Five Dates

11. Margo

CHAPTER 11

Margo

T he way resentment courses through my veins is maddening. I wouldn’t say I’m a jealous person, in fact, quite the opposite. I gave Hollis enough trust and leeway to decimate my life while we were together. That is only possible when you aren’t, by nature, a jealous person. I had friends in college who wouldn’t let their boyfriend breathe the same air as another woman they found attractive. I didn’t see much sense in that because a man is going to do what a man is going to do regardless, but thinking about the claim Dani had on Tommy forces a visceral reaction in me.

What if I never felt this before because I didn’t care enough? I need to talk to Jeannie—she’ll help me sort these messy feelings. Tommy is driving us back to his parents’ ranch, and I gave the “It’s fine” response when he asked why I was crying. He knows. How could he not? I feel like a lunatic for thinking I could be casual tonight.

After the break in at his apartment, too. I feel worse than a childish college-aged woman. I’m jealous of something that doesn’t exist anymore. I exhale as he pulls into the dirt road with the big iron arched signage, “Towne Brothers Ranch.” Pull yourself together, Margo. He doesn’t deserve this. No, he deserves Dani, and she wants him back , my subconscious hisses. We passed a general store some ways back. Maybe I could walk there and browse. For what? My mind , I think. I need to think about something else. Anything else. Jeannie. I need to call her.

“No lying,” Tommy prompts as we walk up to the house. His glare is permeating my skin. “That was part of our deal, remember, Margo?” He says my name in a way that makes my body flare to life. The need I feel for him is off the charts.

I sigh and fist my hands by my sides to control myself. “It’s not a lie,” I lie. “It really is fine. I know that’s what women say when they’re the opposite of fine, but I really am fine, or I will be fine. I’m mad at myself for reacting so poorly to…everything that happened tonight.” Twisting the hem of my dress in between my fingers, I feel like a child. “I’m frustrated is all.”

“You didn’t react poorly, Margo. You acted like a human. With emotions,” he adds.

There’s the damn word. Emotions. The damn things I tried to bury with meaningless flings. Emotions. It’s such a sordid word. You typically only use the word out loud when there’s a negative connotation attached.

We pause on the porch, and he turns me to look at him. The sun is way past set, and a light breeze blows the scent of corn from the crops lining the road. It feels like home, and as I gaze into his eyes, I realize it’s in more ways than one. “I don’t like emotions. Well, I don’t like feeling them or talking about them.”

Tommy chuckles, then licks his lips. I shiver. “Who likes feeling things you can’t control? Tonight was a lot on so many levels. The party and meeting everyone was crazy, then her friend at the bar.” He shakes his head. “I’d be worried if you didn’t feel frustrated.”

“Call your friend, Tommy. See what’s going on at home. That’s what we should be talking about. I’m going to call Jeannie. I’ll save all my negative energy for her. You don’t deserve it. You were perfect. You are perfect. Nothing you did has me feeling any negative emotions.” I smile. “Don’t worry. Jeannie likes my negative.”

His smile melts the second I mention home. He nods and walks me through the house to my room before leaving. “Can I come in later?” he asks.

I grin, giving his words back to him. “I’d be worried if you didn’t.”

His response is a panty-melting grin. My core clenches at the sight. Exhaling, I call my best friend and try to make sense of my thoughts.

The second she picks up, I spill it all out in a hot, angry rush. Jeannie senses hostility because when she finally responds, she replies, “Friend or therapist, Margo? Which do you want?”

Blowing out a breath, I pace the beautiful room. The hardwood is the unfinished old kind that creaks when you walk on a certain spot. “Both if you can.”

“It was a little crazy for you to go to that party tonight, so it’s normal for you to feel out of whack. It sounds like Tommy is crazy about you. Well, I know he is actually. Feeling self-conscious about emotions is part of falling in love. If you felt nothing, would it be special? How would you know it was special? You wouldn’t. It would be like the other dates you went on. You wouldn’t be jealous if you met their ex-girlfriends now, would you? Because they didn’t mean anything to you.”

