19. Tommy
CHAPTER 19
Tommy
I wake up on a Tuesday. I can’t tell you what month it is, but it is Tuesday because the doctor has a pair of scrubs covered with the word “Tuesday.” Bless the designers of those, they deserve a raise. Or this lady is fucking with me, and it’s Saturday. That would be funny, too.
My throat is dry and scratchy.
“Wow, that didn’t take long,” the doctor says, checking my vitals and pressing buttons on my IV pole monitor. “Let me tell your family.” She hands me a small plastic cup of water. “You’re probably dry as a bone.”
I drink it all in one large gulp, but it burns on the way down.
“There will be some pain. You had a trach in breathing for you for the past four weeks.” It’s like she’s reading my mind. “Want another cup? We have to start slow, so your stomach doesn’t get upset.” She gives me a brief rundown of what happened to me. She uses words like lucky, and odds were against me.
I nod. Then house this cup even quicker.
“That’s enough for now. I’ll be right back.” Dr. Tuesday smiles brightly. “Oh, they’re going to be just chuffed.” She disappears from my room.
There are several floral bouquets on a table next to me. One bunch is all black, with a big card with a simplistic-looking fish drawn on it. I smirk. But the motion hurts. Like the rest of my body. Every part of my body feels like it was shattered and put back together, but someone got the pieces messed up, so nothing fits together correctly.
The family I expected wasn’t Dani and Lip, yet they’re rushing the room, her heeled boots clacking against the hard floor.
“Tom-Tom, you’re up,” she gushes. “I was so worried about you.”
I clear my throat, and it feels like sandpaper. “I wasn’t sleeping, Dani. What year is it? Did I wake up before we broke up?” It’s a joke. She smiles that familiar smile. “Where is Margo?” The pang in my chest has nothing to do with my injuries. I remember what happened. I remember falling down the stairs after Ron slammed into me. Margo’s wail. All of it is as if it happened last night.
“She hasn’t been sleeping. She has barely left this hospital since you got here,” Dani whispers, fingers lacing with Lip’s. “Don’t worry. Or try not to worry, but I took this shift because she was a dead man walking. I sent her home to get some rest. I called her when you woke up, she’s on her way now. So are your parents and Fish, and the rest of your team. Don’t worry, you don’t have to deal with me much longer.”
I go to respond because of course I’m fucking worried about Margo, but she puts up a manicured finger and shushes me. “I want to apologize for the part I had in this. You know me, Tom. I didn’t think Ron would ever do something like this.” She waves an arm across my body. “I wanted to apologize in person or make amends, I don’t even know what to call it. What I did to Margo in the process of all this makes me sick. That’s why I’m here. To help her. She has no right to trust me, but by the dear Lord above, she does.” Her eyes get teary. “She loves you. More than love. More than I ever could, I now see.”
“Hey, Dani, it’s okay,” I say, trying to thwart her emotions. I wasn’t prepared to deal with her or this or anything, honestly. “Bygones are bygones,” I rasp. “You two will have to come to the wedding,” I say, eyes flittering between the two standing before me. Lip has the good nature to smile and avert his eyes. Then I remember the conversation Margo and I had right before the melee. “If that’s still happening,” I whisper.
“They weren’t sure if you would wake up. That’s after they removed a kidney and did three different surgeries on your wrist and leg. You have broken ribs.”
I wince as I shift in bed, feeling every injury she’s telling me about in vivid detail.
“She hasn’t been planning a wedding. That’s for sure.” She sighs noisily. “It took a week to convince her to talk to me in person after I flew in. Lip here was acting as a go-between. He has been so good to me. I’m sorry, Tommy. For everything.”
My parents come in next, fussing over me and hugging Dani. It’s joyous because my parents’ relief is so profound. I don’t notice Margo standing in the doorway witnessing the happy scene until a beat too late. She’s watching my mom softly stroke Dani’s hair and my dad animatedly tell a story about the olden days. From Margo’s point of view, this looks painful. Probably worse than my bodily injuries if I had to guess.
“Margo,” I say her name like a prayer. “Come here,” I beckon. “You are a sight for sore eyes, but actually now that I’m thinking about it, my eyes might be the only thing on my body that isn’t sore.” The joke doesn’t lighten the mood.
