57. Chapter Fifty-Seven
I’ve shed an ocean of tears since Xander walked out that door. Why is it that all I do is cry on this trip to Australia? I haven’t cried this much since Xander left me and I found out I was pregnant. But that’s what Xander does—he just leaves when he can’t handle shit.
I’m so pissed at what my mother did. Not once did she tell me about Xander coming back. She knew how much he meant to me. She saw how much I cried when she consoled me when I found out I was pregnant. She never let on that she was the reason behind Xander leaving in the first place. It all makes sense now when she continually said that she helped me get my life back on track. I often wondered what she meant by that. But I never put the pieces together until now. Not even when she wouldn’t stop shitting on Xander.
The fact that he never knew about Alex makes me happy yet a little sad. I’m relieved to find out that Xander never rejected him, but it’s also saddening that Xander has missed out on so much of his life already.
Grabbing my phone, I feel a wave of anger wash over me. I swipe the screen, navigate to my contacts, and locate my mother’s number. The fact that I never knew what she had done weighs heavily on my heart. However, as I press the call button, I quickly reconsider. With the time zone difference, it’s the middle of the night, and I don’t want to disturb Alex’s sleep.
Frustrated, I toss my phone onto the bed and get up,making my way to the bathroom. Seeking solace, I reach for the washcloth, run it under warm water, and gently dab it over my puffy eyes.
I’ve shed so many tears for this man for years, yearning for his love and affection. Discovering that he returned that morning, along with the things my mother said to him, makes me want to break down and cry for all the time we’ve lost. Xander coming back to talk to my mom tells me I meant more to him than I realized. There’s no way he would put himself through that if he didn’t care.
I rush out of the bathroom when I hear my phone ringing, thinking it might be Xander. I know I haven’t given him my number yet, but as history has shown me, he has ways of getting what he wants.
I’m disappointed when I see it’s Ace calling. Worry washes over me as I wonder what is going on. The only time I ever hear from Ace is when something is wrong.
“Hello,” I answer.
“Hey Poppy, is Xander with you?”
“No, why?”
“Is he with her?” I hear Reg ask in the background. By his tone, I can hear he’s ticked off about something.
“No!” Ace says. “He’s not with her.”
“Well, tell her to get the fuck down here and find him. That’s what she’s paid to do.”
“Calm the fuck down!” Ace spits. “Any idea where he might be?”
“No... but...” I pause for a moment, unsure if I should tell Ace what happened. But I know they”ll be heading to sound check soon. “I need to tell you something, but I don’t want Reg to hear it. Can you come up here, and make sure Reg doesn’t come with you. I don’t want him here when I tell you what happened.”
“Okay, I’ll be there soon.”
After I hang up the phone, I start pacing the room, anxiously waiting for Ace to show up.
A few moments later, I hear a knock on the door and quickly go to open it, revealing the rest of the band. Ace enters first, followed by Theo and Nate.
“Sorry, Poppy, they insisted on coming,” Ace apologizes.
“Do you know where Xander is?” Theo asks, with a hint of concern in his voice.
They all take a seat on the couch, their eyes fixed on me as I resume my pacing.
“Poppy,” Nate says, his voice causing me to stop and meet his eyes. “Tell us what happened?”
I take a deep breath and blow it out through my cheeks.
“Well… I’m not sure what Xander has shared with you all about... us. But he found out that...” I pause and bite my fingernail, unsure how to come out and tell them the next bit. Maybe if I just show them. I move across to get my phone, knowing that as soon as I show them a photo of Alex they will know.
I can feel their eyes on me as I walk over to the bed and retrieve my phone. I swipe through a few images to find a close up of Alex. I stare at it for a moment, my heart melting with love for my little boy. I see Xander”s dark eyes, his familiar smile, and his thick, dark hair.
I turn my phone around, letting Ace see the screen. His gaze shifts downward, eyes focused on the photo before him. His expression changes in an instant as a flicker of realization crosses his face.
“Fuck,” he says, snatching the phone from my hand and studying it.
“What?” Theo asks, leaning into Ace so he can see what’s on the screen. “Holy fuck,” Theo looks up at me.
“I honestly thought he knew,” I tell them. “I texted him all those years ago, but he threw his phone in the lake and never got them.”
“What’s happening?” Nate says, looking at Theo.
As Ace passes him the phone, I observe the moment when Nate connects the dots.
Ace”s phone rings and he quickly reaches into his pocket to silence it, declining the call.
“I honestly thought he knew,” I repeat, not wanting to be judged by them.
“He didn’t know, Poppy,” Ace says. “I promise you, he did not know. If he did, he would’ve been there. He once said if he ever had a kid, he would never be an asshole like his father. That he”d love his kid just like his mom loved him.”
I move over and sit on the edge of the bed, unsure how to process that information. Tears come to my eyes at the thought that if he had known, he would have been there. I tell myself I should have tried harder, but that little voice of reason chimes in to remind me there was no way I could have let him know because I didn’t have his new number. Plus, I didn’t know he had thrown his phone in the lake.
“Tell me, Spitfire, what went down when you told him?” Theo asks.
“He had no clue what I was talking about at first. He was shocked, then he got pissed and just walked out without saying anything.”
