25. Chapter 25 - Paxton
Despite the confident way I’d turned down the investors, I was panicking inside.
What if I’d given up the only opportunity I’d ever have to expand?
What if I’d just walked away from the money that would make all the difference in helping my dreams come true?
I was panicking so hard that the next morning, I asked Callum to review any pending grant applications we had and to see if he could find any others.
I’d meant what I said about the Carson Group’s vision being too far from mine for a relationship to be viable, but I also wasn’t ready to give up on the dream of expanding the meadery just yet.
The drive home wasn’t going to be too long, only a couple of hours, but Callum seemed anxious and unsettled, even as he searched for more grant money. He kept glancing at me as I drove, giving me an up-and-down look and taking a shaky breath, before going back to his work.
“Hey,” I said about halfway home.
Cal looked up at me from his phone. “Yeah?”
“Are you okay? You seem… worried.”
He nodded without hesitation. “Yeah, of course. I’m great. Everything’s great.”
“If this is about us fooling around the last two nights, I get it.” I swallowed hard. “I know you’re leaving soon. Maybe we should’ve kept our hands to ourselves. It would’ve made this whole thing easier.”
“No,” he blurted. “It’s not that.”
“Okay… Then… What's going on? You can tell me, you know.”
Cal glanced at his phone once more before clicking the screen off and setting it in his lap.
For a second, he looked out the window at the highway passing by.
“We’re really going to do this now,” he murmured, so quietly I was pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to hear it.
Eventually, he turned back to me, his hazel eyes damp.
I swallowed again, nerves bubbling up inside me. “Did I do something wrong?”
His expression softened. “Not at all.” A second passed before he reached out and took my right hand in his. “I really like you.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “I like you too.” My chest ached with the truth of it.
“I don’t know what’s going on between us, but I’m not ready for it to end.”
“Me either,” I said quietly.
Cal squeezed my hand in his. “I’m supposed to leave in a few days.”
“I know.” I fought to keep my voice even and not bitter.
“I don’t want to go.”
My heart skipped. “You don’t?”
“Not really. But…”
At that point, tears began to sting my eyes. “Yeah. But.”
Cal nodded once. “I was offered a new assignment. They’re calling it the Fermentation Trail.
I’d be going from country to country for three months, learning about different types of culturally significant fermented drinks.
Scandinavia for mead. Japan for sake. Nigeria for palm wine.
Maybe parts of the Middle East to learn about the history of beer. ”
I frowned. “Beer is from the Middle East?”
He chuckled and nodded again. “That’s what you took from that?”
My cheeks heated and I shrugged. “Sorry.” I paused for a second to take it all in. “So when do you leave?”
“Technically, Monday. I could probably push it back a couple of days, but they want me heading out the following week.”
“Wow. That’s… soon.”
“I know.”
We were both quiet for a long time. I let the news process, my heart and my throat tight with sadness. “We won’t see each other for at least three months once you’re gone, right?”
“There’s always video calling. But yeah. I’d be on the road for at least three months. Until Thanksgiving, probably.”
“Long-distance relationships are tough.” It felt like the stupidest possible thing to say. I was sure he knew that, and I doubted he wanted to get into something like that with me. We’d barely known each other a month, after all.
“They are.” Cal didn’t let my hand go, squeezing again. “Do you… Is that something you’d be interested in trying?”
More tears stung my eyes. “I… don’t want to let go of you. Not yet.”
“Okay, then.”
“Three months,” I murmured, more to myself than anything, before glancing at Cal again. “This must be the opportunity of a lifetime, though. It’s a big assignment.”
“It is. I’ve never been offered anything like this. The popularity of the Celestial Cask article going viral opened up doors I never expected to have opened for me. This trip… it’s a career-maker.”
“I get it.” I felt like there was a golf ball in my throat and I took a long, shaky breath to steady myself. “Okay. So we try long-distance.” I didn’t feel as confident as I tried to sound.
“Okay.”
“Do we, like, need to discuss logistics?” I asked. “Or, you know, boundaries and stuff?”
Cal tipped his head to the side briefly. “How do you mean?”
A nervous heat flared in my gut. “Um… exclusivity?”
“Oh,” Cal said with a little chuckle. “Yes. I’d like that.”
A cool relief washed over me. “Okay.”
“And we’ll talk and text as much as possible. Video calls. Maybe we have them scheduled for at least once a week.”
Something gnawed at me though. Was I going to be just a temporary thing for him?
Was it going to be something that faded away because of Cal’s ever-moving lifestyle?
I didn’t want to give voice to my fears, didn’t want to cause tension in this peace that was settling over us, so I kept that part to myself.
All relationships end, I told myself. Until one doesn’t.
It was something I’d heard probably an infinite number of times from Uncle Paul as he found himself helping his friends through various breakups and reminding myself of it now was a tiny bit of reassurance.
We were both quiet for a bit before Callum released my hand again. I immediately missed his touch and I ached to reach out and bring him back to me.
He picked up his phone and glanced at it. “It looks like there are a few other grants we can apply for. I can use the same application package for a couple of them, with a few tweaks. One says it closes tonight.” He thought for a moment. “Have you considered getting a loan for the expansion?”
A soft, bitter laugh escaped me. “I’ve more than thought about it.
I’ve talked to the bank. But even based on the value of the property I have and what I want to buy, the contractor’s estimates came in too high.
I had three proposals. Still too much. I can’t get a loan for enough. I’d do it if I could.”
“So you need the grant money.”
I nodded. “It probably doesn’t matter. There’s a buyer for the property already. I can’t stop them from buying the land if they outbid me. If the town takes their side over mine. There’s nothing I can do then.”
He put a gentle hand on my shoulder. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to make it happen. Promise.”
There was another stretch of quiet between us while Callum worked on his phone, frantically searching for grants to apply for.
“Hey, Cal?”
He looked up at me from his phone and hummed.
“Do you think I made the right decision? Declining the Carson Group’s offer?”
His smile told me everything I needed to know, but he answered anyway.
“I do. I really do. Even if it’s going to be an uphill battle from here on out, I think you made the right choice.
You didn’t—don’t—want someone to steamroll you and take over the meadery.
You want to do it your way. You’re not just here for profit.
You’re here for the love of it. To honor Uncle Paul.
It’s one of the things I really… like about you. ”
My heart fluttered. He was leaving, yes, but for the time being, he was sitting here and planning a future with me.
That counted for something. It counted for a lot.
And for the first time since Uncle Paul had his accident I felt like the future wasn’t something to be afraid of.
Instead, it was something to look forward to.
The future of Celestial Cask was uncertain, but I had Callum by my side and I knew that together, we would figure it out.