“No,” I grumble. “But Dani is like his entire past. His first everything! You should have seen the way she looked at him. That all-knowing, loving look.” I raise and lower one arm in exaggeration. “He’s comparing me to her in every way. He has to be, even if he’s not trying.” I swallow. “I hate how shallow I sound. How insecure. How childish. This isn’t me. Not after Hollis. This can’t be me now. I won’t be able to live with myself if this is how I always feel.”

Jeannie laughs. “Whoa, calm down now. I just told you it was normal to feel insecure. This is new, Margo. The feelings will dull a bit with time, but this is when you just have to trust.” She pauses, and I hear her breathing on the other end. “You’ve had sex with him, haven’t you?”

I throw up my arm again. Catching sight of myself, I look like a belligerent child. “That’s the thing, Jeannie. No, I haven’t. All this mess and all these emotions, and we haven’t even rounded the bases. I do think this is date three,” I supply helpfully. “But he’s about to leave for deployment when we get back, so I have no idea what that will look like or worse, feel like.”

“Maybe it’s best if you don’t mix in the sexual part until you’ve had some space, after he returns from deployment even. To see if what you feel isn’t just infatuation.” She’s quick to cut me off. “I’m not saying it is, but you have to be open to the possibility that falling for him so quickly might be chemical. He has all the qualities that make him desirable to most women, not just you.” I can tell she’s treading lightly. Jeannie believes this is the truth, and good god, I can’t blame her. “If you still feel the same for him while he’s gone and don’t feel the need to return to your old ways, and he remains loyal, then it’s real. It’s honestly one of the best tests for relationships. Distance. Only the real survive it.”

“Now you’re saying more than five dates!” She said a lot of smart things, but I focus on the one thing that affects me most right now.

She clears her throat. “Just given how strong your feelings for him are. I never thought this was a possibility, or I would have planned better. Falling in love in five dates wasn’t a likely scenario. Falling in love in less? Well, as your friend, I’d be freaking grade A delighted. As a professional, I’d be cautious. You see how I’m in between a rock and a hard place here?”

I sit down in the middle of the floor, tie my hair into a ponytail, and stare at the wall. “There’s something else.” I stare at myself in the mirror like I’m looking at someone I don’t know.

“Margo, I don’t need the gritty details of how his dick tastes,” she replies, giggling. Friend mode. “We’re keeping it above board until wine night when you get home. You can spill it all then.”

I clear my throat, ignoring her crude remark. “Someone broke into his apartment tonight.”

She zings back, “What?”

The lump I just cleared returns. I close my eyes. “I can’t help but think it might be Hollis or someone he associates with.”

“Why do you think that? I know he ruined your life there for a little while, but he’s not capable of that. Is he? Even out of his mind on drugs, Margo. Why would you automatically think it was your fault? You deserve good things. Don’t self-sabotage if that’s what this is.”

“The person who broke in called Tommy while he was inside his apartment and said Tommy had something that belongs to him.” A shiver shakes up my spine. Setting my phone on the hardwood in front of me, I put it on speaker and hug my knees. “It makes sense. Remember how hard he tries to get me back when he’s sober? I’d never forgive myself if I bring this kind of torment into Tommy’s life.” Licking my lips, I open my eyes. “And Jeannie, Tommy isn’t the kind of guy to let this go if it is him. I’m not trying to make this about me because I know it sounds that way, but I have a weird feeling. I’m scared.”

Jeannie exhales. “Is the worry what Tommy would do to Hollis if it is him? You’re still protecting Hollis.” It’s not a question. “Why would you protect him?”

“I hate myself,” I reply.

She groans, shuffling the phone against her chin and shoulder. I hear her shirt. “Stop it. You do need to tell Tommy the whole story about Hollis. Because I don’t think he’s capable or stupid enough to break into a Navy freaking SEAL’s home and taunt him—if he did, he’s in desperate shape and needs fucking prison.” Jeannie doesn’t curse when she’s giving advice. It’s how I know she’s angry and not just trying to help me understand something. She is pissed. “When everything starts trending up, too.”

