Chapter 15
I LOOK UP FROM MY PHONE TO SEE THE PRESENT Bryan peering over my shoulder to look at my screen.
“Um, excuse me?” I jerk my phone away. Whatever sympathy I had for Bryan quickly evaporates as I try to control my emotions.
He slowly stretches out his hands in a gesture of peace and says, “Hana, I’m so sorry.”
I think back to how panicked I was as I tried to figure out a way to the tower. About how frantic I was to escape from the paparazzi. Anger rises up inside me and comes out in the low trembling of my voice. “Why would you post something like that? What were you thinking?”
“I thought it’d help us. The whole point of today’s date is to get as much attention as possible, right?
So I figured, why not let everyone know about it?
I thought it’d be okay since our teams were doing their best to secure the area.
... It didn’t occur to me that a big crowd would make it harder for us to get up to the mountain in the first place.
My manager called me the moment she saw my story and told me to take it down, so I did.
But yes, totally my fault. Won’t happen again, I swear.
In fact, next time, I’ll check in with you personally before I post anything like that. ”
Next time. Bryan’s apology seems genuine enough, but my throat still goes dry at just the mention of another date. I’m not sure if I can even make it through this one, and Bryan’s already talking about the possibility of another.
Tell him , I think. I want to be sensitive and wait to tell him I don’t share any real romantic feelings for him—especially since he just opened up to me.
But it’d be completely unfair of me to go on this date without telling him the truth, especially since I’m pretty sure he actually really likes me.
I glance up at the mountain to see our progress. We’re seconds away from the top. I don’t have enough time to tell Bryan now.
When we exit the cable car, I’m half expecting to get ambushed. Even though Sophia reassured me that the security would be tighter this time around, I can’t entirely shake my fear away.
But fortunately, the only person waiting for us is Mr. Lee.
“Our team contacted the staff of the tower and asked to keep this area off-limits while you make the rest of your way to the tower,” he explains when he sees my confused expression.
“Seemed like a safety hazard to have a crowd up here waiting on the steep steps. There are a lot of people at the tower itself, though. And we’ll remove the blockades once you guys reach the summit. ”
“Where is the tower?” I ask, looking around. “I thought this cable car was supposed to take us to its base.”
I had a clear view of Namsan Tower while we were on the cable car, but from where we’re standing now, all I see are a bunch of wooden steps and trees.
“The trees are blocking the view of it right now,” Bryan explains. “But we’re really close. We just have to follow the steps up to the base. It’s impossible to miss.”
As we head up the trail, I begin seeing clumps of colorful, rusted locks on the fence lining our path.
The closer we get to the tower, the more locks I see.
Soon, there are so many pink, yellow, and other brightly colored locks that the actual brown wood of the fence is no longer visible.
All the heart locks make me super uncomfortable.
“We’re almost there,” Bryan says. “It’s just around this corner.”
It’s now or never!
I grab Bryan’s hand before he can turn the corner.
“Wait, I have to tell you something,” I blurt out. “I should have told you this before, but the timing wasn’t right. The timing isn’t good now, either, but it’s only going to get worse the more I wait.”
Bryan takes a step back, looking very confused.
I swallow and look down at my shoes. “I don’t like you the same way you like me. Or at least, I don’t think I do, especially not this early. I actually thought you were really annoying until recently. I do want to be friends, though. If you’re up for it.”
“Oh,” he says with a short laugh. “Okay. Wow, this makes today really awkward then.”
“I’m still willing to go through with this fake-dating thing for the good of the show,” I add. “But if you don’t want to anymore, I’d understand.”
Please say you don’t want to anymore .
Bryan nods, looking like he’s in deep thought.
“Nah,” he finally says. “We should still go through with everything. We have to do our best to get as many views as possible.”
I try not to show my disappointment.
“Well, if you’re sure.”
I’m about to turn away when Bryan adds, “Wait. You said it’s too early for you to have feelings for me. But that doesn’t mean you won’t ever get them in the future, right?”
“Huh? I don’t think—”
“I guess that’s normal. I’m a Leo, so I tend to get attached to people quickly. Maybe you just need more time.”
It’s like he can’t accept the fact that someone doesn’t like him. I guess it’s not a big surprise that an internationally famous K-pop star like Bryan thinks this way. He’s probably used to girls falling at his feet. But still...
“Bryan,” I try again. “I—”
“Hey, you two,” says Mr. Lee, interrupting me as he walks over to where we’re standing. I was so caught up with what I was telling Bryan that I hadn’t even noticed he’d gone ahead.
Mr. Lee’s accompanied by two other guards that must have come down from the summit. “It’s showtime. Put on your earplugs before we head up to the tower.”
“Earplugs?” I ask, still flustered by Bryan’s and my conversation.
Bryan gets out a small pouch from one of his pockets and gives it to me.
“Here,” he says. “These are brand-new.”
I open the pouch to find two earplugs still in their original packaging. I give Bryan a questioning look.
“You’re going to hear a lot of screaming.”
I immediately put the earplugs in.
