Noah
BY THE TIME I noticed my glove was missing, the house was fully awake and I couldn’t easily slip back upstairs to get it.
I grabbed a spare from my room, headed to Baxter’s office to retrieve any correspondence that needed to go out, and was making my way to the kitchen to grab a quick bite when I heard my name hissed out behind me.
I turned to see Violet speed-walking in my direction, inclining her head toward the linen room, and I followed her.
There was another maid inside folding a sheet, but Violet didn’t miss a beat.
“I’ll finish up in here if you’ll take fresh towels up to the guestrooms. Prince Gabriel is expecting company this afternoon.”
The other young woman nodded and took a stack from the shelving unit, and Violet shut the door after her.
I’d opened my mouth to tease her about being bossy when she reached into her pocket and pulled out my glove.
My entire body went cold. “Where did you find that?”
“Not where it should’ve been.”
Shit. But that didn’t mean anything. Right? There was a simple explanation for misplacing a glove I rarely took off.
“I must’ve dropped it,” I said, taking it off her and slipping it into my pocket.
“In His Majesty’s bed?” She tilted her head, eyes far too knowing, and my stomach dropped. “Oh, Noah. It’s not the secret you think it is.”
The room began to tilt, and I grabbed on to the edge of the counter to steady myself as she rushed over.
“I told him you needed to be more careful.”
“What?” Horror flooded my veins as I met her gaze. “You told the king?”
“People are talking. He had a right to know.”
Fuck. It was too much. I closed my eyes as another wave of dizziness sent my world off-kilter.
People were talking. They knew about the king and me. How? What did they know? Why hadn’t I heard anything?
Or…hadn’t I? All the whispers that stopped when I walked by, the looks I thought I was imagining… Nicholas hadn’t been as subtle as I would’ve liked on the tour, but…how much did they know?
“What…what did he say?” I asked, my voice coming out thick. I was surprised I could even speak.
“That he didn’t want you hurt.”
The words settled like a stone in my chest, and I wondered what it meant for us now.
I couldn’t think about it. I didn’t want to know.
Fear and nervousness and a deep ache I couldn’t put words to were all I could feel as I nodded absently at Violet.
Swallowing hard, I turned for the door. “Thank you for returning my glove.”
“Noah, I won’t say anything.”
I paused with my hand on the knob but didn’t turn back to face her. I couldn’t look her in the eyes. “Thank you, Violet.”
Everything was a blur as I tried to focus on doing my job and not being completely aware of every person I passed and wondering what they thought of me, what they knew, what they were talking about when I wasn’t around.
I tried not to think about what was going through Nicholas’s mind. Whether he was upset. Mad. Terrified. Freaking out the way I obviously was.
By the time I’d carried the breakfast tray upstairs, I thought I had some semblance of what I could possibly say to him when I saw him, if we happened to be alone—but when the door opened, Reynolds stood there in full livery and with a blank expression.
For a second, I just stared at him, surprised to see him.
“Mr. Bennett,” he said.
I looked past him into the sitting room, where the curtains had already been drawn back and the breakfast table arranged, with the morning papers waiting beside the king’s chair.
But…that was my job.
“Mr. Reynolds,” I said, trying to sound as unaffected as possible. “I brought the tray.”
I started to walk past him, but he moved in front of me and took the tray off my hands. “Thank you. His Majesty asked that I attend to him this morning.”
Shock registered, and I was sure he could see it before I schooled my face.
“Oh. Of course.”
Reynolds nodded, then stepped back and closed the door.
Right in my face.
I stood there for a long moment, wondering if I’d just imagined that. It wasn’t until the guard positioned nearby cleared his throat that I startled and headed back downstairs.
That was how the rest of the day went. One closed door after another.
Nicholas didn’t ask for me to get him dressed for the day. He didn’t ask for me to bring him lunch or attend the coronation meeting or bring him tea.
Instead it was Reynolds who was stationed by his side while I brought a tray up for Gabriel’s guest and watched the man I loved pass by without even looking at me.
Actually, no, that wasn’t true. He did look, but only once. His eyes found mine for less than a heartbeat, and I saw everything he was trying not to show.
Pain. Regret. Longing.
Then the king looked away and I could only stand there watching after him, feeling as though my whole world had turned upside down.
What had happened between my leaving his chambers and now? Violet had mentioned speaking with him, but surely the words of a housekeeper wouldn’t have him acting so cold. He’d been less affected after his fiancé had discovered us.
Wait, maybe that was it. Maybe he’d heard from Alejandro. Maybe his betrothed had wanted him to fast-track my removal.
That had to be it. There was no other explanation.
At least, that was what I told myself when I finally clocked off for the night and all but ran to my room.
I slammed the door shut and leaned back against it, clutching a hand to my chest. It felt tight, painful, difficult to breathe.
I reached for the bow tie around my neck and tugged it free, then balled it in my fist and brought it to my mouth, finally letting out the sob that had wanted to escape all day.
God, I couldn’t do this.
It was one thing to act invisible around Nicholas, to disappear into the walls when others were around, knowing I was on his mind and in his heart. But to be banished from his service, his proximity so coolly—it felt unnecessarily cruel.
I slid down the door and wrapped my arms around my knees, resting my head on top of them. My mind wandered back to my waking up in his bed, seeing his smile first thing in the morning, and the tears came all over again.
How was I supposed to continue? How was I supposed to go through each day knowing Nicholas was so close and yet light-years away?
It was an impossible ask. Wasn’t that what he’d said once?
“I’m supposed to just forget how you respond to my touch, and just put my longing aside? … Impossible.”
Apparently not.
It seemed I was disposable after all.
I MOVED THROUGH the halls of Montclair like a ghost over the next week or so. There, but invisible to the eye. Present, but never called on. Never noticed.
The days and weeks leading up to now felt like distant memories I’d locked in a box, one I’d hidden away, never to be opened again as a dark mood seemed to overtake the palace like an ominous cloud.
The king was taking fewer visitors, his mood reverting to that of the cold leader the staff had all assumed he’d be, and I watched the man I’d fallen in love with vanish from a distance.
The pain had been unbearable in the beginning, the ache in my chest like someone had pierced it with a knife. No, not someone—Nicholas. He’d done this to me. And I’d let him.
I’d known from the very beginning how this would end. But somewhere along the way, I’d allowed myself to believe that we could change that—that he would.
But it was clear now that he’d accepted his fate, accepted that Alejandro would be his future, not me, and all I had to do now was forget how much I loved him.
Easy as that, right?
Right.
If only I could stop thinking about the way he felt in my arms, or how his lips moved against mine, or the sound of my name on his tongue.
But they were the memories that followed me to my room at night, the ones that lived in in my head no matter how hard I tried to banish them.
Where did that leave me?
I couldn’t leave. I needed the job. My family relied on me to send home what little money I made. But the idea of staying felt unbearable.
Just as I knew it would if Nicholas was to ever deny me.
But this was the path I’d chosen, the decision I’d made, and now all I could do was live with the consequences of my actions.
Even if, in that life, it felt as though I barely existed at all.