40. Chapter Forty
After briefly stepping outside to get some fresh air and gather my thoughts with Theo, I make my way back into the bar. Unfortunately, the detour only made things worse as fans crowded us for photos. I can’t believe that Poppy’s here. I want to know why the fuck she’s working behind a bar instead of pursuing her dream. I suspect her mother has played a role in influencing her life choices. Why else would she be stuck here, getting hit on every fucking night by some drunk asshole?
I halt my steps right before I reach the double glass front doors and look towards the bar. The crowd inside makes it impossible to catch a glimpse of her.
“You okay, man?” Theo asks, coming to my side, casting a quick glance through the glass pane at the lively scene beyond the doors.
“Yeah,” I nod. “I always thought she would move on to bigger things, you know. Not stick around in this shitty town, working in a bar to be constantly hit on.”
“Don”t stress, she can handle herself. When some creepy dude hit on her at the bar, she put him in his place.” Theo rests his hand on my shoulder. “Go talk to her man.”
“And what the fuck am I supposed to say? Hey, hello, remember me? I’m the asshole who left all those years ago without saying goodbye.”
“Yeah, pretty much. It’s a start.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure she never wants to see or talk to me again.”
“You won’t know standing out here like some pussy on the other side of the door. Besides, standing up to your old man took some guts. I don’t think she would have done that if she didn’t care.”
As I listen to Theo utter those words, I can feel a surge of emotions welling inside me. All this time, I’ve held onto the hope that she didn”t hate me for leaving her without an explanation or a proper goodbye.
“Come on,” Theo says, making his way towards the door. “If you don’t go chat to the little spitfire, then I definitely will,” he adds, with a smirk on his face.
I swear the teasing asshole does it on purpose knowing how I feel about Poppy. There is no way he’s going anywhere near her.
After a year of knowing Theo, I had to tell him about Poppy when he asked me if I was gay because I wasn’t hooking up with any girls. I was honest and shared all the details about Poppy. I confessed to him about falling in love with her, which terrified me since I had never experienced such emotions. How she is really into music and how talented she is. The guitar that I play every day and still cherish was once her dad”s. Also, how she accepted me for who I truly am, broken and all. Lastly, I poured my heart out and told him how guilty I felt for leaving, explaining why I did what I did. Telling him all the hurtful words her mother said. But I shared none of the intimate moments or any of the amazing sex we had because that was just something between Poppy and me, nobody else.
I walk into the room, determined to go talk to Poppy.
People always stare when we enter a room. I always imagined fame to be cool, but I never considered that everyone would be obsessively tracking our every move.
As we walk through the crowd, I find Ace and Reg talking with Poppy at the bar. When Ace hands her a card, I watch her take it and then turn away. That fucker better not be hitting on her.
As she goes to the next customer at the bar, I can”t take my eyes off her. Her presence is just so captivating, especially when she flashes that beautiful smile. It reminds me of how she used to smile at me, just like that.
Man, I”m feeling super anxious right now. It”s crazy how I can own the stage in front of thousands of people, but right now I”m losing my shit just thinking about talking to her. What if she straight up tells me to go fuck myself? I stay there, watching her for a few more seconds as she moves on to the next customer.
Ace and Reg get up and head over to the wankers in the suits who paid extra to be here tonight. Wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans, I make my way over, aware of all the eyes on me.
I keep walking, not looking at anyone, just watching Poppy as she pours drinks at the bar. My throat is so dry and my heart is pounding so loud in my chest, that I can hear my blood pumping.
I”ve always wondered if I should reach out to her and see if she still has any feelings for me. However, I never did because I was afraid that she’d finally figure it out. That I was a lowlife like everyone said.
Upon reaching the bar, I swiftly take the seat that Ace was sitting in.
From there, I watch attentively as she interacts with the other patrons. I can’t help but notice that she has aged a little, but the essence of the beautiful Poppy I remember from what feels like a lifetime ago is still there. Nervously, I tap my fingers on the bar, catching her attention. She gives me a quick look before passing a beer to the irritating dude in a suit who wanted a photo with me earlier. He keeps staring at Poppy as she turns away, and I can”t stand the way he checks her out, examining every part of her. If the fucker doesn’t look away soon, he’ll feel my fist in his face.
As she makes her way towards me, my throat suddenly feels dry.
Standing before me, she swallows, her gulp appearing painful. Her eyes lock on mine for a moment before she looks away.
“What can I get you?” she asks. Though she never utters my name, her voice carries an impersonal, robotic tone, as if she’s repeated these words countless times tonight, treating me like just another customer, much like the fuckhead in the suit two seats down.
”Hey, Princess,” I say nervously, worried about how she might react to being called that.
“What can I do for you, Xander?” she asks, giving me a scrutinizing look that hints her patience is wearing thin as if she’s desperate to distance herself from me.
“I’ll have a bourbon, without ice,” I say, feeling uncertain about what to say in front of all these people, especially with the moron in the suit still staring at me.
She turns around and prepares the drink.
With a forceful motion, she places it on the bar, causing it to spill over the edge of the glass. “Is there anything else?” She asks, her tone noticeably colder than before. It’s a stark contrast to how she used to respond to Jade and others. It feels like a stab in the heart when she acts cold towards me. Nevertheless, I don’t want her to walk away.