“I’ll tell him,” I whisper. “I’ll tell Tommy everything.”

I get undressed and toss my clothes aside as I listen to my friend reassure me about opening up. A hot shower is calling my name. “Honesty about your past is date four stuff anyway,” Jeannie urges. “Even if you weren’t head over heels for him already, this is a conversation you’d be having about now. You’re way past that, you’re in love with the guy, Margo.” There’s just breathing on the other end. “Was anything taken in his apartment?”

“I don’t know, he’s figuring that out now,” I say, standing to look at myself in the mirror.

Jeannie shuffles the phone again. “Keep me posted, okay?” She sounds preoccupied. “Call me tomorrow when you land.”

Noises from her keyboard prick my ears as we hang up. I unhook my bra and step out of my panties. The mirror reflects a body I’m familiar with, but I feel like a stranger with how twisted my mind is from this evening. The whole night came from the depths of a nightmare. A horror movie. Some sort of situation that normal humans would try to escape. I read an online article once that said “first love theory” is a thing for men. Their first love is not only their only true love, but the standard by which they judge the relationships that come after. So, not only can a man never love a woman the same as his first, but he will constantly think about her for the rest of his life. I pick myself apart in the mirror. Am I enough to erase Dani even a little bit?

These thoughts linger as I shower in the attached bathroom and wrap myself in a towel. Dani is marrying another man, I think. She has moved on. So has Tommy. I think about his ex because even considering the break-in at Tommy’s apartment gives me hives. By the time I’ve done my skincare routine and wrapped myself in a robe, I realize Tommy hasn’t checked on me yet. I crack the door and hear voices traveling down the hallway. I hear my name spoken aloud by a woman’s voice. That’s my sign. I should close the door and fall blissfully asleep. Because I have no self-preservation, I creep down the hallway, praying the wooden floors don’t creak so loudly that I’m discovered. They are in the home office—a soft orange glow dancing on the wall opposing the cracked door.

“Give me this deployment to really think about it,” Tommy says.

His dad cuts him off. “We hate to put this on you. It always felt like it would be a perfect fit when you were with Daniella. That was when we weren’t even sure we’d have to sell, but this firm is offering a number we can’t refuse.”

Tommy clears his throat. “You and Mom should take it then. I don’t have to think about it. You’ve made your mind up.” He sighs. “And Daniella was never a perfect fit. You have to know that by now.”

“Did you talk to her at the party? We only stopped by to say hi to her parents and left. It felt very awkward.”

Tommy laughs. “You’re telling me. I talked to her and Steelchase. She’s happy. This is what she wants. Did you think I was going to stop the party or tell her she shouldn’t get married to him? I think you realize I’ve moved on in a very important way.” I peek through the tiny crack by the hinge.

His dad bristles. “That’s what you should be thinking about during your deployment son. I’m not saying she’s not for you. She’s beautiful and accomplished and a great match for you. I just don’t want you making rash decisions without knowing her completely.” Tommy is staring at the floor, his hands clasped behind his back. I can tell by his breathing that he’s had enough. The body language is obvious.

“You and Mom got engaged after three months. How can you say that?” Tommy counters.

Engaged. My stomach drops. Is he putting me in that category? I side with his dad now. Isn’t that too much too soon? Or am I so conditioned to think anyone who commits to me is going to end up hurting me?

“Margo and I are both from Texas. We have similar upbringings, and the connection is something I’ve never felt before. Not with Dani, and I won’t have it with anyone else.” He cracks his knuckles by his side. “I just know.”

“She’s the first woman after your great love, son,” his mom chides softly. “It was always going to feel like this after Dani. With anyone. Because it’s new and exciting.”

He shakes his head. “I promise you it wasn’t always going to feel like this with anyone. The connection is real and lasting. Is that all? Are we done talking about this? Let the private equity firm buy the ranch, Dad. Ride off into the Hawaiian sunset. You both deserve it, but I won’t let you tell me how I feel about Margo. I won’t.” My heart drops to my feet, then starts thudding in rapid succession.

