Chapter 16 Keeping Secrets #2
Gwen reaches over and squeezes my hand. “What are you going to do, Soph?”
I shrug. “There’s nothing to do. I can’t face going back after tonight. Not only did I lose any credibility with my classmates by insisting that the Dom was blind, but I lost the trust of the trainers when I lied about my near panic attack.”
My chest physically hurts, and it feels as if it’s caving in on itself when I admit, “But even worse than that…I failed myself.”
I thrust out my palm before she can utter a word of encouragement. “Don’t try to sugarcoat it to make me feel better.” Gazing into her sapphire eyes, I tearfully confess, “If I can’t trust myself, what hope is there?”
“I know exactly what you mean.” Instead of trying to console me, she shares her own confession. “I’ve been grappling with the same issue.”
Surprised, I look at her in alarm. “What do you mean?”
Gwen lowers her head, fiddling with the glass in her hands. “I promised myself I would never cry in front of Helen, no matter what she did to me. But…” Her voice trembles when she admits, “…I broke this week in front of the entire cast.”
“What did she do?” I demand to know, instinctively pulling her into a protective hug.
She struggles to speak. “I’m…” Gwen takes a deep breath before continuing, “…no longer allowed in the greenroom with the others. Helen has relegated me to a closet because she says my part is so insignificant.”
Horrified, I stare at her in shock. “I can’t believe she would stoop that low!”
The devastation on Gwen’s face tears at my heart. “Well, she did and it worked. She broke me.”
I squeeze Gwen tighter. “What are you going to do?”
“Nothing. There’s no point. But at least I’ve forgiven myself.”
A cold chill runs down my spine, and I pull away from her. “When did this happen, G?”
She glances away, muttering, “After Sunday’s show.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I demand.
Gwen looks at me sadly. “I didn’t want to bring you down.”
I stare at her in disbelief. “That really hurts, G. I thought we were besties.”
“We are!”
“No, we’re not. Not if you are going to hide something that important from me.”
“I’m sorry, Soph,” she pleads. “I just wanted one of us to be happy.”
I clench my jaw, feeling betrayed by her willful lie of omission. “We have to be in this together, Gwen. Through the good times and the bad…or not at all.”
She nods. “You’re right.”
I would do anything for my friend and immediately go into “fix-it” mode—something I always snap to when someone I care about is in trouble. “What can I do to help?”
Gwen puts her hands on my shoulders. “Don’t quit, Soph. Even though the world seems determined to break us, I would never forgive you if you gave up.”
I chuckle sadly. “I feel the same.”
Pressing our foreheads together, the two of us smile at each other like we did when we were kids.
“I want you to know I came up with a plan to deal with Helen,” she announces as she sits back and begins refilling her glass with champagne.
“I’ve started documenting everything she’s doing, including dates and who was there to witness it.
I plan to send that sucker to the Actors’ Equity Association. ”
“Good for you!”
“So, what are you going to do about your troubles?” she asks while pouring me a second glass.
“I had planned to send an email informing them that I’m leaving the program.”
“But we’re not quitters.”
“No, we are not,” I agree.
Thinking back on my meeting with the Headmaster, I tell her, “If I could roll back time tonight, I would have started by being honest with Mistress Kim and explained to her that seeing the bondage scene triggered me—especially suspension.”
I sigh, thinking for a moment.
“As far as what happened with my friends during the break…I realize now that I should have kept my thoughts about Socrates being blind to myself rather than asking my classmates. But I felt so certain that I didn’t even question it.”
Feeling ashamed, I admit, “By going to them, it was like I was spreading a rumor about him, and that made me look like a complete idiot—and a gossip.”
Gwen snorts. “Oh, I’ve learned that lesson too, trust me.”
I knit my brows, thinking back on the moment I walked on the stage.
“Even if I couldn’t change all those other things, when Headmaster Wallace called me to the stage, I should have explained how uneasy I felt.
At the very least, I could have told the Dom I was scening with how nervous I felt when I saw the bondage tape. ”
She grins. “To be honest, I don’t really understand half of what you said, but I can tell you know exactly what to do moving forward.”
I smile at her gratefully. “Yeah…I guess I do.”
“Let’s toast!” Gwen shouts, holding up her glass.
“Let’s,” I chuckle. Reaching over to grab my glass, I’m surprised to see a text come through this late at night and frown. “Why would he be texting me?”
“Who?” Gwen asks, eyeing my phone.
“It’s Headmaster Wallace,” I mutter. When I read his text, I feel a rush of vindication.
“Is the Headmaster flirting with you?” Gwen teases.
I roll my eyes. “No…but he just confirmed that I was right about Socrates!” I giggle excitedly as I read the message to her:
I wanted to wait to say anything until I had a chance to speak with Socrates. The two of us are impressed by your powers of observation, since you were the only one to notice.
I sigh after reading the last bit and lament, “Unfortunately, he’s asked me to keep it between us.”
“Oooh…he must really like you, then,” she insists.
“It’s not like that, G…”
I look back at his text and frown. “Damn, I just realized there’s a downside to keeping it secret because the other students are still going to think I’m nuts.”
Gwen shrugs. “Who cares? Sharing secrets is way more fun.”
I pick up my glass and clink it against hers. “That’s true—but only as long as I get to share them with you!”