dysfunctional family.”
Jake took a deep breath. “My sister’s trans. She came out to the family when she was twelve, and a few years later I came out as gay. You can imagine how hard it was for our parents to deal with all that.”
A concerned, cautious expression clouded Robbie’s eyes. “They were supportive though?”
“100 percent. That wasn’t the problem. Mom and Dad did the best they could in a time when they had almost no help from the outside world.
The problem was, well the problem was just that: they didn’t have any support of their own, and so they had a hell of a time making sure their kids were happy and healthy and not hate-crimed by some random school bully on any given day. ”
“That must have been difficult.”
“We managed.” Jake glanced out the window.
A couple walked down the street, hand-in-hand.
“But Alex had a lot more school-related issues than I did—teacher problems, that kind of shit—and that really didn’t change until she went to college.
So naturally, she got more of our parents’ time and energy, and I just kept doing what I was doing. ”
“Causing trouble?”
“No, smartass. I was a pretty good kid in school. But I was also pretty independent, and I really thought I had everything under control until I got to college and learned to party. They finally paid attention to me, but it was only to try to intervene and keep me from destroying my life. I think they still believe I’m on a path to destruction, so they’re looking at every little thing I do as being…
wrong. Or a cry for help, maybe. I don’t know.
” Jake shook his head. “Well, I’ve told you way too much about my family, and you let me meet yours, so I guess we’re even now, huh? ”
“I suppose so.” Robbie’s expression softened. “I’m sorry about your family troubles, but I think your sister is right: you should talk to your parents. Tell them what you told me.”
Jake turned away. It was beginning to hurt to stare into Robbie’s eyes. It made his chest ache with longing, and that was something he promised himself wouldn’t happen. “You just don’t get it,” he said. “If I tell them, it will only confirm their suspicions about me.”
“What suspicions?”
“That I’m a fuck-up.”
“Well, aren’t you?”
Jake lifted his gaze to see Robbie smirking again. He had a twinkle in his eye—that stupid, punchable twinkle—and Jake couldn’t help but smile.
“I know you’re trying to get me to relate to you,” Robbie continued, growing more serious again, “but your parents are nothing like mine. They’re not even in the same realm.
I won’t tell you to appreciate them more, because obviously your relationship with them is complicated, but it’s obvious to me at least that they only want the best for you. ”
Jake nodded slowly. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.
” He shifted closer to Robbie, the overwhelming urge to rest his head on the man’s shoulder making his muscles twitch.
He was dangerously close to making a mistake he could never walk back.
“I should go,” he said suddenly. “I need to get back home and make sure everything’s cleaned up before Aunt Isabel gets back from her dinner. ”
He made his way to the door, pausing to let Robbie unlock it for him, and then he pushed it open and let the cool, late summer breeze breathe life back into him.
He had to stay away from Robbie until he could get himself back under control. They were both getting too close to doing something they couldn’t afford to repeat, and Jake would not let it get that far if it was the last thing he did.