53. Chapter Fifty-Three
For the next three days, Poppy consistently ignores me. Most of the time, she remains in her hotel room, only coming out occasionally when Reg insists she joins us for the day. I know she regrets fucking me. But I have no regrets whatsoever. I relive it every night with my fist around my cock. Girls can scream at me on stage and tell me all the dirty things they want me to do to them, but it’s that morning on the bus in the bathroom with Poppy and how she got herself off on my cock that gets me hard. Not some superficial groupie who only wants to be with me for the sake of bragging to their friends that they fucked a rockstar. They couldn’t care less about me. They don’t give a shit about the person behind the mask. They have no idea of what scars I’ve endured in the process to get where I am today. No, they only see Xander Williams, the frontman of Broken Oasis. Beyond that, they don’t give two fucks about me.
Poppy is the only person who has ever taken the time to truly understand me. It’s fucking weird that even after all this time, she still gets me. And she accepts everything ugly in my soul, all those dark demons that haunt me. She was the only one who believed in my talent, even when others couldn’t give a fuck if I lived or died in the curb. She was the only one who cared if I had something to eat, who could read my mood, and understand that the demons within me never truly disappear. And still today, having all the money and fame, that sense of worthlessness lingers. In my mind, I will always see myself as the useless piece of shit my father told me I am.
Now, the person who holds the utmost significance in my life is intentionally avoiding me, and it is incredibly painful. But one thing Poppy can”t deny is the strong connection between us.
I haven’t seen her since Thursday, which was three days ago when I saw her at an event that Reg said she had to attend. But already, I miss her and crave her presence. Thank fuck that tonight, after the show, we will all be back on the bus together. There’s no way to avoid me there. I really need to talk to her and make things right. I need to explain why I walked away and clear up our past. I need to make amends and rectify this situation.
The thunderous roar of the crowd echoes in my ears as I prepare for the last song of the night.
This is what I live for – being on this stage, living my dream, and savoring the exhilarating sensation of truly being alive. It’s about being someone, feeling the surge of adrenaline coursing through my veins. This is the essence of our band’s existence, the four of us bound together. Through sheer determination and hard work, we overcame countless obstacles. However, something feels off tonight. Throughout the entire evening, my gaze has repeatedly drifted toward the side of the stage, hoping to catch a glimpse of Poppy standing there. Each time, a pang of disappointment engulfs me as she remains absent.
As Nate lays down the soft beat of his drums, I wait for Ace and Theo to join in. It’s the well-known cover that the crowd always looks forward to. Stepping up to the microphone, I pour my soul out. With each lyric, memories trickle back to that night on the curb. It feels like a lifetime ago.
The crowd erupts in cheers, and I suddenly fall silent as thousands of voices harmonize the next verse of a song. It holds a deep significance for me, a cherished place in my heart that represents my history. I regret the night I got drunk on that fucking stage and sang it as a farewell to her. Little did I know, it would take on a life of its own. If only I could turn back time, I would keep it to myself, preserving the memory of her solely for me. That special moment when I came across that extraordinary girl sitting on the curb, who transformed my life like no one else ever could. I know I need to fix this fucked up situation between us, but I don’t know how. Doing this sort of shit has never come easy for me, but the one thing I’m sure about is that I know she still desires me, just as I yearn for her. But she struggles to accept it.
As the echoes of the last cheers fade away into the darkness, we take our final bow and make our way to the side of the stage.
“Great show?” Ace says, slapping my sweaty shoulder.
“Yeah,” I reply with a smile, using my t-shirt to wipe the sweat from my face.
“Green room now,” Reg says, pointing at me. “Be there for the next two hours, or you’ll receive a call from the record label. And Xander, make sure you engage with your fans.”
He’s been on my back ever since that night I kicked him off the bus for yelling at Poppy. In fact, the tension between us has been constant for years. However, what he said to her that night was completely unacceptable. It pisses me off that he hasn’t even apologized to her yet, so I don’t give a shit about being polite to him anymore. He needs to understand that there are more important things in life than just him bossing everyone around and seeking a bigger bonus from the money we earn. Seriously, our schedule has been incredibly hectic. I’ve been meaning to talk to Kit about who’s pushing us so relentlessly without giving us any time to relax.