Margo looks just as haunted as you’d expect someone who isn’t sleeping to look. “I can’t believe you’re awake,” Margo finally says.
Dani has the good sense to leave. No words, just closing the door behind her. “I didn’t believe it was true. I didn’t think you were going to ever wake up.”
She swallows hard, blinking slowly twice. “You guys looked so happy,” she says. “Like I was the intruder.”
“No, no,” my mom chides. “Darling, they were just saying goodbye, and I was telling her to go tell her parents the good news. It’s mere history bookkeeping and nothing more, I assure you.”
I can tell Margo is chewing on my mom’s words thoroughly to decipher meaning and hidden meaning alike.
“You both catch up, and we’ll be in after,” Mom says after kissing me one more time. Dad smiles and waves as they close the door.
I try to sit up, and wince against the pain. “Margo, I’m sorry you had to see that.”
She puts a hand up. “Don’t move. You could mess up the placement of the screws holding your leg together.”
I hold my breath. “That bad, huh?” I look at my leg in a sling hovering over my bed. “Come here, baby. I need to hold you.”
She breaks down as she gingerly sits next to me and tucks her head near my shoulder. “Tommy, this was the single most worst month of my life. Worse than anything else. You’re so broken. So broken.” She pulls back and looks me in the eyes. “I wondered if when you woke up, you’d want to be here because you’re so broken. Or worse, if you didn’t remember me. I thought maybe you forgot about me.”
I snuff a breath out my nose. “I could never forget about you.” I look down at her ring, and it still looks perfect on her beautiful finger. A wave of fatigue slams into me. “Nothing can come between us, Margo. Not even a maniacal, corrupt lawyer.”
“Ron didn’t make it. In case no one told you. Fish took care of him that night. Ron had a gun. He was about to shoot you. As if breaking every bone in your body wasn’t enough.” She gazes at my leg longingly. “They say it won’t ever be the same, Tommy.”
I ignore the part about my leg. Ron is dead. I should have at least said something comforting to Dani. “Hollis?”
“He’s in jail. Fish shot him but didn’t kill him. It was a circus for a long time, but everything has calmed down. Everyone was just waiting to see if you’d wake up.”
Pure exhaustion hits me hard. “Margo, I need to ask you something.”
“Anything,” she says, cupping my face and stroking my hair and eyebrows.
“I need to take a nap, but I have to ask you for date six.”
Tears spill from her tired eyes down her cheeks. “Of course.”
“In Texas. As soon as they let me out of here and give me flying orders.”
I can see her panic as I close my eyes. “You feel okay though?”
“I’m going to wake up after a nap, baby. This isn’t the big sleep. I promise you. I got a date to plan.” Her lips are cool against my cheek, and I fall blissfully asleep, aware that I almost died, but was spared for a reason.
Medically discharged are two words no SEAL is ever prepared to hear. I hate to say it was a relief when the administrative office gave me the paperwork, but it is the truth. It took the choice away, so it was easy to embrace my fate. My injuries healed as well as they could. My gait has a limp even though my leg is healed. I’ve had additional surgeries to revamp and replace the rods, pins, and screws inside my femur and knee. I can’t run like I used to, and let’s be honest, a SEAL who can’t run is like a seal who can’t swim—dead in the water and useless.
The heartbreak still stings when I think of my brothers and wonder what they’re doing. Are they safe? Are they better off without me? Do they think of me? It’s lame, pussy ass bullshit when my mind sinks to this level, but I can’t control it. The Teams are a brotherhood. I miss my brothers with every fiber of my being. There’s something about no longer having the honor of serving my country that gets to me. It was that singular fact alone, that I would have stayed in to serve. That and how much work it was to claw my way to the top.
Fish keeps me posted on how things are going and what they’re up to. Within reason because he can’t tell me details. He’s here now, with Jeannie, helping Margo set up her gym. We turned one of the unused barns on our property into a heated and cooled gym for her business here in Texas.
There was something about being in San Diego after the accident that left us both on edge. I was on leave with my injuries and rehabilitation, and as soon as I was cleared, we came home to Texas. “Over there,” Margo calls out, pointing to the framed sign she’s hanging. Rather, Fish is hanging it, glaring at me with disdain.
