31. Chapter Thirty-One
With only a week left of school, I’m counting down the days until I can finally escape this awful place and its awful bitches.
It’s odd how Jade consistently narrates Xander and Ace’s activities as if she’s bursting to tell everyone the gossip. It always hurts to hear that she’s been in touch with them. Nevertheless, I make it a point to linger near my locker every morning, just to eavesdrop on their latest updates. However, it’s always the same tired story on repeat. They’re still figuring things out, hoping that their band will get discovered any day now.
However, the biggest thing I’ve been avoiding is the fact that my period is two weeks late. Deep down, I know I should go and get a pregnancy test, but there’s a part of me that just wants to ignore the whole situation. If it turns out to be positive and I am indeed pregnant, I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do. My mother keeps reminding me every day how close I came to ruining my life if she hadn’t stepped in. I’m not entirely sure what she means by that since she didn’t actually prevent anything. Xander was the one who walked away. I have no idea what I will do if I am pregnant with Xander’s child. I don’t know what my next steps should be. He hasn’t even responded to any of my texts. All I can say for certain is that my mother will be furious and make my life even more of a nightmare than it already is. I just pray to God that I’m not pregnant.
Maybe I’m not pregnant after all. It could just result from the stress I’ve been dealing with lately. Xander always used a condom, but that one night we were together, he was drunk, and now I can’t be certain. I’ve been trying to replay that night in my mind, desperately trying to remember if he used one. But I can’t say for sure. The rush of seeing him again caught me off guard when he climbed through my window. He was so wasted, the most intoxicated I’ve ever seen him, even worse than that time when his father hurt him. So maybe he wore a condom and I have nothing to worry about... or maybe he didn’t. Oh, damn, I don’t even want to think about that.
However, I can no longer avoid dealing with this matter. It is time for me to confront it directly. Today, I will gather the courage to face this issue head-on. Once school is over, I will head to the pharmacy to buy what I need. Later, when my mother is at work, I will take the test. By doing it this way, if the result turns out positive, I can spare myself from breaking down in front of her.
With the school day finally over, I have reached my breaking point with Jade’s relentless name-calling.
Sneaking into the pharmacy without drawing any attention to myself, I feel an overwhelming sense of panic as I hastily grab three pregnancy tests. Three, because I need to be absolutely certain. I quickly pay with my card, grab the three boxes, and get ready to bolt out of the pharmacy. My goal is to reach home before my mother can once again lecture me for being a few minutes late from school. It feels like she’s constantly watching my every move, suspicious that I might be up to no good.
But as I spin around, ready to dash out, I see Mrs. Reynolds standing right behind me, smiling.
Oh no. Out of everyone in this town, it had to be her standing there. Mrs. Reynolds happens to be a friend of my mother’s and also the town gossip.
“Oh, hi Poppy,” she greets me, tilting her head to catch a peek at what I”m holding.
I quickly shift my hands behind my back, attempting to hide the pregnancy tests from view, desperately hoping they go unnoticed. However, to my disappointment, it’s clear from the surprised look on her face that she’s already seen them.
Our eyes meet in an instant. “Does your mother know about this?”
Without knowing what to say to her, I instinctively blurt out the first thing that pops into my head. “Oh, these aren’t mine. I’m just grabbing them for a friend,” I hastily reply.
Her eyes filled with skepticism, narrow with doubt. “Then why isn”t your friend here getting them with you?” she questions, her tone revealing her disbelief.
Oh, crap. I instantly regret my impulsive response.
“Next!” The girl at the counter yells and I let out a sigh of relief, glad I don”t have to answer a bunch of questions.
When Mrs. Reynolds passes, I quickly run down the aisle and rush to my car.
As I reach my car, I quickly open the door and practically dive inside, seeking refuge from the outside world. In a hurry, I stash all three pregnancy kits in the glove compartment, start the engine, and head home. Throughout the drive home, I silently pray that my mom’s nosy friend will keep today’s incident to herself. Maybe she bought my lies, or maybe she’ll just forget about it. God, I really hope so. The last thing I want is for my mother to find out that I might be pregnant.
But keeping it quiet won”t matter if I”m pregnant because she”ll find out, eventually. Still, until I know for sure, I’ve got to keep it quiet. I park my car in the driveway, in my usual spot, and shut off the engine.
As I lean forward to retrieve my bag from the footwell on the passenger side floor, I completely overlook my mother standing on the patio, patiently awaiting my arrival. The stern expression on her face indicates that something is amiss. Could it be possible that Mrs. Reynolds has already spilled the beans? Just stay calm, she might not know yet.
I get out of the car, sling my bag on my shoulder, and close the door.
Walking towards the house, I see her intense stare and know trouble”s coming.
In an effort to deflect her intense glare, I reach into my pocket and casually pull out my phone. I begin absentmindedly scrolling through it, pretending to be deeply engrossed in something important.
After a quick moment, I slide my phone back into my pocket and rush up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
“Poppy,” she says, arms crossed. “Is there something you want to share?”
