Chapter 19 Ready for Impact
Ready for Impact
Humility Hurts
I’ve been nervous about taking the stage the entire night. When Headmaster Wallace instructs me to stay behind while the rest of the class is released to go to the lounge after the first practicum, my heart sinks.
Once my classmates step out, I find I’m full of trepidation as I turn to face the trainers.
“Is there something you would like to say to us?” he asks.
Swallowing down my uneasiness, I nod. Remembering my talk with Gwen, I tilt my chin a little higher. We’re not quitters!
Swallowing hard and squaring my shoulders, I address the panel. “I owe you all an apology.”
Lord Murray nods for me to continue.
“Yesterday I was triggered by the bondage demonstration.”
I look at Mistress Kim. “When you came to check on me after I left, I lied to you.”
Her frown cuts me like a knife.
I bow my head. “I’m deeply sorry, and I will never lie to you again.”
“See that you don’t,” she replies curtly.
Addressing them all, I own up to my mistake. “I understand that I broke your trust last night.”
All four trainers nod, and I almost lose my nerve when I see the severity of their expressions.
But I deserve this.
I was the one who severed their trust, and it is up to me to restore it. Whatever it takes…
“From this point forward, I will be open and honest with you and the Doms I’m scening with,” I state. “And when I face something that’s triggering for me, I’ll say so immediately.”
I furrow my brow, thinking about the night before. “As far as last night, I knew when I was walking onto the stage that I was not in the right mindset…but I was too stubborn to admit it to myself.”
“At least you used your safeword, lass,” Lord Murray says with compassion.
“It does not make up for her misleading us,” Dono Marcelo states tersely.
“No, it doesn’t,” I agree. “It was reckless of me.”
I glance at Headmaster Wallace. “I’ve taken everything you said last night to heart.”
“Good,” he replies quietly.
I face Dono Marcelo, who is my greatest critic on the panel.
“I understand it will take time to build back the trust I shattered. But I will, because I appreciate how essential it is to the BDSM dynamic. Trust and the ability to use my safeword allow me to explore and be challenged without compromising my safety.”
“Correct,” he states without any emotion.
It’s clear that Dono Marcelo is not swayed by my heartfelt declaration, but it doesn’t matter. Time will prove my earnest commitment—because this is important to me.
Headmaster Wallace and the other trainers exchange glances. He then says in a solemn voice, “You may join the others.”
I bow my head respectfully before I turn and leave the room.
My fate now lies in their hands, and it’s clear that I was dangerously close to being dismissed.
I walk to the entrance of the lounge, but then I decide at the last second to walk past it and turn the next corner. Leaning against the wall, I let out a ragged sigh. I’m in no mood to answer the well-meaning questions of my friends or endure any snide remarks from Nash.
As I stand there, listening to the low murmurs of my classmates chatting, a sense of calm washes over me.
If this really is my last day, I’m glad I’ve been given this opportunity.
Not only have my views been permanently altered on what BDSM is and why people enjoy it, but in the process of exploring it for myself, I’ve made good friends and learned more about—
I’m distracted from my thoughts when I hear an unusual sound down the main hallway. I cautiously turn and peek around the corner, surprised to see Nash violently pounding his fists against the wall as he mutters, “Stupid, stupid, stupid…stop…making…mistakes.”
It’s horrifying to witness, and my first instinct is to stop him from further hurting himself. But I hesitate to move, certain things would only get worse if I tried to intervene.
When he suddenly freezes, I pull my head back behind the corner. I can hear the distinctive clicking of Mistress Kim’s stiletto heels growing louder as she walks toward the lounge.
Nash growls in frustration just before I hear him rush into the room. Not wanting to be caught disobeying the trainers, I quietly follow behind him. Heading straight to the table, I sit down with my friends. Before any of them has a chance to ask me a question, Mistress Kim enters the lounge.
I stare at her anxiously, wondering what the trainers have decided.
She scans the room, noting each of us, before commanding, “Come.”
As we dutifully follow behind her, Michelle gives me a little nudge and looks at me questioningly.
Smiling weakly, I just shrug. I’m as clueless as she is about what’s going to happen.
I glance back and notice Nash eyeing me smugly.
I’m certain he is hoping to see me punished and humiliated after my disastrous scene last night.
Normally, just that arrogant look would get a snarky comment out of me.
But after what I just witnessed in the hallway, I feel only pity for the wretched guy.
The group remains silent as we walk into the auditorium. Taking my seat, I worry that the trainers are going to ask me to leave in front of everyone. But, I figure if my name isn’t the first one to be called, I’ll be in the clear.
“Miss Lane.”
My heart drops. Realizing my fate is sealed, I squeeze Amethyst and Michelle’s hands before standing up to walk to the stage for the final time.
Facing the trainers, I nod to them in acceptance.
Mistress Kim stands up. Expecting that she’s the one who will be delivering the bad news, I stand there in shock when she joins me on the stage.
Headmaster Wallace addresses the other students. “Last night, you witnessed what happens when a submissive fails to communicate. Although we applaud Miss Lane for calling her safeword, she had multiple opportunities to voice the issues she was experiencing.”
