Chapter 33
Miles
Audrey and Noah are on a mother-son outing for the day.
They went into the city and have all sorts of fun things planned.
They’d asked if I wanted to go, but I told them to go enjoy themselves—I’m always tagging along.
It’s not that I didn’t want to go, I just want them to function on their own without me too.
It’s good for them to bond like this, especially because Audrey has been working so much lately.
They’re short-staffed at the hospital—aren’t they always? —and she’s been working extra.
She’s eager now to get a first shift position, but she said there hasn’t been any available. I’ve told her to look elsewhere. She doesn’t have to stay at the hospital, and maybe going somewhere else, somewhere more relaxed like a rehabilitation center would be less tiring for her.
I stay in bed until nearly eleven, then finally crawl out and throw on some athletic shorts and a t-shirt. I need to clean the house today. Order groceries. Do laundry. All the fun stuff that being an adult has you doing on your days off.
I strip my bed and toss the sheets into a pile before remaking it, then gather the rest of my laundry and start a load before going through my cabinets and adding all the items I need to a delivery.
It takes me a couple hours to get everything done, and by that time, the delivery is here, and I break out in a sweat as I carry all the bags upstairs and put them away.
When I’m done with all my tasks, I shower and put on pajama pants. I don’t plan on going anywhere. My mood hasn’t been the best.
I try not to think of JJ all the time, but it’s not easy to just forget him.
I wonder what he’s doing, where he’s at, and when he’s coming back.
Does he think of me? Will he want to talk to me when he gets back?
His text said so, but that was before. Things could change while he’s away, doing whatever it is he’s doing.
I hope that wherever he is, he’s looked at his life and figured out what he wants and needs.
Not for my benefit, or anyone else’s, but for him.
He deserves to be happy, whatever that means for him.
He told me he knows what he wants, but how can he?
It seems he’s had his life dictated to him since he married Franklin.
I hate thinking about that. Just the thought of JJ being with someone else, marrying someone, makes me sick.
He’s such an amazing man. Someone good deserves him.
He has a big heart, even if he doesn’t know how to show it.
Franklin sounds like an ungrateful asshole who doesn’t deserve any part of JJ.
Yet he got to marry him. But what do I know? It seems I didn’t know JJ at all…
With a heavy sigh, I get comfortable on the couch with my blanket and find something to watch on TV. Though I bought enough groceries to last me the whole week and more, I don’t want to cook anything. Pizza it is.
My phone is ringing when I’m walking up the stairs with the pizza and assume it’s Audrey updating me on what they’re doing and when they’ll be home. The phone screen is lit up on the coffee table, and I catch a glimpse of the caller before it ends.
JJ.
“Holy shit,” I mutter, nearly dropping the pizza as I trip over my own feet to get to the phone. I put the pizza on the table and pick up my phone, staring at it. If someone saw my reaction, I’d be a little embarrassed at the desperation, but thankfully no one is around.
A text comes in.
JJ:
Hoping you’re busy and not ignoring me. Call me back if you want to talk.
I’ve never hit the call button so fast.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hi,” I say in disbelief that I’m even talking to him. I wasn’t sure I’d talk to him ever again. I didn’t like that.
“It’s Jericho.”
“Huh?”
“My name is Jericho. JJ stands for Jericho James. I preferred going by JJ because Franklin always called me Jericho.”
“That’s too bad because Jericho is hot.”
I grit my teeth and shake my head. Really, Miles? That’s where we’re going?
JJ chuckles. I missed the sound.
“I don’t want him to control any aspect of my life anymore, so if you want to call me Jericho, you can.”
“I don’t want to bring up bad memories or—”
“I’m actually hoping we can make new ones. Better ones.”
“Really?” The word comes out a whisper.
He lets out a long breath. “I’ve missed you, Miles.
I’ve done so much reflecting and thinking.
I’ve gone through the good things and bad things in my life, trying to figure out what’s healthy and what I need to let go of.
And no matter what, you were never one of the things I felt I needed to let go of.
I know I messed up. I know I broke your trust. But I’d really, really love a second chance. ”
Fuck, my heart.
“You do?” I say.
“More than anything.” He clears his throat. “What are you doing tomorrow?”
“Uh, nothing,” I answer. “No plans.”
“Can we get lunch?”
“I’d really like that.”
“So would I.” I hear the smile in his voice, and it makes me smile too.
“Will you tell me about your trip?” I ask.
“Anything you want to know, I’ll tell you. How’s Noah?”
God, and he’s asking about my nephew? Ugh…
“He’s great. Thank you for talking to your friend AJ… I really appreciate you not shunning Noah.”
“I would never do that,” he says sincerely.
“Because you’re not a bad guy.”
He huffs. “Sure.”
“Although, we may have to have some words…” I say sternly but playfully.
“About what?”
“Someone at the firehouse named Sam? Or should I say… Slammy?”
“What did he do?” he asks, sounding almost protective on my behalf.
“Oh, nothing bad—other than heavily flirting with my sister.”
JJ barks out a laugh. “He’s harmless.”
“I don’t know. He seems pretty charming.”
“Your sister is a smart girl. She’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, she will. I honestly don’t hate the idea of her dating someone. Just no double dates.”
“That, I will agree with.”
We get off the phone a few minutes later with plans to meet for lunch tomorrow at the diner. I didn’t want the call to end, but I didn’t want to overwhelm him either. The ball is in his court, but I need to hold my ground too. I know what I want, but is that what he wants too?
I can forgive him for what happened because I don’t think it was intentional.
He’s been carrying so much for so long that he didn’t know how to handle it.
He was doing the only thing he knew. Yes, he did break my trust, and I won’t trust him so easily, but he can earn it back, if he really wants to.
Tomorrow is a big day. Hopefully it brings good things.