I smile and wave, then slap the side of my leg. “Help your broken friend out,” I yell.
He shakes his head, a grin on his lips. “This is looking so fantastic. We are finally back on track for opening day. It’s better than anything I could have imagined,” Margo admits, wrapping an arm around my waist. “You gave this to me.”
I shake my head. “You did this all on your own. You went through all the steps with clearance. You took all the classes. They chose your facility because you’re the best.” Margo still gets to train the elite athletes in the U.S. We just had to build the facility to code. It took a year to get everything right, but it’s ready. Groups of professional athletes and special military forces will come here for the training programs Margo will put together for them. It was someone at the base who recommended she do a satellite training facility, and Margo ran with it. We are lucky this area has a hotel to house the athletes. The incoming business from the people traveling and staying will be a boom to the economy. People are thrilled. “You still have your PT to do before we go back to the main house today.”
I groan. It’s painful. Living is painful. Loving Margo is the easiest thing I’ve ever done, and God knows I would do anything for this woman. Anything. “Which program are you putting me through today?” I ask, leaning over to kiss the top of her head. “Fuck me up one or fuck me up two?”
She ignores my joke. “I think one. The flexibility in your hip was tight after yesterday’s session.” Margo looks from Fish to me. “Do we need to push the wedding, Tommy? I know you aren’t feeling as good as you thought you would by this time.”
“Satan himself couldn’t stop me from walking down the aisle to you, Margo. I’m feeling perfectly fine for marrying you.” The truck out front pouring the concrete makes a loud booming noise that startles us both.
Margo jumps and spins, eyes wide. “Let me go make sure they are pouring this correctly. I don’t want them to miss that spot on the side, for the overflow parking.” She grumbles under her breath. “They’re always messing up something, testing my patience.”
The gym is state-of-the-art, how you’d expect, and the fact that it’s out of the way in a smaller town makes it attractive for those who don’t want to be seen—those who don’t want a spotlight or a media tail. I watch her disappear through the front door, her body silhouetted by the bright light pouring in through the tall glass windows. She has on her white cowboy boots and workout leggings. It’s the perfect combination of our lives.
“If your woman is done with me, I’m going to head to the house for Mama Towne’s sweet tea,” Fish growls, eyes flicking to all angles to find Jeannie. “I can’t believe she got this done. It really is something.”
Licking my lips, I nod. “If I was going to run the ranch, I couldn’t expect her to muck stalls,” I say. “I’d never forgive myself if I took this away from her. If I was the reason she gave up on a dream.”
When he spots Jeannie, he looks back at me. “That’s what it is, isn’t it? All decisions are made with their well-being in mind. That’s what love is.”
I let out a small laugh. “Yeah, in Fish terms, that’s probably a good measure of love. Why? You keeping Jeannie in mind while you make decisions?”
Fish shakes his head. “Yeah, it’s so fucked up. I didn’t know it happened like this, but I care what she wants. What she thinks.”
I slap him on the shoulder. “Welcome to the jungle, my friend. Go get your girl a glass of sweet tea.” He trudges off. “Bring me one too! Tell my mom we’ll be in after I work out. I know she was cooking up a storm. Margo needs to sort this concrete situation.”
He shakes his head. “Concrete,” he mutters under his breath.
Margo blusters back in. “They didn’t mess it up.”
“Not every contractor is going to mess up,” I reply.
She scoffs. “Almost every contractor I’ve dealt with over the past year has messed up. Are your parents settling in? I felt weird making them stay in the guest room at their house, but I also felt weird giving them our room.”
“They settled in so wonderfully she is cooking enough food for an army. They are perfectly fine in a guest room. They live in paradise now. They’re happy to be visiting with us.”
Archie, my ranch manager blusters in from the back door. “Bossman, I’m having an issue. Can I borrow you for a second?”
Margo pushes me toward the door. “Go do your thing. I’ll be waiting when you get back.” Leaning down, I kiss her. Wrapping her arms around my waist, she puts her whole soul into the kiss. That was one of the many things that changed after my accident. We love each other like there’s no tomorrow, like there’s no hour after this one. “I love you, Tommy.”
I speak it into her mouth. “I love you, baby.”