“We aren’t making any rash decisions about the ranch. I just thought you should know the whole truth and what the offer was.” His dad shuffles papers on his desk and shakes his head, defeated. “You can have it,” he says. Have what? What is he talking about?

Tommy exhales noisily. “Thank you,” he replies simply.

I scurry back to my room, but I don’t think I will make it in time. I spin when I hear footsteps in the hall. Tommy’s room is a smidge closer than mine, so I slip through the opened door and pray he didn’t see me. Margo the little rat, just creeping around and eavesdropping. My mother would be so disappointed. Tommy stops in front of my closed bedroom door, facing it. He rests his head on it for a beat or two before knocking softly.

“I’m here,” I whisper.

He spins to see me in his room. His brow wrinkles. “What are you doing over there?”

Just being a little rat. “Do you have fingernail clippers? I forgot to bring mine.”

“What are you really doing in my room?” He takes one big step toward me, and my stomach lurches. He licks his lips with a devil-may-care smirk on his face.

Avoidance. “Did you talk to your friend? Was anything taken from your place?”

The panty-melting grin drops. “Fish said my laptop was missing. I always keep it plugged in on my counter. It wasn’t there.”

I ask even though I know the answer. It’s written on his face. “Is it a MacBook? So, if it’s hacked, the person who stole it is getting all your messages and emails? They’re basically inside your mind and life.” I feel sick. Wrapping a hand around my middle, I walk back to his bed and sit down on the edge and pull my knees up, then let them dangle down over the edge. Tommy closes the door, a soft click that makes me jump. I’m already envisioning Hollis, out of his mind, reading every single text or email we’ve exchanged since we’ve met—tracking us to Texas and who we are with. The name of this very ranch. His parents. Dani and her friends. I don’t let myself slip into the reality of how crazy the drugs made my ex—the lengths he goes to reach me when he’s out of his mind. I recall the day he realized what he’d lost and was hell-bent on getting it back. I don’t allow myself to think of his actions and the results they caused. My spiral. The meaningless flings with men. It was the only thing that forced me forward when all Hollis wanted was to drag me back.

I’m only vaguely aware Tommy is moving in front of me. He pushes his leg between my knees to separate them, and the move breaks my dystopian haze of thoughts. Slowly, I look up to meet his eyes. Inside his gaze, he’s both turned on and concerned. He frowns. “Margo,” he says my name, and by the tilt of his eyes, I can tell it’s not the first time he’s said it. It’s the first time I’ve heard it.

My breathing quickens. “I need to go outside. Fresh air.” I stand, and he stumbles back.

Tommy grabs my hand and leads me without question. He’s sliding open the door to the big red barn and pulling me inside before I can even contemplate how we got here. It smells like wet hay—a comforting scent that makes me think of childhood. There are horses in paddocks looking at me curiously. I’m new to them. “I have to tell you something, and I don’t think it counts as lying because I wouldn’t have told a normal person so early, but you’re you,” I say, looking at his eyes. “And you are so much more than a normal person. You’re my person, and I know that now, but my past is more complicated than I let on.” I swallow hard, and he leads me to an empty stall lined with hay. There’s a big rectangular bundle in the corner we sit on. A wave of calm washes over me when I touch the pokey straw at my sides.

“Nothing you can say is going to make me stop loving you because you are my person, too, Margo. This is it.” His hand slides from my knee up my thigh.

I exhale noisily. This is it. He deserves to know the ugly. “I think it’s my ex, Hollis, who broke into your place. He’s good with technology, so he’s probably reading everything and tracking where we are and everyone around us this second. He’s off and on drugs—the hard stuff which makes him incredibly unstable. Jeannie has contact with him occasionally, just to keep me safe. But if he knows about you and how I feel about you, I don’t know what he’ll do.” Sobbing, I put my face in my hands. “It’s so embarrassing. Why can’t I have a nice normal ex like you?” There’s no way he understood what I just said.

