26. Chapter Twenty-Six
It’s been one day of trying to ignore her, but she’s the only thing on my mind. For the past few months, we’ve been fucking like rabbits, all over her house - the kitchen bench top, the couch, her bathroom shower, even in the backyard during another downpour. That memory is permanently etched in my mind, and whenever I think about it, it still arouses me.
During lunch today, all I wanted was a break from school and the drama that comes with girls like Jade, who constantly want to hook up. It’s been over three months since I last fucked any of them, yet they keep coming back.
Ace could sense that something was bothering me, but I couldn’t confide in him. I can’t admit that every time I’m with Poppy, the sex intensifies, and the pleasure keeps escalating. I just love how I can explore every inch of her body and bring her to a point where she screams my name, genuinely, unlike those other girls who fake all their orgasms. It just keeps getting hotter and hotter. Like everything else, she surpasses everyone I’ve been with before.
Last night, when she screamed my name as I bit down on her shoulder, I couldn’t hold back, and I blew my release inside her. I yearn to keep fucking her over and over again. However, the predicament lies in the fact that my black heart is starting to feel something deeper for her. It’s more than just physical satisfaction now. And that’s something I can’t allow. I can’t risk jeopardizing everything Ace and I have worked so hard for.
Ace and I made a pact years ago, promising that nothing would come before our dreams.
Lately, I can tell that Ace has noticed a change in me. He hasn’t said anything directly, but I can see him observing me, wondering why I’ve been quiet at times, much like I was today. Maybe that’s why he suggested skipping the second half of school and heading straight to practice. It’s the only place where I can clear my mind and escape the thoughts racing through my head.
As we played music and added the final touches to the song I finished writing the other day, I tried my best not to think about her. But it’s difficult when, deep down, I know that the songs I’ve been writing are about her. I never even realized it until today, not even when I sang her part of the song all those months ago when we first started fooling around.
I set my guitar aside and make my way over to the couch, taking a seat next to Ace. He’s just lit a joint, which I promptly take from his mouth. As I inhale, a light-headed feeling washes over me. After another drag, I pass it back to him, blowing the smoke out of my mouth.
“I’ve been scouring the internet for affordable apartments, and it looks like there are a few we can rent,” Ace says.
“I don’t have much money, just seventy dollars,” I admit, realizing now that maybe I should have found a job instead of wasting time with Poppy. If I had, I wouldn’t be feeling the way I do.
He hands me the joint, and I bring it up to my mouth.
“I’ve got around two grand,” Ace says.
When I hear the amount he has saved, I cough and choke on the smoke in my lungs. “Two grand,” I say, coughing again, handing him back the joint. “How the fuck did you manage to save that much?”
“You remember that old asshole bikie wannabe dickhead? Whenever he left, he always left a few dollars on the table for my mother, as if she was some kind of whore. Once I realized what he was doing, I’d wait until that fuckhead was gone, then sneak inside and take a few bills from the pile.”
“And your mom never found out?”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “She was always too fucking high to notice. So, when we find a place, we should have enough for rent for a few weeks and by then we’ll find some paying gigs. We just need to find a drummer and a bass guitarist when we get there.”
“And what if we can’t find them?” I ask.
“Then we”ll need to find some way to make money until we find the perfect people to join our band, but only if they”re the right fit. I don’t want just anyone to join us. We still have five weeks until we leave, so I might be able to save another two or three hundred dollars by then.” Ace glances at the clock. “Damn, it’s already three in the morning. You might as well stay here tonight.”
The following day, Ace and I decided to sleep in and skip school altogether. I didn’t really mind, as I had no desire to see Poppy anyway. However, I couldn’t help but keep glancing at the unanswered text message.
To take my mind off things, I get lost in the music again, writing more songs while Ace adds his awesome sounds to the mix.
