Chapter 9 #2
The day following the ball found Mrs. Bennet, Lizzy and Kitty seated at the table breaking their fast. Jane was busy in the still room, having eaten earlier, Mary practiced on the pianoforte in the next room and Lydia had yet to make her appearance.
Given the amount of pilfered punch she’d ingested at the ball while Lizzy’s attention had been focused elsewhere, she most likely wouldn’t join the family until late afternoon.
It was thus how Mr. Collins found them. Even though she knew the footman had brought up water for him to bathe, her cousin’s hair still lay in a greasy pile upon his crown and his body odor remained pungent.
“May I hope, Madam,” he addressed Mama, “for a private audience with my fair cousin? I would not wish to rush you from your meal, but it is vital that I have this moment in order to speak with Elizabeth.”
Dear Lord in heaven. Must he use ten words when one will do?
“You do not have leave to call me by my given name, Mr. Collins,” Elizabeth said and reached for a piece of toast.
“Lizzy!” Mama admonished. She turned her attention to her father’s cousin. “I’m sure Lizzy can have no objections. Come Kitty, I want you upstairs to... help me sort my embroidery thread.”
Considering Mama never embroidered, Lizzy knew a feeble excuse when she heard one. Mama intended to leave her and the malodorous Mr. Collins alone and unchaperoned. Could the day get any worse?
“There is no need to leave, Mama. I’m sure Kitty can bring your box of embroidery here, for Mr. Collins can have nothing to say that any body need not hear.” She set her uneaten toast on her plate. “In fact, I was about to leave myself.”
“I require that you remain and hear what Mr. Collins has to say.” Mama stood and glared down at her before sweetening her countenance and giving Mr. Collins a wide smile. “In fact, I insist upon your staying and hearing Mr. Collins.”
It was not in Elizabeth’s nature to openly defy her mother, and so she remained seated while Kitty and Mama exited the room. Their skirts had barely swished by the door frame before he began, rocking on his heels, hands clasped behind his back.
“Miss Elizabeth, your modesty adds to your other perfections. You would have been less amiable in my eyes had there not been a little unwillingness.”
Unwillingness? The fact that she even breathed made her amiable in Mr. Collins eyes. How could Mama even think she’d wish to join her hand with this, this... She paused in thought when she heard him say, “Almost as soon as I entered the house, I singled you out as the companion of my future life.”
Liar. You’d singled out Jane and Mama turned your eyes to me.
“But before I am run away with by my feeling...”
The idea of Mr. Collins being run away with his feeling almost made her laugh out loud as visions of him running down the graveled drive of Longbourn crying, “Miss Elizabeth. My feelings cannot be restrained. Miss Elizabeth come back. You run too fast for my squat short legs to catch up.” Her mirth nearly spilled over until it was replaced with vexation at his continuing soliloquy.
“...I could not satisfy myself without resolving to choose a wife from among his daughters, that the loss to them might be as little as possible, when that melancholy event takes place?”
“Mr. Collins!” Lizzy shot to her feet, shocking her verbose cousin into silence. “I cannot believe you would speak of my father’s future demise in such a callous fashion.”
“My dearest Cousin Elizabeth. I am only trying to allay your trepidation. I do not expect that event to occur for several years. In fact, I pray your father remains in good health for a good long time. I was trying to explain my motive in choosing a wife from among my beautiful cousins.”
“Then I suggest you move your attention further down the line. I am by no means amendable to accepting any proposal at this time.”
“You are delightful, Cousin Elizabeth. I am well aware it is the usual practice of young ladies to reject the addresses of a man whom they secretly mean to accept?”
“Secretly mean to accept? Did you not heed my words? I am not amendable to accept any proposal at this time.”
“I am also aware that sometimes the refusal is repeated a second or even a third time. I am therefore by no means discouraged by what you have said, and shall hope to lead you to the alter ere long.”
“You would have to lead me, Mr. Collins because there is no way on God’s green earth, I would willingly walk down the aisle to meet you. I am perfectly serious in my refusal. You cannot make me happy and I am convinced that I am the last woman in the world who would make you so.”