His arm is heavy across my shoulders before he pulls me against his chest. “We don’t even know if it’s him, Margo. I didn’t want to worry you, but before we became an item, I was getting threatening letters. That person couldn’t have been your ex. This could be anyone. Don’t blame yourself. Even if it is your ex, you have no control over him. That’s not your fault. It sounds like he’s fucking crazy.” At his curse, I look at his face. He clears his throat. “Would he ever hurt you?”

I slam my eyes closed and breathe in the hay air in an attempt to forget the memory. “Never on purpose,” I whisper. “But before I got the restraining order, he broke my arm…with a crowbar.”

He quirks his brows. “A fucking crowbar?”

“It’s not as bad as it sounds,” I start, then remember to stop defending him. It was a bicycle accident. Hollis could have recovered like everyone else does, without becoming addicted to the pain medication. It was a choice to keep getting it from shady places. His choice to dive into hard drugs and prostitutes. “He came back to our apartment in the middle of the night. I had changed the locks at that point, so he bashed in the first-story window with a crowbar when his key didn’t work.” Another deep inhale and exhale. This is hard, and it’s why I don’t even think about it. It’s why my new apartment isn’t on the ground level. “I had my arms out trying to calm him down when I realized it was him, and he was high because, of course, he was, and he swung the bar forward, and it hit my arm just right to fracture it.” How do I tell Tommy I wasn’t even mad at Hollis, just with what he did while he wasn’t the person I knew him to be? That’s what it boils down to. I love Hollis. The one I knew from before. Should I tell Tommy Hollis would take his own life knowing he was responsible for breaking my arm? It doesn’t matter though. I know that now. Nothing changes the facts.

“I’m so sorry, Margo. Why didn’t you tell me before? This is huge.”

I rub the scar on my forearm. “I don’t want it to be huge. When I talk about it, I give it space and energy. It has been easier to not think about it at all, but then when you said someone broke in, I knew I had to tell you regardless of if it’s him or not because if it’s not, it could be at some point. It’s the kind of baggage that haunts me.” Different than his baggage, but kind of the same. It’s the always kind of baggage. “I haven’t been this close to anyone since him until you, so there was no need to sort how to say it, I guess.” I didn’t even press charges against him.

He kisses my forehead. “What’s his last name?” My heart drops.

“Why?”

“So we can find him, Margo. If I don’t know where he is, how can I keep you safe from him?” He’s not even worried about his apartment or his computer, he’s worried about me. About keeping me safe from my own damn decisions.

“But, but…” I stutter. “It’s not your job to keep me safe from him. The cops can handle him if they need to. I don’t want you to be involved, and I know that sounds crazy if he broke into your apartment but just call the cops and let them deal with it. Please, I beg you.”

Tommy tilts his head to the side and narrows his eyes. “We didn’t report the break-in. I’m not going to hurt him, neither is Fish. We’ll just keep tabs on him, so it doesn’t happen again. I promise.” He read between the lines. I’m not sure why I expected anything less of him. Of course, he knows I don’t want Hollis to die for his awful choices. But Jeannie is right. He deserves all the worst in life at this point if he’s doing what we suspect.

“You need to wipe the computer, the cloud, anything you can,” I say.

He smiles. “It was the first thing I did when Fish told me it was missing.” Another kiss on my forehead. “Is that it? Is that the worst? You sleep with a rag and have an ex. It’s not that groundbreaking save for the fact your ex is unstable.”

I smile at the mention of my blankie. “I don’t know,” I say, sniffling. “You should tell me something awful to make me feel better.”

“Wasn’t that engagement party the ultimate sacrifice of embarrassment and awful enough for both of us?” He laughs a bit, then holds himself back. “After everyone made such a big deal, I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t have gone at all, invited or not.”

I guffaw. “What you’re saying is I lived through your most embarrassing and awful moment? That was it? I probably lived through Ron’s, too.” I grin.

He lifts and lowers his arms. “It can only go up from here. That’s what I’m hearing.” His gaze slides over my neck and exposed shoulder. Yes. That’s what I want right now. That’s what will make me forget.