“Yeah, give me another one,” I say, grabbing the glass and quickly downing the drink.
Poppy stares at me, like she”s wondering what I”m up to.
She waits for a second, then grabs another glass and fills it up. I really hope she stays and talks with me. I need to know why she”s working here instead of pursuing her dream.
She returns, setting the bourbon down before taking hold of the empty glass and turning away.
Unable to contain my curiosity any longer, I ask. “Why do you work here?”
She stops and turns back, giving me a skeptical look. “Seriously, Xander? You think you can ask me that? It’s none of your business what I do now.” She turns to walk away.
“Wait, I’ll have another,” I add, desperate for her to stay. I”ve already had my fair share of drinks tonight to get through this event. Ace will lose his shit when he catches me slamming down every drink she puts in front of me, but I don”t give a fuck. I need to talk to her.
She rolls her eyes, a characteristic reminiscent of our younger days, before turning away to get me another drink. I can’t help but smile at the comforting familiarity of that simple gesture.
“She won’t give you her number,” remarks the asshole two seats away. “But hey, you might have a chance, since you”re famous and everything. I bet she’s a wild one in the sheets,” he says, loud enough for people nearby to hear.
I”m so mad I could explode. Without thinking twice, I get up to confront this asshole who dares to disrespect Poppy like that. I snatch his shirt collar and bring him closer, our faces inches apart.
“You better listen, asshole,” I yell, seething with anger. “Don”t you dare disrespect her or I”ll fuck you up.”
The asshole’s eyes go wide, and I feel his alcoholic breath on my face, triggering memories of the beatings my old man gave me.
Out of nowhere, Reg and Ace come over and drag me away from the jerk. The room goes dead silent again, but I don”t give a damn. If he talks about Poppy like that again, I”ll punch this jerk in the face.
“Come on,” Ace urges. “You need to calm the fuck down, Xander.”
“You better fucking apologize for talking about her like that,” I yell, eyeing the asshole while I”m being dragged away from him.
The guy gives me a look like I”m out of my fucking mind. He thinks my statement is completely ridiculous. Ace and Reg let me go, but they”re keeping an eye on me to make sure I don”t go back and finish this guy off.
Without even needing to glance over, I can already feel Poppy nearby.
”You better fucking say it, dude, or else I”ll come back over there,” I tell him.
The asshole”s gaze moves from me to Poppy.
“Sorry,” he says, his apology carrying a half-hearted vibe.
“What for, dickhead?” I add.
He glances at me, but I give him a death stare and he immediately looks away and focuses on Poppy. “I’m sorry for disrespecting you tonight.”
Poppy stays quiet and just glares at him like he”s not even worth the effort to respond. She moves over and puts my drink next to the one that”s already there.
I shove past Ace, making my way back to my seat. He follows me, ready to intervene if I go to punch that asshole again. But I totally ignore him and focus on Poppy.
“This is the shit I’m talking about,” Ace says to Poppy. And I can’t help but wonder what the fuck is going on.
“Can we talk?” I ask, sliding back onto the bar stool.
“Nah, sorry, I can’t. I’m working,” she says, her dismissive tone catching my attention.
“Why are you working here?” I ask again, curious to know why she’s working here and hoping to learn more about her life.
“It”s not your concern anymore. Plus, I don”t think there”s anything left to discuss. You made it crystal clear ages ago that you wanted nothing to do with me or care about what I had to say, so I don”t have time to catch you up on my life.”
“Princess,” I say, a sharp ache piercing my chest. I never wanted her to see me as a worthless asshole, but now she does. How do I even tell her I left so she could have a better life, but it didn”t work out like I thought?
“Let’s make something clear, Xander,” she says, placing her palms on the countertop of the bar. As soon as she leans forward, the scent of her perfume immediately transports me. “I’m not your fucking princess. I”m just some chick you fucked back in the day, same as all the others.”
“No fucking way. I didn”t think of you like that at all.” Her words cut like tiny blades. Is that truly what she thinks? Does she really think that”s all she meant to me?
“Your actions say it all. Just leave me alone, Xander.”
She walks away, making me want to scream and tell her she”s completely wrong. I wanna spill everything to her. How leaving her was the biggest mistake of my life. That the pain of my broken heart has forever changed me. But deep down, I know that no matter what I say, she won’t believe me. Instead, I snatch the two bourbons from the bar and make my way back to where Theo and Nate are deeply engaged in conversation, captivating a small crowd at their table.
I walk past them and head to the empty table on the side of the room. I just want to be alone, and get fucking wasted.
As soon as I take a seat, I hastily gulp down one of the drinks, realizing that time has slipped away. There’s no going back. It turns out her mother was right all along. She sees me exactly as she had predicted. Just like everyone else. The worst scum of the earth.
I quickly down the other drink, feeling its warmth spread through my body, and catch the waitress walking past.
”I”ll give you a hundred bucks if you can score me a full bottle of Jack,” I say to her.
She nods and heads to the bar.
Earlier, Ace lectured me about mingling with those who have paid a high price to be here tonight, but fuck that.
”It didn”t go well,” Theo says, passing me a glass of bourbon and plopping down in the chair next to me.
“What do you think?” I grab the glass and quickly consume its contents, hoping the alcohol will dull the ache, fully aware it’s over. Poppy Reeves will never be in my life again.