Chapter 27
Jason finished the school year with newfound confidence. He had been offered the Air Attack retardant operator position and had accepted. No longer feeling like a loser without a family or a future, he actually had a sense of peace that he had never experienced before.
A brunette in his chemistry class, who also attended the same church, had caught his eye. He’d noticed her from the very first day, but she was way out of his league.
After class she lingered until he walked by.“Hi. I’m Tina.”
Her full lips curved as her hazel eyes completed the smile. She stood and extended a hand toward him. Her slender fingers were painted frosty white at the nail tips. Several silvery bangles decorated her wrists, and the sunlight made the auburn highlights in her hair glint like strands of gold.
His heart rate accelerated, and his mind went blank. His first instinct was to duck and hide behind his bangs, but they were no longer there. In preparation for his summer job, he’d gotten a haircut and was now sporting a crew cut with faded sides.
Come on, man!
Tina stood waiting for his response.
He raised his head and looked directly into her eyes. “Jason.” He offered. “I’ve seen you at New Life Church.”
“I thought I recognized you from there. You look different somehow.” Her eyes swept him up and down. “I know what it is. You got a haircut.”
After a moment, she smiled again, this time with a light laugh. “It looks good. Really good.”
Jason’s cheeks warmed, and he fixed his eyes on his shoes. Then, with his new confidence budding, he raised his head and returned her smile. “Thanks. I just got a summer job working at the Air Attack Base as a retardant operator, so I needed to do something different.”
“Let’s sit together at lunch, and you can tell me all about your new job. It sounds interesting.”
As they strolled down the hallway together, Jason sensed the eyes of that bully Shane staring daggers at him. He stood up tall and held his shoulders back, ignoring the slurs sent his way.
Tina wrinkled her nose as they passed him. “What a jerk.”
Months later, when school had ended and his job at Cal Fire was in full swing, Jason and Tina were inseparable.
They had done homework together after school, talked non-stop on the phone, and texted until the wee hours of the night.
Jason blossomed with newfound love. Tina was everything, and she felt the same way about him. Finally, someone loved him for him.
Sue and Jeff Hendricks supported their relationship and were happy Jason had found the love he had been lacking. They really liked Tina. Since Jason had gotten the job at Cal Fire and been with Tina, he was a changed person. He hadn’t felt the need to hurt himself anymore.
He saved four hundred dollars over the summer and bought a promise ring with a small emerald to match her eyes.
Agreeing to Sue and Jeff’s terms that both of them needed to graduate from high school the following year before making a long-term commitment, he met with Tina’s parents and asked their permission to give her the ring.
They liked Jason and could see the growth in his life.
They also saw their only child happier than she had ever been in a relationship.
After discussion, they agreed on the same provision that graduation must come first.
He took her out for a special dinner and afterward extended the open box with shaking hands. “Tina. I love you, and I would like you to be promised to me.”
She gazed at him with a question in her eyes. “Explain what you mean by promised.”
He swallowed dryly. “It means we’re committed to each other.
Kind of like a pre- engagement.” He wiped his sweaty palm on his pant leg.
“I spoke to your parents and to the Hendricks’s.
They agreed I could ask you—with the condition that we, we…
don’t get married until after we graduate from High School next year. ”
He looked up from his rambling speech to find her studying him intently. His ears turned red, and his heartbeat accelerated. Maybe he had blown it. What if she doesn’t feel the same way?
He started to close the box and pull it back into his pocket when she grasped his hand.
“Wait! You mean we have to wait until we graduate to get engaged?” She fought back a laugh. “Why did you agree to that?”
The tension that had been rising in his neck and shoulders relaxed as she threw her arms around him and kissed him. He re-opened the box and pulled out the ring.
As she admired it, he slipped it onto the ring finger of her left hand. “I love you, Tina. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“Jason,” she breathed. “I love you too. We’re so good together, and I think God made us for each other.”
As their relationship continued to grow, he shared more with her about his dark past and secrets.
His difficult relationship with his dad.
The abuse, pain, and suffering—his mother losing a baby and running away without him.