Then I walk out back and load into my Ranger and follow Archie out to a mini barn. The one we’re having the wedding in. He’s on horseback so I keep my distance when I see where he’s going. The last thing I want is to spook the horse and cause him to fall off. I poached Archie from the Bradley’s Ranch. Old man Bradley couldn’t be that mad at a crippled ole’ war hero, plus he was my friend first.
I pull into the dirt lot next to the barn and follow him in. “The damn hanging lights you wanted coming down from the ceiling are giving Bart issues,” Archie says. He’s been pulling double duty dealing with the ranch stuff and the wedding stuff. We didn’t ask him to help with the wedding, but he wanted to be in charge to make sure everything was picture-perfect. “There isn’t electrical on this side so he’s fixin’ to run power on this side, too. Wanted to run it by you first.” He hands me the plans.
“If only you were running the contractors, the gym would have been finished a while ago,” I joke. “Looks good to me. It’s looking just how I envisioned, Archie. Margo is going to love it.” It’s been easy keeping her away. She’s buried in work at the gym. The construction aside, she’s hiring trainers, and running contracts, too. I help her as much as I can. “We need Archie two point oh up at the gym.”
“Say the word, boss man, and I’m there too.”
“Archie, you do more than enough for us here. Thank you. Margo is interviewing for managers up there so she should have less on her plate soon. Everything is just sort of happening at once.”
Archie adjusts his cowboy hat. “What a blessing that is.”
I guess I never looked at it that way. “It is. It is,” I reply. “Thanks for that, man. You always have a positive spin. I got a second chance at life, and I won’t waste it.”
Archie runs over to a workbench and brings over a folder. “I have a few orders to make that I need you to sign off on,” he explains, handing me the papers. “The three top forms.”
I sign quickly noting that he’s doing a great job at inventory—something I was struggling with before he arrived to save the day. “Thanks, Archie. I’m lucky to have you.”
He smiles, tilts his hat, and he’s off to do the hundreds of little things he does to make my life easier. It always amazes me how wonderful the folks around me are. Part of me wonders if it’s because I paid the figurative price. What Ron stole from me that night was more than injury deep. My ability to trust people has been severely altered. There’s always a nagging pull when it comes to assessing the behaviors of those I’m surrounded by.
It probably began earlier, though. When a simple meeting turned into combat and death. It’s not a negative thing. It’s just something I live with now that makes me more acute. I take in the barn, admiring what Archie has been able to transform this into, and head back to the Ranger, and then to my deathly workout with Margo.
She’s waiting in the upstairs section of the gym. She calls out over the balcony, “Take the elevator up to me!”
I could take the stairs, it would just take longer, so I do as I’m told and see her adding heavy plates to the bench. “We’ll start upper body, then work on the lower mobility. We’ll do the assault bike, then use the Pilates reformer to work on your hips.”
I walk slowly over to the bench where she has my workout gear. “Have I told you lately how amazing you are? I’m so proud of you.”
She brushes me off, cheeks flushing. “Stop it. You’re not getting out of this today. I need your hips in full working order on our wedding night.”
Clearing my throat, I take off my shirt and pants. “They’re in full working order right now,” I reply. “Want to test them out?”
“I do,” she says, biting her bottom lip. “After.”
“You’re a damn drill instructor, Margo Towne.”
“Say that again,” she says, eyes wide, mouth hanging ajar.
I press my lips together to stifle a smile. She’s transfixed. “Mrs. Towne. Margo Towne. The Mrs. Thomas Towne. Towne. Towne. Married. Towne.”
Margo shakes her head. “I love the sound of that together,” she muses. “Now get on this bench.” Guiding her hands to the correct spot, she can’t stop smiling, and I’m the reason. Laying down under the bar, I look up at her smirk while I bench. Her focus is unwavering, but there’s happiness spilling out of the cracks where there used to be uncertainty and fear.
I follow her instructions carefully, listening to her corrections as I go through all the exercises. She doesn’t know it, but she’s why I’m here, why I push through the pain and dissent of my body. Because I would live through that night, again and again, if I knew it would always end the same way.
With her next to me forever. Careers and jobs come and go. Love, though? The forever kind, that you rearrange the pieces for? That’s what you lean into in life.