During our trip from Adelaide to Melbourne, we were busy with more than twenty radio interviews in different towns. Not only that, but we also had to stay back and hand out merchandise to competition winners. We even had to take photos for our social media and advertising. Who in the world has time to do that? Other than our fucking label pushing us with every marketing opportunity to get more sales. None of us actually enjoy this stuff, but I guess it’s alljust part of the job.
Theo busts into the green room and as usual girls scream and all that other shit. At first, it was great to have people fawning over us, looking up to us, admiring us like we were something special. But after a few years, it became clear that it was only because of who they think we are. Theo and Nate are always keen to share a groupie. Ace occasionally does when he needs to get laid. I’ll admit, I’ve had my fair share of blowjobs, more than the average guy gets in a lifetime, but I never fuck them like I used to dream about when I was younger. I’ve lost count of how many pairs of tits I’ve had to sign my name on. But over the years, the novelty of it all has worn thin. We see groupies the same way they see us - just something to derive pleasure from.
“Keep it down, for fuck’s sake,” Ace yells. I can’t help but smirk as the perpetually grumpy Ace shows his true colors.
Immediately, my eyes scan the room, searching for Poppy. It comes as no surprise that she’s not here tonight. When we first started the tour, she used to come to the green room almost every night, except for the night her mother called to inform her about Alex.
Those first few nights in the green room, two groupies approached me. Curiously, I observed Poppy’s reaction, and I must confess, I felt a sense of satisfaction when I noticed her jealousy. As the two groupies shamelessly voiced all the dirty things they wanted to do to me, Poppy abruptly got up and left the green room.
Ace heads straight for the table where the drinks and food are located. I follow closely behind, pausing when a blonde woman in a short dress suddenly rushes over and jumps on me. She wraps her legs around my waist and kisses me. I pull back, intending to tell her to get the fuck off and express my outrage that she kissed me, but before I can say a word, she forcefully kisses me again.
Reacting quickly, I push her away, disregarding the fact that she falls to the floor with a loud thud.
That’s when I notice Nicole, the PR girl, taking a photo with her phone. Frustration wells up inside me as I approach her. I’ve had enough of this shit. All these staged pictures of me with random chicks, it’s not real. I wouldn’t be surprised if the damn label orchestrated this whole thing, using scandals to boost sales.
“What the fuck, Nicole?” I grab her phone, swiftly deleting the photo.
The room falls silent, and I can sense all eyes fixed on me. I’m not concerned about anyone capturing this outburst because, as a condition of being in the green room, everyone has to surrender their phones before entering.
“I’m sorry, Xander,” she says, glancing at Reg and then back at me.
I remain silent, returning her phone without uttering a word. That fucking asshole, Reg, will go to any lengths for publicity.
“I’m outta here,” I yell to Reg, frustration evident in my voice. “I’ve had enough of this shit. And you can go to fucking hell.”
As I make my way towards the door, a forceful hand yanks me back, stopping me in my tracks.
“Walk out of this room now, and it will be the last thing you do,” he shouts angrily.
Determined, I break free from his grip and continue through the doorway. I hear footsteps trailing behind me. Just as I’m about to unleash my anger on Reg, a hand gently lands on my shoulder. A familiar hand. Ace.
”That guy seriously annoys me on purpose,” I comment. “He”s willing to do whatever it takes to get shit in the media. I can”t deal with him anymore. Last week, I almost lost it when he started on Poppy.”
“Yeah, I can see it now. He was totally out of line in there.”
“We gotta do something, Ace. It’s spiraling out of control.”
“I totally agree. We need to have a band meeting, and Reg shouldn”t be there. I’ll head back in and sort it out,” Ace says as we get to the door.