As the clock strikes eleven at night, a wave of fatigue washes over me, mingling with a gratifying sense of achievement. We had successfully worked on and completed another song, which was now ready to be shown to any label who shows interest. And yes, once again, it’s a song about “her”. I’m certain that Ace has caught on to this pattern, but he hasn’t said a word. I don’t think he knows how to approach the subject, and honestly, I would probably lash out at him if he ever brought it up. It’s a subject that we both consciously avoid.
As Ace drives down the darkened street towards my house, I can’t help but wonder if Poppy waited for me again, like she did two nights ago. I haven’t received another text from her. Yeah, I did check, and I’m annoyed at myself for doing that.
Ace pulls up to the curb and looks at me as I gaze two doors down towards Poppy’s house. All the lights are off.
Ace’s voice catches my attention, and I turn to look at him. “You can tell me about her if you want.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. I’ve already told you she’s not my type,” I reply.
I open the door, ready to get out, but pause when he speaks again.
“But if there’s something on your mind, you know you can always talk to me. I’m here for you, man.”
“See ya later, Ace.”
As I step out of the car, I shut the door and stand on the sidewalk, keeping an eye on him until he disappears around the corner. Only then do I turn and make my way towards the house.
As usual, the lights in my house are out. The hinges of the screen door screech into the silence. I cautiously open the door and step inside. Almost immediately after shutting the door, I feel it - a sudden impact from behind. The force of the blow drills into my side, causing me to stumble. Instinctively, I raise my hands to shield my body. But it’s too late, my father has me trapped against the wall. His arm forcefully presses against my back, while my chest and face are forcefully pushed against the hard surface. I’m grateful that I left my guitar at Ace’s place.
“Where have you been?” he barks angrily. “Off fucking some little slut.”
With each word, he increases the pressure of his arm against my back, causing my head to repeatedly bang against the wall in front of me.
“Let me fucking go, asshole.”
“You”re just a useless piece of crap. I wish I found out I wasn’t your father before your mother died, because I would have thrown her skanky ass and her bastard kid out long ago.” His face inches closer, and the stench of alcohol on his breath overwhelms me, instantly making me sick. He makes me feel like barfing the pizza that Ace ordered using the cash he took from his mom”s new boyfriend, while they were banging in the shower tonight.
I can’t move, not with the way he has me pinned against the wall. History serves as a reminder that resisting only escalates to more violence. In just over five weeks, I’ll finally be able to escape this shithole and never lay eyes on this asshole again. For now, I must simply keep quiet and bide my time. That’s how I’ll endure these last five weeks.
His face remains close to mine. And the seconds seem to stretch on as the pain in my body continues. Suddenly, I feel his arm loosen its grip on my shoulder. Just as I’m about to step away, he forcefully grabs my hair and slams my head against the wall. The impact causes the drywall to crack, joining the countless other holes scattered throughout the room, remnants of my father’s fits of anger and violence. With a cruel laugh, the fucking bastard walks away, seemingly satisfied with his cruel act.
I remain there standing, still propped against the wall, desperately trying to suppress the pain as the throbbing ache intensifies in my head. Surprisingly, my legs manage to hold me upright, refusing to give way. I catch a glimpse of his silhouette as he moves down the hallway, watching him as he exits the room.
Trying to regain my balance, I notice a slight dizziness creeping in. Carefully, I take a few steps forward, desperately searching for something to hold onto. To my surprise, my hand lands on one of the whisky bottles that he always keeps on the coffee table in the room. Without a second thought, I swiftly grab the bottle and quickly leave, my head still spinning. I make my way out of the front door and onto the street, desperate to escape before he comes back and realizes one of his bottles is missing.
Unscrewing the lid, I indulge in the alcohol to numb the throbbing pain in my head.
I waste no time drowning my sorrows to numb the pain of what just went down. I despise him and everything he represents. The kind man he used to be, is now a distant memory. It’s as if that version of him faded away, replaced by this despicable asshole. Why did my mother have to reveal her secret? That’s when everything changed. That’s when his animosity towards me began and has been festering ever since.
