35. Chapter Thirty-Five
As soon as little Alex starts coughing in his sleep, I lift my head to look at him. It has been four days since he first fell ill. Thankfully, the medicine has made him slightly better today. As he drifts off to sleep, I focus on the pile of bills in front of me.
Rent is due soon, and the other overdue bills are starting to accumulate. These past four days of missed work and docked pay have made it even more challenging for me to stay on top of these expenses. However, my son’s well-being is my top priority, above everything else in the world. My love for him surpasses all other things in this world.
As I calculate the numbers in my head, I realize that I won’t be able to cover all the overdue bills. Unfortunately, I can’t skip work tonight, especially because this event is a huge deal for the restaurant I work at and I really need the money. But if I don”t show up, I”ll definitely get fired.
Ideally, I had hoped to call in sick because I can’t be there when Broken Oasis receives a town recognition for their success. It’s going to be really difficult for me to handle seeing Xander again at the special event tonight. I honestly have no desire to see that prick, especially considering the fact that he has completely ignored me for the past five years. Despite my many attempts to reach out and inform him about his son, he has deliberately changed his phone number or something to avoid any contact with me.
I reach for my wallet and glance at the notes inside. There’s no way I can afford to dye my hair darker, hoping Xander won’t recognize me. Maybe he”ll have a swarm of adoring groupies around him, just like the ones I”ve seen in those glossy celebrity magazines. He probably won”t even spare a glance in my direction. No doubt he’ll simply brush me aside and ignore me, just like he did when we were younger. Nevertheless, despite still harboring anger towards him and myself for letting things unfold the way they did, I cannot be upset about what he left behind. I cherish my son and am grateful for the precious gift Xander gave me to remember him by.
As I glance around the room, I can’t help but wonder if there’s anything I can sell. Last year, when I was struggling to keep up with the bills, I had no choice but to part with my beloved keyboard. It was an incredibly heartbreaking experience for me. I remember crying my eyes out for an entire week over that loss. I guess I could”ve sold my guitar, the one I used to jam with my dad, but instead, I”m selling his vinyl collection to keep us afloat. If things don”t turn around soon, I”ll have nothing to remember my dad by.
When Alex was just nine months old, I left my mother’s house because I couldn’t handle the situation any longer. It was crucial for me to make that move when I did. It was hard because my mom wouldn”t stop telling Alex how terrible his dad was.
I wanted to shield him from that negativity, but I promise to share all the amazing things about Xander when he’s old enough. Right now, Alex only knows that his dad is away, involved in something really important. I don’t want Alex to have a negative opinion of Xander, as I truly hope they will meet someday. Hopefully, in the future, Xander will have the opportunity to know his wonderful son and see how truly beautiful he is.
As Alex continues to grow, I can’t help but notice more and more of Xander’s features shining through. Whether it’s his dark eyes, his hair, or that mischievous grin, they all remind me of him.
Alex’s passion for music truly comes to life when he talks about his favorite songs. His eyes light up with excitement, and he absolutely adores it when we play my dad’s vinyls and joyfully dance around the room together. Alex is my everything - my heart, the reason I breathe.
These days, I don’t really have much to do with my mom, unless it’s absolutely necessary. It all started when I was struggling to pay my bills, and I reached out to her for some financial help to get back on my feet. Sadly, she turned me down, stating that I had made my decision and I must face the consequences. This left me with no other choice but to part ways with my cherished keyboard.
So, now my mom wants nothing to do with Alex. Because of that, he doesn”t get to see his grandma anymore.
When we first moved here, she didn”t want to come over because she didn”t like how our place looked. I would take Alex to his grandma”s so they could spend time together. However, I stopped doing that because of the constant taunts she made about Xander. It made me realize that if she truly wanted to spend time with Alex, she would make the effort regardless of where we lived. So, I decided not to take him there anymore. Surprisingly, she didn”t even bother to call and ask why I did that.
From the start, my intention was to escape my mother’s control. Though this apartment may not be anything extraordinary, it has become my sanctuary. Initially, I had planned to reside here for only twelve months, so I could save up to secure a better place for us. But when my first job fell through, all my dreams of a better life and a career in musical therapy went out the window. My current job doesn’t offer a high salary, but the tips can vary and sometimes help cover the bills. I have contemplated taking on a second job, but that would mean sacrificing time with Alex, and I refuse to become one of those mothers who are constantly working and hardly ever see their child.
When I go to work, Alex hangs out with my neighbor, Mrs. Baxter, or Mrs. B. as I call her, who”s older than my mom. She”s the sweetest old lady you”ll ever meet. She”s basically Alex”s grandma now. Mrs. Baxter is truly wonderful. Alex totally loves her, and honestly, I get along better with her than my own mother. I told her everything about Xander and what happened between us. The best thing is that she just sat and listened, never saying anything bad about Xander. It feels like I can confide in her about all the things I’ve never been able to share with my mother.
I shuffle the bills scattered on the table, overwhelmed by the sheer number. I quickly grab my phone and pay the one bill I can”t put off for another week.
Glancing at the clock, I realize that it’s time to get ready for tonight. My body is buzzing with nerves, just thinking about seeing him again. Once again, I make a mental note to shield my heart from potential pain.
Throughout the years, I’ve never been involved in a romantic relationship. I”ve only had one man in my life, and that”s Xander. Honestly, I never really cared about finding someone to date because Alex was always my top priority. However, at work, there’s Tom, the sleazy bartender who constantly flirts and makes inappropriate comments. His behavior is enough to deter me from wanting anyone to look at me the way I used to desire.
With a sigh and knowing that I cannot put it off any longer, I finally get up and quickly hide the bills in the kitchen drawer.