“No,” I declare, pushing past her.
“Poppy,” she says again, firmer this time. She snatches my arm, halting me in my tracks.
I feel her strong, insistent grip on my arm, knowing that my mother won’t let go until she finds out what she needs to know. “Show me your bag,” she demands.
“Why?”
And I can already foresee what is about to happen. I’ve never been a fan of that nosy bitch, Mrs. Reynolds. She always interferes with everyone’s business. But it’s unbelievable that in under ten minutes, she has already snitched on me.
My mother forcefully pulls my bag off my shoulder and starts searching through my satchel, clearly determined to find the pregnancy tests. After failing to locate them, she looks up.
“Where are they?”
“Where are what?”
She sighs, clearly frustrated. “Poppy, Andrea phoned me. Why didn”t you just tell me?”
I’m contemplating the idea of lying about the pregnancy tests and pretending they were for a friend. But what if it turns out to be true and I am pregnant? Perhaps it would be better to be honest now rather than later.
“How Mom? How could I tell you when all you do is criticize Xander? You clearly hate him. How can I explain to you that I’m hurting because he’s gone and that there’s a possibility I might be pregnant?”
“And that’s where the problem lies, my dear. That”s exactly why you should have stayed away from him. Look at the mess you”re in now, all because of that lowlife.”
I knew that attempting to engage her in conversation would only result in another onslaught of hurtful words aimed at Xander. I have no interest in enduring her relentless ranting about him, especially since I have more pressing matters to attend to. It truly puzzles me why I even entertained the idea of discussing my problems with her.
With a surge of anger, I forcefully snatch my satchel from her hand and head back to the car. After I open the passenger’s door, I retrieve the three pregnancy tests from the glove compartment. Their weight serves as a poignant reminder of the significance of this moment.
As I near the house, I sense my mother”s eyes tracking my every move.
When I reach her on the front patio, I quickly walk around her and enter the house, leaving her standing outside.
The sound of her rapid footsteps echoes behind me, but luckily, I am faster. I quickly make my way to my room and swiftly enter the bathroom, ensuring to turn the lock just in time before my mother approaches. With my heart pounding in my chest, I grab the pregnancy test and tear open the box.
Ignoring the persistent knocking on the bathroom door from my mother, I stare at myself in the mirror. I feel a strong urge to confront this situation head-on. I have no clue how my life will change if the results are positive. But one thing I know is that if I am pregnant, I”ll be trapped under my mom”s control, with no other choices or places to go.
Letting out a sigh, I release the breath I’ve been holding and make my way over to the toilet to take the test.
“Poppy, open this door right now!” my mother demands, pounding her palm forcefully against it.
Tearing open the plastic sleeve, I retrieve the test and pee on the stick, attempting to block out my mother’s voice and her pounding on the door. Desperately, I pray to God, hoping that my lateness is just a delay and not a pregnancy. Please, please, please don”t let me be pregnant.
The knocking abruptly ceases, leaving a chilling stillness on the other side of the door. I can’t help but wonder if my mother has finally left my room.
In an attempt to distract myself, I reach for my phone, set the timer, and settle onto the tiles, leaning against the vanity. The wait is excruciating, each passing second stretching on like an eternity. If I am pregnant, what will I do? Xander has been avoiding my calls and texts ever since he left. I have no clue how else to get in touch with him to let him know.
As soon as the timer goes off, I am immediately brought back to reality, and a shiver runs down my spine. Despite the lump forming in my throat, I muster up the strength to stand, prepared to confront the test results with a newfound sense of bravery. I understand that these next few seconds possess the potential to alter the course of my life.
My heart pounds and the nerves consume me, as I approach the spot where I left the test beside the bathtub. The sight of the word “pregnant” sends my heart sinking, and in an instant, tears flood my eyes. Panic washes over me like a crashing wave. With a heavy heart, I sit on the edge of the bathtub, totally focused on the test. The results leave me in utter disbelief. Oh My God… I’m pregnant.
How on earth did this happen? Now what am I supposed to do? How can I tell my mom without getting an earful about my screw-up?
Feeling overwhelmed by the fear of how my mother will react, I quickly brush away my tears using the back of my hand. I can’t help but wonder if she’s still out there waiting for me to share the information with her.
Slowly, I make my way across to the door.
With my ear pressed against it, I eagerly listen for any sounds coming from the other side. After confirming that it’s safe, I cautiously unlock the door, preparing myself for any unexpected noises or movements. Much to my astonishment, I discover my mother sitting on the edge of my bed.
As the door creaks open, she lifts her head and her gaze falls upon my tear-streaked face, a clear indication of my sorrow. Anticipating a barrage of angry and hurtful words, I steel myself for the storm. However, much to my surprise, she stands before me, arms wide open, ready to embrace me.
“Oh, come here, my child.”
I approach her slowly, tears streaming down my face. In that rare moment, I find solace in the warmth of my mother”s comforting embrace as tears flow uncontrollably.