With the bottle now half empty, my headache has subsided and my body feels more at ease. One day, I hope he faces the consequences he deserves. I can only hope that I am the one who brings him down a notch by proving my worth to the world. He will see me the way Poppy sees me, acknowledging that I am truly something.
With thoughts of Poppy consuming my mind, I roll onto my side and glance towards her house. Bringing the bottle to my lips, I take a large gulp. A sharp ache courses through my body as I fixate on her home. It’s a debilitating and relentless pain, gnawing at my gut for the way I’ve treated her since that night I walked out of her room.
Is this what love feels like? An ache deep within your soul? If it is, I want no part of it.
I close my eyes and envision what it will be like in a few weeks when I walk away from her. The feeling is soul-crushing. It’s like I’ve been torn open, left with an immense void that”s bleeding out my very essence. My eyes snap open. How the fuck did I let this happen? I’ve made a terrible mistake. She never should have infiltrated my heart so deeply.
Guzzling down another gulp, I get up off the curb. I’m on my way to Poppy’s house, feeling an overwhelming need to see her right now, as if my life depends on it. I know she must be angry with me for ghosting her, but I hope she can channel that sharp tongue of hers in a different way. Instead of yelling at me, she could use it to get me off. All I want is to kiss her, to feel her touch. I want to encourage her to follow her dreams and stand up against her mother, who constantly belittles her. Maybe I’ll even have the guts to tell her mother to back off before Poppy does.
Noticing that all the lights are off, I decide not to bother with the front door since I know Poppy is already asleep in her room. I proceed to walk around to the back of the yard. Finishing the last drop, I casually toss the bottle aside and search for something to use as a step.
As soon as I notice a wooden crate by the back door, I make my way around the side of the house, struggling a bit and stumbling a couple of times. My goal is to reach Poppy’s bedroom window.
After finally managing to position the crate in the right spot, I attempt to stand on it, needing two tries to find my balance. With great care, I slip my fingers under her slightly ajar window and lift it up, allowing me room to climb inside.
As I slide the window open, I become a shadow in the night, maneuvering my way inside. With a burst of strength in my arms, I pull myself up, only to clumsily stumble and fall into the room.
Lying on the carpet, I gaze up at the ceiling above. “Don’t worry, it’s only me,” I slur.
“Xander,” she says, and suddenly, the lamp beside the bed flicks on.
I hastily shield my eyes, giving them time to adapt before I unveil them and gaze towards her. As she sits in the bed, her tousled hair cascades over her shoulders, and I feel my heart skip a beat, captivated by her beauty at this very moment.
“Xander, what are you doing?”
Carefully, I listen to every word she utters, paying close attention to the tone of her voice. Nope, she”s not even a little pissed at me. I turn over onto my stomach and slowly get to my feet.
“Have you been drinking?” she asks.
I simply nod in response.
As I make my way toward the bed, I urgently kick off my shoes, longing to lie beside her and express all the thoughts that have been swirling in my mind. I want to convey how much I desire her, and how much I need her. I want to pour out my heart and then some. However, I’m fucking clueless about how to navigate this unfamiliar situation I’ve stumbled upon.
I position myself beside her on the bed and instinctively, my arms wrap around her. Nestling into the curve of her neck, I breathe in her intoxicating scent, finding solace in its familiarity as it eases the tension in my body.
“You have no idea how much I want to fuck you right now, Princess. I can”t get you out of my fucking head. You’ve really messed me up. No matter what, I don’t know how to rid myself of you.”
“Xander, you’re not making any sense.”
“It’s quite simple, can’t you see? You’ve completely ruined me. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.”
“You’re slurring your words. I can’t understand what you’re trying to say.”
She looks incredibly adorable as she gazes at me, her eyebrows furrowing, her hair tousled from sleep. I lean in and softly kiss her neck. When I gently bite her skin, she releases a moan.