I’m grateful to the Headmasters for not detailing what they were.
“The result was the meltdown you saw on the stage. Let her mistake be the example of what not to do.”
I blush with embarrassment, but I can’t really resent him for it because he’s not wrong.
“After evaluating the situation and correctly identifying her mistakes, Miss Lane will be allowed to continue the program, barring any future issues.”
He then turns to me. “Is there anything you would like to say to your classmates?”
I suck in my breath, completely unprepared to deliver a speech. But it’s been drilled into our heads that we are supposed to learn from each other, so I turn to face them and decide to be completely open.
“I broke the trust of the trainers by hiding the fact that I was experiencing the beginnings of a panic attack when I was watching the bondage demonstration.”
“Is that why you made those crazy accusations that Socrates was blind?” Nash calls out.
I close my eyes and sigh, knowing I have to keep the truth to myself.
Instead of addressing his question, I look Nash straight in the eyes.
“I learned a vital lesson yesterday. Keeping your suffering to yourself is a form of disrespect to the trainers and the Dominants you scene with. It is a breach of trust that can result in both physical and mental damage if left unaddressed. Not only is it inconsiderate, but it’s extremely unsafe. ”
I turn to the trainers. “I realize that I apologized to you earlier, but I want to do it again in front of my peers.” I pause for a moment before vowing, “I promise I will never lie to you again or keep secrets from you that can put me at risk or make the scene unsafe.”
Turning back to Nash, I add, “Trust must be earned and, once broken, it can have devastating consequences. I want to spare you that.”
He shakes his head slightly, staring back at me with an embittered look on his face.
“Excellent advice, Miss Lane,” Headmaster Wallace states before addressing Mistress Kim.
“I leave the stage to you.”
She nods, then turns to face me. “You will address me as Manim for this scene.”
I bow my head low. “Yes, Manim.”
“Very good, aster. It’s important to treat your Domme with gracious respect. Now, undress completely.”
I’m touched by Mistress Kim’s willingness to scene with me after I lied to her, and I’m quick to obey her command.
While undressing, I watch two pieces of furniture as they are slowly lowered from above, the padded bench and…a St. Andrew’s cross. I shudder the moment I spot the metal fasteners for restraints, and I can’t help but wonder if this scene is meant to push me past my limits.
I’m terrified it is.
“I sense that you are uneasy,” Mistress Kim mentions in a pleasant voice.
Unable to take my eyes off the St. Andrew’s cross, I tell her, “I’m scared of being bound to that.”
She places her perfectly manicured fingernail under my chin to redirect my gaze so I’m looking her in the eyes. “I will not be binding you to it. The only restraints will be here.” She lightly touches my temple. “Tonight will center on impact play.”
I let out a quiet sigh of relief as I watch two assistants join us on the stage. One sets down a table while the other neatly lines up three colorful tools that have a feminine flair about them.
Remembering how much I enjoyed the Violet Wand with Lord Murray, I’m curious to see what I think of the tools she has chosen.
Mistress Kim points to a leather paddle. “Hand that one to me, aster.”
I pick up the fuchsia-colored paddle with both hands and bow my head as I formally present the tool to her.
She takes it from me and smiles. “You learn quickly.”
A warm blush colors my cheeks, and I’m both embarrassed and pleased by her praise. “Thank you, Manim.”
She shows me the paddle, turning it in her hands as she explains, “This has two sides to it.”
I notice the paddle has one side that is flat and another that is padded and a lighter shade of fuchsia.
“This side delivers a pleasant thud, while the flat side gives a satisfying slap.”
“That sounds delightful, Manim.”
She nods and points to the bench. “Lean against it with your legs spread so I can acquaint you with its dual personality.”
Heeding her orders, I place my hands on the leather bench and lean my torso against it.
“First, I must warm up the skin to avoid causing any damage,” she informs my classmates.
When Mistress Kim begins lightly slapping my back with the flat side of the paddle, my skin starts to tingle. Once she’s covered every inch of my upper back, she flips the paddle over and I feel a gentle thud when it hits.
“Color, aster?”
“As light a green as they come,” I answer with a laugh.
“Keep your answers precise,” she corrects me.
I immediately amend it, saying in a serious tone, “Green, Manim.”
She smiles. “Then we are ready to play.”
I wait as she raises her hand and swings. When the paddle makes contact with my skin, the vibration reverberates over my back. I let out a surprised gasp, not expecting such a powerful blow from such a petite woman.
“Color?”
“Green, Manim.”
“Good. Then close your eyes and enjoy.”
I follow her orders, smiling the entire time while she slaps my back with the thuddy side while randomly interspersing it with hard slaps from the flat side. It is soothing to me rather than challenging, and I relax under her skillful attention.
Once she is done, she commands, “Stand and face me.”
My interest is piqued when I turn and watch her set the paddle down to pick up an iridescent green braided leather whip. It has a small, single lash curled around it with a distinctive triangular shape at the end that resembles a dragon’s tail.
She states with a gleam in her eye, “This will be challenging.”