Once I’ve changed into my work clothes and tied my long hair into its usual ponytail, I walk over to the couch to check on Alex. The moment I touch his forehead to check his fever, his eyes open, revealing his deep brown gaze. When he notices me sitting beside him, a smile spreads across his face, reminding me of Xander.
“Hey buddy, how are you feeling?” I ask, feeling relieved to see that he might be a little better than he was a few hours ago.
“I’m thirsty,” he replies.
I reach over and grab the glass of water I left on the table beside him.
He sits up and I help him take a big sip of water.
I hear a soft tap on the front door, indicating that Mrs. Baxter has arrived to take care of Alex while I go to work. I put the glass back on the table and head toward the door, ready to welcome her.
“Hi,” I say, smiling, holding the door open for her to come in.
“How is he doing?” she asks.
“Better. Not as bad as before,” I reply, closing the door.
“Oh, that’s great news, Poppy. I’ve been so worried about him. And how are you feeling about tonight?” she asks.
“I’m a little nervous,” I admit.
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine, sweetie,” she reassures me, reaching out to rest her hand on my arm. “Just go with it and see what happens. That’s all you can do.”
“I know,” I nod, giving her a false smile. “But honestly, I”m freaking out about seeing Xander again. I’m not sure if I can handle another rejection from him.”
“It will work out exactly how it’s supposed to,’ she reassures me.
The sound of little feet walking on the wooden floor has us turning around.
“GG,” Alex says, as he comes over and wraps his arms around Mrs. B.’s legs.
I can’t help but smile at the endearing name Alex has given her. The name they came up with when he asked if she was his grandma a while ago. I remember feeling at a loss for words that day, but Mrs. B. reassured Alex that even though she wasn’t his biological grandmother, that would make their bond just as special.
“Are you feeling better today?” she asks, stooping down to lift him and carry him into the next room.
I follow them, listening to their conversation about a book that Alex wants her to read to him later tonight. Mrs. B settles Alex into one of the chairs at the table.
“Now, his dinner is in the fridge. It just needs to be heated,” I mention, grabbing my keys from the counter and my handbag from its usual spot on one of the old worn-out chairs. “I’m hoping I won’t be home too late.”
“It’s okay, sweetie. Don’t worry about it. Whenever you come home, it’ll be fine.”
I walk over to Alex with a smile, and he watches me as I go around the table. “Now you be a good boy for GG,” I add, leaning down to kiss him on the head. “Love you.”
“Love you too, Mommy,” Alex replies.
I give Mrs. B a quick smile and head towards the door.
I don”t waste any time hopping in my old, crappy car and driving to work. The whole time, I can”t stop stressing about how the next few hours will go down.
Ten minutes later, I’m parked in my usual spot behind the restaurant. Tonight is huge! Everyone in town is talking about the local boys who”ve become rock icons. The streets are packed with extra cars, but luckily the bar staff doesn”t have to come in as early as the wait staff. I highly doubt that the band has even shown up yet. Judging by the headlines I’ve read over the years, Xander is probably already off somewhere, engaging in his typical activities. Sleeping with anyone who catches his eye. It’s frustrating to witness how the girls constantly chase after him.
I step out of my car, fully aware that I shouldn’t bother locking it. Like, who would wanna steal this old shit box? But if someone actually takes it, I”ll have to come up with more money. Honestly, it”s tough enough without having to pay for a car on top of everything else.
As I sneak into the restaurant through the back door and hustle through the kitchen, my nerves go crazy. All the chatter in the kitchen is freaking me out.
I know my boss, Nicole, will be somewhere around here, and I do my best to avoid her. She’s always up my ass about something. I know she’ll probably make some snide remark about me taking a few days off because of Alex being sick. It’s just what she does. Thanking my lucky stars that I’ve not seen her, I quickly stash my bag in my locker and head towards the bar.
Just as I’m about to enter the bar, I pause for a moment. Nerves churn in my stomach as I gently push the door open, peering through the crack in an attempt to catch a glimpse of him. Instead, I see Ace, engaged in conversation with an older man, both leaning against the bar. Ace is all grown up now, nothing like the kid I remember. His arms are a canvas of intricate, vibrant tattoos. Margo, the bartender, hands them their drinks while a steady stream of people pour in through the double doors.
Soft music fills the room, creating a soothing ambiance.
Slowly, I push the door open a little further, and that’s when I see him. Xander”s right there, sitting on a bar stool, totally absorbed in the chat with a group of girls. Maybe they”re his entertainment for the night. Theo, from the band, sits right beside him. I know this because I made the mistake of reading those fancy magazines I bought at the supermarket whenever I saw Xander making headlines on the cover. I shouldn”t torture myself like that, but I just need to know what”s happening in his life, even if he doesn”t want me. Though his back is facing me, I would recognize him anywhere. My heart skips a beat when they say goodbye to the girls and turn back to the bar, swiftly downing one of the many shots lined up in front of him. He looks so different now, more like a man than the boy I remember. With all that ink on his arms, fuck me, he’s hotter than hell.
I swallow the lump in my throat, knowing I have to go out there. But for some reason, I can’t bring myself to move. Who am I kidding? He probably won’t even recognize me. I was just a plaything, someone he messed around with until it was time for him to leave. My hair is much longer now, and after having Alex, my hips have filled out more, my boobs are bigger, and I’m not the same girl he would remember. I’m just a blip in the life he once had. And why would he want to remember me now that he’s a successful rock star with the world at his feet and an ego to match.
I push open the door, holding my head high as I make my way out to help Margo with the swelling crowd at the bar.
I move to the opposite end of the bar, positioning myself so I’m not anywhere near Xander.