Smirking, I whisper. “I love it when you do that.”
Being near her ignites an immediate sense of desire, causing my dick to get hard. I gently roll us in the bed, positioning myself on top of her. I grind against her.
“Look how hard you make me. You drive me fucking crazy sometimes, Princess” I murmur, as my hands move to explore her body.
Slowly, I trace downwards until I find that intoxicating wetness that always drives me wild. Slipping my hand in under her underwear, I tease her clit. And like always, she eagerly opens for me. The sounds she makes and the way she pushes down on my fingers make me feel like my dick is about to burst. I gently withdraw my fingers and proceed to remove her panties, followed by taking off my jeans. I position myself between her legs.
As I hold her arms above her head, I guide my hard cock into her wet, tight pussy.
A moan escapes her lips, and my head spins with desire.
“Do you know how fucking sexy you are when you make that sound?” I pull back and push in, slowly.
Every time I thrust inside her, she moans, intensifying the sensation. Sex with her is mind-blowing. I could do this for the rest of my life. Listening to the sounds she makes as I fuck her.
She spreads her legs wider. I wouldn”t dare to close my eyes and miss a single moment of this.
“Open your eyes, Princess,” I request when she shuts her eyes enjoying the sensation. “Tell me how much you like my cock.”
When her eyes flutter open, I’m lost in her beautiful blue gaze. It’s filled with longing, and desire, as if I am the only one she craves. This girl, she”s a damn goddess and I know I”m screwed.
I quicken my pace. She lets out a soft gasp. Her body naturally curves towards mine.
“Oh, God,” she moans.
“Let go, baby. You are always beautiful when you let go.”
“Xander,” she moans my name in a sultry, seductive purr. Her body trembles with anticipation each time I thrust inside her.
“That’s it, baby,” I groan hoarsely. “You feel fucking amazing.”
“Yes,” she hisses, her body quivering. “I’m so close.”
“I know, I can feel it. I’m right there with you.”
“Oh, yeah, just like that,” she murmurs, biting her bottom lip. “Xander,” she cries out, her face twisting in pleasure as she shatters on my cock.
As I come inside her, I gently press the side of my face against the curve of her neck. It’s a moment I wish could last forever, lost in the intimacy we share. Her body is like a warm embrace and her scent wraps around me. Breathing heavily, I remain there, savoring every precious second I have with her, aware that our time together is drawing to a close.
Still catching my breath, I lift my head and study her stunning face. Her rosy cheeks and glistening sweat droplets add to the whirlwind of unexpected emotions swirling inside me. I lift my hand and brush a stray strand of hair away from her face. “You’re so beautiful. You know that.”
And I can hear the slur in my voice, but I want her to know that I’m not saying it because I’m drunk. It’s the truth. Damn, did I already mention that earlier? Maybe I didn’t.
“Well anyway, I think you’re beautiful,” I say.
She bursts into laughter, and hearing it puts a smile on my face. “I think you’ve had way too much to drink,” she says.
“Yeah, maybe.” I gently press a kiss to her nose and roll off of her, immediately pulling her close to my side. The comforting touch of her warm, naked body brings me solace as I snuggle my face into the curve of her neck.
That’s when it hits me, like a ton of bricks. Damn, I’m head over heels for this girl. She’s mine, and I want to keep it that way. The thought of not being with her just doesn’t sit right with me. How can I simply walk away from the incredible connection we share, something I’ve never experienced with anyone else? But first, how the hell am I going to break the news to Ace? How do I tell him that I’ve messed up and that I want Poppy to join us when we go?
I don’t care, I’ll find a way.
Lying there, I snuggle up to Poppy, just soaking it in. Gradually, her breathing deepens, becoming synchronized with the gentle rhythm of a peaceful sleep. Holding her close, I press my lips softly against her delicate skin, savoring its softness. “I love you,” I whisper, my voice barely audible, as if afraid of the weight of those words.