I sniffle once, loudly. Five dates, Margo. I owe it to myself, I know. Distract myself. “I love it in this barn.” A horse whinnies from a few stalls over. “It feels like home.”

Tommy stills and seems to be lost in thought for a moment too long. “I’m going to be leaving soon, Margo. I don’t know what’s going to happen during or after. This is the most up in the air my life has ever been.”

“And?” I ask, tone quiet as I listen for more animal noises to still my nerves.

“And leaving you behind is the hardest thing for me to think about.” His neck works as he swallows. “That is a tough thought. My responsibilities to this country and to my brothers are heavy, and I’m worried about you. About keeping you.”

I exhale. “I’ll be waiting for you to come home. I kick your ass for a living, remember?” The work relationship feels so far away when we’re not physically in the gym together in our standard roles. It’s going to be difficult to separate work and love when we’re on base, and I recognize that will be a tantamount problem when it comes to my coworker, Nathaniel. He was onto us from the get-go, and now it’s going to be mission impossible to throw him off our trail. “The last thing I want is for you to worry about me. You need to be worried about defeating the enemy?” I ask, testing the last word. “Destroying the villains?” Another test. “Staying safe and keeping your teammates safe?” I try. “Completing your missions successfully.”

He chuckles. “All of the above? I will do all those things. But I need to know that you’ll be here waiting for me when I return.”

I wave a hand, cutting him off. “I will wait for you no matter how long it takes or how many deployments you go on. It’s not really waiting, Tommy. You’re my person, so the deployments are part of who you are. I work on base and did a ton of research before I even began training SEALs. I’m not in the dark about how hard long distance is. Granted, Hollywood movies probably don’t do a good job of portraying how things really are.”

He cuts me off. “Some movies do. Most are lying shit. Even if you don’t call it waiting, there’s still the in-between.”

“I’ll be here for you even during the in-between.” I pause, looking down at the white cowboy boots I paired with my robe. “I promise you. That’s the new promise.”

Standing from the hay bale, I dust off my hands on the sides of my robe. Tommy pulls me toward him, tugging the belt that dangles between my legs. “Promises are big deals, you know.”

“Promises are the biggest of deals,” I reply. He tugs me closer, and the direct contact makes my body shiver. Leaning down, I brush my lips against his back and forth. I can taste his breath, and my head swims. His hands feel warm on my hips through the thin fabric. “Should we seal the promise with a kiss?”

Tommy shudders, then pulls his shirt off over his head. Setting it down, he spreads it out behind him on the hay. He says, “How about something a little stronger than a kiss?” He pulls me forward, and I straddle him as he leans back. “Let’s seal this with you all over me.” It’s an order—his voice a low, gravelly growl.

The way his eyes darken when they meet mine sends a rush to my core. Our connection is instant and palpable. My heart thunders against my chest, and my stomach spins in anticipation. My knees are on his shirt, protecting against the spikey hay, as I lean down and press my mouth against his. Tommy grabs the back of my head, his fingers laced through my hair and controls the kiss. His dick is hard, it’s been hard since he first touched me, straining against his jeans. It’s more obvious now that I can feel it against me.

My mind always has a way of tricking me into believing there is nothing to worry about when I’m with a man. It was part of the reason I got assigned the five-date challenge after self-sabotaging, but I’m suddenly struck with a new sensation. The feeling is so big and tangible, it’s taking up oxygen in this barn, in this stall. My mind isn’t blank right now as I kiss Tommy. I’m consumed by fear of losing him. It takes my breath, and I pull away from his lips, panting. The scent of hay and what I can only describe as Tommy, fill my senses.

Staring deeply into his brown eyes, I see it all. The future. What I’ve always dreamed of, but there’s also something sinister in the threat that it won’t ever truly be mine. Tommy licks his lips, and I watch the movement with need and desire. I want to take everything in right now in case I don’t get to keep it.

“I want you,” I tell him. “Badly.”

