Chapter 23
Miles
I frown when the doorbell rings.
Who the hell is here?
Maybe a package? Sometimes they ring the bell when they leave something, since we have an open porch and anyone can see what’s on it, but I didn’t order anything. Maybe Audrey did?
I head downstairs and pull the door open, expecting to see a box on the front porch.
“JJ…”
“Hey. Can I come in?” he asks, his voice gruff. His hands are shoved into his pockets, shoulders hunched.
“Yeah, of course.”
I step aside and he goes up the stairs. I follow behind him, not sure why he’s here, but I’m not upset about it. He left in a rush a couple hours ago. Maybe he planned on coming back the whole time? How did I miss that?
JJ is standing in my living room when I get up there, and I close the door slowly behind me.
“Is everything okay?” I ask carefully.
“Yeah,” he says, his gaze flicking up to meet mine. “No. I don’t know.”
He runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head.
“I’ll go with no…” I say. “What’s going on?”
I move to sit on the couch, resting my arms on my thighs and watching him. He’s at war with himself, wanting to say something but won’t—or maybe he can’t.
“Look, I like you, Miles—”
“I like you too,” I say, then realize maybe this isn’t that. Maybe it’s the this isn’t you, it’s me conversation. Sometimes I really should keep my mouth shut. “But there’s a but…” I add.
Just shut up, Miles.
“I know I’m a little fucked up, okay? I know I’m not the nicest person. I’m just… I have a lot going on.”
“I can see that.”
“I don’t mean to take it out on you or anyone else. I don’t mean to run off or make you feel bad. I’m a mess, and I’ve been panicking lately.”
I nod in agreement.
“I don’t want it to spill onto you,” he says. “It’s not fair, and I’m trying…”
“I—”
“But I’m too selfish to stop myself from…” He gestures between us. “This. Whatever this is.”
“It doesn’t have to be serious, JJ. I’m not asking for more.
I’m fine with what we’re doing. But…” I clear my throat and think over my words.
I need to stand up for myself and say how I feel, or this will never work.
Especially if he’s spilling his guts to me.
Now is the chance for me to speak my feelings, too.
“The sudden mood changes are difficult. I think we’re fine and then suddenly you go somewhere else, like you’re a different person.
Then a short time later… you’re leaving and not talking to me for days or a week.
Then you pop back up like everything is okay. It’s just very confusing.”
He comes to sit beside me. “I don’t want to be that person. I really don’t.”
“Then why are you?” My voice is small, but I’m proud I got the words out.
“I don’t know how to be any different.” He takes my hand and looks me in the eyes. “But I really want to try.”
I nod, not sure what else to say.
He sighs, dropping his head. “My brother called me and asked me to meet him this morning. I’m sorry I ran out like that. I should have explained, but I panicked.”
“Because of your brother?”
“Because of how serious this feels, even though it’s not.”
“You think it feels serious? Have I made you feel that way? Because I swear I’m not trying to. I—”
“No,” he says softly. “No, it’s not you. It’s just the way I feel when I’m with you, and it’s not a bad thing, it’s just… kind of scary. Different. Not what I’m used to, and definitely not what I was expecting.”
“Okay…” I lick my lips, trying to process what he’s saying. “So, you agree that things are casual between us, but you feel like it’s more?”
“Kind of? I know that doesn’t make sense. I guess it’s just because I’m so comfortable with you.” He huffs a laugh. “And I’m not used to feeling that. I don’t get comfortable with many people. In fact, there’s only a few, and two of them are my brothers.”
“I can’t say I understand that because I’m a people-person, but I believe what you’re saying. So, I can see how it can be scary if it’s something you’re not used to.” I turn to face him more. “What can I do to help?”
“Just don’t change,” he says, like he knew this is what he wanted to say the entire time. “I’m trying hard to figure my shit out, and I really like who you are. I especially like who I am when I’m with you… minus the little freak-outs.”
“Been this way my whole life, so…” I chuckle. He smiles. Then he leans in, grasps my chin gently, and kisses me.
“Miles, there’s something I need to tell you—something I need to explain, but I…” He looks away for a moment. “I’m not ready to get into it just yet. I hope that’s okay.”
My chest gets a little tight, and I can’t tell if it’s because he’s opening up to me and I’m happy, or if it’s a warning sign that I should run…
“I don’t expect your life’s story, JJ. We haven’t known each other that long.”
He glances at me. “Then why does it feel like I’ve known you forever?”
JJ stays for a while. We put on a movie, and he tells me how Audrey forced him to accept a ride home this morning. I can’t stop laughing about it because Audrey isn’t usually so pushy, but I’m sure there was a reason for it. And I’m sure she’ll tell me all about it when she gets me alone.
“Maybe she didn’t get much sleep.”
“Seemed wide awake to me,” he says.
“Sometimes you never know with her.” I get to my feet. “Do you want a beer?”
“Sure.”
I grab two beers from the kitchen and return quickly, handing JJ his. He snatches mine out of my hand.
“Wha—” He pops the top and hands it back, smirking.
“If I’m anything, it’s a gentleman.”
I take the can. “I can agree with that.”
He pops the cap on his and we drink as we watch the second Conjuring movie—which is much creepier than the first one, in my opinion.