Pushing open the exit door, I feel the refreshing coolness of the night air against my sweaty skin, providing much-needed relief. I swiftly make my way down the steps, taking them two at a time, and step onto the bus. Instantly, my eyes scan the area, desperately searching for Poppy. My heart drops when I don’t see her, knowing she’s still avoiding me. It’s so frustrating not having her by my side.
The sound of heavy footsteps reaches my ears, but I don’t bother to turn and see who’s boarding the bus.
“Get your ass back in there and greet your fans,” Reg’s voice commands.
“Fuck off,” I add, reaching for a bottle of whisky from my secret stash. I asked Kit to make sure it was fully stocked for our next trip on the tour.
“You have a contract. Don’t think I won’t make a call,” he yells.
I snatch the bottle up and unscrew the lid. “Fuck off, Reg. Yeah, so what? I didn’t sign a contract that says you organize groupies to do whatever the fuck they want.”
“I won’t say it again, Xander. Get back in there.”
“And I’ll tell you again, Reg, go fuck yourself. Because I ain’t doing shit.”
“Where the fuck is she?” he yells, making his way towards the back of the bus.
Acting on instinct, I stride across and firmly grasp his arm, yanking him back. A look of shock spreads across his face.
“You go anywhere near her, and my fist will fuck up your face,” I shout, my words forcefully spewing out.
Reg’s eyes widen at the intensity of my threat. “She was hired to keep you under control, not to be your fuck buddy. And by the way, she has already violated her contract.”
I forcefully push him into a panel on the side of the wall, my hand twisting his shirt. “You leave her out of this, you hear me? This is strictly between you and me, asshole. It always has been. And we both know that none of this would’ve happened if you didn’t pull the shit you do.” My face is inches from his.
“You dare lay a finger on me, and it will be the end of you.”
“No, it will be the fucking end for you if you try that shit again, like you just did in there.”
‘Xander, stop,’ Poppy says from somewhere in the bus.
As soon as I hear Poppy’s voice, my senses snap back into focus. I turn my head to find her standing there, clearly having witnessed everything unfold. However, that is not my immediate concern. What worries me is her pale complexion and disheveled hair, which is sticking to the side of her sweaty face.
Without hesitation, I release my grip on Reg, pushing him back into the wall.
‘Asshole,’ he grumbles.
Normally, I wouldn’t let that slide, but my immediate concern is for Poppy.
“Are you sick?” I ask.
“No, I’m fine,” she replies.
“Don’t lie to me, Princess,” I add sternly. “I can clearly see you’re not.”
I grab her arm and gently lead her to the big couch. Reg stands nearby, silent, knowing that if he dares to speak up, he’ll quickly feel the force of my fist.
“It’s okay, Xander, there’s no need to make a big deal out of it,” she says, her tone indicating that she simply wants me to let it go.
“You heard the girl. She’s fine,” Reg adds.
I don’t bother looking at him, but I can feel his scrutinizing gaze on my skin. If I were to look at him now, I would completely lose it, but right now, all I care about is Poppy.
Ace, Theo, and Nate make their way onto the bus.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Reg spits out, moving towards the three of them.
“After that stunt you just pulled, we decided to call it a night,” Ace responds.
Ace’s unexpected response and tone towards Reg catches me off guard. As I glance up, I notice that Theo and Nate are equally taken aback. It has always been Ace who has supported Reg and the label for the past few years. Therefore, seeing him react in this manner is new to all of us.
“Don’t you fucking start. You know what’s a stake,” Reg snaps back with a glare.
“Yeah, well, maybe there’s a few things you’ve been doing that the label needs to know about,” I add, gently lowering Poppy onto the couch. Her skin feels feverish and clammy as if she”s running a high temperature. “How long have you been feeling like this?” I ask Poppy, my tone firmer.
“I’m fine, Xander. Just stop fussing.”
“How fucking long, Princess,” I insist.
“Since yesterday.”
“Fantastic!” Reg interrupts. “Since you fucked her, you’ll probably get what she has. That”s just perfect, having to cancel the tour.”
I choose to ignore the jerk for now because my main concern is Poppy. I’ll deal with him later for making that comment in front of everyone.
