Loch Lomond
Two Years Earlier
‘Shall I set up down by the water?’ asked Lou, unzipping her camera bag.
‘Yep. We’ll start with some footage of the kayaks on the shore and then once everyone’s in them, you can do some travelling shots as we row out. Is it called row, in a kayak?’
Lou shrugged. ‘Don’t ask me. The closest I’ve come to doing water sports is when you and me went out on that banana boat in Faliraki.’
My body shuddered in response. ‘Don’t remind me.’
I’d been flung into the water so many times that at one point I’d wondered whether I’d have been better off just swimming back to the shore.
Trying to stay on a yellow inflatable while being dragged across the Mediterranean at about a hundred miles an hour had looked much more entertaining from the safety of a beach towel on the sand.
‘Your phone’s ringing,’ said Lou.
‘Ooops, meant to put that on silent,’ I said, feeling around for it in my pockets.
Mind you, it was probably Tim making some excuse about being late. I glanced up towards the hotel: no sign of him or Ruthie. When I looked back, I saw Finlay unlocking the doors of his ‘shack’, as Tim had called it. I waved at him and simultaneously answered my call.
‘Maddie? Where are you?’
‘Hi, Dad. Scotland. Everything all right?’
He hesitated. ‘How’s it going?’
I was immediately suspicious. He never usually asked how my job was going, mainly because he didn’t fully understand what I did.
He was always making jokes about how I got paid to go on holiday, and when I tried to explain that it was actually very hard work and that I was sitting at a desk in an office in London most of the time, he didn’t seem able to grasp the concept.
‘It’s fine,’ I said, wishing he’d get to the point. ‘It’s beautiful here. You should bring Sharon.’
Sharon was my step-mum and even as I said it, I knew she would have no desire to go to Loch Lomond. Her idea of a dream holiday was lying prone on a sun lounger by a pool somewhere in Spain and not moving for at least twelve hours, except to turn every now and again so that she kept her tan even.
‘About Sharon …’
I frowned. ‘What about her?’
‘She’s gone and booked me a weekend away for my birthday, hasn’t she? We’re all off to Amsterdam, apparently. Getting one of those ferries across.’
The other kayakers were heading slowly down to the beach now, including, I noticed, Aidan.
He was no longer in a wetsuit, and was wearing jeans and a chunky jumper that made him look like a sexy fisherman.
Seriously, I needed to get over myself and focus on my job and also find out what exactly my dad was trying to say so that I could get this phone call over with as quickly as possible.
I took a few steps towards the water, hoping I’d be out of earshot.
It was hardly professional of me to be on the phone.
‘Right. And when’s that?’
‘Well. On my birthday. This weekend,’ said Dad sheepishly.
‘But I’m coming to visit this weekend.’
‘I know. I told her that. She said she forgot.’
I felt a thud of realisation as it became clear that, yet again, Dad and his new family – except they weren’t new anymore, since my half-sister and half-brother were twenty-two and twenty-four respectively – had put themselves before me and my feelings.
I’d really been looking forward to seeing them all, especially Dad.
‘But it’s all planned,’ I said, trying not to sound shrieky.
I knew Dad hated it when I got all emotional – he’d told me often enough.
‘My train ticket’s all booked, Glasgow to Leicester.
Sharon must have known I was coming because she said she’d put the others in together so that I could have my own room! ’
My dad made some weird grumbling noises, which I took to mean that he didn’t know what to say. ‘Sorry about that. She said she didn’t realise, and the Amsterdam trip’s all booked.’
I sighed. This conversation was pointless, he’d already made up his mind that he was blowing me out to go to Amsterdam, and who could blame him?
It was Sharon I was fucked off with. She’d done this sort of thing before and, honestly, I didn’t suppose it was malicious on her part, I just didn’t imagine I entered into her sphere of thought most of the time.
‘Not much I can say then, is there? Anyway, I’m needed at work, so I’ll have to go. ’
‘We’ll celebrate together some other time, eh?’
‘Sure, Dad. Happy birthday and have a great time.’
I hung up, feeling like something hard and sharp was pressing into my chest. Funny how these things triggered you, even years later.
Conversations like this – and there were a lot of them – took me right back to being a child again, when Mum and Dad had first split up and everything had felt tense and uncertain and I’d been worried a lot of the time.
They hadn’t seemed particularly bothered about spending time with me then, either, so I didn’t know why I kept hoping things would change.
‘Everything OK?’
I turned to see Lou beside me. She had her camera to her eye, setting up the shot. Finlay was shin-deep in water, getting the kayaks into position.