“Does this stuff actually scare you?” he asks, gesturing at the TV.
“Have you lost count of the number of times I’ve jumped?”
“Yeah, jump scares… that’s technical stuff. I mean, will it give you nightmares?”
“Oh, no. I can’t remember the last time I had a nightmare. Or a dream. I sleep soundly.”
“That’s because you drink yourself into comas.”
“Hey,” I say, swatting at his chest. “I don’t do that all the time—only recently.”
“Uh-huh…” He sips his beer and I roll my eyes, looking back at the TV.
“Sometimes, when I’m home alone, and the house is really quiet, like if I can’t sleep, this stuff freaks me out. I worry that a piece of my furniture will fly across the room, or I’ll see someone standing in the doorway.”
“You believe in ghosts, then?”
“Yeah, I guess I do. But it’s only the bad ones that scare me.”
JJ shakes his head, keeping his attention on the movie.
“You’re not afraid of anything?” I ask.
Shrugging, he says, “I mean, I guess I am, but after running into fires and pulling people from crushed cars, it’s hard to worry about stuff like ghosts.”
“So, you’re not afraid of anything.” This time I don’t pose it as a question but a statement.
“I’m afraid of things, just… not ghosts.”
I can tell by his tone he doesn’t want to talk about it, that whatever it is, is deep. So, I let it go because it’s not important. I snuggle closer, and spill beer on myself at the next jump-scare, then laugh like an idiot—because I am an idiot.
“Okay, no more beer for you,” JJ says, pulling it from my hand and putting it on the table.
He doesn’t sit back in his spot though, he leans over me, his hand coming to my cheek.
His fingertips are cool from holding the can, and they brush along my face, making goosebumps erupt across my arms. His lips find mine, also cool, but so soft.
He moves more of his body on top of mine, and we shift until I’m lying down and he’s on top of me.
My dick starts to thicken as the warmth from his body sinks into mine, his weight crushing me in the best possible way.
His mouth moves across my jaw and down to my neck.
Heat rolls through me, my body tingling everywhere he touches me.
I reach between us to undo his jeans and slip my hand inside to grasp his cock.
I stroke him slowly as he thrusts into my hand, moaning in my ear.
My dick throbs just listening to him and feeling the way his body responds to my touch.
His breaths come in quicker, harder. He moves faster, and I can hardly breathe because I swear he’s close…
“Fuck,” he hisses, his body tensing before cum spills onto my stomach, soaking through my shirt and warming my skin.
JJ’s breaths are ragged and soon turn into a soft laugh.
“Shit,” he says.
“It’s okay,” I say, smiling up at him.
“I don’t know why that was so quick…”
“I am not complaining.”
JJ gets off me and looks down at the mess he made.
“That is so fucking hot,” he says, his gaze staying on me for a long while before he glances down at his pants. “Don’t know how I didn’t get any on me.”
“Lucky,” I say as I sit up and pull my shirt off. “None of my clothes will fit you.”
I get to my feet to go to my bedroom and change, but JJ grabs my arm and pulls me to him.
“Where are you going?” he asks in a gruff tone.
“To… uh, change.”
He shakes his head, still smirking as he flicks open the button on my jeans.
“You don’t have to—”
“What if I want to?” he asks, still smirking.
“Then who am I to stop you?” I say breathlessly. It was meant to be funny, but nothing is funny right now. Not when I’m staring into his heated eyes and his hand is reaching for my dick.
With his hand flat on my chest, he gives me a little shove, and I fall onto the couch.
JJ gets to his knees on the floor in front of me and hooks his fingers into the waistband of my pants and pulls them down.
I lift my ass for him to get them off, and now I’m completely naked while he’s fully dressed.
He doesn’t hesitate to take me into his mouth, his hand going to my chest and applying firm pressure. It isn’t exactly hard to breathe, but I feel the difference in pressure and something about that is really hot.
So far, sex has been pretty vanilla for me, and not that I’m about to jump into being tied up and spanked, but I wouldn’t be mad about trying a little choking or something…
Especially with someone like JJ who knows what he’s doing.
JJ sucks my dick slowly. He savors it. Shows me he’s enjoying it and that it’s not just a rush to make me come—though I am right there.
His nails dig into my chest, and I grasp his wrist, holding on tightly as he takes me to the back of his throat.
“Oh, fuck…” I breathe out, lifting my hips to go just a little deeper, needing a little more…
JJ’s free hand slides between my legs and spreads them further apart, then slips under my ass and pulls me up so I go even deeper. And that’s it—I can’t hold back anymore.
“Coming,” I mutter as the orgasm hits, my dick throbbing its release. JJ swallows my cum, his hands still digging into me.
It takes me a few minutes to come back to my body, and when I do, I look down at JJ, who is staring up at me with a look that I can’t quite figure out. He looks slightly confused, but also excited. I don’t know what to make of it, and I can’t think straight.
“Sorry,” I say, running a hand through my hair, trying to catch my breath.
“For what?” he asks, his voice soft.
“Not warning you sooner…”
“If I wanted a warning, I’d have said so.”
“Oh, okay—”
There’s a knock on the door, then, “Miles?”
“Shit,” I hiss, then jump up and run to my room—naked.