His eyes turn to slits, as he bucks his hips, and his hard cock rocks against my core. I only have on panties, so I can almost pretend he’s fucking me. I can almost pretend he’s all mine forever and ever—that he’s claiming me in the same way. He rocks up again, and I moan, hanging my head as I grind my clit against him. Closing my eyes, I ride him, pretending he’s deep inside me. Tommy slides his hands from my hips up to the shoulders of my robe. Sliding it over my shoulders it pools around my waist. The cloying air pricks my skin as he rolls my nipples in between his fingertips.

I don’t even have to focus on my orgasm—it’s coming, hard and fast. Tommy drags his hand down the center of my chest. “You’re so fucking perfect, Margo.” We connect gazes, and I melt into the bliss—tingles from my toes to my pulsing core. “I want to be inside you,” Tommy growls. I put my hands on his chest and lean forward to kiss first his mouth, then his neck as the waves come to a stop.

Dragging my tongue across his abs, I pull on his jeans until he helps me unbutton and unzip them. His cock is long and thick. I lick the ball of wetness off the tip before sliding him down my throat. The cry he lets out is guttural as I use my tongue against his length. He can’t be inside my cunt yet, but I can give him the time of his life like this. Taking extra care with my teeth I pull him out of my mouth, and I spit on the top before licking his balls gently. It’s wet and messy, and his hips are bucking forward, urging me to take him deeper. Opening my throat, I take all of him and slide his wet cock in a little and out a little bit. My eyes water in protest, but I can tell by his quivering legs he’s close. He comes down my throat in the next beat, his hands in my hair pulling softly. His shaft pulsates deep inside my neck, and I peer up to see his face in rapture. He’s breathing heavily as I slowly pull off him and wipe my mouth with the tail of my robe.

A horse whinnies from behind us, and we both jump at the boisterous noise that echoes off the high ceilings. “Radar,” Tommy chides as we lock eyes with a chestnut horse. “What the fuck, my man? Are you trying to scare us half to death.” The horse chuffs back, blowing out his nose and picking up his front hooves one at a time in protest.

I laugh, readjusting my robe. “How did he get out?”

“Couldn’t resist a show!” Tommy chuffs, dressing himself, leaving the top button on his jeans undone. “He always did have bad timing.” He tells me a story about how Radar was spooked by a trash bag on the ground a few hours before a barrel race competition and threw him to the ground. “It was the big show too, the one where we would have won money! Broke two fingers on one hand.” He holds up his left hand. “They’re still crooked as fuck, but they work as well as before,” he explains. “Trigger finger is on the right hand, so America is safe,” he jests.

He pets his nose gruffly, and as I look on, I see a new side of Tommy. One that is just as attractive as the one I knew before, but also somehow truer. I grew up on a farm with horses, and this interaction between Tommy and his horse draws me closer to him. Not that we’re both playing pretend in San Diego with our careers, but trying this look on tells me we are more alike than I first considered.

Walking up slowly, I extend my hand to the horse loose in the barn. “It’s not a clean hand, but it probably smells like your favorite person,” I joke, letting the horse smell me before I pet him between his ears. He huffs and stomps his foot again. “If my farm wasn’t so far away, I’d have to take you to meet Gunther before we go back to California.” Texas is huge. Most people don’t realize the distance between places. Where I’m from in Texas might as well be three states away from where Tommy’s family ranch is.

“We’ll go see your family next time we come out,” he says, grinning. His cheeks are still a bit pink, and his smile is pure undeniable happiness. I did that. “I got two of my favorite things right here, right now. I don’t think you understand how happy you make me.”

“Because I know how to suck a mean dick?” It’s a habit. I downplay emotions with crude humor. Call it crass, I call it a coping mechanism. Old habits die hard.

He drags a finger across my lips and pulls my bottom lip out with this thumb. “No because you are the only thing I’m sure of. Our fifth date can’t come soon enough.” I shiver. “It’s going to be a full-on proper date. I want to wine you and dine you. The true date experience.”

I smile, not just because I’m stupidly happy, but because Jeannie was right. Five fucking dates is all it takes to fall in love. With the right guy.

Who would have thought?