“Ah, cousin, I cannot wait to extol your virtues to my noble patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. When I see her next and she wishes me joy, I shall speak only in the highest terms of your modesty, economy, and other amiable qualifications. At no time will I bring up the sad fact of your paltry dowry of one thousand pounds in the four percents, which will not be yours until your mother is deceased. It is all you are entitled to and on that head, I shall be uniformly silent and you may assure yourself that no ungenerous reproach shall ever pass my lips when we are married.”
Lizzy gaped at the man who stood before her, convinced she’d marry him no matter what she said.
“First you speak of my father’s demise and the eventual take over of Longbourn, but now you speak of my mother’s impending death and my paltry dowry?
You would like me to believe this is your way of making up for something which we cannot change.
Well, thank you Mr. Collins. In making me this offer, you have satisfied the delicacy of your feelings with regard to my family, and may take possession of Longbourn estate whenever it falls, without any self-reproach.
This matter may be considered, therefore, as finally settled. ”
Throwing down her napkin, she turned to leave, but not before Mr. Collins spoke again.
“When I do myself the honor of speaking to you next on this subject I shall hope to receive a more favorable answer than you have now given me; though I am far from accusing you of cruelty at present, because I know it to be the established custom of your sex to reject a man on the first application, and perhaps you have even now said as much to encourage my suit as would be consistent with the true delicacy of the female character.”
He gave her a low bow, bending almost to the ground.
Frustrated beyond measure, Lizzy exclaimed with a wave of her hand, “Mr. Collins. Desist. Find another woman to marry for I will not have you.”
He straightened from his previous simpering position and a sense of serenity seemed to steal over his face.
He smiled at her and said, “Yes. I believe I will. Thank you, Cousin Elizabeth.” And with that, he turned on his heel and flung open the door to the breakfast room, causing her mother and Kitty to almost tumble at his feet, they’d been leaning so close to the door.
“Mr. Collins?” Mama called after him as he continued down the hall. “Pray stay. I will speak with her father. Lizzy will be brought to reason.” Mama cast an angry glance over her shoulder at her second eldest daughter. “You will accept him.”
“No, Mama. I will not and you cannot make me.”
She stepped away from the table and exited the breakfast room from the terrace doors, her mother’s words following in her wake. “Headstrong, foolish girl.”
After several turns about the garden she dared venture back into the house. Of Mr. Collins, there was no sign. However, her mother met her at the door with instructions to follow her to her father’s book room where he awaited to speak with her.
“Come here, child,” cried her father as she appeared. “I understand Mr. Collins has made you an offer of marriage.”
“Yes, and a more odious proposal I could never imagine.”
Odious, daughter?
Most assuredly. Speaking of your demise in one breath and Mama’s in the other.
Papa smirked and turned so Mama would not see.
“Very well, and this offer of marriage you refused?”
“I have, Sir.”
Sir now? That’s a pleasantly formal way to address your father.
Would you rather I refer to you as Lord Benoit?
My, my, you are testy this morning.
“Very well,” he continued out loud for Mama’s benefit, “We have come to the point. Your mother insists upon your accepting. Is this not so, Mrs. Bennet?”
“Yes, or I will never see her again.”
You’ve done it now, Lizzy. Your mother wishes me to banish you from Longbourn.
I’d rather live in the hedgerows myself than be tied to that puddle of oil which is your cousin.
“An unhappy alternative is before you Elizabeth,” he said with a quirked smile. “From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents.”
She gave a start at his harsh words. Surely Papa would not make her marry Mr. Collins!
“Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do.”
Thank you, Papa. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Make haste with your retreat, Lizzy. Your mama will be in high dudgeon for at least a week or more.
She practically flew from the room, catching the final words of Papa to her mother.
“Now Mrs. Bennet. I have two small favors to request. First, this matter has been firmly put to rest and you abide by my wishes; and secondly, of my room. I desire to have the room to myself as soon as may be.”
She saw from her room that Charlotte had come to visit. From the top of the stairs she witnessed Lydia greeting her in the front vestibule, exclaiming, “I’m glad you are come, for there is such fun here! What do you think has happened?”
“I have no idea, but I’m sure you will rectify that situation.”
“Mr. Collins has made an offer to Lizzy and she will not have him.”
Her cheeks burned with both mortification and anger. Was there nothing her sister would not keep to herself?