He showed her the note she had written, saved all these years till the paper itself was tattered and frayed.
Ink faded and blotted where tears had fallen.
Sitting in the park on their favorite bench, secluded by new green shoots from a weeping willow next to the pond, a gentle breeze surrounded them as the drone of bees gathering nectar from the nearby honeysuckle labored in the fragrant summer air.
“Jason,” Tina clasped his hand in her buttery soft palm. Her dark, thick lashes ringed her hazel eyes. More cat-like green today in her Kelly-colored sundress and matching accessories.
He leaned in closer to her. Her light vanilla fragrance mixed with the honeysuckle engulfed him and drew him in.
“What?” He inhaled the familiar scent that was Tina’s signature.
The sun was shining on her auburn tresses, throwing glints of light around her. He picked up a lock of hair that cascaded from her shoulder and rubbed it gently between his fingers.
“Gorgeous. You are gorgeous.” He felt dizzy with affection for her and leaned in for a kiss.
Kissing him lightly back, she pressed her hand on his chest to make space between them. “Jason, I have something serious I want to talk to you about.”
“Okay,” he muttered, agreeable but still intoxicated with her presence.
“I appreciate all that you’ve shared with me about your past. It helps me understand you and love you even more.”
“I love you too, Tina.” He leaned in for another kiss, but she pushed him away with a soft smile.
“Jason. Stop. I’m trying to talk to you.”
He cleared his throat and sat up. “What is it, babe?”
“I think you should contact your mom again. It would be healing for both of you.” She gazed up at him attentively, a dark gloom settling over him.
“Not happening! She doesn’t want anything to do with me.” Anger flushed his cheeks. “She left me behind. I was just a little kid. Then, she refused to let me come to her when I needed her. No!” He swiped his eyes with a fist and turned away.
Tina cupped his face in her hands and gently turned his face back to her. Compassion filled her eyes.
“Jason. I love you, and I just want what’s best for you.
Your mother was afraid—for her life. I think she knew your dad would take care of you, but he would have killed her.
She was helpless, with no resources, and had just lost a baby.
Try to put yourself in her shoes. It’s not what she wanted, but from what you’ve told me, and the recent events with Mrs. Smith, he would have harmed her badly, and her new family.
” She reached out a finger and wiped away his tears.
“She was actually trying to protect you as well. Your dad would’ve hunted you down… you know he would have.”
Jason lowered his head and digested her words.
He folded his hands together and rested his elbows on his knees.
Emotion welled up inside him. Tangled threads of thoughts and emotions jumbled and clashed.
Rubbing the fleshy pads of his thumb on the bridge of his nose, he mentally swayed.
Yes. He loved his mom… always… And he wanted to see her, hug her, and talk with her. To understand and forgive.
She left! An angry voice buzzed through his mind.
But she had to. She had no choice.
Of course, she had a choice. To take me with her. The dark voice resurfaced. She didn’t really love you. She only cared about herself. Nobody ever loved you; you are unlovable.
Tina’s hand lightly rubbed his heaving back. A sob choked out as she pulled him into her arms. “It’s okay. Let it out.”
They sat there for some period of time while Jason wrestled with his thoughts and spilled out the years of anguish and pain. Tina stayed with him, comforting him with her embrace and words of compassion.
“Find it in your heart to forgive Jason. Just as Jesus has forgiven us. Forgive and accept His healing for you and your mom.”
Over time, Jason’s sobs turned into soft gasps. When his heart had spilled out all the tremendous pain and suffering of the past, he was left exhausted and refreshed at the same time.
Slowly, he raised his head to meet Tina’s compassionate gaze. He trusted her. She loved him, and he loved her. A pure glow of peace enveloped him.
“Yes. I’ll contact her and see if she wants to see me now that Dad is dead.”
Tina held him tightly. “I’d like to go with you if you visit her. To tell her what an amazing man you’ve grown into and how fortunate she is to have you for a son.”
“I’d like that. That would help a lot,” Jason sniffed and wiped his tears with the back of his sleeve.