“You should have said you were sick,” I remark.
“I’m fine,” she replies, slightly annoyed.
“You’re not fine,” Ace interrupts. “You look like shit.”
“Wow, don’t you know how to make a girl feel special,” she says.
“That’s not what I meant, Poppy. It’s just...”
“It’s cool, Ace,” she responds with a slight smile. “I’m just messing with you.”
I move across andgrab a bottle from the fridge. Returning, I hand the bottle to Poppy. She takes it but doesn’t drink it; instead, she holds the cold bottle against her forehead and then moves it down to her neck.
“I’ll be back in a second,” I say, leaving her on the couch.
Moving down the front steps, I step outside in search of Kit. After a while, I finally spot her by the side of another bus, casually taking a drag from a cigarette as she chats with a group of people.
As I get closer, the conversation fades away. Kit offers me a cigarette, but I decline politely. With our busy schedules with upcoming radio interviews and a sold-out concert in a smaller city on the way to Melbourne, I let Kit know what I need from the pharmacy and ask her to organize a doctor in case Poppy’s condition worsens in the next few days.
Making my way back onto the bus, I notice that Theo, Nate, and Ace have taken seats on the opposite couch from Poppy. Reg sits alone at the table, engrossed in his laptop. He glances up as I approach, and I purposely ignore making eye contact, because shit will hit the fan if he says anything. Instead, I settle down on the floor, leaning against the couch where Poppy has peacefully drifted off to sleep.
Clearly annoyed, Reg closes his laptop and heads to his room. Thank fuck for that, because I really don’t want to hear him complain about meaningless shit.
Now that the band is on the bus, our bus driver, Rob, joins us. “Kit said we”re good to roll. Just making sure everyone is here,” he says.
“Yeah,” Ace replies, “Everyone is here.”
Nodding, he gets into the driver’s seat.
Within minutes, the engine roars to life, and the bus departs from the venue.
A large sigh escapes Ace’s lips, drawing everyone’s attention. “I’m sorry, guys,” he says, scanning the group. “I made a mistake by listening to the damn label. It’s clear now that we’re the ones who know where our band should be heading.”
“Wow! What a complete fucking turnaround,” Nate states. “So, what made you change your mind?”
”I”ve been reflecting on everything we discussed that day at Xander”s. I stepped back and observed the situation. Watching that train wreck with Xander tonight, I see I was wrong. We can’t keep going on like this.”
”Holy shit,” Theo says, sliding his hand into his pocket. “Wait up. I gotta capture this moment. Ace admitting he messed up? That’s rare.”
Nate and I burst into laughter.
“Man, fuck you,” Ace says, pushing Theo’s phone away. “I now realize that half of the shit Reg told me isn’t Xander’s fault. I’m sorry, man. I should have talked to you first.”
“So, what’s the plan now?” Nate asks.
“Don’t know yet. But I think we should schedule a meeting with Lionel once we’re back and insist on having more control over our work,” Ace suggests.
“You really think that”ll change anything? Lionel is raking in the cash from our hard work, and he couldn’t care less about giving us a break or dealing with Reg,” I interject, grabbing my whisky bottle from the table.
“Well if he doesn’t, we go out on our own,” Ace declares.
Nate leans forward in his seat to look at Ace. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, like you guys said, what’s the point of having a recording studio if it ain’t being used. Maybe it”s time we give it a shot.”
“Hey Ace, I gotta confess something I didn’t want the label to know - I never actually stopped writing,” I admit. “I just said that so they wouldn”t make me give them all my songs.”
“Wait, so you’ve been writing all this time?”
“Yep. We have enough songs for at least four albums.”
“No shit,” Ace says, smiling.
I lean forward, extending my hand across the coffee table towards Ace. “It’s great to have you back, brother,” I say. He glances down at my hand and then shakes it.
We sit there, just talking, like the old days when we lived in our dilapidated apartments. Back before our fame. It’s great to witness Ace’s return, effortlessly blending in as he always did. It is comforting to see him reclaiming his role as the brother I’ve always believed him to be.