“Yeah, that sounds like Xander,” Ace says.
Ace’s phone rings again, and this time he answers it.
“Yeah. Reg, just go. We’ll meet you there.” A pause. “I don’t fucking know. Just leave a car, and we’ll be there soon.” He ends the call. “We need to go.” Ace gets up from the couch.
“What if he doesn’t show up for sound check?” I ask.
“We can still do it without him. Theo thinks he can sing, so if he’s not there, Theo gets his chance to show us,” Nate says, coming towards me. “How are you holding up in all of this? Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I tell him, tears coming to my eyes, and I hate that I am showing so much vulnerability in front of them.
“It will be fine, Poppy,” Nate says, pulling me in for a comforting hug. “Things will work out. Trust me. We all know Xander needs time to process things. It’s just how he is. He takes off so he can work shit out.” He pulls back to look at me. “Come on, you’re not staying here alone. You’re coming to sound check.”
“I don’t know,” I add, wondering if I should even go, especially if Xander is pissed and doesn’t want to see me. Plus I didn’t want to be on the brunt of Reg’s fury if Xander didn’t turn up. Because I know I’ll say something I can’t take back. “But what if Xander doesn”t want to see me and I”m there during sound check?”
“Yeah, right,” Theo spits out with a laugh.
I turn to look at him, unsure if he’s being sarcastic or if he’s just messing with me like he does with everyone else.
Ace holds the door open and glances back over his shoulder. “Come on Poppy. If Xander’s there, he’ll probably want to see you.”
I scoot over, grab my handbag, and join Ace as we exit the room, with Nate and Theo close on our heels.
On the way down in the lift, Theo throws out questions about Alex.
Half an hour later, I’m sitting off to the side in the stands of the stadium. The sound check is already two hours behind schedule, and still, Xander hasn’t shown up. Kit sits with me, chatting about something related to the band’s schedule, but I’m distracted and not really listening, so I just nod. My focus is on the stage where Theo is messing up the first song. Whoever told him he could sing should”ve kept their mouth shut, because he sounds like crap.
Reg got all worked up when he saw Xander wasn’t with us when we arrived.
Once Reg started yelling at me, Nate lost his cool and told him to go to hell. Reg then took off with Neil and a handful of the security crew to locate him and drag him back, no doubt. I saw Neil”s loyalty firsthand when Xander went missing, so I’m confident he won’t say anything about where Xander might be.
When Kit points to the left, I turn my head. My heart races when I see Xander coming towards me. I am relieved to see him, but there’s a part of me that hopes Reg isn’t back, because if he is, he’ll be here soon, shouting for Xander to get his ass on the stage.
I watch him approach, unaware that Kit has already left until I straighten up in my seat and notice her empty chair.
”I”m sorry, Princess,” he says, sitting in the seat next to me, his voice trembling with sadness, his eyes filled with hurt as he looks at me.
“No, Xander, I’m sorry,” I add, swallowing over the thickness in my throat.
“Stop.” The pure agony cutting into the sharp lines on his face renders me speechless. “None of this is your fault. My actions have caused a world of hurt. And I need to make things right between us.” He peers up at Theo belting out a song, and his mouth smirks. “The fucker told me he could sing.” He turns in the seat, so he’s facing me, to give me his full attention. He lifts his hand and pushes my hair back behind my shoulders, and I can see he’s open, his shield is down, and I see the real Xander, the exposed one, the one with all the scars, the one who let me in all those years ago.
“I wish I’d been a better man back then. But I fucked up the day I left you, and I’ve been regretting it ever since. But the fact that I left you pregnant and alone, I’m just so pissed off with myself for doing that to you. To you, Princess. That’s what hurts the most. I’m sorry you had to do it alone. It hurts to think that all this time I’ve had a son out there and I didn’t know.”
“I’m sorry.” The tears come to my eyes. “I honestly thought you didn’t want anything to do with us. And then I saw you with all those girls and I thought you’d moved on.”
“Shh!” he presses his finger to my lips, silencing me. “Most of that stuff was just Reg and the label trying to get more eyes on the band. But none of that matters now. That’s not important. This is.”
Remorse squeezes my heart when I see pain flicker in his eyes. “Too much time has been lost already because of what I did. I know I can’t change what happened, but I want to make it right for you and Alex. If you give me a chance to make it right, I”ll walk away from all this right now.”
It shocks me that he would give all this away for us, the thing he has worked so hard to get. “Xander, I don’t want you to do that.”
“But I want you, Princess. I know I’ve never said that before because it scared the hell out of me, but I’ve always wanted you. And I want Alex. And if I have to give all this up to have the both of you, then I will give it up in a heartbeat. I’ve already lost you once, so I know exactly what matters and what doesn’t. I don’t plan on losing you again. Just tell me it’s not too late and that you still want me, despite what I did.”
He swallows as he stares at me, waiting for my response. Hearing his words, expressing that he wants us, the both of us, causes an overwhelming surge of emotions within me, that makes me want to cry.
“No, Xander, it’s not too late.”
Before I can utter another word, he lifts his hand and weaves his fingers through my hair. With a firm grip, he pulls my face towards him and his lips crash against mine. The kiss is filled with so much passion that I lose all concept of time. By the time we pull apart, I’m left totally breathless.