‘My dad’s just cancelled my trip.’
‘What, the one in a couple of days’ time?’
‘Yep.’
Lou rubbed my arm. ‘Sorry, Mads. He’s crap, isn’t he?’
I nodded. ‘I should have known something like this would happen.’
‘When are we going to get it through our heads that our parents are not miraculously going to change overnight?’ said Lou, whose wedding to Will was nearly ruined when her divorced parents practically came to blows at the reception.
‘Maddie! Ruthie needs her make-up touching up.’
Tim’s too-loud voice snapped me out of thinking about Dad, so at least I had him to thank for that.
I turned, plastering on a smile to face Ruthie, who was wrapped in a blanket and looking decidedly pissed off.
I dipped down to get my make-up kit and as I stood up, I spotted Aidan watching me.
He smiled at me and I nodded back. Perhaps daydreaming about having a wild, Scottish fling with him would pull me out of my bad mood.
I unzipped the make-up kit, grabbed a pot of concealer and a brush and approached Ruthie.
‘Feeling all right about getting out on the water?’ I asked her brightly as I dabbed beige paste onto her face and blended it in.
‘No, I am not,’ said Ruthie. ‘What if I fall in?’
‘Oh, you won’t,’ replied Aidan, appearing beside us. ‘It’s practically impossible to capsize in a kayak.’
Ruthie looked at him, her sneer instantly turning into a smile. I wondered if he had that effect on everyone. ‘Oh, hello! Are you our kayaking instructor?’ she asked in a throaty voice.
Aidan laughed and shook his head. ‘I’m afraid not. But I am coming out on the water with you. So if you need a hand, just shout.’
Ruthie appeared to have turned into a simpering wreck. I mean, I couldn’t blame her, Aidan was being particularly manly/caring right now, which I had to admit was an excellent combo.
‘I might just take you up on that,’ said Ruthie, regally holding out her hand so that Aidan could shake it.
To be fair to him, he picked up on her cues and did exactly what was required, taking her hand.
‘Ruthie Withenshaw, lead presenter of Holiday Shop,’ she said.
‘Pleased to meet you, Ruthie. I’m Aidan, travel writer on the Hampstead and Highgate Express.’
He gave her a dazzling smile which was so infectious that I almost smiled myself, even though it wasn’t aimed at me.
As I put the concealer away and got out the trusty powder compact, I caught Aidan’s eye.
Of course, my imagination was probably running away with me, but I had a feeling that he’d introduced himself to Ruthie to lighten the mood and help me out.
Which would mean he’d actually noticed I needed some assistance.
Which for some reason – because I was a sucker for feeling ‘seen’, probably – really cheered me up after being let down by my dad.
Seriously, there had to be something wrong with this guy because on first impressions, he was much too good to be true.
‘All done,’ I said to Ruthie, who stalked off, no doubt to moan to Tim about what a ridiculous idea all this was.
I bent down to put my things away, but Aidan’s boot-clad feet were in my eyeline and I felt totally self-conscious crouched down, so I stood up quickly, brushing my hair out of my eyes.
‘Is there anything you can’t do?’ he asked. ‘So far, I’ve seen you in charge of sound, wardrobe and make-up. Any other hidden talents I’m likely to discover as the day goes on?’
I smiled. He had noticed me.
‘Or, in other words, I get to do the crap jobs that nobody else wants,’ I said.
‘Doesn’t sound quite so glamorous when you put it like that,’ he replied, laughing.
I looked at the boats bobbing on the water, wondering how we were going to get through the afternoon with expensive camera equipment to keep dry and a presenter who would rather put pins in her eyes than row herself out into the middle of a Scottish lake.
‘Are you an expert at this, then? Kayaking?’ I asked.
Aidan shook his head, lowering his voice. ‘Hardly. I’ve only just recovered from diving this morning. Don’t tell anyone, but water sports aren’t actually my thing.’
‘Same,’ I confessed. ‘Have you ever been out on a banana boat? Because don’t.’
Aidan grimaced. ‘That bad?’
‘Worse.’
‘Right you lot. Find a kayak each and let’s get you out on the water,’ called Finlay, who was clearly the only person actually feeling optimistic about our impending jaunt.
Aidan and I looked at each other.
‘Good luck,’ he said.
‘I think you’re the one who might need the good luck,’ I said. ‘You’ll be at Ruthie’s beck and call now, you watch.’
There was something about his gaze that made me feel quite exposed. As though for some reason he could see right through me, to the vulnerabilities I usually went to great pains to hide.
‘Is she always this demanding?’ he asked, his eyes not leaving mine.