Since Namsan Tower is one of the top tourist places in Seoul, the square at its base is always pretty crowded.
But it’s even more jam-packed now, so much that I can’t make out the steps that lead to the tower itself.
Paparazzi have their professional cameras and mics ready, while fans carry signs that say everything from Bryan Hana to Bryan is mine, go die!
My brain swims from all the mixed messages.
At the sight of us, the crowd rushes forward. Mr. Lee and the other guards immediately step in front of us to create a protective shield. The earplugs don’t block all the sound, but it muffles everything, so I hear a dull roar rather than ear-splitting shrieks.
Bryan says something, but I can’t hear him at all. He must have realized I can’t understand him, because he grabs my hand and starts leading me closer to the tower.
When they see us holding hands, the crowd gets impossibly louder, so much that even with the earplugs, my ears start ringing.
Out of instinct, I tighten my grip on Bryan’s hand.
He gives me a startled look, but then his face melts into an almost boyish smile as we push through the crowd.
It feels like a moment straight out of a Korean drama, except we’re not filming anything right now. And I don’t actually like Bryan.
Even though it’s freezing out, the full force of everyone squished around us is warming me up.
The guards—who are doing their best to keep us safe—are sweating profusely, and so are the fans who are pushing against them in their attempts to get to us.
Bryan’s hand, which initially felt nice in mine, becomes clammy.
Although I can’t make out exactly what people are saying, I get hit by some of the spittle from the fans as they yell at us.
The worst part is that there’s no end in sight.
I can see the tower peeking out from above everyone’s heads, but we’re so surrounded that I have no way of telling where we are in relation to it.
I keep alternating between thinking we’re almost there to thinking that I’m just hallucinating it getting closer.
My vision blurs. I’m about to pass out when Bryan lets go of my hand. Panic shoots down my spine before I realize why. We’re finally here.
I’m face-to-face with the double-storied glass-walled base of the tower, which has restaurants and souvenir shops.
I remember reading in a travel guide once that Namsan Tower has a bunch of cute statues and other fun areas where you can take pictures with your friends and loved ones.
Something tells me that Bryan and I won’t have time for any of those things.
Supposedly, you can get a good view of the city below from the tower, but I can’t see anything except the expectant faces of the fans surrounding us. We’re trapped with the tower behind us and the crowd in front of us.
Bryan gestures at his ears and takes out the earplugs. I do the same, momentarily cupping my ears with my hands so they can adjust to the noise.
Bryan waves. “Hi, everyone!”
Fans scream and jump up and down.
Bryan looks at me and gives me the charming smile that’s on K-pop posters all over the world.
We’re acting , his expression seems to say. This is all pretend, so play along.
And just like that, it’s like he’s pulled a switch. Regardless of whatever’s really going on between Bryan and me, one thing has always been true: we bring out the best in each other, acting wise. And today’s no exception. I let my lips spread wide into a fake smile of my own.
Just think of all this as acting practice , I tell myself. It’s the only way I can think of getting through the current situation.
“I bet you’re all waiting for this.” Bryan puts a hand in his pocket and takes out a bright red heart-shaped lock. The letters BY and HJ , our initials, are scribbled on it in black Sharpie, along with a plus sign that links us together.
I gasp in delight, like it’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.
The fans’ reactions to the lock are a hysterical mix of joy and despair.
Even though I still feel awkward and anxious inside, I manage to look bashful, like I’m excited yet embarrassed to be here in front of everyone.
We start moving again, heading toward the nearest fence.
As the crowd shifts to follow us, I finally get glimpses of the city below.
Compared to the utter chaos around me, the distant city looks so peaceful and quiet.
Even though I know Seoul just appears calm from where we’re standing, I wish I were down there instead of up here.
It takes a while for us to find an uncovered area in the fence, but when we do, Bryan takes my hand again and gently leads me closer.
“Hana!” he says, yelling my name so it can be heard over the crowd. “Will you be my girlfriend?”
He looks so hopeful, so happy. I know that Bryan is mostly faking everything like I am, but I have a sinking feeling that some part of him isn’t acting at all.
Screams erupt all around us, followed by chanting voices. Some of the fans chant, “Do it! Do it! Do it!” while others yell, “Say no! Say no! Say no!” Cameras flash around me. Entertainment news reporters hold mics in front of me, waiting for my response.
The noes and yeses blend together into a confusing mess of sound. My heart pounds, not because I like Bryan, but because of the pressure I feel from everyone around me.
You already told Bryan your true feelings , I think to myself. So regardless of how he feels about you, none of this has to be real.
I take a deep breath. Thinking about how Sora would talk to her reincarnated lover, Hyun, I make my voice go soft and sweet. “Yes, I will.”
My voice is barely audible, but everyone reacts instantly. The crowd only gets louder as I take the lock from his hand and secure it into place on the fence.
Even though I can’t hear the actual click of the lock, I can hear the sound in my head. And I can’t stop thinking about the lock, hanging with finality on the fence, for the remainder of the date.